Chapter 252 Her Story
Today, the Prince An came and visited the Manor again. Father was drinking with the Prince An in the front yard. Mother took me to chat with the Princess An in the backyard. Princess An was still so beautiful. She gave me a gift and introduced the boy beside her to me, saying that he was the Heir Apparent of Prince An.
Mother added, “You shall address him as Elder Brother Ye.”
That was the first time I saw Elder Brother Ye. He was about my age, clean and neat, and he dressed elegantly. His eyes sparkled. At that time he was at the age of changing teeth. He liked to smile and laugh, and when he smiled, he always revealed two missing front teeth. It was silly, so I laughed too.
But my mother said that girls should be restrained to laugh. So I quickly stopped smiling and greeted him formally, “Elder Brother Ye.”
That was the first time I called him Elder Brother Ye. I didn’t expect it to be called like this for so many years.
We got along like house on fire straight away because he carried a slingshot and took me everywhere to shoot birds. But his technique was really bad and he never hit anything. I couldn’t refrain from laughing any longer. So I begged him to let me try, he laughed and added, “This is a man’s toy, and a little lady can’t play.”
I got angry so he gave me the slingshot to comfort me. I took it and tried it a few times, and I quickly mastered it. At that time, I had already started to cultivate, and I had a lot of strength. So I quickly hit a few birds, and Elder Brother Ye was so happy, and even praised me.
So we became very good playmates.
I was very happy that day but my clothes got completely dirty. After the Princess left, mother scolded me for a good while, saying that I had no manners. But I didn’t care, Elder Brother Ye was my first playmate.
My father and Prince An were friends. The Manor of Prince An had frequent contacts with the Manor of Emperor’s Son-in-law. Sometimes my mother took me to the Manor of Prince An. Sometimes the Princess An took Elder Brother Ye here. I heard that Princess An was quiet and virtuous. She only had a small circle acquaintance and my mother was her only friend. So she came to visit frequently.
Like most girls, I liked watching dance dramas very much. The dancers’ clothes were just so beautiful. Every time there was a happy event or a holiday in the Manor, there would be dancers as beautiful as rosy clouds, dancing in the hall. Elder Brother Ye did not like these things. He liked playing with mud, and he would build a city for himself and announce that was his city.
So we agreed that he would accompany me to see half of the dance, and the rest of the time I would accompany him to build his city. I was always mesmerized when I watched the dance. When I came to my senses, I always found that there were peeled oranges, chestnuts and melon seeds piled up into hills before Elder Brother Ye.
But he never ate them, so I ate them up every time. At first he always groaned and said that it was not for me. But every time I went to get it, he never stopped me. And each time I was too full to move, he would tease that I was a bull, otherwise how could I be able to eat so much.
After a long long time, I realized that the peeled foods was specially prepared for me.
That day after watching the Nichang Dance with Feather Garments, Elder Brother Ye took me to pile up the mud in the backyard. At first I didn’t like to play with mud, I always felt it was dirty. But Elder Brother Ye liked it, so I had to accompany him. Later, I saw the walls, houses, and streets were all shaped by Elder Brother Ye, and then I felt it was really interesting.
Elder Brother Ye was sweating cats and dogs after making his city. He was covered with yellow mud all over and looked like a little hobo. But there was a strange radiance on his face, just like he was making an amazing thing. When he used the leaves as a banner and finished the last part of the city, he sat down on the ground and smiled. “This is my city.”
I was kneeling beside him and asked him curiously, “What will you do after building the city?”
Elder Brother Ye was silent for a while. Then unexpectedly, he was embarrassed, and then replied in a voice as quiet as mosquitoes, “After I finish building a city, I’ll marry you in it one day.”
Having heard those words, I was stupefied for a long time. My mind was blank, then I ran away after gathering my senses. How cloud he say such embarrassing words.
After that time, I deliberately avoided Elder Brother Ye. I pretended to be sick when he came, because I was too embarrassed. Since he said those words, I didn’t know how to face him. I was a little lady, and I was still so young.
A few times, I sneaked out and hid behind the door to observe. I saw Elder Brother Ye sitting beside Princess An, looking sick and low spirited. He looked like he was going through some strife, like a frosted eggplant. I didn’t know the reason why my heart beat faster when I saw him. My heart began beating like a drum. I felt awful, and I found it difficult to breathe just like a fish out of water.
Later on I realized that was what pain felt like.
It was not long before Elder Brother Ye came again because my sister was getting married. He looked around, but he was still unhappy. I decided to do something to make it up to him. The marriage ceremony was tedious. Everyone was busy for a long time and did not have a chance to eat. I saw Elder Brother Ye clutching his stomach more than once who seemed to be hungry. I thought of the times he peeled the oranges and chestnuts for me. So I quickly ran to the kitchen and took a large bowl of porridge and a lot of dishes and brought them back to my room.
