770 Do our best not to die
Meanwhile…
Lilou was standing in front of the window, but her eyes weren't particularly focused on the darkness outside. She was staring at her faint reflection, planting her hand on the glass. Just days ago, this mansion wasn't as loud and lively as their dwelling on the mainland, but it wasn't this silent as well. Stefan and Klaus's departure and then Fabian's surely left this strange void; it wasn't disheartening, but it wasn't particularly a positive feeling either.
"Tilly, is it possible we died that night?" Lilou asked when she felt Tilly's faint presence on her back. "The night of the regression. The last thing I remember was rolling with Sam on the grass. I fell asleep and then woke up in the middle of my haze while crushing a person's head for the first time."
She slowly turned around to face Tilly. "Did I fall asleep, though? Things like this had been bothering me lately, especially after the possibility that Heliot died was raised."
"I don't know." Tilly's expression didn't change, looking back at Lilou. "But won't you and Samael know you died if you died?"
"That's right." Lilou let out a shallow breath, turning on her heel. She hugged herself, squeezing her bicep mildly. "Sam and I will know if we died. However, since the regression, I felt like there were many things we didn't know about. One thing is, what did Heliot know that he had forgotten?"
Tilly drew her lips into a thin, tight slash. She kept her eyes on Lilou's back for a moment before marching to the armchair nearby. "I put Karo under my protection," she said. "Take shelter in here if something happened to me."
"What do you mean?" Lilou glanced over her shoulder. "Tilly, the last thing we need is you falling."
"Samael said I shouldn't be complacent."
"He should tell that to himself. He is making my anxiety soar." Lilou shook her head mildly, but Tilly's remarks surely left an impression on her. "I know you're simply considering all possibilities, but remember, we are going home, Tilly. Not just me, my husband, and the children. You, Fabian, Charlie, and Ramin will come home with us."
Tilly blinked. "You sound determined."
"Because I am determined." Lilou slowly refocused her eyes on her reflection. "Back then, I refrained from looking at my reflection. The only time I stared at my reflection was in my husband's and my children's eyes."
She paused, recalling a habit she picked up on the mainland. Actually, she didn't pick it up when she was on the mainland, but when she woke up after her five-year slumber.
"Do you know why?" she continued, watching her eyes glint on the reflection. "Because every time I looked at my reflection, there was a part of me who cannot unsee the person I see in my eyes."
"She… is wicked," Lilou added under her breath. "The woman who carried Law, she scares me. I often say that woman isn't me."
"Why are you staring at yourself now?"
Lilou narrowed her eyes. "Because right now, who I need is her. I am searching for her; that woman. Not the carrier of Lakresha or the member of the Divine Order, but that fearless maniac who could hurt anyone except her child and husband."
"I need her strength and resolve because I don't think I am strong enough to carry on as we go through all these deaths again." She let out another shallow breath, gripping her shoulder tightly. "I'm not sure if returning to the original time is a better option. After all, our friends were dead over there."
"Your children aren't alive at this time, Lilou."
"That is why I am conflicted." Lilou looked back at Tilly, revealing the conflicting emotions swirling in her eyes. "My friends got a second chance in life; they were alive, Tilly. But at the same time, our enemies were also breathing and my children had supposedly disappeared because this isn't the time they should have existed."
Her eyes heat up as the luster in her eyes grew clearer. "Fighting our enemies was not the problem, but the fact we have to weigh what is right and what we're supposed to do."
"In a few hours, we'll depart to Spade, and even though we are prepared to sully our hands… I haven't come to terms with inner turmoil." Lilou gulped, holding her fist to the side. "I want to save everyone, Tilly. Not just our family, but our friends and those who want to correct their lives."
Lilou and Tilly held each other's gazes in silence. Tilly could see and feel Lilou's burning heart through her clear emerald eyes. "We… cannot save everyone," Tilly said the truth, despite knowing it would hurt Lilou. She slowly got up to her feet, keeping her chin up. "But I support your wish and where your heart is. May you find enlightenment and acceptance, Lilou."
Tilly studied Lilou's figure, and demeanor for a moment before she turned to leave. She only came because Samael told her to check on his wife, but now that she did, she wanted to rest for a while before they depart. When Tilly crossed the threshold, she stopped as Samael was leaning against the wall in front of the room. He had his arms folded under his chest, looking back at her silently. They didn't speak to each other as Tilly resumed her steps without making a sound. "You didn't have to make such a promise," he said, causing Tilly's steps to slow down for a moment. "It'll break her heart if you do something reckless for wanting to keep a promise. I think that's how Heliot did his promise and hearing you make the same one is concerning."
Tilly didn't react as she resumed sauntering off without saying her own defense. Meanwhile, Samael shook his head while staring at her petite back.
"Let's just do our best not to die, Tilly," he added, raising his voice to make sure it would reach her. Tilly didn't stop anymore until she disappeared into the darkness of the hallway. "She can be stubborn," he muttered, peeling his back from the wall to enter the room after knocking.
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