Chapter 154
"Yes, I'm sorry. Yes...."
As soon as the exam was over, I received a scolding after being called to the teacher's office. It was because I had shown a disrespectful attitude toward the proctor. I had no idea exactly what part of my attitude was disrespectful, but I apologized anyway. That way, I would be able to get out of this situation quickly. Perhaps thanks to my sincere apology, the proctor let me go without saying much. Just as the proctor was about to enter the teacher's office after he finished reprimanding me...
Bang!
Someone forcefully opened the door and bumped into me and the proctor's shoulder. The proctor scowled.
"Hey, you...!"
The proctor was about to get angry, but he fell silent after recognizing the student's face. The student who bumped into him was Yu-Hyun.
Yu-Hyun scanned the proctor's face from top to bottom with a stiff expression on his face and then bowed. Then he lifted his head and revealed a natural and charming smile. The change in expression was so perfect that it sent shivers down my spine.
"Ah, I'm sorry. I have a quick temper, you see."
“...I see," the proctor replied nervously before entering the teacher’s office.
Yu-Hyun shifted his gaze from the proctor back to me. His long, narrow eyes stared at me. Yu-Hyun had a talent for making people uncomfortable with just his gaze.
"Hey, long time no see. Why are you here?" Yu-Hyun said with an unpleasant smile.
Instead of responding, I asked, "Why are you coming out of the teacher's office?"
During the exam period, students were strictly prohibited from entering the teacher's office. This was to prevent various forms of academic misconduct, such as leaking exam papers or answer keys. However, despite that, Yu-Hyun was casually going in and out of the teacher's office.
“What do you call that thing that you use for marking... That black thing.”
“A pen?”
“Ah, yes. A sign pen! I came to return the sign pen that I borrowed from the teacher’s office since I forgot to bring mine,” Yu-Hyun explained confidently.
Entering the teacher’s office for a personal reason was already ridiculous, but what utterly dumbfounded me was the fact that the teachers had not bothered to scold him despite seeing him leave the office with their own eyes. On the other hand, I was scolded for the half-assed reason of having a so-called “disrespectful attitude.”
"Sigh."
I didn’t want to continue talking with Yu-Hyun, so I just gave him a vague response and decided to head back to the dormitory.
I didn’t like Yu-Hyun. I didn’t like Ha-Yeon either, but I disliked Yu-Hyun in a different way. When I talked to Ha-Yeon, I would subconsciously get angry, but when I talked to Yu-Hyun, I felt discomfort deep within my gut. Despite my efforts to avoid him, Yu-Hyun started following me. Soon, he started talking to me.
"Where are you going? The dormitory?" he asked.
Instead of responding, I nodded. Yu-Hyun continued speaking.
"You know that Min-Seo woke up, right?"
"Really?"
"Why is your reaction so half-hearted? You know that she almost died, right?"
Yu-Hyun brought up Min-Seo's story out of the blue. I heard that she almost died while trying to save Elder Gabriel. She just barely survived, but she ended up in a coma.
This was my first time hearing that she had regained consciousness. The reason why I wasn't surprised about whether Min-Seo regained consciousness or not was because it didn't matter to me.
In response to Yu-Hyun's words, I nodded and said, "I know."
"Oh, you know? But your reaction seems strangely tepid... Anyway, she was supposed to die back then," Yu-Hyun said as if he had wished for Min-Seo’s death.
I looked at Yu-Hyun's face and wondered if I had heard wrong. He was smiling. Whenever I saw his smile, I couldn’t help but think that it was unpleasant.
Yu-Hyun seemed to be aware of how I was gazing at him as he explained, "No, what I’m trying to say is that I saw her get hurt right in front of me, and it really seemed like she was going to die no matter what. But then she came back to life."
"So what’s your point?"
"Since you're the Holy Name of Charity... Hm, yes. You should have the Blessing of Superhuman Strength," Yu-Hyun muttered without acknowledging my words.
"Did you not receive a book when you were re-elected? The Pope's Spear, Blessing of Superhuman Strength. That’s the book’s title, right?"
"..."
"That’s correct, right? By the way, the book Min-Seo received is titled Pope's Shield, Blessing of Sacrifice. Isn't that interesting?"
