Chapter 510. Can’t Cry (8)
Chi-Hyun was in a dimly lit, dark space. The air was damp and gloomy, and nothing had changed. Everything was the same as it was. Only then did Chi-Hyun realize what had happened.
‘Was it a psychological attack?’ He had wondered why all his memories related to Chi-Woo were suddenly dredged up. It was due to the Sernitas’ contamination. Chi-Hyun took a sharp breath and suddenly realized that his body had lost its senses. Considering that he could see what was before him, he was probably standing, but he didn’t know if he was standing still or walking. However, the view faded and blurred again, and Chi-Hyun shook his head vigorously. He tried desperately to hold onto his consciousness from slipping away. As a result, the dull senses in his body gradually returned to him, and his expression distorted.
—I see.
He heard a familiar voice.
— So that’s what happened.
It was Bael’s voice.
—There was a reason you care about your brother so much.
Chi-Hyun tried to chase off Bael, who was buzzing around like a mosquito, but somehow his body wouldn’t listen to him.
—No, it’s not that you cared about him. You had no choice but to do so.
He didn’t know why, but he was struggling mentally and physically.
—Since you would have regretted it with absolute certainty.
As if a part of his body had already been eaten.
—And the moment you felt regret, you would have denied yourself.
He had a hard time even moving his foot, let alone taking a step forward.
—You were afraid of that more than anything.
In the meantime, Bael constantly whispered in his ears.
—You’ve created the situation at hand. If you deny even that small and trivial matter…there would be nothing left of your existence anymore. Right? As a human and also as a hero.
Chi-Hyun suddenly coughed violently; something hot and uncomfortable came up to his throat.
—I understand how you feel… Alas…how pitiful. How hard it must have been.
—You’ve lived a life that we can’t even imagine. A life where you gave literally all you had to one person. Even though it was a matter that happened because of you, since everything you’d worked for became nothing at once…yeah, you must have felt empty.
Panting, Chi-Hyun managed to spit out an unknown lump stuck in his throat, and only after that did he become vaguely aware of his physical condition. He didn’t know what had hit him. He was a complete mess; when he woke up, his body had turned into rags to the extent that he couldn’t even walk the rest of the way at this rate.
—But still…you knew it too, right? Even if you change your mind later, all you’ll get is a reprieve. Princess Sahee said that too, that you won’t be able to stop this flow in the end.
Chi-Hyun tried to not listen to Bael, but he couldn’t deny the truth of her words. He had the exact same feeling when he entered Liber alone. Even though he needed to run toward his goal, he couldn’t take even a single step; and even though he had forced himself to move his feet, he felt as if he would fall and collapse only after a few steps and never get up ever again. Had he been alone, that would have definitely happened. However, that was when his brother appeared.
“You…?” Suddenly, Chi-Hyun’s eyes widened. Chi-Woo suddenly appeared in a space where there was nothing. After walking toward him, Chi-Woo stood next to him and supported him. Then he started walking silently while pulling Chi-Hyun along. Thanks to Chi-Woo, Chi-Hyun was finally able to move the feet that he had thought he would never be able to move. He took a step and then two while leaning on his brother.
Chi-Hyun bit into his lower lip. Even though he knew that this was a hallucination conjured by the Sernitas’ contamination, he couldn’t ignore it because what he saw now was, as Bael said, the stark truth. This was a world where even veteran heroes who had experienced all kinds of hardships died in droves. Since this was the case for heroes, there was no need to mention how ordinary people were surviving. However, his brother, who entered Liber without knowing anything, proved how special he was.
[Since it’s obviously thanks to this guy that Liber got to this state. That alone should be proof for you. Don’t you think so?]
Yes, as the spirit called Philip had said, it was to the extent that no objections could be made. Chi-Hyun had tried so hard to hide and prevent Chi-Woo from entering this world, but ironically, they had only been able to come this far thanks to his brother’s fate. Like now, they had only been able to reach the finish line everyone had considered impossible to reach because they had Chi-Woo. However, Chi-Hyun couldn’t simply be happy about it.
The more Chi-Woo accepted his fate, the more the motivation that had allowed Chi-Hyun to endure with sheer grit seemed to gradually disappear, and if it was gone altogether, what would be waiting for him in the end? It was then the Chi-Woo supporting him suddenly changed to Bael and roughly pushed Chi-Hyun off. Chi-Hyun rolled around on the ground near the nest.
—In the end, you were the same as me.
Her always indifferent voice was tinted with a hint of emotion.
—As I did for the future of the Demon Empire, you’ve endured on your own with your own beliefs. And not for some great, noble cause you heroes love talking about.
Bael looked down at Chi-Hyun as he groaned on the ground. She showed an uncontrollable excitement, as if she was laughing at him that she knew he’d be the same.
—But still, it’s amazing.
Bael snorted when she saw Chi-Hyun wriggling like a bug.
—Far from being broken in the endless cycle of empty eternity, I can’t believe you didn’t even shed a single tear. I guess it’s just like you.
