Chapter 38 – Life and death are indistinct, Part 6
“Actually, they have been flying here for a few years,” said Botong, “but I never suspected it and never examined their wings. It was just a few months ago that I found out about it.”
“Is that true it has been a few years?” Huang Rong asked, thinking hard.
“That’s correct! Why would I lie to you?”
Huang Rong stayed silent while she walked back to the house. She wanted to see Reverend Yideng, Yinggu, Cheng Ying and Lu Wushuang to discuss these extraordinary bees, which she believed must have come from the Passionless Valley. They agreed that something unusual must have been happening in that valley. Because she was continually thinking about her daughter, she asked Cheng Ying and Lu Wushuang to accompany her to the valley.
“We have nothing to do here, let us go together,” Reverend Yideng said. “Your daughter and I met the other day. She was really sweet. The Old Monk likes her very much.”
“Thank you,” said Huang Rong, who was saddened by his remark. She thought, “Looks like Reverend Yideng thinks Xiang’er is in trouble, maybe grave danger; if not, I don’t think he would be willing to leave this peaceful and quiet place to go with us.”
Zhou Botong loved action; how could he be left behind? He offered to come along and even persuaded Yinggu to come too.
Huang Rong was comforted. She had three more highly skilled companions. With six people, she believed not many things or enemies would hinder their endeavor to find Guo Xiang. Even if she faced a formidable enemy, Huang Rong believed they would be able to help her.
And so six people and two eagles started the journey to the Passionless Valley.
In the meantime, Yang Guo realized the appointed meeting time Xiao Longnü had promised him was drawing near. He didn’t dare slow down; he made the trip day and night, only stopping for meals and short rests along the way. He arrived at the Passionless Valley on the second day of the third month. He was five days early from his sixteen-year appointment with Xiao Longnü.
The Passionless Valley was quiet; nobody was around. The magnificent building complex built by the Gongsun family, was reduced to ruins. In the sixteen years since they parted Yang Guo had visited the valley several times. He used to stay for a few days, wishing the Nan Hai Shen Ni would show mercy and let Xiao Longnü meet him earlier. Every time he came it was with enthusiasm; he left the valley dejected.
Now he saw the forest was thick, but the hills were empty, without any trace of Xiao Longnü. He immediately went to the Broken Heart Cliff, crossed the stone bridge to the message carved by Xiao Longnü’s sword on the stone. He lovingly traced the letters with his fingers, and cleaned out the moss at the same time. Afterward he would slowly read the letter, ‘Xiao Longnü addresses my husband Yang-lang, please treasure this, and begs that you fulfill this reunion’. His heart was shaken.
For a whole day he kept looking at the characters. That night, he spent the night sleeping on a rope tied between two trees. The next day he looked around the valley where the Passionless Flowers used to be. He and Cheng Ying and Lu Wushuang had destroyed them. The flowers were completely gone; instead, he found out that the flower, which he named Dragon Lady Flower [Long Nu Hua], had spread to other places. He picked a bouquet of these flowers and placed them in front of the characters at the Broken Heart Cliff.
He spent the next few days pacing around. He hadn’t even slept during the last two days. Today was the seventh day of the third month. He stayed close to the Broken Heart Cliff, and never left even a half-step. He waited from morning till noon, from noon till late afternoon. Every time a breeze came, or a flower or a leaf fell down, his heart jumped. He would leap up and look everywhere. Where was Xiao Longnü?
Ever since he talked to Huang Yaoshi, Yang Guo had realized that the ‘Divine Nun of the South Sea’ [Nan Hai Shen Ni] of the ‘Great Wisdom Island’ [Da Zhi Dao]’ existed only in Huang Rong’s imagination. However, looking at the letter his hope was rekindled. He recognized his wife’s handwriting, and he was hoping Xiao Longnü would eventually show up.