I couldn't understand why Yu-Hyun was saying these things to me. I walked in silence. Yu-Hyun continued speaking.
"Charity and diligence represent the Pope's Spear. Kindness and patience represent the Pope's Shield. Temperance and chastity represent the right and left wings of the Pope, respectively. Humility represents the Pope's Eyes. Only I have been the Pope's Eyes though."
"..."
"Anyway, the received blessings are reclaimed right after graduation. If you graduate as one of the seven heavenly virtues, you will be eligible to apply for the position of the Pope's Guardians. The Pope's Guardians consist of a total of seven members named after charity, diligence, kindness—"
"Hey."
I interrupted Yu-Hyun's long-winded speech. If a student graduated from Florence Academy as one of the seven heavenly virtues, they could apply to join the Pope's Guardians. Each guardian received a blessing from the Pope corresponding to their holy name. For example, the Guardian of Charity received the Blessing of Superhuman Strength. The blessings that the student council members had were inferior versions of the guardians’ blessings. The Blessing of Superhuman Strength, which the Guardian of Charity possessed, was the real one, and the Blessing of Superhuman Strength that I possessed was just a split fragment from the real one.
The reason why they shared fragments of the blessings with the Florence Academy Student Council members was to help them get familiar with the blessings in advance since they had the potential to become guardians in the future. The level of authority that the guardians possessed was at the level of monsignor, which was equivalent to an elder. In certain situations, they possessed authority that was equal to or even exceeding that of a cardinal.
I already knew all of this. There was no need to hear all this again through Yu-Hyun's mouth.
"So what's your point?" I asked.
"Dude... why are you reacting so sharply?" Yu-Hyun asked back.
I blurted out the words I had been holding back. "Because you keep rambling on about pointless things. What's your point? Are you suggesting that we should feel privileged?"
Yu-Hyun scratched his cheek as if he was puzzled.
"Well... I'm not saying that you should feel privileged. What I’m actually trying to say is the opposite.”
"What are you talking about?"
"The name is strange, isn't it? The Pope's Spear, the Pope's Shield, Wings, Eyes. No matter how positively you interpret it, aren’t they ultimately just tools?"
Seeing that I didn’t respond, Yu-Hyun cleared his throat and continued, "Why do you think the Pope's Shield has the Blessing of Sacrifice?"
"I don't know."
"If you have the Blessing of Sacrifice, you won't die easily. You might fall into a coma, get a terminal illness, or become disabled, but you most likely won't die. It’s a great blessing if you want to use that person as a shield.”
"So you’re suggesting that they’re a human meat shield?"
"Yes, a human meat shield. The Blessing of Iron-will is also the Pope's Shield. Since I’ve said this much, you understand why they are the Pope’s Shield, right?”
Those who possessed the Blessing of Iron-will could take away pain from other people and transfer their pain to others. If Yu-Hyun's words were all true, then when the Pope suffered from illness or injury, all the pain would be endured by the one who possessed the Blessing of Iron-will: the Guardian of Patience.
When we arrived in front of the dormitory in Area C, Yu-Hyun asked, "Don't you think it's absurd? What do you think?"
It was absurd. It was inhumane, and above all, it was sacrilegious. If Yu-Hyun's words were true, then the doctrine and followers of the Romanican Church existed solely for the sake of the cult leader. Such religions were typically deemed as cults. However, I couldn't answer honestly.
"It's not absurd. If we can sacrifice ourselves for His Holiness, then that's a blessing. Isn't that why we are trying to become clergymen in the first place?"
"Haha. You're saying things you don't mean."
"...If you're going to talk nonsense, just leave."
After hearing my words, Yu-Hyun burst into laughter. The sound of his laughter was eerie and unpleasant. At least, that was how it felt to me. Yu-Hyun let out a deep sigh and stopped laughing. With a crooked smile on his face, he looked at me with his ice-cold eyes.
"Yeah, I’ve droned on about too many pointless things."
"..."
"Come to think of it, we're quite similar. We can't help but be similar. Don't you think so?"
I ignored Yu-Hyun's words and went into the dormitory. Yu-Hyun and I were not alike at all. Our appearance, personality, upbringing... There was not a single resemblance between us.
There was only one thing that could be similar. Yu-Hyun would become the Pope of the Romanican Church in the future, and I was the leader of the Voodoo Cult. We could be said to be similar in the sense that we would both be leading an entire religion.
