Aries didn't plan to see Curtis for a while since she would be busy and she didn't want him to get caught up with her shady business. But after her meeting with Abel, she found herself standing in front of Curtis' room for a very long time before she entered.
Good thing Curtis wasn't asleep yet while he was lying on his side. Aries sat down on the armchair near the bed, exchanging looks with him in silence.
"Curtis, do you remember the time you said you had fallen in love?" she broke the silence after a long time. "What is it like? I mean, love… what is it like?"
As expected, Curtis was just staring at her without speaking a word. Her lips curled up bitterly, letting out a deep exhale as she lowered her eyes.
"Honestly, I don't know what true love really is. Was it just as terrifying as I thought it was? Joaquin told me back in Rikhill he loved me, but then led his army and ruined our land. He let me watch everyone get executed and took every bit of what he can take from me. When he had enough, he shared me like an old, used toy." Aries laughed weakly in ridicule, summarizing the first form of love she encountered years back that wasn't meant to be platonic.
"If that is what love means… then I do not want love." She raised her eyes at him again, conflicting emotions in her eyes. "But lately... I sort of understand Joaquin in a way."
Aries sighed deeply, leaning back, eyes up. Curtis still had his eyes on her, but she ignored it as she recalled her talk with Abel today.
"Love seemed to be a very vicious emotion, Curtis. Because if love is embracing someone so tightly but still feels they're too far and so you want to chew your way under their skin or have them in your veins, then I think I am in love." She laughed faintly once again. "Or was I sick of having these dark and chilling thoughts?"
Silence was the only answer she received. She didn't understand the emotion behind Abel's eye, but it bothered her. He made her sad in a way no one else could ever, making her want to split her heart just to complete his.
"I shouldn't be thinking about this right now since I should be dealing with other things, but somehow… I'm terrified," she continued in the same tone that was only above a whisper. "What will happen to us once everything is over?"
Aries slowly set her eyes back to Curtis, and he was just staring at her almost innocently. Her lips curled up bitterly, smacking her lips before she forced a much broader smile.
"Davien used to ask me what sort of man will manage to seduce a tomboy like me, and I used to tell him unless he's scarier than the devil with a face of an angel, then they won't even have a chance. I think I took that joke quite seriously, and it manifested in me because… I ended up with such a man." Her mind drifted to the look on Abel's face and recalled the classic devious smirk he would usually give her. "He's a hundred times scarier than the devil and a person who had a guaranteed spot in hell — he'll become legendary there, for sure."
"There were many… tens of thousands of reasons I shouldn't yearn for a person like him. Joaquin did me wrong and created the current Aries. But then again, whenever I think about it, there would also be a lot of Arieses if only Abel let them all live longer." — because, at the end of the day, Abel was still someone who antagonized people.
Joaquin and Abel had different ways of tormenting people, but both ended with one conclusion. Their actions would bear vengeance. Aries wasn't as crazy as to justify Abel's actions with his past because, in the first place, Abel never justified his actions.
Now, that was another difference between Abel and Joaquin. Abel knew he was evil and his wickedness was bottomless.
"Now, he's telling me I am his world…? Me?" she laughed, tapping her fingertips against the armrest. "It's flattering, and even when I say I am confused, I think I understood him deep down."
"Just… what the hell was he expecting from me after all this time?" she continued, setting her eyes back to the silent Curtis. Aries kept quiet, reviewing everything Abel had done and took out only the key points of why he thought of this idea of sending her into this place and connecting it to his statements today.
It took her minutes to mull about it, listening to the constant tap of her fingers against the armrest. When another minute had passed, she laughed in ridicule as if she finally figured out Abel's real reason.
"Really…" she chuckled and set her focus back to Curtis once again. "I always thought men are a bunch of simpletons. Davien and you always protest whenever I say that, but you're right. There were men out there who were far too complicated for their own good."
Aries pressed her lips as she remembered all those good times with the men in her life before the tragedy. Her eyes softened after a moment, leaning her upper body over to reach for his hand. She caressed the scars on the back of his hand with her thumb gently in an attempt to soothe them.
"He is giving me a tough decision and I am foolish to only realize that now," she whispered but her subtle smile persisted. "I am in an unstoppable current and I'm not a monster in the making anymore. What they did to me and to you and to our land is something I cannot forgive, Curtis. And every damn time I think about it, my blood boils."
"Their demise is what I only want right now, and I won't stop." She paused and squeezed his hand. "But if somehow… never mind. Time will only tell how angry I was."
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