Chapter 178 Volume IV - Chapter 23: Visit Before Leaving
My mouth opened, I would normally have stepped back, but I didn't care. I walked over to Celine, ignoring the purple-eyed Ethan.
I looked at Celine's pale body, my mouth opened again but I swallowed the words again. A purple glow filled the room, and the wiera's smile widened. I felt his hand on my shoulder, then, without a word, he slowly began to turn to dust.
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A scene came to mind. A scene from a long time ago when my wiera side pulled a curtain in front of me and I realized that it was actually me pulling the curtain.
With a trembling hand, I slid Celine's hair aside and put my hand on her cheek. It was cold, colder than ever.
I felt a momentary emptiness in my mind, which was constantly being cleaned and purified. My emotions began to seep out of this momentary space and filled me.
Anger, sadness, nervous breakdown, shock, fear, helplessness...
All the negative emotions, thoughts that were always suppressed... Every single one of them poured into it, even if it was a pinhole they found after a long time.
"Aiden?"
A single blink, just a single blink, and the image in front of me changed completely.
The room was suddenly its usual self. Celine looked at me with puzzled eyes. The tear that fell from my eye hit her hand outside the duvet, and my whole body trembled again. Celine looked at my hand, this time on her cheek.
I didn't think anything, I leaned down slowly. I just waited while my whole body continued to tremble. Then I felt something in my hair. It was a hand, Celine's hand. She started stroking my hair. Gently, slowly, comfortingly.
"It's okay."
I was scared, really scared. Afraid that something would happen to Celine again, especially that I would be the one to do it. I was scared to be the one who took her life while talking about healing her. And now... I am being calmed by the person I thought I had killed.
"It's okay."
Seconds passed, then minutes. I finally managed to calm down, fully realizing that what I had seen was only... an illusion.
What had I come here for?
Ah, that's right... I was going to tell Celine that I'm going away again, this time for a much longer time than before... for a few months, probably.
That's why I hesitated, isn't it?
I hesitated to tell her this. I wanted to avoid telling her the truth because I was afraid of lying to her, and that thing inside me, the other me, took advantage of my hesitation.
I keep talking about how I need to be strong... and look what happened to me.
"I'm sorry, it's just... I had a bad nightmare, a hallucination, it got to me a little too much."
Celine was silent, and then I realized that what I was saying didn't mean much, especially to her. She... She's probably seen a lot worse than this, right?
Do I have the right to say these words in front of her?
I... I'd better get to the point.
"I'll go again."
Celine stopped stroking my hair. I still didn't raise my head, which was bent down, because I was scared, again. I didn't want to see her like that again, covered in blood, even though my wiera side was long gone.
"This time for a few months."
Celine said nothing, the deep silence in the room continued.
"I'm sorry, I said I'd be with you, but I always have to go somewhere."
I took a deep breath and finally looked up, but not only that, I stood up and didn't look at Celine.
"Sti-"
"I will."
My eyes instantly turned to her and met her violet eyes.
They were not the same as a wiera's. Wiera's always sparkled and contained madness. Celine's eyes were much more beautiful in comparison, they made you feel like you were looking at an amethyst. They were radiant.
Yet when I saw those eyes, that's not what came to my mind. Those lifeless eyes, which a long time ago seemed soulless, as if they belonged to someone who was not alive, now looked much more alive and determined. That was the thing that caught my attention.
"I will be much better when you come back. You told me to try, I will try, so make sure you come back too. Nothing else matters."
I smiled. I really smiled, because I was, once again, scared. I was scared of stressing Celine, of how hard it would be for her in the few months she would spend alone since I was the only person she could communicate with.
And now, seeing her so determined... I felt the heaviness inside me disappear.
I let myself fall to the floor, leaning against the side of the bed with my back to Celine. It was a little cold and hard, even though there was carpet on the floor, but I didn't care.
"I'm going to North Holar."
Celine's voice came a few seconds later.
"The republic where the dwarves live?"
It felt strange that she was talking, asking questions instead of listening to me silently as usual. Still, with the words she had just spoken, all I could do was smile even wider and continue.
"Yes, I have things to do there. To-"
"To get stronger."
Uh... this is really weird.
"Yes, to get stronger."
For months all I could do was to see Celine listening to me helplessly but still trying to support her, and now to communicate like this... it's really nice.
"Ah, and to solve Lucia's problem."
Celine remained silent this time, just like in the old times. The mention of Lucia, a friend of hers, gave her pause.
"You know, she's having problems with her charm. I have a contract with her mother, so I've been helping her with some things to help me. Lucia's problem was among them. So, I thought I might as well get that out of the way while I'm going to Holar, which will be good for Lucia too."
I turned my head slightly to look at Celine, her eyes focused on the floor and a slightly curious expression on her face.
"Are you curious?"
She turned her eyes to me.
"Your friends, what they do, how they are?"
She waited again for a moment, then tilted her head slightly and spoke in a low voice.
"Yes..."
I smiled. Celine had given me an answer, even if it was in a low voice and with a slight retreat. So one by one, starting with Lucia, I told her what everyone had been through, that they were worried about her, and that they had actually wanted to visit her after the incident but couldn't because they were worried about her trauma.
The only thing I didn't tell her was about our meeting with Sue. I didn't want to put a barrier in front of her when she was finally striving for something, because I'm almost sure that she doesn't really 'love' me.
Because I'm the only person in her life right now, the only person she can communicate with. Celine would feel this way no matter who was in my place. Even if I don't count the fact that she feels that I am from another world and that this has a comforting effect on her, she would eventually feel this way. That's why I'm hesitant.
As my thoughts continued to swirl in my head, I kept talking. Absolute Mind's ability to divide my mind was very useful in situations like this. I was able to think about two different things while seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours.
Finally, as usual, Celine fell asleep. And I covered her up as always.
I took one last look at her face before I left.
She looked much better than the first time I saw her. A slight smile appeared on my face, then I went out without doing anything else.
She promised me that she would be better when I came back. Therefore, I will stop worrying about her, I have to think about the 'trip'.
So, when I went outside, the first thing I looked at was what time it was.
It was already past midnight. The rain clouds were slowly gathering, and the cold breeze meant that tomorrow would be stormy.
One week.
As I walked toward my dorm room, I looked up at the sky covered with clouds.
One week later I will be leaving, again to a completely different place, to 'get stronger' again. The only difference is that this time... I will be gone for a much longer time.
In North Holar, in the republic of the dwarves, I must do such things that my name will spread like never before.
No, it will.
I have to stand out now. The support of Potenbea, Quie families, and Ulka is not enough. My ambitions for the future are much bigger than that.
I alone must become an icon in this kingdom, no, an icon in the eyes of the world.
I must become a noble, and then, whether I am a noble or not, I must become someone much more influential than that. I must start to really make a 'step'.
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