Chapter 698 - The truth behind the incident (II)
Gunan saw his expression.
It had been a long time since Lu Jin's expressionless face broke.
His c.h.e.s.t tightened painfully, but he still continued.
This was what he owed to Lu Jin a long time ago. The reason why he became so twisted started that day.
"I was a child who faithfully followed my only 'father'. I know what death was and what it meant to kill. But I still did it."
Lu Jin took a step back. He could feel his breath leaving him. He felt dizzy.
Gunan....
He killed his mother?
The image of the man in front of him overlapped with a little boy's.
The memories wherein he always told the young Gunan how great his mother was, how sweet his mother was, and how he always brought the grown up Gunan to his mother's burial site resurfaced in his mind.
So all those years...
"No...." He shook his head blankly.
However, Gunan's eyes were dully recalling the nightmare that haunted him all his life. He buried his face in his hands.
The haunting words continued.
"I did not know that she was your mother, so I took a step into the room. She called me Gao Huan, but then she realized I am not. She showed me a beautiful smile at first, but when I lifted the pillow to her face, she became terrified. She pleaded, Ah Jin, but I continued putting it on her face to suffocate her!" His voice trembled.
Lu Jin collapsed. His back hit the table. His eyes blurred.
When Gunan saw the sheen of moisture in Lu Jin's eyes, something which he had not seen in more than a decade, his eyes began to heat up as well.
When he discovered that the woman she killed was Lu Jin's mother, he was terrified. Countless sleepless nights, nightmares… He was overcome with overpowering guilt whenever he thought of what he had done. Then slowly, to forget the guilt, he made himself numb to killing, transforming himself to a creature beyond saving.
This was his greatest fear, above everything else.
The change in the way Lu Jin looked at him.
However….
"She struggled. She was very weak, but she kept struggling under my hands. Yet I kept the pillow pressed on her face… It was only when the monitor kept ringing, that I realized that she was dead."
The terrified little boy was still a very small and weak child back then, so with his small stature and terror, the woman's struggles almost made him fail his first task.
If he had failed, it would have been him...
It was then that Gunan was overcome with dread and something twisted.
Lu Jin closed his eyes and covered his ears. He did not want to listen anymore.
"It was…. It was only the next day when you came to see me in a terrible state and told me that your mom died, when I discovered that it was your mother whom I killed." Gunan curled up on the bed. "Do you know how I felt at that time? It was… terrible. I killed your mother! It was me! It was me all along…."
I could not even comfort you, because I was the cause of your tears and agony.
Drops of tears uncontrollably fell down, but Lu Jin's face had become very cold.
The convoluted chaos of emotions filling his heart made him breathless.
He had always wanted to know the truth about his mother's death, but he did not expect it to be like this.
If it was before, perhaps he would have been devastated and hated Gunan. However, he had changed. He had seen the dark side of the world at an early age. He was no longer an impulsive youth to not realize the actual truth.
Should he blame Gunan?
It was an order that a slave could never disobey, unless he wished to die.
Lu Jin loved his mother and little brother, but in these long dark years, the person who accompanied him was Gunan.
Gunan had become the closest family in his heart. He became an irreplaceable person to Lu Jin.
He mocked himself.
Even right now, despite his shock and sense of betrayal, the underlying thought that he had in mind was the fact that Gunan had been carrying this guilt in his young heart, from childhood until this day.
Gunan kept crying and laughing at the same time like a psychopath.
"After that day, did you not realize how I changed? I became a twisted devil, and you… your cheerful self was gone, while I lived like a parasite beside you."
The trembling in his body slowly calmed down.
Gunan: "...So it really doesn't matter if you blamed me, because I am the cause of all of this. But you know, what I hated the most...."
Was that he who had sinned against Lu Jin had been used as a shackle to hold him down. Gunan knew Lu Jin. In the whole world, he was the closest to him. So he naturally knew what was in the man's heart.
Gunan knew that Lu Jin wanted to return to the Lu family where his grandfather and little brother were. But because of him, Lu Jin could not return to his family. And Gunan doesn't want him to return.
That's right. He was selfish
But that selfishness caused Lu Jin's whole life to be destroyed.
Gunan's voice died down as he stared at the man in front of him.
This was the only person he thought of as family.
Lu Jin was an untainted child. He was so kind and innocent.
Gunan himself had killed someone, and still continued to do so. From the beginning, it was because of their father's orders. Then, because he did not want Lu Jin to dirty his hands and out of his guilt, he took all those tasks himself. Afterwards, he became someone who regarded killing as common as breathing.
He was originally a dirty person, so it was alright for him.
But he had twisted Lu Jin's life with that first kill, and became the shackle their father put on him.
Lu Jin never owed him anything.
He owed Lu Jin too much.
"...What I hated the most is me holding you back." And still, continue doing so.
"Ha."
Lu Jin breathed harshly. His fists clenched tightly.
Who was really the one holding the other back?
The heavy downpour of the rain could not be heard from the bas.e.m.e.nt. The wind blows heavily and harshly, like the hearts of two men in the room.
There was a knock on the door.
Time was up.
The precious time was used to tell this cruel story. Lu Jin had not managed to convince Gunan.
Lu Jin weakly stood up. He forced himself to calm down.
He was no longer the gullible child that he was once was to not see the true root cause behind the events. Gunan said it was him, but in fact, he was nothing more than a puppet forcefully used as a knife.
Lu Jin was not a fool.
However, the truth was too much that he could not face Gunan right now. This, he could not deny.
He turned his back on Gunan. He spoke in a cold voice.
"Tomorrow, I'll get you back. I don't need your answer. You just have to stay vigilant. Father… might be listening."
"..."
Lu Jin walked towards the door. Just as his hand fell on the knob, he halted.
"About that story…"
Gunan's hand trembled.
"...We will settle this later. You were young and did not know much. I… do not blame you."
His voice trembled a bit. Then he opened the door and left.
Silence settled in the room.
Gunan stared at the door for a long time, before falling back on the bed. He numbly looked up at the ceiling with blurry vision.
A tear escaped from his eyes.
Ah.
It had been nearly a decade since he last cried.
It was the same for Lu Jin.
As he stared on the ceiling, he seemed to see his much younger self staring at the grey color of cemented walls.
Too bad, this room did not have a window.
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