The sun was slowly sinking beyond the mountains in the west. Yang Guo’s heart was sinking too. When the sun was half-way down the mountain, he cried. He quickly ran toward higher ground. There he saw the full circle of the sun, and he felt relieved. When the sun was completely set, the day would be over …
Though Yang Guo had climbed to the highest peak, the sun still slowly moved downward, looking like it was being swallowed by the earth. After a while he couldn’t see anything but the empty world and the cold breeze that came with the night. He stood silently for about an hour. Afterward the moon slowly rose until it was high above him. He still stood there, unmoving … like a carved stone statue. Slowly the night was spent but Xiao Longnü was still nowhere to be seen.
Very soon it was dawn. The sun rose again. Another day had begun. The birds were starting to sing, the gentle morning breeze brought the sweet fragrance of the flowers around him. It was a beautiful spring morning. But Yang Guo was oblivious, his heart frozen. He heard a voice in his head, “You fool! She passed away sixteen years ago. She knew she was injured beyond help. She knew you wouldn’t want to live alone. So she killed herself and tricked you into waiting for sixteen years. You stupid fool, she loved you dearly; how would you not know her intention all this time?”
Like a dead man, Yang Guo slowly walked down the peak. He had not had any food nor drink for more than 24 hours. His mouth was dry. He went to a small creek, kneeled down to drink some water. When he saw his reflection in the water, he saw the hair on the side of his head had turned white. He was only thirty-six years old, at the prime of his years. It was untimely for him to have white hair. He also saw his face was dirty. He almost couldn’t recognize himself. He pulled away three strands of his hair; two of the three had turned white.
Yang Guo was very miserable. A poem came into his mind, ‘For ten years life and death are boundless, immeasurable, unforgettable. Lonely graves a thousand li apart, unspeakable desolation. Unfulfilled desire to meet, slowly turns to dust. The hair on the temples white as frost.’ It was the lamentation of Su Dongpo. Yang Guo spent most of his life learning martial arts; his literary skill was limited. Occasionally he would stop by a small wine shop in Jiangnan where he saw this poem hanging on the wall. He felt this poem carried a deep feeling similar to his own; so oftentimes he would read it aloud and unintentionally memorized the poem. He said in his heart, “He thought a ten-year separation was boundless, I have been parted with Long’er for sixteen years. He still had his lonely grave, he knew where his beloved wife’s bones were buried; yet I don’t even know where my wife’s bones are buried.” And then his mind drifted to the second half of that poem, the part where the writer remembered his deceased wife in his dreams at night, ‘In a quiet night a dream came flooding back. A small window of a country home, showing beautiful hair adornments. Face to face yet invisible, only a thousand drops of tears! Year after year dealing with a broken heart. Bright moonlit night, on a small hill nearby.’ He couldn’t help but drowning in sorrows. “I … I have not slept for three whole days and nights … certainly not a single dream would come to me,” he said to himself.
Suddenly he jumped up and ran toward the Broken Heart Cliff. He stood in front of the carved letters, and loudly shouted, “Sixteen years later, meet at this place, the love between husband and wife is profoundly deep, never fail this promise.’ Xiao Longnü! Xiao Longnü! This is your own handwriting. Why didn’t you keep your promise?”
His voice was very loud, like a lion or a tiger’s roar; it echoed from the surrounding mountains, “Why didn’t you keep your promise? Why didn’t you keep your promise?…you keep your promise?…keep your promise?”
Yang Guo had always had a strong character, but this time he was deeply downhearted.
“If Long’Er died sixteen years ago, my life this past sixteen years was in vain,” he thought. He looked into the gorge below the Broken Heart Cliff. A thick fog always covered the bottom all year long. He was never able to penetrate the fog to see the bottom of the gorge. When he threw the half-pill away it took a while for the pill to reach the bottom. He lifted up his head and called very loudly, so that the Dragon Lady Flowers around him were blown away. Then he softly said, “You disappeared without any trace. I have looked for you everywhere, yet there is no sign of you. I just realized it today, that you must have jumped down into this bottomless gorge! You have been there for sixteen years, weren’t you afraid you would be lonely?”
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