683 Not her home
"I want to go home."
Lilou bit her tongue as soon as the last syllable left her lips. She knew this man wanted things from her, but she wasn't ready for it. It was easier to accept Stefan because of the current state she was in when he appeared. But she was no longer alone now.
For her, she didn't need anyone right now. She was content and happy. Even though Stefan wasn't the man, she would think she would ever marry. All she needed was a company, and he gave that to her. She needed time to take everything in.
Still, deep down, she also thought this was a futile attempt. She heard rumors about the duke and he wasn't the person to mess with. If he said, "no," she wouldn't be surprised and only hope to escape.
That was why when the quiet, "sure," left his lips, her brows furrowed. Lilou momentarily doubted her ears, but there was no way she heard him wrong since it was too clear.
"Rufus, take Lilou back to the estate where she and Stefan are staying." Samael kept his eyes on her as he gave his order to Rufus, who was still leaning against the jamb of the window. "If that is what you want, Lilou. I won't force you to stay but… I hope you give me a chance."
Lilou blinked twice, and she only snapped back to reality when Rufus was already by the door. She glanced at him and saw Rufus looking back at her as if waiting for her.
"You won't strike me once I'm not looking, right?" she blurted out, covering her lips a second later. Her shaking eyes caught Samael chuckled bitterly as he shook his head.
"I wish." Samael tipped his head in Rufus's direction. "He will take you there safely."
"Oh…" Lilou cleared her throat as she cautiously side-stepped her way towards the door, keeping her eyes on Samael, just in case. She only sighed in relief when she was near the entrance, and Rufus opened it wide.
"This way, my lady." Rufus motioned his hand, but instead of waiting for her, he left the entrance with the door wide open. Lilou, who was following behind him, stopped and looked back when Samael spoke.
"I missed you, Lilou." Her heart tightened as soon as her eyes fell on that longing in his eyes. "I'll visit you tomorrow. Take care on your way."
Lilou pursed her lips and bowed without saying a word before following Rufus. Her heart felt heavy as the distance between him and Samael grew deeper. Yet, she forced her feet to walk forth without looking back.
Meanwhile, Samael stood in the same spot for a long time. He kept his eyes on her back while the door creaked on its own, blinking when it shut closed.
'I want to go home.' Those words that left her lips so easily were like sharp daggers stabbing him right through his chest. They used to say they were each other's home, but now… Samael heard something from within him break. His jaw tightened at the frustrating tension building up in his throat.
"I want to go home too, love," came out a whisper, balling his hand into a fist to remind himself to be strong. "We will go home soon… I promise."
Samael couldn't blame Lilou if she was being so stubborn. Lilou was the person who disliked not having control over her life. She was the person who never believed someone's words so easily. It had always been like that.
Wasn't that the reason she never believed him in the past even when he confessed his feelings from the get-go?
He had already known Lilou wouldn't just mindlessly accept him with open arms. She was silly, but she wasn't that foolish. Lilou would deny, deny, and deny things. All he could do was show his sincerity and hope he could capture her heart once again.
He had already seen this coming — starting over again — it was still hurtful. While his love just grew deeper, Lilou was back to scratch. And this time, he wasn't confident anymore.
He was… scared.
What if her heart would change? What if, with the reversal of time, she would change? Thus, the outcome would turn? He couldn't force her if that was her decision… even if it would devastate him and kill him while he still breathe.
******
Meanwhile…
Lilou glanced at Rufus, who sped away with the horse they rode to the estate where she was staying with Stefan. They didn't talk throughout the journey, and right after she stood outside the gates of the estate, Rufus immediately took off.
"What a strange night," she mumbled, raising her skirt as she entered the small gate. As she gazed up at the mansion from a walking distance with a short driveway, a deep exhale escaped her mouth.
"What a strange man," she added, marching towards the estate in silence.
Her steps slowed down as the look in Samael's eyes hovered over her head. No word or a sound came out of her mouth until she stopped under the portico of the mansion and gazed at the shut doors for minutes.
Creak…
The door opened from the inside slowly, and its creak sounded overly loud in her ears. It only opened slightly and a figure immediately turned up by the door. The second she locked eyes with Stefan, a tear suddenly rolled down her cheek.
She didn't know why, but somehow, her tears wouldn't stop staining her cheeks. Not that she tried to wipe it. Lilou and Stefan simply stared at each other for minutes before he decided to walk out. When he stood in front of her, his eyes flickered with bitterness as he wiped her tears.
"This… is not your home, Lilou," he whispered bitterly, not surprised she was back in this place, knowing her personality. "Your mind may not remember him, but your heart does."
"I…" she hiccuped, clutching his chest as she hung her head low. Tears dropped on the floor, clinging to him as this crippling pain in her heart was unspeakable. It was as if a part of her had just died.
"… feel lost."
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