I wasn't always like this.
***
It would be fair to say that most of my life was guided by the joy of defeating someone who's good at what they do. It was fun to beat my dad at chess. It was fun to beat the fastest boy at school. It was fun to get the highest score in the class.
However, it was around this time that I realised something. Most of the people around me simply weren't driven by the same motivations. Eventually, there was no one who I felt could speak on equal terms with me.
Children naturally tend to avoid things that are hard for them. This was something that I noticed in the people around me. It was impossible to get them to actively engage with me in anything. They never put in the time, effort or dedication required to genuinely challenge me.
Still, I still got a little amount of joy from playing with them. But it always seemed like I was an adult, looking down at them, aimlessly explaining things to them over and over.
I would also talk with adults, but they would always look down on me. They would simply disregard me as 'cute' and leave it at that. No one ever bothered to have a genuine conversation with me. It was painful—like I was living in an echo chamber where no one could hear me.
I just wanted someone who understood me, someone who shared the thoughts I had, someone who could relate to me.
—That's all a child ever wants, isn't it?
It was a few months before the death of my parents when I first met an interesting person.
? ───────────────── ?
I looked down at the girl sitting on the couch in front of me, writing something on a piece of paper. From what I could tell, she was a few years older than me. I was planning on reading a book on that couch before she swiftly took the seat that I had wanted.
I guess I'll just find another.
"Hey, you."
Huh. I turned around upon hearing her voice.
"Do I know you?"
"You wanted to sit here, didn't you?"
"Well, I did want to sit there, but not so much anymore."
She laughed a little.
"Don't worry. You can sit next to me!"
"Eh..."
It was a bit awkward now that she offered so proactively.
I looked at her sheet of paper. Seeing it again, I noticed that she had been scribbling down a music score. It was upside down, but I could still envision it in my head.
It was bad.
"Your piece is bad."
"Huh?"
This time, she was the one taken aback.
"The melody is boring."
"W-what... wait, how do you know? Also, it's not bad!"
She scrambled, speed-reading through her piece.
"It's hard to tell when I don't have something to play it with, you know? The music store I usually go to was closed today! Anyways, you just have bad taste."
"I do not have bad taste!"
I snatched her sheet music out of her hand. In the process, she ended up tearing off the corner of the paper. I began reading her piece more carefully.
Suddenly, she got up.
Slap.
My cheek began to hurt.
"Don't just go around stealing other people's things!"
In the short period of time, upon reading it more closely, I realised that it wasn't as bad as I thought. Her handwriting was messy, which made it hard to read while it was upside-down. However, as I played the tune in my mind, it was actually quite nice.
She snatched her sheet music back from me.
I looked up at her.
"Sorry. I just wanted a closer look at it."
"Well, ask at least!"
...
"Anyways, it was actually pretty good."
It seemed she didn't hear me because she stormed off into the distance.
I realised that I hadn't made the best first impression. However, her name was on the sheet music, so I'd likely be able to talk to her again. Her name was Mizuhara Sayaka.
Seeing her music, I could tell that she was talented. More importantly, she acted differently from other children I had met.
In an ironic expression of fate, I ended up meeting her one more time.
...
***
...
I had been a part of the Ideal Human Project for several years at this point. The sound of people calling me the 'prodigy' of the project was beginning to feel dull in my ears. It was obvious that I'd be the best if I was the one who worked the most efficiently and effectively. This was a given—was it not?
It was ironic that the next time I met Sayaka was at the end of the Ideal Human Project. It was a comical repetition of history because, this time, I only made a worse impression.
Rushing into the facility, she was looking for Ayato, but all she could find was me.
The Incident that Ruined the Outcomes had just occurred.
I looked at her face. It was colder than before. All of the emotions that used to live there had completely disappeared, just like me. I gave her a little smile, but it didn't make her very happy.
"Where are all of the Outcomes?"
I looked up at her.
"They're gone now."
Suddenly, a spout of anger surged through her. She grabbed my shoulders, shaking my body.
"What do you mean they're gone...?!"
"They're gone."
Looking around, she saw the crying Tachibana Emi curled up in a ball, covering her eyes with her sleeves. Immediately, she rushed over to her, asking for details, trying to figure out what had happened. She was ignoring me, so I decided to make my way toward the main hall of the facility—that was where Ayato was.
...
Since Sayaka hates me so much, I guess she must've found out what part I had to play in the Incident that Ruined the Outcomes.
It was ironic.
I guess there was no fixing this relationship anymore.
I wonder, Sayaka, what will you do?
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