After Anheim, the small group moved slower and made the journey become more comfortable. Sophie really appreciated what her husband did. But when she thanked him for it, he pretended he didn't know what she was talking about.
Leland still wasn't used to being appreciated. He thought everything he did was common sense and out of necessity. He didn't see the reason for them to be acknowledged.
"Are you thirsty?" He changed the subject. "You look cold. Maybe a little wine can help."
Sophie smiled faintly and nodded. "Yeah… wine sounds good. I'd like that."
She received the cup of wine from Leland and sipped it slowly. It gave her warmth that she didn't know she needed. She looked at her husband while sipping her wine and thought about why was it so hard to make him accept compliments or appreciation.
After one year together as husband and wife and knowing the fact that they were close when they were children, Sophie still thought it was hard to communicate with Leland. He was really not the talkative type, which she didn't mind, but she wished he would share with her more about his feelings.
She thought crying and pouring her heart out were therapeutic. She could grieve and slowly heal. However, she never saw him cry about their unborn sons. Perhaps, he thought he must act strong and tough for their family to rely on.
She didn't need him to always be the stronger one between them. She wanted him to be himself around her. However, it seemed, she still had a long way to go, to make him open up to her.
"The wine is good," Sophie smiled. She gave the cup back to Leland. "You should drink some too."
Leland nodded and refilled the cup with more wine. He downed it in one go. Luciel sniffed the air and nuzzled against Leland's arm, trying to beg for wine. He thought it must be something really good since mommy and daddy seemed to enjoy the red liquid so much.
"No, no… it's not for kids," Sophie reprimanded the curious boy, but she was smiling when she did that. "You can drink wine when you are an adult."
Luciel gave his best puppy eyes to Sophie, but it didn't work. Then, he switched and tried to melt Leland's heart. The man shook his head and replied briefly, "What your mother said."
Luciel pouted and went to the corner. He curled up into a ball and refused to listen to Sophie's call.
"Luciel, you can still drink milk," Sophie said.
They bought a jug of milk from Anheim and she nodded to Leland to take out a small bowl from the cabinet behind him. The man complied. In no time, he already poured milk into the bowl and put it next to Jan.
The pup was excited. He was thirsty too. He licked the milk from the bowl eagerly, while Luciel raised his head and stole a glance at the bowl of milk. Sophie wanted to laugh when she realized her son rolled his eyes but finally joined Jan drinking the milk.
She turned to Leland and said, "They have so much personality. I can't wait to hear them speak."
"I can hear them speak," Leland explained. "We communicate in wolf language."
Sophie pursed her lips. She knew this and was often jealous of Leland who could talk freely with her sons. She could kind of understand them, but it was more to do with her instinct as a mother. She couldn't hear their voice and understand their words.
She had to wait until the boys were older and can shift into humans before they could converse as she did with Leland.
"I read in books that an Alpha could turn humans into lycans," Sophie suddenly said. "Is that true?"
Leland nodded. "Yes."
"Can't you… turn me as well?" She bit her lip and asked him carefully. She remembered that Nicholas was turned and he became a lycan after the incident. He hated that part of him and tried everything within his power to get rid of his lycanthropy.
However, it was different with Sophie. She didn't hate it. She would even ask to be turned if it was possible so she could be more connected to her family.
Her mother was a famous werewolf princess. Her husband, Leland, was an Alpha werewolf, and her two sons were werewolf pups. She wanted to become part of them. She wanted to understand them more and speak their language.
So, she often thought about the possibility to make her one of them. She did read about an Alpha's special ability to turn a human into lycan and had been wondering if she could ask Leland to turn her.
However, she was too embarrassed to talk about this in the past because it meant she would have to discuss that part of her that made her feel really insecure. Today, though, the thought crossed her mind again and she finally decided to ask.
Unfortunately, Leland shook his head. "You are already a lycan. A half lycan, but a lycan nonetheless. You can not be turned because you are not human."
"Do you know this for sure?" she asked again. "You haven't tried. Maybe if we try...?"
Leland smiled faintly at this question. He cleared his throat and looked at Sophie deep in her eyes. "The mating ritual involved a practice that is similar to what you wanted."
Sophie's face suddenly flushed red. She understood what he meant. When Leland established the mating bond between them, he did bite her and sucked her blood. So, if that practice could turn her into a lycan, she would have been one by one now.
So, it didn't work.
Sophie let out a sigh. Just as he said he couldn't turn her because Sophie was already half lycan. She just didn't have enough lycan genes in her to transform and other Lycan's special abilities.
Sophie bit her lip and looked visibly upset. This made Leland feel bad for not being able to grant her wish.
"I wish I am just like everyone," Sophie muttered sadly. "I am the only one who can't shift among the people around us. And I am too weak. I also cannot converse with my own children."
Leland understood she felt like an outcast sometimes, even though everyone treated her with respect because she was the Alpha's mate. However, it was the little things that bothered her and when piled up could become a big issue. This damaged her self-confidence and her self-worth.
Once, she overheard some female lycans talk about her when they were still living in Hastings. Those lycans felt embarrassed because their pack was the only pack that had a Luna that couldn't shift.
These people started comparing Sophie to her mother and Lunas from other packs. They thought except for her stunning beauty, she was basically useless.
This made them think their Alpha was a shallow man for valuing mere physical beauty over other qualities that a Luna of the pack should have.
"If this thing bothers you because you think about other people's opinion," Leland said slowly, "Stop. Don't do that. They don't know you as I do. The only opinion that matters should be mine. You must not care about others."
Sophie looked at Leland deeply. She realized Leland must have heard those people talk about Sophie behind their backs as well. He just didn't care.
She wished she also could change her mindset and stop caring about how other people think about her, but it was easier said than done. Sophie was the Alpha's mate and she thought she was responsible to keep his reputation.
She didn't want to be the reason people revolt and abandon the pack, like what they did in Riga. What if the same thing would happen again in the future? She was distraught just thinking about it.
"You are right." Sophie forced a smile.
"I am sorry," Leland said apologetically.
Sophie shook her head and pretended she was fine. "Don't worry about it. I was just thinking out loud."
Leland looked at Sophie in concern. He could feel her discomfort and how she blamed herself for the pack's failure to attack the royal family when they were given such a perfect opportunity and the fact that they all trained hard and prepared for this mission.
"It's not your fault," he said briefly. "Stop thinking as such."
He pulled her into his lap and hugged her tightly. Sophie felt guilty for making him worry. This man must have a lot to think about even though he always looked calm and unfazed. She shouldn't add to his stress.
"You are right," she said softly. "I won't think that way again. As I said, I was just thinking things would be easier if I am also a lycan like all of you. Please forget what I said. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid, and I understand where you're coming from," Leland replied. "But I cannot turn you and you don't need to be someone you're not. You're perfect as you are."
Sophie wanted to laugh when she heard his words that sounded like a cheesy pickup line, but instead, she let out an ugly cry. She knew he meant every word.
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