Chapter 246 Volume IV - Chapter 91: Forgotten Emotion
I have to be calm...
Absolutely, no matter what, I must not do anything wrong.
If I make a single un-Frederick-like move, really bad things will happen to me here...
I timidly picked up a fork from the plate in front of me, taking care not to look up as I chewed.
"How's your gate work going?"
The words echoed in my head, causing me to stand still for a brief moment. Still, I recovered myself quickly, reluctantly lifted my head, and looked at the person speaking.
It was a young dwarf in a dark green uniform. His black hair was long and his body was the thinnest of any dwarf I had ever seen. Yet I could tell from his exposed skin that this body was well built.
He was thin, but his muscles were bulging, his genes were the cause of his build. His golden eyes were cold, as if he didn't care about the world. Even though he was talking to me, his eyes were on his food.
This young dwarf was a general. He was Pulvar Sou'hard, the youngest of the South Holar dictator's sons.
"I- It's going well, general. I have reduced the destabilization of the gate's fifty-second opening time from twenty to f- forty seconds..."
Again, he didn't care. He nodded his head in agreement and popped the last spoon from his plate into his mouth.
"Hm."
He grabbed a napkin, wiped his mouth, and then sighed lightly. His golden eyes slowly rose from his empty plate and fixed on mine.
I quickly averted mine and returned to my plate.
"Professor Frederick, right?"
What... Didn't you know my name...?
"Y- yes, general."
Pulvar narrowed his eyes, pushed his plate aside, and folded his hands on the table.
"There's something I'm curious about."
I was reaching for the last bite left on my plate. Yet these words, echoing in my ears, made me stand still. I slowly lowered my fork, looked up again, and stared into those golden eyes.
They were beautiful, yet as frightening as they were beautiful. They were brighter than Ulka and Justin's eyes, much more noble. They were also many times colder. They made me shiver inside and made me afraid for no reason.
If it hadn't been for the Absolute Mind, maybe I would have kneeled down and begged it for no reason. It was that strange and impressive and frightening.
"Y- yes?"
His next question was one I would never have expected, no matter what.
"You had a daughter, didn't you?"
A daughter?
Ah... Frederick's daughter.
I paused, just stared into space, and the world literally stopped spinning in spite of the emptiness I realized in my mind.
No... There was no such information about this man. Frederick Owell had a daughter?
Suddenly I felt a chill run through my body, and the tension suddenly enveloped my whole body.
Oh no... this is a problem. This... this is a big problem.
Is he testing me, or does this Frederick guy really have a daughter? And if he does, why is this classified information? Or why exactly is this dwarf in front of me suspicious of me and testing me?
Think, Aiden... think.
I paused again, realizing I was making a mistake.
No, I can't think too long. I have to answer quickly, or I'll attract even more suspicion.
Gamble... I have no choice but to take a gamble. If I give an evasive answer, he might try to dig into the details... It's riskier.
"Y- yes..."
A silence fell over the room. Pulvar raised his eyebrows and a look of pity appeared on his face.
The cold in the room penetrated even deeper into me, beads of sweat formed in my hair and trickled down the left side of my head and onto my cheek.
Did I... did I choose the wrong option? Why the fuck does he pity me?
"Why do you love your daughter so much that you would sacrifice yourself to the country you hate for her... I wonder about that."
I processed his every word in my mind, his words echoed and repeated several times in my head.
Ah...
In the end, I understood, even though a seed of doubt was planted in me.
The gamble, I won the gamble. I said the right thing, but... Is this man Frederick not who we thought he was?
A man who'd commit himself to a country he 'hates' for his daughter?
Maybe this dwarf named Pulvar is playing a game with me. Maybe I have lost the gamble but he is bored and is having fun with me?
If that is really his intention, his question becomes meaningless...
Aahh, I gotta stop thinking.
I'm on a path, there's no chance to put it in reverse now. I gotta keep going.
"B- because she's my family, general. She's the only family I have left... the only thing that keeps me connected to this world. I... died a long time ago, my purpose in life is none other than my daughter."
I looked at Pulvar's expression, cold and deep in thought. The expression on his face was almost unreadable.
Did I succeed? Was that the answer he wanted, or was he thinking about something else?
Come on... answer me!
"It seems I'm the only one who doesn't understand this family stuff. I thought maybe talking to you would give me some insight, but... it doesn't seem to have changed much."
Pulvar took a deep breath, then continued.
"Still, I admire your attitude, professor. It's not hard to understand why you are cowardly and paranoid in a country you hate so much, but... It's amazing that you can give such clear answers in front of me. Your interest in your daughter exceeds my expectations. Personally, I thought you'd wet your pants in fear."
Oh... did I make a mistake?
No, I should attribute it to my 'interest in my daughter'. I should turn my mistake into an opportunity.
