Chapter 86
By the time I had evacuated eight, no, nine people from the building, I looked at the clock. The hour hand was already half past one o’clock. It was already too late to go to the appointment ceremony. Even if I left now, I would be late.
At the time, I thought that nothing was more important than saving the remaining people in the building, and I decided that completely giving up on the appointment ceremony and rescuing the trapped people in the building was the right choice. With my movements that were fueled by my own sense of justice and compassion, I pierced through the flames and entered the building.
Inside, I found Jin-Seo.
I don't remember the exact situation at that time, but she seemed to be crying. She was either crying because she was sad, or she had breathed in too much smoke and had coughed too much. In any case, it was clear that tears were coming out of her eyes.
“...”
I laughed when I saw her cry. To be precise, laughter came out without me even realizing it.
Jin-Seo was the chairman's daughter. If I risked my life to save her, then I would be able to leave a favorable impression on Kim Chang-Won. Since my body was already completely battered, I figured that it would be better to push my body further and damage it even further so that I would be able to elicit more sympathy.
If I did that, then even if I was late for the appointment ceremony, they might take my circumstances into consideration and give me a chance. And even if I wasn't destined to be chosen as the Holy Name of Charity, perhaps through this incident, I might even be able to become the Holy Name of Charity...
It was because of these ridiculous thoughts that I laughed after seeing Jin-Seo.
"What are you doing? If you keep doing that, it'll get hot."
Jin-Seo poked me through the blanket. Just like when she grabbed my wrist earlier, she acted like a playful cat.
I only realized this just now, but it seems like I thought of her as a cat.
I didn’t save Jin-Seo because I wanted to. I saved her because of the regret and repentance that I felt for the deceased cat... To put it more plainly, I saved her as a substitute for the cat.
By saving Jin-Seo, I thought I would be able to forget about the cat that had died. The mixed emotions I felt when I saw Jin-Seo was nothing but guilt, and it was disgust aimed at myself for saving her as a means rather than out of purpose.
[I have never seen such a dimwit in my life,] Legba said within the darkness.
Jin-Seo continued to poke me from behind the blanket. The intensity of the pokes was increasing.
Legba continued, [If what you say is true, can we justify wrongdoings for the sake of a purpose?]
"..."
[Things like means or purpose, those things are not important. What’s important is whether the action was ultimately good or bad. If an act of good was committed as a means to achieve an objective, it doesn’t change the fact that a good deed is a good deed.]
However, was it truly right to label an act of good that was committed as a means to achieve an objective as a good deed? Was that still the case, even if the ultimate objective of the good deed was not for a morally good purpose? And if that was the case, did that mean those wrongdoings that were committed for the sake of a morally good purpose were good deeds?
[You are not a philosopher but the Cult Leader of a religion. The standards of good and evil are not determined by you,] Legba's tone was slightly agitated.
I quietly listened to Legba’s words while hiding within the blanket.
[Whether it is by means or by purpose, if it is considered morally right, then it is a good deed,] Legba concluded.
Even when his voice had completely left my mind, I was still staring into the darkness from under the blanket. I had no way of determining whether his words were true or just plausible sophistry.
If there was an absolute criterion for good and evil that was determined regardless of means or purpose, did that mean that even if you were only committing morally good acts in order to achieve an objective, you were ultimately committing morally good acts...?
My mind felt complicated. The more I tried to distinguish between things like means and purpose or good and evil, the more blurred the boundaries became. After thinking about it for a long time, it seemed like all these different concepts were fusing together into a single blob.
I stopped thinking and closed my eyes. Layers of darkness engulfed me.
"Hey," Jin-Seo called out to me and lifted the blanket.
Suddenly, light seeped through my eyelids.
“Ah, you’re still alive.”
“...Obviously.”
“It’s fine then,” she flatly said and then turned her head.
Then though she said that, she continued to glance at me from time to time. It seemed like she was gazing at me in order to constantly check whether I was dead or alive.
* * *
I spent the next day and the day after that lying in the hospital bed as a patient.
The meals were brought to me by the nurse, but they were extremely tasteless. It was like I was forcing the food down my throat in order to survive.
Besides eating and sleeping, I read books and watched TV. It was because I had lost my phone at the scene of the fire.