When the ceremony was about to end, I finally got the courage to walk up to Elder Brother Ye and pulled his sleeve. He was dumbfounded and surprised when he looked back at me. I signaled him to come with me. We buried our heads through the crowd like thieves, and I took him to my room.
Elder Brother Ye was starving, so he really enjoyed his meal. Now and then he would look at me and smile. He looked really stupid because food was sticking out of his mouth. I could only pretend to be angry, but I kept refilling his bowl. Then I didn’t know why but I laughed too.
After that day, things got back to normal between us. He was sad about being unable to cultivate for a long time. He would often stare into nothing and go blank. I felt so sorry seeing him in that state so I kept comforting him. He eventually cheered up and began to study hard. He said he wanted to be a good minister in the future, so I would accompany him to read.
On summer afternoons, when Elder Brother Ye was tired of studying, he liked to doze off under the Pagoda tree with luxuriant foliage.
The sun seeped from the cracks in the branches and leaves and fell on his face, it was bright and mottled. I liked to watch him sleep. As I was energetic after cultivation, I didn’t need to sleep so much. Every time he took a nap, I would wait for him and swat away mosquitoes for him.
When he woke up, he would hold my hand and run like the wind under the afternoon sunlight. He would tell me the stories he read from the book, and tell me his comprehension. He even talked about his plans for governing the country. During those times, I admired him so much. I didn’t like to read books because I always felt it was hard to understand. I thought that Elder Brother Ye would achieve great things because he could comprehend his own understanding.
Sometimes Elder Brother Ye would write poetry too. The first poem he wrote was for me. I kept that rice paper. The words written on it were ‘Standing alone against the fallen flower petals; swallows fly in pairs against the light rain’. I loved poetry and I loved reciting and writing poetry. Every time I finished writing a piece of poetry, I would bring it to Elder Brother Ye. Sometimes I would make a pot of tea and ask him to give his comments on my poem. Our best times were the times we discussed poetry.
We would fly kites and go for a walk together in our leisure time. Although I already had some cultivation, I still liked to play jumping in the puddles game. Elder Brother Ye no longer like playing mud. He said that the city was already in his heart, he would build a real city from his memory in the future.
He looked at me without any movements when he said these words. And it made me fluster and hopeful. Because he said that when the city was done, he would marry me.
I thought that he had the talent to build a city, and I could protect the city and him. Therefore, I had to work hard on cultivation and become stronger quickly to let our city be built as soon as possible. It was the best way to be well known in the world. So everyone in the world could know me and Elder Brother Ye.
When I was young, I always hoped to grow up quickly. I thought that by that time, I could do whatever I wanted. I thought that my horizon would be bigger when I grew up, like birds would fly higher in the boundless sky and fish would swim farther in the vast sea. However, when I did grow up, I realized that I was not prepared at all. I was vacant and hesitant when I faced the road before my eyes. Then I would wake up and realized that growing up was so sudden.
When Elder Brother Ye grew up, Prince An was killed in the battlefield. He was depressed for two years. When I grew up, father told me sternly that I could never see Elder Brother Ye. And he arranged for me to marry someone I didn’t know and didn’t want to marry at all. At that time, I was so scared that I realized I had never actually grown up.
For the first time, Elder Brother Ye protected me. He defeated the man named Li Keyong.
From that day, I realized that Elder Brother Ye didn’t need me to protect him anymore. He got the inheritance from Celestial Master Yuan, and his cultivation advanced at a high speed. He soon caught up with me and even surpassed me. I was happy and anxious. I was happy that Elder Brother Ye had become a man who possessed both literary and military capacity. And he would definitely achieve great things in the future. The reason why I felt anxious was that I was useless to Elder Brother Ye. Will he ignore and dislike me?
Elder Brother Ye did one great thing after another thereafter. He defeated Wei Baoheng, and supported Brother Yan to the throne and became the brightest star beside the emperor. Even my father began to respect and fear him. I knew that he would show his extraordinary talents. I always believed it.
However, from then on, he had a lot of things to do every day. He was surrounded by countless people every moment. Many times I went to see him, I could only look at him from afar in the crowd. I would watch him for a long time, and then I left silently.
I could not bother him and be a distraction. He had such big ambitions, and now he finally had the opportunity to fulfil it. I could not disperse his energy and time... However, Elder Brother Ye hadn’t drank tea and read with me for a long time.
During the Huang Chao rebellion, Elder Brother Ye went to steady Pinglu. I wanted to go with him but Elder Brother Ye said the vassal states were dangerous so he didn’t let me go. I always listened to him. If you wanted to leave, I would not stop you and If you didn’t want me by your side, I would not force you. When the emperor and other ministers sent him off outside the Chang’an City, I could only watch from afar outside the crowd. I only bid farewell to him silently in my heart. I said to myself that I would wait for your return and I would wait until you finished building that city so we could marry. I told myself to just believe.
