899 He Will Go Crazy
Just imagining a life without Shen Hanxing made Ji Yan’s heartache as if he was being torn apart. A violent killing intent surged from the bottom of his heart. He wished he could destroy the entire world so no one could take her away from him. Perhaps that woman was right. He was a cold-blooded monster without a heart. He should not have appeared in this world, nor did he deserve to be loved.
Ji Yan held Shen Hanxing tightly, consumed by sorrow. For the first time, he realized that he was a coward. Instinctively, he avoided meeting Shen Hanxing’s gaze, afraid to see disgust and fear on her face. The mere thought of it drove him to the brink of madness.
Ji Yan was immersed in intense negative emotions. His eyes were bloodshot, and his aura became even more terrifying. His consciousness became paranoid, and his heart seemed tied with a heavy lead block as it fell heavily into the pitch-black endless abyss.
Just then, Shen Hanxing’s cool and gentle hand cupped Ji Yan’s face. The familiar touch caused the tensed-up Ji Yan to relax, yielding to the gentle pressure. However, he soon felt the body in his arms attempting to pull away as if wanting to leave his embrace and stand a bit farther away. Did Shen Hanxing want to distance herself from him? Did she want to leave him too? Ji Yan instinctively wanted to hold Shen Hanxing tightly, refusing to let her escape. But in the next moment, as his arm muscles tensed, he suddenly released his grip, dejectedly letting go, allowing her to slip out of his embrace. Ji Yan painfully realized that, compared to losing Shen Hanxing, he was more afraid of hurting her. He was afraid of seeing anger or rejection on her beautiful face that always carried a hint of a smile.
As the warm and soft body left, Ji Yan’s chest suddenly felt empty, and his heart also felt empty. He clenched his fists and lowered his head weakly. Shen Hanxing took a step back and looked at the man in front of her quietly. His head was lowered, revealing his thick hair. Even his hair seemed to be frustrated and dispirited. He looked like a big abandoned dog, curled up in a corner pitifully, licking his wounds alone. He was pitiful and lonely, making people’s hearts ache.
“Mr. Ji, you’re speaking nonsense.” Shen Hanxing cupped Ji Yan’s face, forcing him to look into her eyes. She said softly, “You are better than I imagined. In this world, no one can be better than you.” Even though he was in a difficult situation and had lost hope in this world, he still chose to pave the way for his younger siblings and let their future be smooth sailing. He looked so cold and indifferent, but he had a heart that was softer and gentler than anyone else. This kind of gentleness that seeped out from his bones made people feel even more moved and cherish him.
“I just feel sorry for you.” At first, Shen Hanxing knew that Ji Yan had died long ago in her previous life, but she was indifferent to it. His death in her previous life was irrelevant to her. But now, when she thought about how he had died so early in her previous life, she felt as if there was a blunt knife grinding on her heart. It caused a continuous and lingering pain, dull yet tugging at her heart.
Shen Hanxing grabbed Ji Yan’s hand and pressed it against her heart. She said softly, “Mr. Ji, it hurts here.”
Ji Yan’s pupils trembled as if he could not believe it. He showed a rare stunned expression and stared blankly at Shen Hanxing. Shen Hanxing’s eyes were clear and sincere, without any reluctance. She was not comforting him, but her heart ached for him. There was no trace of fear in her eyes as he had imagined. This realization made Ji Yan’s heart beat so fast that it felt like it was about to jump out of his throat.
“Madam.” Ji Yan choked on his sobs and quickly pulled Shen Hanxing into his arms again. He hugged her tightly as if he wanted to integrate her into his bones and blood and treasure her in his heart. Words could no longer express his excitement.
“I won’t do that again in the future.” Ji Yan’s voice was hoarse as he promised in a deep voice, “I will live well and be with you for a long time.” When he said this, a rich sweetness seemed to spread from the tip of his tongue, sweeter than honey. The thought of a future life with Shen Hanxing by his side made him feel that the world was beautiful, beyond description and imagination. Any future related to her became something worth looking forward to.
“Mr. Ji, you have to remember what you said.” Shen Hanxing laughed. Ji Yan’s hug was too tight, making her feel suffocated, but it was also very reassuring.
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