Through the news, I was able to see what was happening outside, and I studied by reading books or textbooks. Since I had missed school, it was clear that I was behind others, so I spent most of my free time studying.
"Cult Leader, how are you feeling?"
When I was trying to relieve my boredom by staring at the midday sun, Jin-Ah came to visit. She was holding a slice of cake in one hand. I usually didn’t like cake, but after only eating hospital food for a while, I started to long for the stimulating taste of cake.
"It’s not bad. Thanks to you, my body’s like this,” I said playfully while accepting the cake from Ji-Ah and placing it on the shelf.
However, Ji-Ah couldn't just listen as if it were a joke, and she lowered her head with a dark expression.
"I'm sorry. I should have died. I was scared at the time..."
"Huh? No, it was a joke. I was supposed to be the one to go from the beginning."
"Next time, I will die in place of the Cult Leader. Or at least die together."
"You’re saying some sinister things..."
She seemed to have said all that seriously, but the words simply went through one ear and out the other.
I didn't want someone else to die in my stead, and I intended to prevent such a situation from occurring.
Ji-Ah brought a bunch of other things besides the slice of cake, and it was snacks like fruits and chips.
"Why is your arm like that?" I asked Ji-Ah, who was cutting an apple. There was a wound on her arm. It seemed like a bruise.
"I got hurt when I fell while running away... Ah."
"Ah, you got hurt back then. Does it hurt at all?"
“...”
Instead of responding, Ji-Ah looked down with a dejected expression while peeling the fruit with the fruit knife. Her hand holding the knife was shaking.
“It would have been better if I died back then..."
"Ah, why do you keep saying stuff like that?"
"I am a disgrace to the Voodoo Cult..."
“Just stop it. Anyway, is Uncle not coming?"
I didn't want to hear any more of Ji-Ah's self-loathing comments, so I quickly changed the subject. Ji-Ah nodded her head while cutting an apple with her shaking hands.
"He said he's busy with an upcoming executive meeting and will come next time."
"Ah..."
The executive meeting. It was held around the end of April, July, and November every year. It was an event where the Voodoo Cult executives from each region would gather in one place to discuss various topics. Come to think of it, the meeting was approaching soon.
"Do you plan to participate in this meeting?"
Ji-Ah skillfully cut the apple into a rabbit and neatly placed it on a plate. While admiring her dexterity, I fell into deep thought.
“The Voodoo Cult leaders didn’t really like me that much.”
“That seemed to be the case from what I can remember.”
Ji-Ah slightly nodded.
It was because the Voodoo Cult executives believed that my abilities as the third-generation Cult Leader were insufficient compared to my father, the second-generation Cult Leader. Not only did they believe that my abilities were lacking, but they also believed that my mindset was lacking as well. Some people even strongly opposed me becoming the Cult Leader.
On my fifteenth birthday, when I was in my second year of middle school, I attended an executive meeting for the first time. It was then that I discovered the fact that most of the leaders disliked me, and since then, I never attended a high-ranking meeting again. It was because I was afraid of the gazes of the leaders who regarded me with disdain.
"Do you think I should go?" I asked Ji-Ah.
She looked intently at the neatly cut apple with satisfaction and then said, "The decision is up to the Cult Leader, but in my opinion, it would be better if you didn't go."
"Why?"
"I've heard that there are increasing voices of rebellion and impeachment centered around the Jeolla and Chungcheong Branches. To be honest, these are all unverified and disorderly rumors, but I believe it will be dangerous to face them at the moment."
“...Hmm.”
Rebellion and impeachment. Just listening to those frightening words made my hair stand on end. Perhaps in this meeting, the rebel forces might have intentions of killing me. If I considered my personal safety, it seemed like a better idea not to attend the meeting. But this was only the case if I only considered my ‘personal safety.’
"It's probably better to just go."
Nevertheless, I felt that it was better just to go. Ji-Ah widened her eyes as if she was surprised, and then she quickly returned to her usual expressionless face.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"It would be better to cut off the rebellion as soon as possible. If we just let it be, the forces could grow stronger."
"The executives might cast spells on the Cult Leader. They might even try to kill you."
"No way," I said and smiled at her.
