Chapter 677 Not all questions meant to have an answer
Another month passed and Lilou's life had always been the same as the previous months. Or rather, almost been the same aside from Stefan teaching her how to read and write during his free time.
"This feels weird," she mumbled, keeping the tip of the quill on the parchment as she raised her head to her side. Beside her, sitting around the round table, was Stefan. His arm was resting over the backrest of her chair, arching his brows as he waited for the continuation of her remarks.
"What weird?" he quoted when she didn't speak.
"Writing." Lilou gazed at the name she wrote herself. Although she knew a little bit of writing and reading, she wasn't well-versed in more than the stories she was told.
"Reading and having to comprehend… it's weird." She set her eyes back to Stefan once again. "It feels like I already read this before."
"Because maybe you did?" he tilted his head to the side. "Do you think the future empress wasn't a person who cannot read or write?"
"But I feel like my heart wants something else."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Err…" Lilou took a deep breath as she stared at the small pool of ink on the parchment. She tilted her head to the side, putting the quill back in its holder. Stefan simply furrowed his brows as he watched her carefully dip her finger into the drop of ink.
"Like this," she said, smearing the ink on the paper as she drew what looked like a flower. It was more like a child's doodle, but Stefan understood what she meant by that.
"It feels like I am more into drawing things," came out a mumble, staring deeply at the flower she drew as if she was expecting something. What she was expecting? Lilou didn't know, but she felt like she was waiting for something.
"It's weird. I feel like I am expecting something, but I don't know what it is.."
In other words, despite the reversal of time, there were some things that would never be forgotten. Especially if something was engraved deep in one's heart.
His lips pressed into a thin, tight slash. He studied the genuine wonder in her eyes, letting out a shallow breath.
"It's probably an activity you used to do." He shrugged, noticing that there was some mannerism that Lilou's body remembered, which her brain couldn't. He knew Lilou even before she met Samael before the reversal of time, and even though he didn't choose to make a monster out of her, he noticed the things she would do and would not do.
In other words, despite the reversal of time, there were some things that would never be forgotten. Especially if something was engraved deep in one's heart.
"My brother… he is an artist," he continued after a momentary silence, forcing a smile. "He enjoys painting and penning down the stories he had in his head. He's good at it, so I think that's that."
She frowned. "Is everything I do have to be related to your brother?"
"Well…"
"I don't like it, Lexx," she continued, peeling her eyes away from him to the flower she drew. "It makes me feel like all the decisions I made were because your brother told me to. Is he that detestable to control me?"
"No, it's not like —"
"Not like what?" she cut him off, facing him squarely. "Lexx, I understand you are keeping me at arm's length. I get it. However, I dislike it when you think everything that I do is because of your brother. I feel like I don't have an identity of my own and it's a little… disappointing."
The rest of her words came out as muffled, lowering her eyes to hide her disappointment.
"I told you. I live in the present. For you, this is the past, but for me, it's my present." Lilou smacked her lips and faced him once again. "Stop connecting everything I do to your brother. I don't even know him; what he looks like, what his voice sounds like, and what sort of character he had. Give me some slack, will you?"
"Alright… I'm sorry." Lilou sighed as she looked back at him once again at his admittance. "I'll try, alright? It's just… I don't have other answers to clear everything other than that."
"Not all questions are meant to be answered. If they were, then we would've known the meaning of life and death. Why would we live if we'll die, eventually? Why eat if you'd digest and excrete it?"
Lilou's questions ran on and grew even more ridiculous and negative, rendering him speechless as she kept a straight face. After some time, Lilou let out another deep exhale. She propped her elbow against the edge of the table and coiled her body to face him.
"If you don't know the answer, just say you don't know. Don't pressure yourself to answer everything — no one will figure out this world no matter how long you had lived." She shrugged and smiled, moving on from her disappointment previously. She raised a finger and smeared inked on his cheek, but he simply frowned at this mischief.
"That's what my father said," she continued knowingly, flashing a beautiful smile. "That's why instead of wondering about the things that are out of our control, let's focus on the things we can. The reversal of time is out of our control and it already happened. The memories I was supposed to have over the duration of over ten years are gone, but that doesn't mean I can't make new ones."
Stefan stared at her smile, and his eyes softened. Surely, she had changed a little bit. Or rather, instead of the dark part of her dominating her, it was the little light she held onto slowly grew within without his interference — his bad influence.
"You're right —" he turned his head in the window's direction when he heard a light knock. His brow arched as he pushed himself up, seeing a bird on the windowsill.
Lilou followed his figure with her gaze and tilted her head, observing how he untied the letter from the bird's feet and skimmed through it. She furrowed her brows when Stefan looked back at her with a solemn expression.
"Heliot is inviting us to the palace," he announced in a low voice. "They're here."
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