Chapter 61 - How Love Feels Like
I pursed my lips, clasping my hand on my lap. Sam had been staring at me across the table, cupping his cheeks.
I've never recalled being in this study room with Sam, alone. The room where I've been spending most of my time with Fabian.
It was odd to be in here doing nothing or just being with the duke, discussing nothing. I moved my gaze around.
When my gaze landed on the paintings around, I cleared my throat. Fabian said they were the duke's precious collections. I've been amused by the art and beauty of the paintings, but because of my studies, I didn't have the chance to ask Fabian more about them.
"My lord?" I called out softly.
Sam raised his brows and hummed. He blinked his eyes ever so slowly, but he never left his gaze from me.
"The paintings… they're pretty, aren't they?"
"Are they?"
What was this short, disinterested response?
"Why…" I deliberately paused as I cleared my throat once again. "Why are some of them aren't hanging on the wall?"
Lame.
What a lame way to distract ourselves with a lame discussion? I secretly bit my tongue, knowing the topic wouldn't be engaging enough.
Sam remained silent. I knew it. He probably found my query foolish.
I didn't know the reason, but ever since yesterday, I had this urge within to please him. I didn't want to bore him and part of me didn't want him to get… exhausted of me.
The fear of my life was gone. However, new fears resurfaced in my heart. Especially in this silence between us, those fears grew profound and distinct, shouting in my ears.
I'm in cloud-nine for having my feelings reciprocated. Still, the deeper the feelings were, the more intense these fears.
I've never thought about it last night or even this morning. But now I had the chance to think, I sort of hate this anxiety creeping into my heart.
I'm scared.
"Of?" I snapped back from my thoughts upon his query.
"Huh?"
"You're scared of?" Sam blinked his eyes, tilting his head to the side.
Right. He could still hear my thoughts.
I bit my bottom inner lips slightly. Hesitant to speak my mind, but well…
"That… this is all a dream." I gulped, smiling bitterly. "That after all this, I will wake up to the sad reality that you're not real. That none of this is real. I fear the thought that once I wake up, I — I'll lose you."
My grip on my lap tightened as I looked down. Before, I had nothing to lose. But now, I had so many things to lose, including him.
I didn't mind going back to being a peasant and continuing my life as one. However, the thought of falling in love with a character I made with my imagination terrified me.
Why? Because I'll never be with him. No matter how I fantasized myself in his embrace, it just wouldn't be the same.
That scared me.
After a while, I sensed him perched on the seat beside me.
"Look at me." Sam instructed. I slowly raised my head and turned my head to my side, to where he sat.
As soon as I did, Sam flicked my forehead lightly.
"Aw…" Instantly, I rubbed my forehead, frowning with a furrowed brow.
"Did you know? If I keep flicking your forehead, it'll crush your skull and you'll die?" With a deadpan expression, Sam uttered his trivia.
I widened my eyes, my jaw slowly dropped, as I blinked my eyes countless of times.
What?
"Do you want to try —"
Upon seeing him try to flick my forehead once again, I instantly drew back in panic.
"My lord, are you trying to kill me?!" I gasped in distress, in disbelief at what he was trying to do.
"Pfft—!" Alas, the corner of his lips stretched into a grin. "Are you awake now?"
"…"
"Didn't I tell you? I'm here, I'm real, and I'm in love with you? I'd be the first person who'll set this world on fire if someone wake me up in this dream." His grin gradually turned into a reassuring smile.
Sam raised his one hand out, brushing the stray hair from my side.
"I was never terrified, I never had a reason to be." He mused, twirling the tip of my hair between his thumb and forefinger.
"But now, I do."
My breath hitched. Sam's voice was low and heavy. It was as if he lifted the mask he had been wearing for a long time.
"I'm afraid that someday you'd wake up and wouldn't want me anymore. That someday, you'd hate me. That… you'll leave me someday. And the long list goes on. I'm terrified."
I bit my lip as my heart melted instantly. How selfish of me to only think about myself?
Obviously, Sam had been transparent with his feelings towards me. He remained consistent despite all the suspicion and restraint I had before.
He'd been patient and kind to me. He might have unique ways with his words and actions. But that only made him even more remarkably unique.
I reached for his hand, leaning my cheek to feel his warmth and coldness battling in his palms. But these feeling were certainly real; my heart could feel its legitimacy.
"It's me who thinks this is all a dream." He muttered. A smile turned up on my lips.
"I'm here. I'm real. And I would go through even fire and brimstone just to be with you even for another second." I muttered with eyes closed and a subtle smile.
When I opened my eyes, Sam was staring at me lovingly. Even if this was a dream and wake up, I'd slit my throat if that means going back in this beautiful dream.
Going back to him.
I may not be immortal, but my love for him would be timeless. That, I'm certain.
I couldn't imagine living life without him anymore. I'm hopelessly, hopelessly in love with this vampire.
"Fabian, can you not interrupt me and my lady? Can't you hear us having a sentimental moment?" Suddenly Sam spoke.
Although his eyes were still locked with mine, his words were not for me. I glanced at the door and Fabian was smiling at us.
I flushed instantly.
"My apologies, my lord. But her ladyship had eaten nothing since this morning, that's why I rushed in here. We will return once you've finished."
Fabian prompted to leave. However, just as Fabian turned around, Sam stopped him.
"No, it's fine. My lady needs some nutrients, she'll need it to keep up with me." Sam smirked. I looked away, blushing as I guessed what he meant.
"Also, bring my tools. My hands are itching to sketch my next work."
I furrowed my eyes and shot a look at Sam. Instinctively, I glanced at Fabian, who sported a surprise expression on his face.
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