"The executives’ spells are not a big deal... It probably won't work on me anyway. If it seems too dangerous, we can just disable them," I continued.
Even if the executives attempted a rebellion, it wouldn't matter. I was confident that I wouldn’t be affected by their spells, and I was confident I would be able to disable their spells before their spells could reach me. After the Ritual of Succession, I didn't know about much else, but at the very least, I was overflowing with confidence in my spells. The fact of the matter was that my spell-casting ability had improved enough to warrant this confidence.
“...That's true."
Ji-Ah nodded her head as if she agreed with me. After exchanging a few more words, Ji-Ah left the hospital room. The slice of cake and fruit she had brought were piled up on both sides of the bed. I didn't feel like eating the cake right this moment, so I put them in the refrigerator for now.
At around 5 o'clock in the afternoon, another visitor came.
"Sun-Woo, you, yooooou...!"
It was In-Ah. As soon as she saw me, she furrowed her brows and rushed toward me with a grumpy face. She had bought figs and grape juice as gifts, but ironically, they were things I didn't particularly like.
"If you were hospitalized, you could have at least called, y-you idiot!" In-Ah yelled at me without hesitation as soon as she put down the shopping bag filled with gifts. She didn't seem genuinely angry. It seemed like she was forcefully hiding her worry by pretending to be angry.
"I couldn't make a call because I lost my phone."
"You could have used a public phone... Ah, you can't get up. Anyway, then, y-you should have borrowed from a nurse!"
"What kind of unreasonable request is that..."
"It's not unreasonable. Hey, how come I can’t even make this sort of unreasonable request when I was this worried? Huh?”
In-Ah persisted like that for a while. It was hard to tell whether she was here to check up on me or whether she was here to vent her anger.
"So, is your body okay? Can you be discharged? What did the doctor say?" she asked without giving me a chance to answer.
Instead of answering, I handed her an apple. It was the apple that Ji-Ah had carved into a rabbit.
"—But why aren't you answering? Is your body okay?"
In-Ah looked at me while chewing on the crunchy apple. Her eyes were moist but not red. Her lips were pouting. It was her habit when she was annoyed or angry.
“I think I’m fine at the moment, but they told me it’s best for me to stay here and recover.” I smiled helplessly and delivered the exact words that the doctor had said to me.
"Is that true? You’re really okay, right? When are you being discharged?"
"Discharge will probably be in three... four days? They say I can be discharged soon because my body's strong."
"Strong, my ass. You’re always getting hurt and being hospitalized. You’re not strong at all. Your body’s made out of glass," In-Ah scolded me.
No matter how much I thought about it, my body was strong, but it was also true that I often got hurt and hospitalized, as she said.
"What happened to the appointment ceremony?"
I forced a bitter smile and quickly changed the subject. In-Ah was fiercely glaring at me, but her face slightly froze after hearing those words. She then pursed her lips for a long time as if she was hesitating to speak.
"Well, um..."
"Just tell me. It doesn't matter what happened."
"Ah, yeah. It got indefinitely postponed. I don't know why, but they just... said that that’s what happened."
Indefinite postponement. I couldn't understand what that meant. Looking at it positively, it could mean that the school was willing to wait for me until I was discharged. On the other hand, it could also mean that they were preparing for another re-election test in order to pick someone else.
"I guess that means that we still don’t know the results then."
"Yeah... Are you okay? You must have prepared really hard..."
I smiled faintly to indicate that I was okay.
Although I wanted to become the Holy Name of Charity, I didn’t particularly prepare for the exam that much. Even if Jun-Hyuk had been chosen instead of me, I would have accepted it calmly. Of course, I would have felt a little disappointed if that had happened though.
"But... where is Jun-Hyuk?"
At that moment, I realized that Jun-Hyuk was not here. I naturally thought that Jun-Hyuk and In-Ah would come together, but for some reason, only In-Ah came to visit.
In-Ah lowered her head with a noticeably darkened face.
"He's probably at the hospital. Maybe."
"Hospital? Why?"
"I was going to tell you, but... um..."
She remained silent with her mouth shut for a long time. The room was filled with silence. The evening twilight was softly shining into the room through the window.
"His mother's condition is a bit..." In-Ah barely managed to speak. Her voice cracked.
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