Was she allowed to enjoy something so sweet?
As she pondered that question, the soulless eyes of the nephew and uncle turned away from her to resume replaying the moment they were eternally trapped in. The boy continued dancing and laughing, and the man went on smiling at his beloved nephew.
The longer she watched, she thought she imagined a third figure joining them--a woman with long black hair who joyfully danced with the boy.
"That's right," Kel whispered to herself.
Barclay's sister was Leif's mother but had died long before the other two. Now the both of them, boy and uncle, had gone to join her.
Uncle and nephew.
Mother and son.
Sister and brother.
A family happy to be reunited once more.
Or so Kel imagined.
The visions of ghosts dissipated as Calix walked through where they had been dancing, on his way back from gathering firewood.
"Will I be happy to be reunited with my family?" Kel wondered aloud, turning her gaze to the north, where the White Mountains lay somewhere beyond the horizon.
"Your family members are nothing but a bunch of strangers," Calix snorted, taking a seat next to her. "It will be no different than meeting anyone else."
"You don't think there will be some sort of.. connection?" Kel asked, feeling wistful after imagining her old friends living happily together.
"I don't believe blood relations mean a thing." Calix shook his head. "But you already know that."
"Hmm, is that so?" Kel mused, recalling the perfect incident to contradict Calix with.
"I know you saw your half-brother that day at the inn when we were traveling to Pandreia… and you let him go."
The Emperor flinched ever so slightly as she recounted the event.
"I.. once did something cruel to him," he said quietly, avoiding her accusation directly. "The kind of thing that can never be fixed."
Kel recalled the fights the two had engaged in, both with words and weapons. Additionally, Calix had tried to have Soren executed and destroyed his home.
If he wasn't talking about those instances, then what exactly could be his definition of 'cruel'?
The Emperor went on to describe a kind of experiment he secretly started in Subterra many years earlier. He had known it was dangerous, but he was willing to sacrifice anything for its success since it was necessary to help him seize the throne.
Because of that experiment, however, Soren's parents died horrific deaths.
The same parents that had raised Calix in Subterra for the first four years of his life. The very man who had fathered him and that man's beloved wife.
"I knew there was a chance it could happen," Calix sighed. "And I suppose that I felt the same thing when they died that they felt when they threw me away."
"What's that?" Kel gulped.
It was times like these when she could clearly see the tyrant hidden behind the Dragon Emperor's sweet kisses.
And it frightened her a little.
Calix turned to her, his eyes dull.
"Nothing," he answered. "I felt nothing."
"Ah.. t-that's understandable," Kel fumbled with her words. "I mean they did throw you away, as you sai-"
She halted, hoping she hadn't inadvertently struck a nerve with her rambling.
"I do feel guilty toward that kid, though."
Luckily, Calix hadn't even been paying much attention to her awkward response as he was lost in his own thoughts.
"I wonder-no, I know he would have turned out differently."
The Emperor clenched his fist as he spoke. It was the first time Kel had seen him express anything except disdain for his half-brother.
"Hey.." Kel scooted closer to the man, wrapping her hands around his tight fist. "I'm sure you only did what you had to, and in the end, that guy made his own choices."
Calix turned to look at her again, this time his eyes sharp.
"I feel worse about the fact that I don't regret what I did," he declared, "I would do it again even knowing those people would be killed."
Kel opened her mouth, but it had gone too dry to form a single word.
The Emperor's shoulders were hunched as if suddenly crushed by the weight of the heavy burdens he had been carrying around--like the burden of killing his own father and ruining his brother's life.
The burden of single-handedly ripping his biological family to pieces.
"And it's not because those experiments are what helped me take the throne.."
Calix ducked his head down and threw his arms around Kel, burying his face in her neck.
"It's because those experiments are what allowed me to save you when your powers nearly killed you."
They sat like that for several minutes, Kel bracing herself to keep from falling backward as Calix leaned all his weight against her.
Kel had many thoughts swirling around her mind, each one retreating before it reached her lips.
What could she possibly say to a man who carried such heavy burdens--who had committed such horrible deeds--but still, trembled as he embraced her.
She didn't understand-no, she could never even hope to understand.
The things Calix had been through, and the things he'd done.
The reason he chose to pour all of his love into her.
But, she did know one thing.
"I love you, Calix," she whispered. "Thank you for saving me."
That night, as they curled up under blankets, bodies pressed against each other for warmth, Kel pondered the things Calix had told her.
Perhaps, he too, was wondering if he deserved something so sweet.
When she thought about it from his perspective, the question was easily answered.
Of course, he deserved it.
So maybe, she could allow herself to believe she deserved it as well.
"I think it's time to let go," she whispered drowsily.
Calix grunted as if in agreement, that is, if he even heard her in the first place.
But somehow, it brought her enough comfort to finally close her eyes and allow sleep to overtake her.
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