Chapter 36: You Are the Only One I Want
Translator: Ruriko
Jingwen Zhang was too busy to stay any longer. To drink in the bar was only his excuse; all friends who were familiar with Zhang knew that he was busy arranging his wedding.
“When your ‘little spouse’ feels better, take him to hospital for a physical examination. He didn’t look well,” Jingwen Zhang said when he was about to leave, but something suddenly occurred to Zhang, so he asked, “What kind of medicine do you take recently? What’s in the glass bottles in your study?”
Wenxu Jiang had no idea, so he shook his head, “They are not mine. I will ask Zhishu when he wakes up.”
Jingwen Zhang wanted to add something, but he was interrupted by a phone call. Zhang waved at Jiang as he was answering the phone in an ingratiating voice, walking quickly towards the door and saying, “I am coming home right now…. I said I was going to Wenxu’s home…What did you say? You want to eat crabs? Live ones? You want to steam them in person? How can I get live ones in a winter midnight? …Hello, don’t be mad at me, my dear wife…”
Wenxu Jiang silently closed the door behind Zhang, feeling that his house was colder and more cheerless. Zhang was a playboy in the past, and he was always proud, egoistic and cynical, always laughing at those friends who got married one after another. No one expected that Zhang would one day fall in love with a girl and became so docile to her. Zhang even persuaded Wenxu Jiang to be serious for love and stop being a jerk.
Wenxu Jiang went back to the guest room and turned the air conditioner up. Half-kneeling by the bed, Jiang carefully tucked Zhishu He in again, affectionately looking at He who was sleeping with a few strands of unruly hair on the face, so Jiang reached out his hand to tuck them behind He’s ear. Amazingly, his heart was full of unspeakable feelings, namely love that Jiang was familiar with, uneasiness and fear. Wenxu Jiang neither expected that Zhishu had known his affairs, nor believed that he would call other’s name while hugging Zhishu when he was drunk. Jiang realized that he was such a cruel jerk. If Zhishu He was found to have a lover or two outside, Jiang was sure that he would not bear it and even might kill them. However, Zhishu He tolerated him and tolerated his affairs for so long.
“When I was drunk, I often called your name… Don’t make up a story to fool me just because you are angry…” Wenxu Jiang was tired from the whole day’s conflict, so he just lay down aside Zhishu He without taking off clothes. Jiang held Zhishu He into his arms tightly, murmuring in a half-asleep state, “I will break up with all of them… You are the only one I want…”
Zhishu He had no idea of what time it was when he woke up in the morning. The curtain was not fully drawn; through the window warm sunshine was spreading over the bed. Sitting up in the bed, Zhishu He squinted in the bright sunlight, feeling painful all over the body.
The door of the bedroom was closed but a gap was left. He was able to hear morning news broadcasting in the living room and smell the sweetness of millet congee from the kitchen. For a moment, Zhishu He was in a daze.
That was what Zhishu He had always expected: the weather was fine, not rainy or windy; the sunshine was warm; and the man he loved was gentle and kind enough to cook a meal for him.
The dark nights accounted for half of the year, and rainy days took up some time, so there were few sunny days in a year. Though the man he loved showed rare affection and tenderness, the harm he had suffered over the past couldn’t be undone once and for all.
As Zhishu He was thinking, he felt something furry touching his hands. He looked down and there were the four kittens running around him. They had really grown over these days.
It was the kittens that woke Wenxu Jiang up in the morning when Jiang felt something soft and warm. Wenxu Jiang thought it was Zhishu, tried to kiss He, but got a mouth of fur. Jiang suddenly woke in horror, breathless for a moment, as if he just escaped from a monster. Jiang was enraged by the sight of several downy creatures sleeping together with him. Without Zhishu, Jiang would have thrown them out of window from 11th floor. Wenxu Jiang kept calm for the sake of Zhishu He, moved over to kiss He on the face, and then got out of bed to prepare for the breakfast.
“Woke up? Why didn’t you call me?” Wenxu Jiang intended to wake He up, in case that He would sleep too long and feel more uncomfortable. However, Jiang, with a guilty conscience, was somehow timid to face Zhishu He at this point.
Zhishu He had a sore throat for speaking too much yesterday when he was hurt by Wenxu Jiang. He didn’t want to say a single word now.
“Are you still aching in the mouth?” Wenxu Jiang noticed his pain, so Jiang with a worried expression on the face hurried to his side, “Open your mouth, and let me have a check. Jingwen left you some medicine yesterday. Take some after the breakfast.”
Zhishu He couldn’t adjust himself to Jiang’s sudden attention, so he just shook his head. Last night, Jiang was like a despot raping him with no mercy, and now Jiang was like a different man, gentle and considerate. Zhishu He felt disappointed and tired of Jiang’s changeable manner.
“Still mad at me?” Wenxu Jiang reached out his hand to stroke He’s soft hair, then held He’s cheeks, and said in a soft voice, “Don’t be angry with me, ok? I was jealous, and I was afraid that you were fooled by others. I was just too worried about you when I saw you come back without the down jacket.”
Wenxu Jiang did intend to apologize for what he did last night. He sat beside Zhishu He after saying this, and even condescendingly reached out to stroke the kitten in Zhishu He’s arms.
Even though Zhishu He admired Jiang’s eloquence, He was still not moved by what Jiang just said, not in the least. What in hell would love become in this world if jealousy meant dictatorship and possessiveness, and concern meant rape? What Jiang could see in this winter was just a scarf taken to the home and a missing down jacket. Jiang didn’t notice that the man who loved him was becoming thinner and weaker, and the heart that cared about him was broken.
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