Chapter 358 - To You, My Home.
There was a long period I just cried and broke down. All the emotions: rage, frustrations, pain, relief, disbelief, and just as many others, all came clouding my heart. The last time I broke down like this was the time I returned to Grimsbanne. I told myself back then it would never happen again.
But deep down, more than all those, I was relieved. Sam and I laid on the grass, staring at the clear sky I hadn't gazed at, and adored its beauty for a long time.
"So your reason you didn't tell me is...?"
"I was scared." His voice was deep, staring at the sky. "I trust you, but not the will of your blood.. The thought of losing you once the Will of the Bloodfang manifested in you terrifies me."
"It terrifies you because you don't know what is it?"
"They had promised that fucking Quentin marriage." Sam turned his head to me, and so did I. "I know the Bloodfang, and they always keep their words. I was terrified that once you know that, you will... leave me."
"You doubt me?"
Sam stared at me before setting his eyes back on the sky that was slowly painted in tangerine. He remained silent for a moment before he spoke once again.
"I doubted myself."
A bitter smile resurfaced on my lips. "You're not mistaken, though. There is this voice in my head that tells me Zero's importance. I mean, there's not just a single voice in my head, they're a lot."
"How are you fighting them?"
"I don't." A weak chortle slipped past my lips. "I just let them. At first, they drive me crazy. But now, I'm used to it. Not that the entire plan of my clan is bullshit — it just needs a few tweaks to work in my favor."
"It must be hard hearing unwanted voices in your head."
"It is, but I thank Stefan for that." I felt his gaze from my side, while I adored the beauty of the sunset sky. "If not for Stefan's meddling, I wouldn't be the dumb Lilou. He refrained me from using my head and common sense, and because of that, I learned to think through my heart,"
"Right... your brain is slightly used."
"That sounds like an insult." I turned my head to him, seeing him bit his lower lip to shut up. "Instead of following the voices stuck in my head, I listen to my heart."
"I don't have one, so I don't know."
"You always say that, and it's not really nice."
Sam frowned, and I furrowed my brows. Now that I thought about it, he had always mentioned not having a heart. I believed it was a metaphor, but did he mean it literally?
"You don't mean..." My eyes narrowed into slits, and Sam chuckled as he peeled his eyes away from me.
"It's more complicated than that. How the hell did you think Fabian and I got closed?" Sam cast me a knowing look. "He enjoys playing doctor, and his skills intrigued me. So we played as doctor and patient for quite some time and let him dissect me. I don't even know what else is missing."
For a moment, I lost my voice, as this sounded so strange. I guessed there was more history I hadn't heard about. How funny to know these things now.
"I guess there's more story I must hear about you, Rufus, and Fabian," I humored, making him nod.
"Those two are my brothers. I was born into the wrong family," Sam admitted, taking a deep breath. "Even so, I can't turn my back on my biological brothers. I hate them to the point I wanted to kill them, but I just... couldn't bring myself to."
"It was not your fault your relationship with your siblings turns out like this." I gazed at him, noticing the bitterness in the corner of his eyes.
"It is my fault, Lilou. Your pain and Stefan's pain... everyone's hardship is my fault because I was selfish. If I simply accept the throne and play king, this problem wouldn't get dragged until now. But I passed the burden and my brother had to carry its weight all alone."
"What happened to us eight months ago... I won't say it's not your fault. It's our fault, Sam." My voice was soft, smiling as I set my eyes back on the sky. "I can say the same about you and Stefan. You made a decision and Stefan also made his. This situation is simply the outcome of those decisions."
"We could've been great allies."
"I know. But going easy on him was simply an insult, Sam. I may sound like a devil saying this, but you always go easy for your brothers, to Klaus, to Hanz, to Stefan." I shrugged, thinking how Sam often let things slide, no matter what his sibling had done to him. "They don't see the goodwill behind that, though."
"Yes, you sound like a devil, indeed." He chuckled, keeping silent for a moment before he added, "But it's not goodwill, my wife. There's a reason I always let things slide. I'm strong, and proving it to everyone is an insult itself."
"What a brag." I humored, thinking Sam had never won in a battle throughout the entire story. "You always lose, so this might just be a cover for that. I'm starting to think you're not as strong as you claim you are."
"What do you mean, I always lose? I won your heart, just that made me the champion."
I chuckled, shaking my head lightly. "Whatever." We went silent after that, enjoying the silence and breeze.
"How clear," Sam muttered from my side, making me smile subtly. "The weather had been good; it's peaceful and relaxing."
"It is." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes just to feel the soft blows of the wind along with his soothing voice. Even his faint breathing reached my ear, calming my unstable heartbeats.
"I thought I like this place, but I was wrong." My eyes slowly opened up as he spoke. "I've been here for the past several days, and I realized it was not the place I like. It's you that I like."
I turned my head to him, only to see him staring at me. Our eyes glistened with relief as the corner of our lips curled up into a smile.
"I realized I will like any place as long as you're there." Sam rolled to his side, supporting his temple with his knuckle. His other hand poked the tip of my nose lightly.
"This is where I belong." I chuckled as he bent over, planting a brief kiss on my lips. "To you, my home."
"Welcome home." I smiled at him, staring into his eyes. "You're real, right?"
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