But that was a bit of a stretch. Yu-Hyun didn't know that I was the Cult Leader of the Voodoo Cult, so he most likely didn’t mean that. Saying that we were similar was probably an attempt to create a sense of camaraderie with me. I didn't know why he was trying to get closer to me, but I decided not to worry about it.
I marked the Understanding the Holy Books exam that I took today. I got a perfect score. Now, all I had to do was study for the Romanican Sacred Science exam that I had to take tomorrow.
While studying, I realized something. When I felt sleepy, it was more effective to use an intoxication spell rather than stabbing my hand with my pen. It was really effective in waking me up. However, the drawback was that when the effects of the intoxication spell wore off, the sleepiness that had been postponed would come rushing back all at once.
Whenever that happened, I just had to use the intoxication spell again. Studying under the influence of Voodoo spells was enjoyable. Well, it was better just to believe that it was enjoyable.
***
I was taking the Romanican Sacred Science exam.
Once again, I finished all the questions in 35 minutes and tried to leave the exam room, but Legba stopped me.
[You got one wrong. Question 24 is not option 4, but option 1.]
I adjusted my posture and looked at question 24 again. It was a problem that I had been pondering for a while. I had known that either option 4 or option 1 was the correct answer, but I wasn’t sure exactly which one to choose. According to Legba, the correct answer was option 1, and it would be best to change my answer to option 1 if I wanted to get a perfect score.
"I would like to submit."
I submitted the answer sheet as is without making any changes. The reason I didn't follow Legba's words was purely due to stubbornness. I didn't want much help from Legba during this exam.
When I arrived at the dormitory, Legba sighed and said, [Have you entered the rebellious phase? You're deliberately refusing to listen to me. And it seems to be on purpose, too.]
"I could be correct."
I tried grading it. Option 1 was correct for question 24. Legba was correct, and I was wrong. I had gotten everything right besides question 24. It was not a perfect score, but it seemed like it would be enough to get first place.
I had no idea if I could beat Ha-Yeon or not. Since the test was already over, all I could do was pray for victory. Even if I regretted it now, nothing would change, nor was there anything to regret in the first place. I had worked hard enough. I did what I could.
...Did I really do everything that I could? Did I really work that hard? Was pulling off a few all-nighters really that great of an achievement?
I hadn’t been efficient. Throughout my studies, I got distracted and daydreamed. I wasted time on those distractions and daydreams, and as a result, my study time had been reduced. As a result of that, I failed to reach my study goals, and that was why I ended up pulling all-nighters.
It was a bit of a stretch to say that I had worked hard just because I pulled multiple all-nighters and carried books around all day. I didn’t deserve to say that I had put in plenty of effort or did what I could.
I had no idea what I wanted. Did I want to act like I was struggling just so that others would feel sympathy for me? Or did I want to hear meaningless words of comfort like, “You did your best?” Or did I just want to live an easy life while thoughtlessly relying on others?
Other people must have worked much harder than me. Everything I achieved was thanks to my innate talent, and everything I lost was all my fault. I wasn’t the only one putting effort in, and I wasn’t the only one struggling. I didn’t have the right to complain, nor did I have the time to complain.
"I guess I have to exercise."
[It would be better for you to take a break today.]
"Then should I read instead?"
[No, just rest. You don't need to do anything,] Legba said.
Legba strongly suggested that I rest for the day, but it didn’t seem like I would feel any better if I rested. I needed something else to immerse myself in. I didn’t want to study on the day that the exams ended.
In the first place, studying for exams was useless to me in the long run. Practicing Voodoo spells consumed too much stamina, and exercise was the same. I thought about reading, but I didn't have any books to read. I didn't want to go to the library to borrow a book. If I were in the underground chapel instead of the dormitory, I would have been able to grab ahold of Ji-Ah or Uncle and start a conversation with them. I couldn’t help but think that the dormitory was overly spacious.
[You’re emotions become unstable when you lack sleep. It seems like you need sleep right now,] Legba calmly suggested.
His voice was always calm.
"I don't think I can sleep."
[You don’t have anything else to do, do you?]
"I can't just lie in bed and do nothing, can I?"
