Chapter 77 - Sorry
In the past, I've spent countless nights awake. Wondering why life was called life, if living was akin to an endless loop of the night?
I've never had an answer, nor I think I'd ever have one.
Tonight was different. Staring at the high ceiling with a blank mind.
It would be better if I had something to think about. But no, I had nothing but this heaviness in my heart.
Was I upset? Angry? Sad? Disappointed? Which one was it?
But what I know was that I hated the fact that I have this gap in my memory. No matter how I tried to fill that void, I couldn't. There's just this missing piece I couldn't take back.
Do I hate Sam for it? Definitely not. I loved him, so I forgave him even before he comes and apologize. Not that I'm expecting him to apologize, anyway.
After all, I'm just... Lilou. A peasant he clothed, fed, and granted education. Still, I didn't want to consider that now.
"I'm so... sad." I expressed under my breath, placing my palm over my chest.
My heart had calmed down after I exploded at Sam. But ironically, it wasn't really at ease — not in the slightest.
"I feel like crying," I mumbled, raising my fingers to touch my cheek. "But, I'm not."
Now that I thought about it, it had been many years since I shed tears. Even before death, I didn't remember crying actual tears.
And I'm never frustrated, just like right now.
I should cry now that Sam and I argued, right? Why don't my tears not coming out?
"Tsk!" I clicked my tongue out of annoyance. Out of frustration, I forced myself to sit up and kicked in the air.
"I think I'll have a heart attack at this rate." I muttered and slapped my cheeks lightly.
Am I annoyed? Upset? Sad? And Disappointed? Yes! I am feeling those emotions all at once right now. But what was truly frustrating was, I felt like I'm in no position to feel all those.
"After all, I always doubted him whenever I get the chance. What a hypocrite."
My words slipped past my lips, coming out above a whisper. I knew Sam was not perfect, but what I told him earlier was too harsh.
"You know him better. He always does things for his own reason." I mumbled as I turned my gaze towards the window.
A sigh escaped my lips as I flung my legs out of the bed and walked towards the window. As I stood in front of the window, I looked up.
The moon was as bright and mesmerizing as ever, bringing light into the darkness of the night. How pretty.
My life before was like an endless night. No matter how bright it was during the peak of the day, it was never enough to bring light into my life.
The moon was different. It soothed me, calming me to sleep.
Perhaps it was because the moon and I were alike... and completely opposite at the same time. We're both alone in the night.
However, while the moon gave light in the dark, I merely stared at it from afar. Or maybe I had a wrong perception.
Maybe I had it all wrong until now.
"The moon has always been alone, but I wasn't." I corrected through a whisper. "It was always there for me."
A subtle smile resurfaced on my lips upon the realization. My eyes softened as my heart felt at ease.
The colors of the moon were like Sam. The moon and I were not the same; Sam and the moon were alike.
Both were creatures of the night. Both were alone... up there. Still, they showed light and beauty throughout this long, dark night.
Also, they're always there for me. Listening and watching over me from day one.
As I adored the beauty of the moon, all the negative emotions gradually vanished. My thoughts slowly gathered together, and so was my rationale.
"Regardless, they were not perfect." I uttered as my eyelashes fluttered ever so slowly. "They had their flaws... but, does it matter, Lilou?"
I asked myself once again. I told Sam I loved him because he was not perfect. But the way I see things, part of me was expecting him to be one.
What a pain. I loved him because he was who he was. A possessive vampire who nearly gave me multiple heart attacks with his words alone.
His light might not be as blinding as the sun, but it was definitely as soothing as the moon.
"I prefer it that way." I smiled subtly, nodding encouragingly at the moon. "This won't do. I'd die in frustration if we prolong this further."
I took a deep breath and exhaled it sharply. My eyes glinted with determination.
"If he doesn't want to talk, I'll force a conversation out of him. I also have things to apologize for." I grumbled as I stomped my way towards the door.
If he didn't want to apologize, I'd force an apology out of him. But, before that, I had to take initiative first.
My love was bigger than my disappointment and frustration. How could he let me sleep with all this heaviness in my heart?
"I'll definitely teach him a lesson. Just you wait, Mister La Crox." I threatened as I approached the door. "I also have my ultimate move."
When I stood before the door, I paused for a while. Taking deep breaths to solidify my resolve.
And then, before I wane, I reached for it and forced it open. "Just you —"
I halted, abruptly. I blinked my eyes many times as I saw Sam pacing back and forth outside the bedchamber.
When he noticed it opened up, Sam slowly turned his head towards me. He stood there in stunned silence, massaging his nape.
His lips kept parting and closing. No words came out.
"I..." My words trailed off as my tongue rolled back.
What happened to all the words I wanted to tell him? Everything was stuck in my throat! Again, I cleared my throat and forced myself to speak.
"I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry." We uttered in chorus.
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