"These things can be hard to understand unless you have someone to connect with. You are right, general. I hate the South Holar, it would be strange not to hate and resent a country that stole everything from me, but I am here because I have something that allows me to move forward."
"Something that allows you to move forward, huh."
Pulvar continued to think for a while, clearly thinking about what I had said. Then... something happened that I did not expect.
A slight smile suddenly appeared on Pulvar's face as if he had thought of something amusing. It was a look I certainly did not expect to see on the face of the young dwarf, who looked bored with everything that had ever existed.
"Do you want me to tell you a secret, professor?"
For the first time in all the time we had been sitting at this table, his face took on an interested expression. For the first time, he looked into my eyes, not coldly, but expectantly, and his eyes squinted with pleasure.
"When was the last time you saw your daughter?"
My brow furrowed, I gave the young general in front of me a meaningless look and answered in an agitated tone.
"It must have been years."
"Years... Your daughter would be thirteen now if I'm not mistaken."
Where is this conversation going...?
"Yes, general."
"Do you really believe your daughter is alive?"
A deep silence fell over the room. The atmosphere suddenly became heavy after these sounds came out of Pulvar's mouth.
I stood frozen in place as the smile on the young dwarf's face literally reached his ears.
Seconds passed, seconds in which neither of us moved a muscle. All I could hear was the 'click' of the minute hand of the analog clock in the room.
I thought about these eight words that came out of his mouth.
Some things that I could not understand before suddenly connected together in my mind. Frederick Owell's movements, his contradictory behavior, and some strange things.
All of this and much more was suddenly clarified in my mind.
I felt a causeless, meaningless feeling rising up inside me, a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time, a feeling I couldn't feel even if I wanted to. It had been so long that I was confused, I couldn't figure out what this thing I was feeling was.
Frederick.
Do I feel this way because I strangled that poor man with my own hands?
Now that I think about it... Everyone I've ever deliberately killed was or would have been an attempt on my life in one way or another. Even soldiers in battle, I had no doubt they would put a bullet in my head if given the chance.
Frederick Owell... he died by my hands, even though he had done me no harm. I strangled him, I broke his neck. Just to fulfill the mission I was given.
Ah...
Indeed, his last words were meaningless, but even among those meaningless words he said something... My daughter, the first three letters of these words...
Am I... feeling sorry for him?
Is this... anger...?
Ah, no.
I see, now I remember.
This feeling... It's remorse.
<<------------------------------
???: %7,7 --> %7,8
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I am feeling remorseful.
I am remorseful for killing the man named Frederick.
<<------------------------------
???: %7,8 --> %7,9
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I looked at the notification that appeared in front of my eyes, and at the end, I realized what I was doing. I realized that I was hesitating, that I was scared.
No... I have to come to my senses. I'm on a mission, an important mission. I can't let unnecessary emotions seep into me.
I channeled mana into the Absolute Mind, I felt my mind calming down a little. I could finally think straight as that painful feeling I hadn't felt in a long time slowly receded from me.
First I widened my eyes, then I quickly shook my head from side to side and completely discarded the cowardly way of acting.
I narrowed my eyes, not with unease, but with a conviction and anger that I was sure would be easily felt from me.
"This is not a pleasant joke, general."
Pulvar... I understand what kind of person you are.
"Joking, you believe I'm joking... is that it?"
So... I'll use you the best way I can.
"Then prove it, general."
I clenched my fist, making sure he saw it.
I saw his expression tremble. It wasn't pity or sadness, it was pleasure.
The more I suffered, the more I broke down, the happier he would be.
"Oh? What proof do you want?"
I'll give him an imaginary show, a fake scenario where he can have fun, see me suffer, and this psychopathic dwarf, being the fun-hungry devil that he is, will follow me as I am.
"The archives..."
I tried to 'stop' my face twitching, as if I was holding myself back but couldn't manage it.
"Everything is registered there, right? It's impossible to fake documentation there. So... let me look there and prove what you say."
Pulvar spread his clasped hands on the table, straightened up in his chair, and leaned forward to face me.
He was aware that he was being uncomfortable, especially this way.
"If you see I'm not joking... what will you do then?"
My nails dug into my palms. Blood trickled through my clenched fingers and dripped onto the table, and Pulvar saw it quite clearly.
I opened my mouth, but Pulvar quickly put his hands to my lips and prevented me from speaking.
"No, shut up. I will see for myself..."
He backed away quickly, got up from his chair as he was, and headed for the door, ignoring me. When he finally opened it, he stepped out into the hallway with great excitement and looked at me expectantly.
"Follow me, Professor Frederick."
Hah... you took the bait.
Now... just wait and see. I'm gonna wipe that smile off your face in such a way that you'll never be able to smile again.
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