Chapter 263 - Let's Run Away
While I waited for Sam, I decided to take a stroll in the third princes' garden. My eyes scanned the not-maintained garden. It was very unlike the Avolire Garden or the other gardens in the palace. This place looked more like a cemetery. We just needed more corpses to bury… wait.
Now that I thought about it, Fabian liked gardens, and every garden he had worked on was beautiful there was no doubt about it. But why hadn't he focused on this garden? I brood over it while rubbing my chin until an idea popped up in my head.
"Don't tell me… he didn't touch this garden to keep it pure?" By pure, what I meant was, Fabian had this habit of burying people alive. I cringed at the dark conclusion I came up in my head.
"I shouldn't concern myself with it that much." I shook my head to shrug off all the other thoughts crowding my head. There were too many important things to think about instead of these gardens.
My eyes fell on the spot where Sam and I lied down under the pouring rain. "Sam…"
That day, had it not been for him, I wouldn't be standing here calmly with a barely sane mind. A lot had happened, making me smile bitterly.
"Back in Cunningham, Sam and Rufus told me that this place will take away my smile." And I told them I would store the little innocence left in me for Sam. However, I was never innocent to begin with.
"The innocence we all knew… is superficial," I whispered as I stopped in the middle of the practically dead garden. Back then, to keep me from fooling around, Stefan had taken even my common sense.
He had robbed everything from me and yet… my desire to protect my husband exceeded my desire to settle scores with him. Not that I didn't trust Sam's capabilities, I just knew his enemies had come prepared. Sam had slept for centuries, and his enemies had taken advantage of it.
"If he hadn't fallen in love with me, he would be freed from this problem," I murmured as my eyes softened, gazing down and saw the image of the two of us lying in the pouring rain. "But alas… not only he had fallen in love with me, but he also married me, accepting everything that comes after."
Yes, Sam had accepted me. Despite my past, my roots, my flaws, the problems that would arise; he still wanted to build a future with me. So, how can I not love him?
'The secret engagement with Zero… the will of my clan, Yul, Lexx, what should I do with them?' I wondered, and gazed up at the clear night sky. 'I was certain I could do something about Zero, but until now, I hadn't seen the entire layout of my clan's plans and it scared me even more.'
I had this gut feeling that once I knew everything, somebody had to pay… that I also had a price to pay for it. Be it my humanity, or my emotions, or the people I had to sacrifice, just the thought of it was enough to shake me to my core.
"I feel suffocated… this palace, no, this kingdom is suffocating me." I held onto Lakresha tightly, hoping she would understand how heavy the weight my clan had put on my back. "I just want… to go back."
As that thought crossed me, I finally realized why I didn't hate Stefan just as much as I thought I would. By taking away my memories, my experience, my knowledge, and skills, my trauma, I got to live in the bliss of ignorance and met Sam. I got to enjoy my time in Grimsbanne and see things differently.
The peace… the smiles of the children… Old Olly's nagging… the kind servants in the Duke's Mansion… Rufus dragging Sam to work… Fabian teaching me all this strange stuff that only now I realized they were quite disturbing… those new memories I made kept shattering piece by piece in my time here.
I ground my teeth, making my jaw tightened as I balled my hands into a tight fist until my trimmed nails dug into my palm. "Ugh…" I pounded my fist against my temples lightly, trying to knock some senses into me.
"I had to…" I trailed off, stopping by my actions as two large hands grabbed my wrist.
"Don't hurt yourself," Sam's voice came from behind me, letting me go, and I immediately turned around.
"Sam!" A sigh of relief slipped past my lips as I leapt towards him, wrapping my arms around him, eyes closed. "You're here?"
"I told you I will find you." Sam stroked my back gently, resting his chin over my head.
A subtle smile resurfaced on my lips as I indulged in the little warmth of his body. My hand clutched his back, desperate to be held by him.
"First your thumb, and now your head. Which part of you do you plan to hurt next?" his tone was low but his concern was very distinct. "You're picking up bad habits. Not good."
"It didn't hurt, though."
"It doesn't hurt now, but it can in the future," Sam argued calmly, silencing me. "I won't let anyone hurt you, even if it's you, yourself. However, that is quite a hard task, you see."
"I won't do it again," came a tiny voice.
Sam let out a hum, still stroking my back. "Please. Seeing you like that drives me mad."
I pursed my lips into a thin line, placing my fist on his chest to push him away. But Sam pulled me closer and secured me in his embrace.
"Sam?"
"I'm angry, Lilou," He explained along with a sharp exhale. "I don't know if I can face you right now. Let's stay like this for a moment."
I bit my lip, recalling how sharp and bright his crimson eyes were earlier. I was excited to see him, that I ignored that little detail.
"Did that man earlier say something?" I asked, referring to Zero as Sam left with that damned king, but his answer was silence.
"Sam?" I called once again, but nothing.
We stayed like that for as long as I could remember until Sam finally broke his silence. "Lilou, my wife, should we just go back? To Grimsbanne, I mean, or maybe, somewhere far away."
"Huh?"
"Let's… run away."
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