But, would you really marry me, or had you already forgotten? Ever since you inherited your noble ranking, you spent four years in Chang’an and three years in Pinglu. Why had you never mentioned it again? Or was that you only cared about your city and there was no place left for me in your heart?
Perhaps I was just too useless. My cultivation was too low to help you. It wasn’t like in the past when the noble children laughed at you, I could rush to fight them off for you. I couldn’t beat your opponents now. I no longer had the right to fight side by side with you on the road to greatness.
You were in Pinglu for three years and I was in Chang’an for three years. I looked eastward day and night awaiting your return. You didn’t return, even your letters were so few. Perhaps you had forgotten about me. Yes, you were already the Prince An, the commissioner, the great ministers of the country. The boy who played mud in the past had grown up, and I hadn’t yet... so, there was no more city, right?
Perhaps, that was just a kid’s game.
In Shushan, they said I had the right to become a Sword Wielder. I didn’t care it at all what a Sword Wielder was. But I knew I would have strength if I became a Sword Wielder. I knew from their earnest and sincere eyes that it was a very strong force.
I thought that if I had that strong force, I could help Elder Brother Ye and go back to him. Yes, I wanted to possess that power. I wanted to help my Elder Brother Ye to build that city, and I would guard that city. That was Elder Brother Ye’s ambition, and my dream.
I found out that in the past life my Elder Brother Ye was Childe Fu Su and he was the Han emperor Liu Xie. I don’t remember how many summer afternoons ago, Elder Brother Ye told me about Fu Su and Liu Xie. He said that they had the qualities of a great emperor, but they were born at the wrong time. If they weren’t born at the end of a dynasty, and if the root of that dynasty hadn’t rotted, they would be great emperors and leave behind a great legacy.
I found out that I had been by Elder Brother Ye since the past life. We were child hood sweethearts for three life times. Elder Brother Ye said that the best kind of love was companionship. And we already had three life times of companionship. If there really were such a thing as destiny in the world, then what destiny was greater than ours? He was the same for three life times, always handsome, ambitious and full of his country.
That was my Elder Brother Ye, he was destined to become a great emperor. If he couldn’t be one in the first life, there was the second, and the third. I believed that he would eventually achieve his ambitions. I was willing to stay with him. I would give him support and encouragement when he was tired and vulnerable. Even if the whole world had turned him away, I would never.
I certainly wouldn’t. He loved the people, and he did not hesitate to do anything for them. There was no man in the world more suited to be called man. I would always be by his side silently as I did in my previous life. He had been the emperor that destroyed a nation in the last two lives. And in this life, I would not let him repeat the same mistakes. I never believed the third life projected on the back screen of the Immortal Inquiring Sword. Hadn’t Elder Brother Ye already settled the Huang Chao Uprising?
Maybe that was true in some other place. But what did it matter?
If Elder Brother Ye successfully overturned the situation and became a glorious emperor like the Martial Emperor of Han, I would look up to him. I would sing his praises like the common people; If his fate was to die for his country, and if he couldn’t complete his city, I was still going fight side by side with him till the end.
If there really was fate, then my fate would be to guard Elder Brother Ye and stay with him during the predestined highs and lows, success and failure. No matter when, No matter where, no matter what the situation, I would be with Elder Brother Ye. Even if we die, I would die by his side. He was my childhood sweetheart, we were dependent on each other until death parted us.
If Elder Brother Ye’s fate was really to be the emperor that destroyed a nation. And even if no one, not the heavens, the people or the future generations had any pity for him, at least, I loved my Elder Brother Ye.
Before becoming the Sword Wielder of Shushan, I didn’t have the power to follow and protect him when Elder Brother Ye was conquering the world. Now, I had this power again.
I did not know where that voice came from, but I heard it. It was my resentment accumulated over two lifetimes. It turned out that Six hundred years ago, I was the Sword Wielder of Shushan when I was Liu Xie’s Queen, Fu Shou.
I hated Elder Brother Ye, I really did a little. Because he really... had not drunk tea, or watched the flowers and enjoyed the moon with me for a long time. For too long I watched him from the distance, then after a while, I would silently leave.
Perhaps, Elder Brother Ye might not marry me in the end. There would be another person whom he would marry and live in that city. I could sense it now.
They asked me to kill Elder Brother Ye when I became the Taoist sect’s Sword Wielder of Shushan.
That day I came out of the Immortal Inquiring Palace before daybreak, I sat on the cornice of the Immortal Inquiring Palace. I stared at the morning star of the East for a long time and remembered a lot of things. The Immortal Inquiring Palace was high up in the mountains. It stood among the high mountains and lofty hills, fertile land and big rivers. Everything was under the cold clouds.
I knew that I was about to leave.
