Chapter 182: Cheating
Liam kissed Lana passionately, and he was starting to move further. He trailed his kisses down her neck and then to her chest. But he slowed down and suddenly stopped kissing Lana because of some weird thoughts that were running in his mind.
He felt uneasy, as if he was cheating on Lana and breaking her trust that she had built up in him with such difficulty.
He tilted his head, looked at her intently and asked, "You really do not want to get pregnant now at all?"
Lana nodded and sat up straight.
"I have a lot of goals in life that I have not achieved yet. I want to achieve some career goals. Then there are certain things that I have not overcome till now… I also want to work on those things first. I'm not ready to be a mother yet, Liam. You see, I'm not even ready to fall in love, so how much more to be a mother? I want to fix myself first." Lana explained.
Liam stared at her face while she spoke and felt a tremendous burden of guilt on his heart. He inhaled deeply and let out a long, deep sigh. He did want Lana to get pregnant with his baby, because he thought a baby would solidify their relationship and besides, he wanted to have children with her as well.
But thankfully his conscience knocked on his head at the right time. He realised that what he was planning to do would be termed as cheating in the eyes of Lana, the woman who was already scorned by her previous wounds.
She might in fact start detesting him rather than feeling more attached to him if she came to know about it. He just realised what he was planning was not only a bit off but also not right in a relationship that needed the nurturing of love and trust.
He was her husband, not only for the sake of protecting her from others, but even giving her the respect and care that she deserved as a wife. He should wait. He should not push her towards a dead end and instead help her overcome her fears to make her accept her love for him.
He stood up and grabbed all the condoms, then threw them all in the trash can.
**
Lana, who was also as charged up as Liam, was waiting for him to go further when he suddenly stopped and asked her that question.
She realised that she was actually not ready to have a baby as yet, mostly because of her fears, but when she heard Liam's question her heart took a leap. She for once felt a wave of unidentified emotions run through her body. She realised that she might not be ready to become a mother yet, but if she accidentally got impregnated, she would definitely not be sad about it.
Lana looked at him, a little confused with his actions and her eyes followed Liam. Liam went back to sit beside her after throwing away all the condoms, then hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry, Lana. I just realised that we are in this relationship together and if you are not ready for a baby yet, I must respect your decisions as well as mine. Let's not just do it when you're fertile… They say condoms are also not a sure shot way of contraception and accidents happen with even a condom on. So I will abstain." He whispered, massaging his nape.
Lana had noticed that Liam would often massage his nape when he felt uneasy. "Why are you sorry?" Lana asked, wondering what Liam did wrong for him to feel uneasy.
Liam continued to massage his nape before saying, "Uhm, actually love, it just dawned on me that I should be more sensitive and should respect your opinion as an individual as well. From now on I will behave well and abstain during your fertile days and won't start intimacy unless you are the one to do it."
Liam then paused for a while and the devil in him couldn't abstain from teasing his wife and continued, "And if any day you feel like having a baby with me or gifting me a child on our anniversary, just come and make love to me during your fertile days."
Lana who was getting a little emotional after his soul touching talks suddenly felt his words a little out of the way and when she pondered over his words, she widened her eyes and was left flabbergasted. She raised her hand, fisted it and hit on his chest in embarrassment as she couldn't help but blush on his shamelessness.
Liam laughed out loud at her actions. He embraced her tightly and thought how he was actually contemplating poking holes in the condoms.
A part of his mind was strictly against his act while he was poking at those condoms. But probably his insecurity of losing Lana at any point of time made him take that acute step. Maybe because he was too overshadowed by his fear of Lana leaving him and going away that he wanted to chain her to him with a baby.
He was but very much optimistic as he could feel the change in Lana already. Lana's feelings for him were changing, and she was getting closer, but still she was not able to admit it.
As Liam could see it, she would not even spare a thought to think about her changing feelings being the kind of egoistic woman that she was. He was scared that Lana would outrightly ignore what she was starting to feel for him because of her fright in falling in love.
He finally shook away all negative thoughts from his mind and thanked his inner self for enlightening him at the right time, realising the essence of the relationship between a husband and a wife.
He then picked Lana in a princess style in his arms and took her to the bedroom. He gently put her on the bed, then he lay beside her and embraced her tightly.
Lana also wrapped her arm around him and kept her face on his chest, listening to his heartbeats. She felt especially warm and cozy in his arms and fell asleep soon. Liam just ended up cuddling Lana that evening, and he knew a few more nights would be the same.
But it should be enough for him, her staying by his side, close to him, and him sniffing her enchanting scent every night to sleep like that. What he should focus on for their relationship to mature now was to help Lana overcome her fears.
'You better remember to take everything slow and always consider her plans and feelings about all things,' Liam silently scolded himself as he dozed off to sleep surrounded by her scent.
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