Chapter 108 - Thank You
When the training ended, I couldn't even lift my arms. I just collapsed on the ground, not caring about the dust as I laid my back flat against it.
I thought I'd die today. No, I just cheated death today. I actually thought it's not just a training, but a torture.
After swinging the sword left and right, getting scolded by Rufus by holding it incorrectly, and Sam's interference whenever Rufus got close, I'm beat.
Yet, my heart felt full as I stared at the tangerine sky because of the sunset. How pretty and satisfying.
My body was exhausted and aching. But, I could not help but smile.
Today, I learned how to hold a sword properly. It was not much of an achievement, but it felt good.
It felt just as satisfying as fulfilling my curiosity. I'm happy to make such a decision.
Suddenly, something blocked my view. A towel landed on my face.
"Do you want me to carry you?"
It was Sam. I smiled behind the cloth covering my face.
Slowly, I pulled the towel down to my lips. "No. I want to see the sky a bit."
Sam smiled as he squatted down on my side. I shifted my gaze to the sky.
"I'm tired." I muttered, but the smile on my face remained.
"I know. Instead of rushing to my arms, you just laid here. I'm a bit… sad." Sam poked the tip of my nose lightly. He didn't mean it.
"I sent them away since I don't want them seeing you lying here."
I glanced at Sam. I believed him, but by now, I realized he had an ulterior motive. He often had other reasons aside from the good and rational ones; the primary one. It didn't matter, though.
"Say, Sam." As I returned my eyes back to the sky, the corner of my lips curled subtly. "Aren't mad at me?"
"Huh?"
"Because I didn't recognize it's not you when someone appeared wearing your face." Slowly, I raised my hand as its shadow shaded my face. My arms ached, but I want to see the clear sky before the sun set.
"I want to hear the truth, not just the mask that's hiding the face of the truth."
"Hmm…" Sam hummed a long tune.
Even before he could answer me with words, I already figured his answer. Sam was not perfect. He might not tell me, but I could tell.
"I'm disappointed, honestly."
A subtle smile resurfaced on my lips upon hearing his answer. I'd rather hear the truth than comforting lies.
It was ironic. But it felt more relieving to know that he was disappointed.
"Illusions are easy to break if you're aware it is one. But, since it's your first, I can't really blame you for it. I'm partially at fault too for leaving you behind." Sam clipped my finger with his and guided it down.
Instead, he used his other hand to shade my eyes. I shifted my gaze to him.
"Though, I hoped you saw the difference no matter how much we looked alike."
He added with a sigh. Staring at him from this angle, I'm relieved. The Sam that sunk his teeth into mine… they would never trick me again.
This Samael La Crox I'm with had emotions, and he was not afraid to show it. That impostor… he had none. He could imitate Sam's demeanor, manner of speaking, and all.
But he could never be Sam. I've learned my lesson in a hard way and I would never fall for the same trick again.
"I'm sorry for that." I expressed without looking away from him. "It might happen again, but I won't fall for it."
Sam smirked upon hearing my apologies. It's my first time apologizing to him after three days.
He never demanded for it. But, only now I had the courage to apologize just because I'm confident.
Lara had demanded me to give her my words, as if my life depended on it. Hence, only then I realized one must value their promises.
"That's a promise then." Sam's pinky finger hooked around mine gently.
"Mhm." I hummed, nodding at him.
We stayed like that until the breeze cooled down, and the sky was about to welcome the moon. I cocked head to Sam.
He had been squatting down on my side, just gazing at me. Even when I closed my eyes earlier, I could still feel his gaze.
"What?" I asked after a long time, curious about what he wanted to say.
Instead of answering immediately, Sam stroke me head.
"I'm just relieved, silly. Don't sound so annoyed." He chuckled in a low tone.
"Relieved? That I didn't die?" I humored.
"No." His tone gradually sounded solemn as the moon's rays revealed itself.
The whistle of the wind whispered in my ears. His crimson eyes glowing over me.
"I'm relieved that you're still smiling. That night, you didn't cry or tell me how it terrified you. You are just... angry. I was worried for the last three days because you barely smiled after that incident."
A sigh escaped his lips. His eyes softened bitterly as he stared at his thumb and finger playing with my hair.
"I was questioning myself if it was too selfish to keep you close or to even wish to have you? Was it right to bring you to the Capital despite knowing the dangers? We're just halfway through our journey, and yet, you're losing your smile. It pains me to see the gradual change."
My breath hitched upon hearing his thoughts for the past three days. He had been doing his best to cheer me up, but my reply were always short because I was eager to get strong.
"So, I'm relieved that you're smiling like this. Deciding to be get stronger already made you strong. And I'm proud that you're doing things the way you wanted to."
I bit my lower lip out of habit. That night, it filled me with rage and resolve I thought I could kill.
But now, talking to him like this, tears started falling from the corner of my eyes. The anger within me... it overwhelmed me I didn't admit how scared I was until now.
The source of the rage building in my heart remained unknown. It was slowly consuming me. I'm forgetting someone far more important.
My lips parted, but no words came out. I felt numb that night. My emotions kept slipping through my fingers.
I used the excuse of being stronger so I wouldn't be a burden to him. But there was always an underlying reason, and Sam saw through it.
Only he could see through me and get through me.
"Sam..." I chewed my lower lip, covering my eyes with my arm as tears kept falling from my eyes.
"It's alright." Sam cradled me in the safety of his arms. "Let it all out. No one will see you."
He whispered in my ears as I sobbed in his chest. I poured all my disappointments, my worries, my exhaustion, and how frightening it was. I let it all out of my chest. Crying like this in his arms... I felt a heavy burden weighing my shoulders down was finally lifted off.
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