[Sometimes, it's okay to do that. Right now, it’s okay for you to do so.]
I obeyed Legba's words and lay down on my bed. I could see the ceiling. It was high.
[Isn't it more comfortable now that you’re lying down?]
"I'm not sure..."
[Just believe that it’s comfortable. You’ll feel comfortable when you believe.]
I believed that I was comfortable. It did sort of feel like I was comfortable.
[You don't seem to be in a very good state.]
"..."
That was true. Lately, it felt like it was getting more difficult to control my emotions. I got angry in situations I could have easily laughed off in the past, and I laughed in situations where I wasn’t supposed to laugh. I felt anxious when I was doing nothing, and yet I still felt anxious even when I was doing something.
It was probably because I was afraid of the countless choices that lay ahead of me. But this was not some vague anxiety about an uncertain future. It was anxiety that I felt due to the life-threatening obstacles that clearly awaited me in the future.
Too many people around me were getting on my nerves. Jun-Hyuk and Joseph, Ha-Yeon and Yu-Hyun. And then there were people that I did not frequently encounter but would have to deal with in the future, like Sung Yu-Da and the Pope. Countless visible and invisible enemies surrounded me. When I immersed myself in something, I could momentarily forget about my anxiety. Still, once I stepped out of that immersion, the anxiety that I had forgotten would come rushing back.
“For the last three weeks, how many hours did I study per day?”
[Around fifteen hours a day. There were days when you studied even more.]
"If I studied for about seventeen hours, would the results have been better?"
[You would have damaged your body further.]
"Oh... that's a wise answer to a stupid question."
[So you knew that it was a stupid question. I’m proud of you,] Legba mocked. [Are you anxious and depressed? Or perhaps, do you want to die by any chance?]
"Well... I'm not really sure."
[Compare it to how you felt seven years ago. When you were at your most wretched state.]
"..."
The memories of when I first embraced dozens of Loa right after the Holy War ended were still hazy. I wasn’t sure whether the memories were refusing to stay in my brain or whether I was the one refusing the memories. Even the few remaining memories were utterly horrifying.
I spent countless days in a daze, neither sleeping nor awake. There were times when I lost consciousness due to the pain and would wake up and find myself covered in blood while leaning against the wall. Even when I covered my ears, I would still hear the voices of the Loa, so there were times when I would punch holes in my eardrums. At that time, I couldn’t rely on anyone. I had no family members besides my uncle, and my relationship with my uncle wasn’t great back then.
"I guess it really isn’t that big of a deal compared to back then."
I believed that there were two types of hardships. Some hardships could be overcome, and some hardships had to be endured. The hardships I encountered seven years ago were ones I had to endure. They were hardships that were impossible to overcome on my own, so back then, all I could do was close my eyes, plug my ears, and wait for everything to pass.
Now, I was faced with hardships that I could overcome. No matter what kind of hardships I would encounter in the future, compared to the hardships I faced back then, they were all possible to deal with.
[It is because you endured the hardships back then that you can now overcome today's hardships.]
"Legba... When you’re comforting someone, you’re never helpful, but when you’re helpful, you’re never comforting.”
[In the real world, I limp with my right foot, and at the Crossroads, I limp with my left foot. You could say that this is a similar principle.]
It was an obscure statement. Legba's words were not comforting when they were helpful, and they were not helpful when they were comforting. Today, he only spoke words that were helpful but not comforting. Of course, I preferred practical advice over perfunctory comfort.
[When are you going to reconcile with Granbwa?] Legba asked as if the thought had suddenly popped up in his mind.
"Ah, I forgot about that. Should I talk to Granbwa now?"
[I’m unsure if she will respond even if you call her. She seemed really upset this time.]
"No way... Surely, she will at least answer.”
The Loa all had different personalities. There were Loa with kind personalities, and there were Loa with evil personalities. There were also gentle Loa and aggressive Loa. And there were wise Loa and not-so-wise Loa. Granbwa was a Loa who was kind, gentle, and wise. No matter how upset she was, she would at least respond if I called her.
"Granbwa, let's talk."
I called Granbwa, but there was no response.
"Hello?"
I called her again, but there was still no response. There was only silence. Feeling a bit upset, I decided to call out to Granbwa one last time politely.
"Answer right now."
