Chapter 53 - You're Not Perfect, Mister Fabian Is.
"Do you love me, Sam?"
There was a moment of utter silence between us. I said it and also asked him.
I never denied him. It was my heart, which I denied for a very long time.
I didn't know when it started or how it began. What I knew was no one had made me felt like this aside from him.
That night he came into my life. I wouldn't deny he frightened me out of my wits. Neither I would deny his action brought suspicion in my heart.
However, as time goes by, I learned to appreciate his small act of kindness. I kept my promise that night; that night he captured someone else's heart and shattered it into smithereens.
That night he asked me to see him as a man; I never saw him otherwise since then. I merely pretended and tricked my thoughts, trying to avoid it.
But ever since that night, I had taken notice of his sweet gestures and reserved actions towards me. Everything etched in my mind that now it was all crowding my head.
This may not be the perfect time to confess. This may not be the same, just like those fairy tales I've read. Our story might not end with a happily ever after.
But… does it matter?
Sam had time; a very long time to live. As for me? My lifespan was uncertain.
I'm tired of restraining myself. Fighting my own feelings drained me. Now, everything I've bottled up overflowed; I couldn't stop.
I wanted him, nothing but him. Not for lust — whatever that was. But for love.
I never considered our kiss as lust. Even when my body said otherwise, I knew I wouldn't do it with someone else.
Everything I did until this point, it was all in the name of love. I had took a while, but now I realized I'm in love with him.
"Do I love you?" After a long time, Sam repeated the question.
I said nothing. My eyes held his gaze, unmoving.
If he said yes, then I trust him. If he was lying, I would still entrust my life to him. If it was a no, then…
That would hurt, I guess.
"Do you know why you're still alive now, having a conversation with me?" Instead of a direct answer, Sam asked with a faint sigh.
"I killed a few noble clans for the crime of taking human as slaves, having a farm of humans as their livestocks, and turning humans into abnormal monsters. Those things are normal in the capital; I was raised to overlook at those what they call irrelevant matters."
My brows furrowed. I never heard of those. Out of habit, I bit my inner lip lightly. Why was he telling me all these vile things his kind does?
"I watched you struggle to teach those kids in the field. Despite knowing you have limited knowledge, that didn't hinder you on educating them." Sam paused as he took a step forward.
He continued. "Noble ladies didn't have the privilege to do as they pleased. Even my sisters are meant to be political tools for the king to expand his power. They never had the privilege to ride a horse or dream of having a career."
"But you…" He trailed off as his hand slowly cupped my cheek. His eyes still burning with a touch of affection mixing within.
"I want to give you the freedom to choose. Alas, I'm a selfish man and limited that freedom from everything else aside from a man of your choice."
After tightening my jaw, I spoke. "And I chose you."
"I'm a hypocrite. A jester." He replied almost immediately.
"Then, I'm handing my heart to a jester."
I answered back, boldly. My hands balled into a fist, fighting his stubbornness with my stubbornness.
"Are you trying to sabotage yourself by saying this? You could have said you the feeling is not mutual, my lord."
I gulped down as my heart convulsed. I had been brazen. I might as well keep it till the end.
"No, no, Love." Sam shook his head lightly, letting out a sigh.
The next second, he slowly leaned his forehead with his eyes closed.
"I'm saying I'm not perfect." He breathed his words out heavily.
Upon hearing him remarked, the side of my lips subtly curled up.
"I never said you are; Mister Fabian is, though."
I said as I slowly closed my eyes. I reached for his hand that was cupping my cheek, leaning to it to feel his warmth.
"Fabian? Do you like him? Tell me so you can start mourning for him." He whispered.
I let out a brief chuckle. "I would never fall for a perfect man."
Again, silence enveloped us. Still, his presence had never felt so strong like now. After a long forever, he spoke.
"What if I'd end up hurting you?" He asked in a low tone.
"Then, I'd tell you." I whispered back as I slowly opened my eyes.
Simultaneously, Sam also opened his eyes. He drew back slightly. His eyes never left mine.
"Aren't you afraid these hands will push you to your death?"
Silly. What a silly question from someone who told me he would chop me up so he wouldn't worry about food.
"Bury me alongside my shack. Mourn for me for a year and carry on with your life. I'll be haunting you, so travel the world for me to see it." I smiled, hiding the urge to giggle at my last sentence.
"You claimed me that night as yours. My life and death are yours to keep. Yet, you let me see life differently." I took another deep breath, carefully standing on the tip of my toes.
"I'm aware my life and death were yours to keep. But, I entrust that to you. Can't you trust yourself?"
I leaned in, closing the gap between us.
"I don't, but I'll try." He whispered as I saw him lean down, welcoming my lips once again.
But before our lips could meet, I halted.
"But you haven't answered me. Do you love me?"
I didn't see it with my own eyes, but I felt him smirk.
"If I had to save between you and the entire world, I would choose you." He whispered back, his arms slowly wrapped around my slim waist.
"Yes, I love you from day one until the end of the world. Happy?"
A giggle slipped past my lips. "Scarcely."
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