Chapter 227 – I can’t tell you that I... love you (1)
Song Tingshen felt relieved when he saw Ruan Xia smiling. Since she smiled, it meant there was room to turn the situation around. It also meant that whatever he had done wrong wasn’t that serious. It could be corrected even if he still hadn’t figured out what he had done wrong.
Ruan Xia thought; since Song Tingshen had laid his cards out on the table, she could only join him. After all, it would benefit both of them if they spoke clearly. It was truly pointless to go back and forth with guessing.
“Actually, you didn’t say anything wrong wrong or do anything wrong.” Ruan Xia paused before continuing. “However, to be on the safe side, I think you shouldn’t say those sort of words if you don’t have feelings for me. That’ll make me misunderstand. To be clear, when I say feelings, I meant romantic feelings. Not the feelings a man has for his child’s mother.... Do you understand what I’m saying?”
If Song Tingshen was interested in her because she was Little Wang’s mom and wanted them to be together to give Little Wang a warm family, then she wasn’t interested.
They could already give Little Wang a healthy environment with their current setup. If he wasn’t interested in her, then she didn’t want to waste her feelings that way. She didn’t want to be tormented by her feelings, not from someone else or from herself.
Maybe it was because she was rather greedy. She wanted a love that was based purely on feelings, not because he was taking other things into consideration. If she couldn’t have that, she was okay with it. She was okay with continuing to be single at heart. However, if the other party wanted her feelings, then he had to pay with feelings that were just as pure as hers.
If he teased her too often without sincerity, she would misunderstand and think his teasing was for real. If he didn’t like her, then he shouldn’t tease her. Thank you for the cooperation.
Song Tingshen got nervous. It was rare for him to get flustered. He wanted to give a jokey response and let the moment pass, but he knew that a woman’s mind was too hard to guess. If he wasn’t mindful of his response or didn’t respond well, then the possibility of Ruan Xia and him might vanish. If that happened, they would be two people that pretended to be a couple with a good relationship for the rest of their lives.
He was silent for a while. Just when Ruan Xia thought he was acquiescing to her guess, he spoke in a low voice, “I think you misunderstood me.”
Ruan Xia didn’t say anything. She waited for his following words.
“Yes, I have to admit that at first I was hoping that you could be a good mother. That way Little Wang wil be happier and it’ll be beneficial to his development. That’s why I said at that time that I’ll agree to any of your conditions as long as I can do them. At the time I said those words, I only saw you as Little Wang’s mother. I hope you can understand why I felt that way at first. Our relationship hadn’t been good leading up to that point.”
Ruan Xia wasn’t disappointed when she heard these words. That was because she knew he wasn’t lying to her.
“As for how I feel now, I still can’t...” Song Tingshen couldn’t quite get the words out. For an unromantic man that didn’t have experience in romantic relationships, there were words he couldn’t say even if you put a knife against his neck. And yet, he knew that if he didn’t clearly communicate now what he was feeling to Ruan Xia, he might not have the chance in the future. So, he was inevitably somewhat anxious. He clenched his hand, gritted his teeth, and said in the quietest of voices, “I can’t tell you that I... love you.”