691 Don't
Talking to Law and doing simple things with him, such as reading books until he had fallen asleep for an afternoon nap, felt natural for Lilou. She used to play with children; actually, she always spent most of her time playing and reading stories with them. So she was very good with children.
Still, it felt different. There was just a different satisfaction in her heart while staring at Law's sleeping face. Each time he smiled, although he usually spoke like an adult, he was still a baby in her eyes.
"He's even smarter than me," she mumbled, brushing the stray hair from his forehead. Her smile had been cemented on her face and it wouldn't come off of her face.
"Who would have thought…?"
A chuckle slipped past her lips before she took a deep breath. Lilou leaned her upper body against the edge of the mattress while she was sitting down on the armchair. The view was better from this position.
The more she stared at him, the more she cherished him and his existence. And the more she couldn't believe having a child. She might not remember how she pushed him out of this world, but her blood knew he was her blood and flesh.
"Father, I now have a son…" she whispered as her eyelids drooped until they were partially closed. "… it's weird, but I think… I now understand you."
A slight bitterness mixed in her soft emeralds as she remembered her father, whom she loved the most. Lilou had always wondered why her father chose to provide for her and tried his best to give the little comfort he could offer to her.
She finally understood why her father would rather freeze in the cold just to keep her warm, or why he would rather starve himself just to fill her stomach.
The unconditional love he gave Lilou until death… Lilou could finally understand what it meant to love your children.
Lilou, although thankful for her father, always had this thought that he would've lived longer if he abandoned her. She loved him so much that sometimes, she wondered if it was better if she died first instead of him. Not that there was something more beautiful in the world they lived in, but there was always something much more in life than death.
"Perhaps… because of him… I cannot turn my back on you selfishly," she added in a whisper while playing with the tip of her son's silver hair. "Because he never turned his back on me. No matter how hard life was, and how painful it was, and even how hopeless it may seem… he chose me over everything else."
Creak…
The door was left ajar as Samael stood frozen, hearing Lilou's sentiments. Even if he didn't hear the entire context of her sentence, he already knew Lilou was talking about her father.
'Now that I think about it, Lilou rarely mentioned him to me,' he thought as he carefully entered the room with his lithe steps not to disturb Law. Lilou was the only person who could make their children sleep in the afternoon.
Samael stayed in the corner, leaning his back against the wall, arms crossed. His eyes softened as he watched his wife brush Law's forehead gently with a gentle smile on her face.
"He is beautiful," Lilou remarked as she cast him a quick glance, making him shrug. "Smart and very obedient, too."
"He's your son." He smacked his lips proudly before he retracted his back from the wall. Samael trudged towards the bed until he was standing by the bedpost, across from her. He slowly sat down on the edge, eyes on Law's peaceful sleeping face and then at Lilou before he smiled.
"He's never been at this peace for months. Thank you."
"Why would you thank me?" she laughed, casting him another quick look before setting her eyes back to Law. "He's tired because he had no choice but to come to me."
Lilou's smile slightly grew bitter as she held Law's hand. "Whenever I think about you taking him on such a journey, I can't help but get annoyed. But then again, you can't really leave him somewhere, can you? If I was in your shoes, I won't as well. He might be smart and I'm certain he is capable even at this young age, but I will never be at peace knowing he is not with me."
"Mhm…" Samael lowered his eyes and bit his tongue, refraining from mentioning Sunny. Lilou threatened him this morning when she heard about Law strolling in Karo. She would kill him if she knew Tilly left Sunny on the mainland.
"It must be hard for you." He raised his head at her remarks with knitted brows. "I feel bad for everything I said last night and even this morning…"
"Don't."
"Huh?"
He smiled subtly. "It was hard to get rejected by my wife and be seen as a stranger, but you gave me a chance. That's what matters to me. Don't feel sorry for something that you felt right for yourself. It's not your fault we're in this situation — it's mine." Samael laughed bitterly as he fixed his eyes on Law.
"It's my blood — the blood of Grimsbanne," he added in a strangely low voice. "The cursed blood that is running through my children's blood… it's my fault."
Lilou bit her lips as she studied him in silence. There was this inexplicable force gripping her heart as she noticed the sadness clouding his features. There wasn't any vestige of deception he was trying to get her sympathy.
If anything, he was showing his vulnerability because he trusted her. Even Stefan doesn't show his vulnerable side in front of her and often masquerades his pain with a sharp front or a simple smile.
"Your existence…" she whispered, lowering her eyes to avoid his. "… is something Law is grateful for. I don't think he blames you for it, and neither I blame you for it."
Silence fell in the room before she mustered enough courage to raise her head and face him.
"Stop blaming yourself for something you have no control over..." She forced a smile, fumbling with her hand as she didn't know if she was supposed to be saying things like this. "Please don't be sad and don't cry anymore."
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