Chapter 44
When I became aware of my mindscape, I was standing on the central island. It had changed a lot. The walls had expanded to encompass the entire island, and itd grown into a floating city. Ilore and Damien had been spending a lot of their time subduing sections of the mindscape and bringing the denizens here to live.
I crossed the courtyard and entered one of the largest buildings, heading up a staircase to the second floor where I found Ilore working. This floor had many beds lining each wall, and almost every single one was filled with a personthe different emotions wed subdued so far.
I honestly didnt know what many of them were. Some looked so small and insignificant, I was surprised they were here. Ilore was sitting next to a bed, leaves of magic hovering over it as she concentrated.
Its quite interesting, Damien said, coming up behind me. Id never heard nor seen emotions being personified in this way. It sure gives them a different feel. He started a little at the unintended pun.
Ive been wondering if theres any chance I can meet the emotions once Ilore repairs them? I feel like it would be interesting.
Unfortunately not, Damien said. Once repaired, they are quickly reabsorbed into your mindscape. Only the most powerful remain coherent enough to have their own thoughts before they dissipate. Come, let me show you something.
I followed Damien out of the room and back out to the courtyard. Where we going?
Your library. Damien and Ilore had been working hard to restore it. I hadnt been worried about it since Damien assured me it was still safe, but it was dangerous for me to enter. When you saw the Plains of Eternity, your library was damaged. As weve been subduing the rest of your mindscape, the library has been repairing itself and becoming more stable. Retrieving different fragments that were once part of your library and bringing them here sped up that process. It should be safe to enter now.
In the middle of the courtyard, a hidden staircase lowered when Damien walked a specific pattern across a set of gray stones.
It will be nice to see this place again, I said.
A persons library was by far the most important thing in their mindscape. It was the first thing Damien helped me create, and contained the core memories and personality traits that made me who I was. When the mindscape was first opened up, those things were hidden throughout the entire mindscape, and were collected into the library to be more easily protected in case this place was ever invaded.
We walked down the stairs into the deep darkness. We came to a stone door with a complicated runic circle carved into it. Placing my hand on the runic symbols, I manipulated them, and soon there was a grinding sound and the door swung open. A multicolored light shown and I cautiously entered.
We now stood at the base of an elaborate pattern of scrolling lines of glowing light that varied in color across the entire spectrum. In some ways, it resembled a treethe library was a collection of core memories connected together to show their relations. The primary core aspects of who I was were set in the center of the pattern, and from there it branched out to connect to other glowing orbs.
The pattern was different than I remembered. More jumbled and twisted. Why is it like this?
Im not sure, Damien said. I think it will eventually restore itself.
He walked over to one of the central core aspects. I knew better than to touch them. Damien had warned me away from that the first time I entered this place. Touching the orb would make me confront that core aspect of who I was. Something many people werent willing to do.
Before I died, Id been thinking about doing it. I wanted to know and thought I could handle it. Especially after Damien told me about powerful psychics whod mastered all of the cores and were able to shape the world with immense telekinetic power. While I didnt want to be a telekinetic, I did want to master who I was.
That feeling was even stronger than it had been before.
Damien, will mastering my cores help restore me? Damien hesitated to answer. I knew the danger.
We believe so, Damien said. In fact, we think for your mindscape to open to the rest of the worlds mindscape, you will need to master at least one. They have far-reaching effects. For a normal person, it brings great stability to their mindsacpe. For you, it ought to make it a normal amount of stable, I think. The twisting you see in the darkness around us will remain. Nothing weve done has been able to fix it, and whenever we tried, it seems to connect to the cores.
I guess Ill end up becoming a telekinetic master after all, I chuckled.
Or we could redirect the mental energy you gain from mastering the core into making your mindscape nearly impregnable, Damien suggested.
I didnt know that was an option.
Most people do not go that route because the telekinetic abilities are so useful, Damien explained. But you have a plethora of abilities, even if you refuse to use them, you do not need the telekinetic powers this would give you.
Which should I do? I looked between the three orbs at the core of my being.
For now, none of them. I just wanted you to see that it was restored. Once we finish subduing your mindscape, then you can tackle one. My suggestion is this one.
He gestured at the orb farthest up. A dark, malignant purple spread out from it.
Thats the last one I want to deal with I whispered. By its color, I thought I knew what it would be.
And thats exactly why it should be the one you do. Damien grabbed me by the shoulder, hard, and looked into my eyes. You need to accept what you are. If you do not, you are doomed to be mediocre when you could have greatness.
I was taken aback by Damiens change in demeanor. And what if what I am is a monster?
You are not a monster, Damien said sternly. Different versions of me have been the assistants of true monsters. Look at your other cores, theyre not all dark. If they were, you would be a monster for sure, but theyre not.
The two other cores were bright. The next orb down was made of golden light, almost a perfect counter to the dark orb above it. The final one at the base was a warm blue that soothed my mind just by looking at it.
If youre sure when it comes to it Ill do as you suggest.
Good. Damien let go of my shoulder. Besides, its exponentially harder to face the cores further down the tree than it is to start with the one at the top. I have no doubt that will be a hard one to master. But if you can master all of them, you will know your true self better than most. The psychic energy you will have access to combine with your changed mindscape to make this place spectacular.
Damien and I spent a little more time in the library. I approached a few of the orbs and hovered my hand over them, being reminded of the memories imprinted there. Most were back on Earth, and I found myself remembering things that made me miss home. Damien eventually pulled me away and left the library.
Ilore was standing in the courtyard and smiled when she saw us. So, you showed him the library, good. If he didnt explain it to you, mastering even one of your cores will likely give me what I need to quickly repair all of the emotions. The reason why you must master one before your mindscape reconnects is that your core aspects were twisted. It takes you mastering them to restore them to what they were.
How do I even do that? From everything Ive ever heard, mastering your core is hard, and only a few have ever accomplished it.
It is hard, Damien agreed. And before any of this happened, I would never have suggested you try. Not without significant development to your mindscape. Simply put, your mind was too weak.
I opened my mouth to protestI had a very strong mind, so I thought.
Of what hes told me about what it was like before, he is right, Ilore agreed. While the layout of ones mindscape does not always directly reflect the personal power of that mindscape, it provides a good insight. Mindscapes that are She trailed off, looking for the right word. Boring, likely lack the fortitude it takes to master a core.
Though what happened here was tragic, Damien said, it changed your mindscape. And while it might not feel like it, the process of your mindscape being destroyed and rebuilt has fundamentally strengthened your mind. You might not always recognize it, but you have changed. Even when you get all your emotions back, you will not be the same person.
I stared at my hand. No longer was it just black bone. Now it had tendons in small amounts of black material. It was rather disgusting. I would say that scares me, but thats not true I dont even know why. Maybe youre right and I really have fundamentally changed. Just so long as I havent become the villain that I acted like, then Im okay with being changed.
Good, Ilore said. I wouldnt want to be stuck with a weak-willed individual for however long you manage to stay alive.
Im going to go get the battleship ready, Damien said, lifting off the ground.
Ilore smiled my way. While he does that, if youre interested, I have some free time to teach you magic.
Ilore and I went off, and she instructed me more about time magic. I was getting good enough at it in the mindscape that she thought I would soon be able to use it in the real world. It was much easier to use here since time was already influx in many places.
The source of this c𝐨ntent is fre𝒆w(e)bn(o)vel