If I didn’t go, then no one could stop the Great Immortal-killing Formation. It would be useless even if I killed all the chiefs of the five Taoist sects. I could not kill all their disciples and as long as the five Taoist sects were still there, there would be a new chief. And the Great Immortal-killing Formation could still be activated. The only way was to let the Great Immortal-killing Formation appear in the world. If I could block it for Elder Brother Ye, he would be safe for ten years.
Ten years later, maybe Elder Brother Ye would no longer be afraid of the Great Immortal-killing Formation.
But I knew that if I went directly at the Great Immortal-killing Formation, Elder Brother Ye would not let me block it. Although he had not accompanied me for a long time, when Huang Chao breached Chang’an, he did send someone to escort me. He still thought about me in his heart... maybe only a little. But he still cared, right?
Would Elder Brother Ye feel pain after I blocked the Great Immortal-killing Formation? Maybe he would. But I could not let my Elder Brother Ye feel sad. He had to save the land of the Tang Empire. If he sought revenge for me and went after the Taoist sect, he would not be able to save Brother Yan. Then I would’ve caused too much trouble for Elder Brother Ye.
I had to make Elder Brother Ye hate me.
If he hated me, he would not feel pain for my death. How could I make Elder Brother Ye hate me? This was really hard. I should be a little indifferent, no, I should be very indifferent, very ruthless. I should show him that I did not care about him at all, and I should attack him... But what if, Elder Brother Ye still cared for me in his heart? I was afraid that might not be enough to make him hate me.
I should stab him. I could put on a sinister act to denounce him, and threatened to kill him for the Taoist sect. I should tell him everything that was hard to hear. Now that he was too dedicated to the community, and I could say that the Taoist sect was going to take his community... But it would be really hard to say those words.
In that life, when Elder Brother Ye’s ranking was robbed by Li Yao, he ended up on the streets. He became so cold, scolded me, and even told me to go away. He thought he was doing the right thing for me; he thought I did not know what was happening. He thought he was no longer good enough for me, and that he couldn’t give me a future, so he didn’t want me to suffer with him.
But I knew what was really happening. His eyes revealed so much pain. Even more painful than I was when he said those words. How could I ignore that? He was so silly, just like when he peeled oranges and chestnuts for me as a child, but he kept saying that he would not let me eat them...
Having seen those scenes, heard those words from Elder Brother Ye, I was still hurt. I cared about him so much. So it seemed to be small revenge that I said those words, he had been so abominable. There had been resentment in my heart because he had ignored me for such a long time, albeit only a little.
But if I pretended to be very cold and ruthless, I was not allowed to call him Elder Brother Ye... I had not seen him for three years. I had not called him Elder Brother for three years... I had called him Elder Brother Ye for ten years. It might be the last time I see him. But I had to refrain from calling him Elder Brother Ye... I really could not call him that. Once I started to call him Elder Brother Ye, I would definitely not be able to refrain myself. I would cry and ignore everything and hug him.
No, Wu You, you had grown up, and you could fight side by side with Elder Brother Ye. Although there was only one chance to fight side by side with him. And because there was only one chance, you could not lose it... You must refrain yourself.
It’s really hard, I couldn’t do it... I wanted to call him Elder Brother Ye. I should do it now while no one was around. Here, on the roof of Immortal Inquiring Palace before dawn, before the morning star became bright in the sky, before I had not set off, I would call you 10,000 times. Then I should be able to refrain myself when I see you, Elder Brother Ye.
Elder Brother Ye, Elder Brother Ye, Elder Brother Ye...
On that summer day, the blazing sun shone from the top of the Pagoda tree to the yard, it was hot and glaring. As I looked at the picture an idea sprang up in my mind. This summer was as bright as a bloody wound.
It turned out that I had long sensed it.
Elder Brother Ye, you had been a daze since you came back from Tai Xuan Summit of Cloud-engulfed Mountain. Every time I asked you, you always smiled and replied that you were thinking about some old past memories. You said you were a nostalgic person.
Elder Brother Ye, if I became a person of the past, would you think about me too?
Would you think of me when you finished building the city?
Elder Brother Ye, You used to say that “The best of times always seemed ordinary at the moment it happened”. Back then I didn’t understand what it meant, but now I did. In the past, you peeled oranges for me, it was so sweet. You used to grab my hand and run in the back of the mountains when the sunlight was so warm. We used to make tea and read books, such great times...
Elder Brother Ye, the Venus star disappeared, and it’s dawn.
Elder Brother Ye, I must leave.
Elder Brother Ye, I’m coming to fight side by side with you.
Elder Brother Ye, I’m going to block the Immortal Killing Sword for you.
Elder Brother Ye, this is the last time I call you Elder Brother Ye.
Elder Brother Ye, let me call you again in my heart.
Elder Brother Ye... do you think there is an afterlife?
Elder Brother Ye...
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