Tears. Chi-Hyun had never cried in his life because he grew up in the Choi’s system, which treated tears as a weakness and didn’t tolerate them. It was the same after growing up. All his relationships had always been a repeat of initialization. It was like that during and after he saved a World. After living like a machine all his life, the self he had belatedly built up couldn’t endure having to build the same relationship over and over again for several years or even decades. Before he could experience various relationships and become mature, his heart had already been worn down by repeated emptiness and futility. Therefore, Chi-Hyun did not cry.
Rather, he was just afraid. That day, he made a decision that brought everything back to square one. He had never regretted his decision, but…it would be a lie if he said he had never doubted himself. While going through the eternal cycle that he had chosen on his own, Chi-Hyun often looked back on his choice that day. What exactly did his brother mean? He wondered if the hidden feelings that were conveyed in his brother’s gaze was really the emotion he thought it was. If it wasn’t—if it was just a misunderstanding…
‘What—’
What the hell had he been doing so far then?
No, he knew for sure. It was already clear that it was not an illusion. His brother’s arrival at Liber didn’t prove only how special he was. Although they didn’t say anything to each other that day, Chi-Woo had proven that the first communication they had shared as brothers hadn’t been a lie. It was simple logic since if that hadn’t been the case, his brother wouldn’t have risked unknown dangers to come to this alien planet. This was the surest proof that Chi-Hyun’s life, his silent and desperate struggle to endure and hold on, was not meaningless.
Truthfully, he wanted to cry.
[I’ll help you.]
Even if it was just words, he had wanted to hear it from someone, anyone.
[Yeah, let’s do that.]
However, he didn’t even hear it from his parents.
[Let’s return to Earth after saving Liber.]
Thus, he thought he would never be able to hear them ever.
[…And you can live the life you want.]
When he first heard these words—no, it was long before that.
[I already set my mind to make this happen as soon as you told me your genuine feelings. This is what I want to do.]
Thinking back, Chi-Woo always remained the same, and putting himself in Chi-Woo’s shoes, Chi-Hyun knew he hadn’t been a proper older brother at all. Chi-Woo must have felt frustrated and resentful of him and found his behavior ridiculous. He probably hated and despised his family and the world more than he did. Even before he thought, ‘Why am I alive?’, he must have thought, ‘Why was I born in the first place if I have to live like this?’ All because he was shackled by the selfishness of a man under the guise of family. Nevertheless, his brother accepted everything.
[You can quit. If you don’t want to do it.]
Even though he knew he was born to be treated as a mere tool rather than a living, breathing man, even though he knew that he was bound to die in the end—just because Chi-Hyun was his older brother. Chi-Hyun could not even imagine how his brother must have felt as he calmly accepted all the unfair and absurd conditions and said those words to him.
At that time, those words caused a change in Chi-Hyun’s heart, which he had thought would never change; emotions that he thought had been worn out and lost were revived. That was why he wanted to cry. He wanted to sit down and cry like a child for the first time in his life. However, he held it in, since Chi-Woo thought of such a bad guy like him as his brother and family. That was why he didn’t and wouldn’t cry; he no longer wanted to be a bad brother, but a cool and trustworthy brother for Chi-Woo.
—What are you going to do?
He heard Bael’s voice.
—Are you going to fall like this?
Chi-Hyun raised his lowered head. His view was dim. As if there was a problem with his eyes, it was hard to see. However, the senses that returned to him were still active and conveyed to him information about his surroundings.
‘I see.’ He had wondered why his body wasn’t listening. He had reached the second world point before he realized it. The first world point and the second world point were connected, and as a result, the event was triggered from the completed world line, and the future promised to the Sernitas had been realized. He could tell by looking at the nest before him. The semi-transparent nest was slowly becoming more and more solid.
Wriggle, wriggle. It was all due to the tentacles sprawling on the floor and attaching themselves to Chi-Hyun’s body to suck out information from him. Bael looked down at Chi-Hyun with slight pity.
—That’s it? Really?
Then Bael was able to clearly see a smile on his lips.
—No, right? If it’s you…?
“…Of course not.” Chi-Hyun seemed to murmur to himself and let out a deep breath. The scene in front of him indicated that the time the Sernitas had been waiting for was imminent, but at the same time, it was the moment Chi-Hyun had been patiently waiting for as well. He couldn’t erase what didn’t exist, but he could erase it from the moment it came into existence. He had already received his brother’s favor to the point it was overflowing, so it was now time for him to repay Chi-Woo.
A long time ago, there was a timeline that made Chi-Hyun insensitive to murder, allowing him to not feel anything about committing mass genocide. It was the worst event that he thought he would never have to remember again. On the other hand, it was a memory where he became the strongest using all the logic he knew, and there was a benefit equal to the number of deaths. But all that didn’t matter. Chi-Hyun didn’t hesitate anymore.
He closed his eyes. He had saved countless lives but wasn’t able to be saved. Then he recalled the memory of that day that suddenly came like a ray of light. The smile on his lips deepened. He was the older brother after all. Soon after, Chi-Hyun’s eyes flashed open, and he opened his mouth.
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