Chapter 341 - Pain, Pain, Go Away.***
[WARNING: MATURE CONTENT AHEAD. NOT ADVISABLE TO AGEs 17 AND BELOW. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.]
As soon as our lips met, I finally felt my heart... beat for the first time in eight months. The same heart that had died, frozen in time in his last moments. Should I be happy? Relieved? No. I knew this man I was kissing passionately was someone else.
However, I couldn't stop myself. The tenderness of his lips and how his firm arm gripped around my waist as he carried me to the bed just melted the ice around my heart. I missed him, and even those words were an understatement of how I longed for him..
'Just this moment... I want to believe he is Sam.' was the voice in my head said, feeling the soft mattress on my back. I opened my eyes, watching him draw away and his eyes hovered over me.
A subtle smile resurfaced on my lips, reaching for his face as I cupped the wound on his jaw. "You win... congratulations for breaking me, again."
A shallow breath slipped past his lips. Seeing pain flicker across his eyes made me wonder why he looked more hurt than I do? I'm unsure, but what I knew was that we're both in pain.
He leaned his cheek against my palm. "It's me, love... it's me," he repeated under his breath, and each time, they sounded more desperate and full of agony.
So my other hand reached and cupped his other cheek. I don't know what to say as I just stared at him.
"You said... you missed me," I whispered, smiling bitterly. "Do you know how much I missed you, too? For eight months, Sam, I was a walking corpse... and today, I died for the second time." Because he successfully deceived me, making me believe that the person I was staring at the moment was my husband.
It hurts, especially that I knew I was clinging to false hope. Despite knowing the consequences that might follow this night, I was willing to spend a night with Sam.
"Just one night with you... no, even just one second. I'm willing to spend just another second with my husband," I said, staring at him in desperation. "You can kill me after... just let me be with him for the last time."
"Love..." his voice shook as it cracked. "I will give you a lifetime with me, I promised."
He bent over, planting a kiss on my lips, and I smiled against his lips. A tear trickled down on my side as I closed my eyes. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling his weight on me.
'A lifetime... that's all I want and I'm aware I will never have it. But for tonight, I will believe those words. A lifetime. Yes, a lifetime with you is all I need.'
His fingertips stroke the side of my neck before his lips parted from mine, planting slow and ardent kisses on my jaw down to my neck. His hand started pulling the straps of my clothes, taking his precious time as if we have all the time in the world.
"Sam..." I moaned, my chest moving in and out heavily. I followed his lead and all I could remember was lying under him with all my clothes missing.
I stretched my arm to him, spreading it as I welcomed him into my embrace. "Come," I said, as he took off his undershirt and bent over to me.
"You are driving me crazy," his voice was low, snaking his arms around my waist as he tugged me down. "I've never felt so jealous, I can kill."
I giggled, stretching my neck as he placed soft kisses on my shoulder. "Why would you get jealous? I was a good wife."
"So good you're making out with your husband while thinking about your husband." He sucked air through his gritted teeth, frustrated at this situation.
I slapped his shoulder lightly, pushing his head away so I could see his face. "You are my husband," I affirmed with a nod.
"At least for tonight?"
His question brought this subtle smile to my lips. "For a lifetime. You said that, right?"
"A lifetime living under your dead husband's shadow..." He clenched his teeth, cocking his head from side to side in irritation. "... fuck!"
The more I talked to him, the more I believed he was truly Sam. Only Sam would be this ungrateful for receiving crumbs from others. He was selfish and greedy; a man who would have it all or not at all.
"Stop complaining, you." I chuckled, poking the apex of his nose with my finger. "Among all other men who..."
"Sam." I trailed off as he suddenly cut me off, making me raise my brows. "Don't think of other men aside from Samael, Lilou."
His voice volumed down as he bent down for a kiss, whispering, "Just me, Lilou," and continued to shower me with brief kisses across my face. "I'm already pissed enough to compete against myself, so don't speak another man's name."
A giggle slipped past my lips as he kissed my eye. He paused upon tasting the salty liquid that lingered around my eyes. Sam then drew his head back a little, his thumb wiping my tears.
"I'm sorry for making you cry." His eyes softened, warming up my heart and then he kissed my eye once again. "I'm sorry for putting you through all this, and even when I'm frustrated that you won't believe a word I say, I don't have the right to get mad."
"You know what to say, I might just forgive Sam because of you."
My response induced a bitter chuckle from him. "Your husband... he is the one who hurt you the most, didn't he?"
"Mhm." I cupped his jaw.
"You loved the wrong man. Have you ever thought it was a mistake to love him?"
His response made me chuckle as I shook my head. "It's never a mistake to have loved. His only sin is he died... right before my eyes." My eyes remained on him, smiling subtly. "You were my world and that day, my world crumble down."
The moment he died, my world shattered into a million pieces. I knew at that second I would never recover, and I was correct. Until now, it was still Sam and this world I lived in now was just simply grey. I've never seen the colors of this world ever since.
"Do you know what's more terrifying than death?" I queried, batting my eyes languidly. "For me, the scariest thing is living."
I looked at him straight in the eye only to repeat, "I'm more afraid of living than dying, Sam."
He was silent as his gaze seemed he could see my hollow soul. I couldn't make up for what he could be thinking right now, but it didn't matter.
"Where does it hurt?" he inquired after his long silence.
"Hmm?"
"Where does it hurt?" he repeated, not that I didn't hear him the first time.
I didn't know what to answer, so I just blurted out. "Everywhere," not that I was lying.
"Okay," he hummed, planting a kiss from my forehead and then across my face. His lips' last destination was my lips before going down to continue kissing my neck, shoulder blades, arms, and hand.
As he did so, he chanted repeatedly under his breath, "Pain, pain, go away."
I smiled as he shifted from my other hand, kissing his way up. "Pain, pain, go away..." and those words started to sound like a spell, clearing up the dark shroud around my heart.
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