687 Do you have a death wish?
"Lilove…"
"Love…"
"Son of night, swear by the blood that fills me to devote myself completely, eternally, without question or doubt… to shield you, to give you my impossible warmth, and choose your life over your blood… and if you are taken away from me, I will stay with you until my ash coalescences with yours."
"We're married forever."
"Silly…"
"Knowledge is power."
"Why are you running, silly? Will you marry me?"
Lilou gasped and caught up to her breathing as her eyes popped open. She winced right after at the piercing ring in her head, causing her to press a finger on her temple. She dozed off because of the lack of rest last night, but when she did, she felt tired.
It felt like she experienced a hell of a ride in a flash, hearing a familiar voice. His words moved her heart. It was just snippets of memories. There were times she would see herself smiling, blushing, or getting angry.
Overall, Lilou… the Lilou she had seen in those flashing memories looked… happy and content.
She almost didn't recognize her because her aura looked utterly different from hers right now. It was almost like that woman wasn't her.
"Are you alright?" Lilou jumped when a voice caressed her side, causing her to twist her neck on instinct. Her eyes went round, seeing Samael lying on his side. He had his temple propped against his knuckles, his lips curled subtly, eyes soft.
"Uh…" she swallowed and cleared her throat, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. "Yes, I am."
Lilou pushed herself to sit up with her elbows. She then set her eyes back to where he was lying so leisurely.
"Why are you here?" she asked, still trying to calm her racing heart.
His brows elevated. "Accompanying you, obviously."
"Is that so?" Lilou breathed out as she closed her eyes while she took another deep breath.
"You look… tired." She reopened her eyes and glanced at him when he remarked. "Do you want a massage? I'm good at it."
"It's alright."
"Are you sure?"
"Ye —" she abruptly stopped and gazed at him with conflict in her eyes. 'This voice… that is the voice I kept hearing in that dream.' "Hmm?" he blinked twice. "Why did you suddenly stop?"
"Nothing." Lilou shook her head as she looked away from him. "It's nothing."
Samael studied her with his lips pressed closed before his eyes settled on her slightly swollen eyes. "So, why did you cry yourself to sleep? Did I say something upsetting last night?" he asked when he couldn't take it anymore.
"I promised not to push my luck, but I'm dying to know the cause of your swollen eyes," he added in a lower voice. "Even if you say you are not my wife right now, for me, you were and will always be my other half. Although I don't plan on forcing you, let me care for you."
Lilou bit her inner lower lip, lowering her eyes. How would she answer that? Refusing him was irrational and nonsense, since she was aware his feelings were his and she had no control over them. The only thing she could control was her emotions.
"Allergies," she mumbled, causing him to frown deeply. "Of the unknown."
She huffed and smiled bitterly. "I did say there were questions I didn't need an answer to, but somehow… just the sight of you hurt me." Lilou slowly set her eyes back to him and heat immediately pooled in her eyes.
"I don't know you, Your Grace," she continued under her breath. "I just met you. But somehow, your touch, the way you look at me, your voice, and just your presence are something I was familiar with. And that… feels unnatural. It feels like these feelings weren't mine — I feel like I am being forced by something I do not know, and it scares me."
It was too late for her to stop as words naturally came out of her lips even before she could stop herself. But saying those felt like a weight was lifted off of her shoulder and the heaviness in her heart lightened.
"That's why I was crying. I feel lost… because I don't know who I am and whose heart was within my chest." Lilou clutched her skirt as she hung her head low. "I feel out of place and I had no place to go. I hate it."
Samael pushed himself to sit up, bending his knees closer to him as his hand rested on them. He understood her feelings since Lilou was the person who often sought freedom… from this world and from her own limitations. Feeling the things she didn't know where it was coming from wasn't only confusing but at the same time frustrating.
"I'm sorry," he breathed out with sincerity in his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. It's an internal issue."
"Still, I'm sorry," he repeated and this time, Lilou didn't answer as she simply looked at him in silence. "If hurting me will make you feel better, then it's fine. I can take it."
"In exchange for what?"
"For… nothing — or maybe, let me stay close."
Lilou laughed weakly as she shook her head. "I guess you don't know me, just as you claimed."
Her remarks caused his brows to raise as he tilted his head to the side. Samael patiently waited for her to continue and looked at her with an almost innocent countenance when she raised her head once again.
"If hurting you don't hurt me, then I would've probably left when I realized you were here," she explained and took another deep breath as if that would help her muster her courage. "I'm saying, as long as you don't force me and decide for me on things I should or shouldn't do, I can probably… go with the flow. We're in the same boat, anyway. So I'll just hurt myself if I keep chasing you away when the situation already shows that is impossible."
"Lilou…"
"Don't get me wrong, though." She raised her chin up, sporting a brave expression. "I'm not saying I am accepting that you are my husband, but we can be friends. I want to figure out my feelings on my own… after all."
His eyes softened as a subtle smile turned up on his face. "Mhm. Let's do that."
Lilou let out a shallow breath as she smiled back at him a little. For reasons she didn't understand, she felt a little relieved just by looking at him.
"Thank you," he whispered before his brows creased slightly as if he remembered something. "Can I ask for a favor?"
"We just became friends for only ten seconds and you're asking for a favor?"
Samael laughed weakly before he cleared his throat. "It's just that… my son will come here soon. You can keep me at arm's length, but can you be nice to him?"
"Your son?" she tilted her head to the side.
"Yes. He was out and had a stroll with his uncle and cousin."
Lilou frowned as he looked at him in dismay, a little riled up at him. "You let Law have a stroll in a place full of enemies? Do you have a death wish?"
"Lilou... what did you just say?"
Hey guys! Thank you for your patience. I know we had a 1-day delay, but I tried my best but didn't make it. :) Know that I will always update if I missed the weekend.
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