[...Answer right now? Are you crazy?]
"Oh."
I heard Granbwa’s familiar voice. It sounded like her voice had sharp and pointy thorns attached. From her tone, it seemed like she was really upset, just like Legba said. It didn’t seem like her mood would improve simply by offering her a sacrifice.
Granbwa's power was very useful. It was useful when fighting in natural terrain, and it was useful when I needed to scout using the vision of the plants. It was difficult for me to use at the moment, but I could overturn the landscape and create earth tsunamis if I mastered prayers and songs in the future. That was how versatile and strong her powers were. So, at the very least, I had to appease her for the sake of her power. There was a high possibility that she wouldn’t lend me her power or heed my prayers if she was upset.
“I was just kidding. It seems like you’re really angry?”
[Yes, I'm very angry. The fact that you’re asking that, even though you know that I’m really angry, is making me angrier.]
"I apologize. How about you calm down now?”
[I'm just getting angrier because your apology is insincere. You’re just apologizing because you need my power!]
This is why I disliked wise Loa. They were quick-witted, so it was difficult to appease them.
“I don’t need your power. I just wanted to apologize to you. Honestly, I feel so bad when I think about how your feelings were hurt that I find it difficult to swallow food.”
[Then I’ll accept your apology, but I won’t lend you my power.]
“No, what the heck is that?”
[Look. So it was all about obtaining my power all along...!] Granbwa said tremblingly. [As much as people disregard their own lives, they also disregard the lives of other things. Prophet, you are disregarding life.]
“What’s this lecture about disregarding life over killing a single tree...”
[Killing a single tree? Cancel that statement right now. Otherwise, I won’t lend you my power anymore. Forever.]
“I canceled it. I’m sorry.”
This was driving me crazy. This was why I disliked quick-witted Loa.
"But that tree was going to die anyway. Its roots were rotten, and if left alone, it would have suffered in pain and died. Sobo would also agree with my thoughts."
[Sobo, the wise Loa, will summarize what he means.]
At that moment, Sobo appeared.
[In my opinion, the Prophet's words are correct. If we left that tree as it was, it would have suffered in pain for the rest of its entire life without even being able to die. What do you call it? Ah, yes, we were doing something similar to euthanizing it.]
[You monsters...!]
"No, the euthanasia remark has nothing to do with me. Why am I a monster too?" I hastily tried to prove my innocence.
Sobo continued, [Granbwa, you are greatly mistaken. Plants are the most beautiful when they are burning! I just wanted to witness the tree's most beautiful moment.]
Granbwa's sobbing voice interrupted Sobo's words.
[Shut up...!]
After making fun of Granbwa, Sobo disappeared, leaving only the sound of Granbwa sobbing in my mind.
"...I apologize on Sobo's behalf."
[It's fine. The two of you get along very well. Just use Sobo’s power for the rest of your life. Lightning is cool, isn’t it? Plants aren’t cool, nor are they useful.]
“Ah, geez, why are you being so difficult...?”
Granbwa's feelings seemed to be irreversibly hurt. It felt like I could have reconciled with her if I had played my cards right, but with Sobo’s spontaneous appearance, the rift between us only deepened. It was a truly frustrating situation.
"Ah, let me just ask straightforwardly. What can I do to make you feel better?"
[I don’t think I will ever feel better. Is there really a need for you to make me feel better? Just let me be.]
"I will cherish plants from now on. I won't use Sobo's power in the presence of plants."
[You're just like Legba. You always talk the talk, but you never walk the walk.]
[Just why are you mentioning me all of a sudden? This is so unfair that it’s driving me insane.]
Instead of supporting me, Legba only focused on defending himself before disappearing once again. Neither Sobo nor Legba were of any help at all. I let out a deep sigh.
“What do you want me to do...? Do you have any faith in my words?”
[I’ll trust you if you grant me a favor.]
A favor. There was no reason to reject her favor. If it was for Granbwa, I was confident in fulfilling any favor within reason. Well, to be more precise, if it was for Granbwa’s power. I quietly waited for Granbwa to continue speaking and desperately hoped she wouldn’t ask for a difficult favor.
Granbwa said, [Please put in time and effort to grow a flower.]
This 𝓬ontent is taken from fre𝒆webnove(l).𝐜𝐨𝗺