Nicholas was filled with a mix of emotions. On the one hand, he was sad to know Sophie was pregnant with a child from the man who had just openly abandoned her.
But then, on the other side, his heart scolded him. His mind accused him of being disappointed by the fact that he was still so in love with her, and deep, deep in his heart, he wished this would be a chance for him to find a way back to her.
Whenever the thought came creeping, Nicholas would hate himself for even thinking about being selfish and hoping to get back together with Sophie when she was at the lowest point of her life.
And then... there was another thought that came. If, in the past, Leland stepped up and took Sophie and Nicholas' sons under his wings, taking care of them and protecting them, loving them as his own, he should see this opportunity for him to do the same thing.
He loved her, always has, and always will. He would take her back in a heartbeat, without even thinking. However, the question now was... would she want it? Would she allow him this opportunity to make up for the past and step up?
She was now telling him she wanted to leave. Was it because she really didn't want to burden him... or she didn't want him to misunderstand her willingness to be helped as a sign that she wanted to get back together?
Or, maybe... she thought he would no longer want to help because of her pregnancy? Did she think Nicholas was so petty that he would not accept Leland's child?
"Sophie..." Nicholas's voice was hoarse when he spoke. He crouched down on her feet and touched her knees gently. "I am happy for you about this pregnancy and I am really sorry because the circumstances are not ideal."
He looked at her deeply, holding back his brimming emotions. "Now I could really imagine what you went through eight years ago when you were pregnant with Luciel and Jan, and you were facing so many hardships alone. I am gravely sorry... and I am most saddened that now you have to go through it again."
He continued his words sincerely, "I couldn't turn back time and fix my mistakes, but I can do something in present to change the future. If you would allow me, I want to help you with whatever you need, at this difficult time, to make sure that you can rebuild your life and be happy again."
Sophie looked at Nicholas' hands on her knees. They were actually barely touching her dress. He did it so respectfully that he was not touching her without her consent. He just wanted to show that he cared so much about her with that gesture.
She took a deep breath and then raised her face to see Nicholas in the eye. "Then, please let me go with my children."
Nicholas was sad to know Sophie was adamant about her decision to go. Again, he couldn't understand why? Why couldn't she just stay here? He would not come and see her at all if she wished not to see him. As long as she could live a good life with her children where all their needs were met, it was good enough for him.
"Why don't you want to stay here?" Nicholas asked her. "Is there anything that makes you feel uncomfortable? Did the court people talk ill about you?"
Sophie bit her lip. It's true. Some court ladies and servants talked about her and her children behind her back. When the king came with the carriage filled with Lady Sophia Romanov and her children, rumors started flying in the palace and among the noblemen.
The longer they stayed here, the more people talked. A married woman staying in another man's house with her children for a long period of time was seen as a disgrace. The fact that her oldest sons were actually the king's heirs made the gossip become even more juicy.
Since the king had never been officially married, the sons that he claimed he sired from Lady Sophia were seen as bastards. People questioned Lady Sophia's past which resulted in her having two bastard sons before she wed her husband Duke Romanov.
The gossip got worse after they realized that it seemed the lady was now abandoned by her husband. The duke went away and was never to be seen again, leaving her with her children under the protection of the king. People were asking questions as to what was happening.
Perhaps, Duke Romanov became jealous of his wife's past relationship with the king, or maybe he caught them cheating during his absence, so he decided to divorce her?
Some people with black hearts who wished the king for themselves or their daughters started to think of it as the truth. Lady Sophia was a promiscuous woman who had a wild youth and gave birth to the king's bastard sons whom she passed as her husband's, Duke Romanov.
When she was reunited with the king many years later, they rekindled the relationship in an affair which caused her husband to be enraged with jealousy and left her. And now, she wanted to go back into the arms of the king. That's why she was now leeching on King Nicholas in his palace, with all her kids in tow.
Should the king officially marry her, then Riga would have a promiscuous woman as their queen. They didn't want that. It would be an embarrassment to allow such a woman into the position of the queen.
Sophie imagined her reputation would suffer even more and she would only hear more and more gossip spread about her and her children. Even though she knew the truth, Nicholas and Queen Marianne too, the public didn't. And she didn't have the energy to refute it.
She also didn't want Nicholas or his mother to be bothered by it. Sophie wanted to live in peace somewhere with her children. She didn't reject Nicholas' help, because she knew he deserved to be with his sons and made sure they were well cared for.
However, she didn't want to be near him at this moment. It would be too stressful and she didn't have the capacity to deal with such things. That's why she allowed him to help her by sending his knights to protect them when they went out of the royal palace and found a new home for them.
"I want to have my own place," Sophie said, not wanting to discuss about the gossip. "I don't want to rely on any man from now on. I made that mistake once and now I realized that the only person we can trust is ourselves."
She tried not to sound bitter but it was so hard. Nicholas could hear her pain so clearly.
It was true, in the past, Sophie thought she needed a man to help her and protect her because she thought she was so weak. But Nicholas let her down, and Leland betrayed her.
She brought her jewelry from the manor and if she sold them, she would have enough money to buy a house and start her own business. Didn't she want to open a tavern when she was young? She still could do it.
The older children were strong and she need not worry about them. Plus, Luciel and Jan could help her watch over Jack and play with him when they were free. She could handle taking care of the weak Anne and if she hired a maid or two to help with the household chores, she could also raise another baby. Lycan babies were easy to care for, unlike human babies.
So, she just needed to focus her attention on her business. She had learned bookkeeping and some other knowledge to start and maintain her business. As for protection, she could trust the king's guards' help since they were protecting the princes.
Now, she just needed to start as soon as possible, so she would have everything ready before her youngest baby would be born.
"I don't want to rely on any man from now on. I made that mistake once and now I realized that the only person we can trust is ourselves."
Those words hit Nicholas right in the feels. He realized Sophie was so hurt that she no longer wanted to trust her life to another man. It was not personal. This experience made her grow as a person and she now wanted to carve her own path, without being tied down by a man.
Nicholas was sad when he realized this time it would be so much more difficult to get her trust and love. He and Leland had ruined it for her. If he wished for her to even consider getting back together with him, he should work so much harder.
"Do you have any plans after you leave the palace?" he asked her gently. At this point, he knew he should let her go.
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