Rufus paused and let the momentary silence take charge. He finally realized why he wanted to approach Yulis now that they were talking. One way or another, he could relate to Yulis and understood where he was coming from. Rufus had been in Yulis's shoes. He didn't want Yulis to do the same mistake he did in the past.
"Don't repeat the history, Yulis. You know our story from beginning to the end since you've been observing. I decided in the past, thinking it was for the best for the both of us," he continued, smacking his lips as he gazed ahead. "The young and coward me was wrong. I decided back then in the guise of thinking it was for the both of us. But honestly, it was simply a selfish decision of a boy. A thoughtless decision of a young boy who cannot handle her light and is rather intimidated by it.
I had a thousand regrets. One of them was succumbing to fear that led my relationship with her to an end. If I can turn back time, I would've made a wiser decision.
My point here is, don't make the same mistake and regret it later. I care about you as my vassal, but about your personal affairs, I frankly couldn't care less. Not that I have a say in it since it is your life. But I truly care for her. It took her a lot of courage to let us go and give her heart another chance. Don't fail this love."
"I already did." Yulis's eyes lowered, bitterness flickering across his eyes. "Three years ago, when I left, I already failed her."
"Once. Don't make it twice or thrice... because she will continue to forgive and accept you. Hence, making her an easy target for abuse." This time, Rufus's voice was solemn. "You know her, Yulis. Even if you deny it, you know Silvia more than anyone. If you show yourself and ask for her forgiveness, she will forgive you. And even if you failed her multiple more times, she will forgive you. It will be a routine, a pattern that terrified me in the past."
"You know the dread. It scared you once, so you should know better." Yulis's reply was quiet, but his voice still reached Rufus's ears. "Silvia wasn't a saint, but she tends to get blinded to the person she loves. And it scares me that I might abuse her love without realizing it. I appreciate you are imparting your wisdom to the person who stole your woman, Your Majesty."
Rufus chuckled. "You didn't steal her. I simply lost her."
"Even so, I had decided. Once is enough for me — never again." Rufus glanced at Yulis's side profile upon hearing the man's remarks. "She is stubborn, but so am I. I love her, I really do. But I don't want to see her look at me with pity once she sees me grow weaker by the day. I don't want her to put her through a hell of life just to satisfy myself before I die; that is just wicked, selfish, and also a form of abuse. It was better if she just hates me."
"Well." Rufus chuckled as he shrugged. "You better tell that to her face. If you do, I might actually try to serenade her and ask for her hand. Don't cry yourself to sleep and chew your handkerchief in envy once you saw us together again."
Rufus smirked when Yulis glanced at him. He meant what he said, but he also knew Yulis wouldn't have the heart to say that to Silvia right in front of her face. Wasn't Yulis here on top of the roof in the first place to avoid Silvia?
"May you get enlightened after..." he trailed off, eyes glinting as soon as he caught a familiar figure below. "... Yulis, may you find enlightenment before she set off to the capital. If you two didn't reconcile, I'll make her the empress."
Before Yulis could react, Rufus already jumped from the roof to catch Fabian. A shallow breath slipped from his lips, watching Rufus actually pin Fabian down with his bare hand.
"Tell that to her face..." came out a whisper, looking up at the gloomy night sky. "... as if you don't know the reason I was hiding from her. I can't even face her, knowing I will throw all reasons out of the window and beg her to take me back."
Another sigh escaped his nostrils. "That scared you too, Your Majesty. That you might throw away all reasons and beg on your knees for her to take that young boy back."
*
After that conversation with Rufus, Yulis prepared himself for the day he would face her. He was certain he prepared enough for months — ever since the night Lilou came to him and broke the news of their plan — but he was wrong. Things were surely easier said than done.
He wasn't ready. Even until now that he was standing right in front of Silvia, he wasn't ready. His heart was pounding against his ribcage to the point it was painful.
Yulis missed her, and that only heightened now that he was staring at her. Those stunning sharp eyes, her lips that had a shape of a heart, and that ebony hair he would constantly stroke. Although her hair was shorter, Silvia was still the most stunning woman he had ever laid his eyes on.
"What excuse will you say now?" she inquired, breaking the silence between them. "Why didn't you tell me, Yulis? Why didn't you tell me you were dying?"
Her fingers slowly curved into a fist, staring at him dead in the eye. "I need an explanation to understand Yulis Kieran Bloodfang. What did I do to deserve this? To be tossed like I worth nothing? Why does everyone know? And I don't?" a chuckled suddenly slipped past her lips, shaking her head.
"No, that's not true. I also had guesses, but I want to hear it directly from you. I was hoping that… you will tell me because I deserve it and I'm someone important."
"Silvia…" A faint sigh slipped past his lips, studying her eyes, full of bitterness. "I'm sorry."
"For?"
For everything, was what he almost uttered. However, Yulis ended up lowering his gaze while keeping his silence. Where would he start? All the arguments he memorized for the past week he was avoiding her were lost. He couldn't remember a single word now that she was in front of him.
"Did you miss me?" Silvia bit her inner lip as the space between her brows wrinkled. His silence felt like a hand gripping her heart.
"Yulis, do you really wish to not see me? Did you really want to end things just when they started?" she took a deep breath and loosened her tight fist. "You're not the first man who will break my heart. So… just be honest. Forget about the explanation.. Just tell me you don't want anything to do with me and I… will let you go."
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