Chapter 110: Baron of Gadobhra
"What the hell is going on Billy? One minute you’re chortling like an infant about getting into the city, and then some maniac attacks and nearly kills us." Layla was following Billy as they ran deeper into the ruined city - she didn't even know what they were looking for.
"Oh, him? That was Leroy. If he was a bit slimier, ACME would have made him a Vice President. Here he was just a Fallen Angel and one of the nastiest guys in the world. Somehow our 'lowly workers' managed to convince him to break open the city. Don't ask me how, Ben even had me fooled, and I can't read Ozzy on my best day."
The pair moved further into the city. Billy had one of the claim flags corporations used when they wanted to signal to the system that they were officially claiming a resource. He wanted to get as close to the city as he could. At any moment he expected something horrible to try to kill them. His only plan was to plant the flag and then die.
From behind them came the sound of a massive explosion. The entire area was lit up. Both Billy and Layla were knocked to their knees as a wave of pressure hit them. "Well, whatever Ozzy did, he made the first explosion look like a firecracker. Holy shit, keep moving. We may not have a lot of time."
The light had revealed that they weren't alone. Huge dogs the size of small cars were pacing along with them. Turning, Layla saw several coming up behind them. They stayed mostly in the shadows, but she could see the red flame of their eyes, "I don't think you have to worry about where to go anymore. We're being herded."
"That's helpful. Anything that could kill us, and yet doesn't, can probably be reasoned with. Maybe."
The buildings to either side of them were made of the same stone as the buildings of Sedgewick. Many might have been three to five stories high, but it was hard to tell after so many years. Some were simply piles of rubble. Areas of forest were sandwiched between blocks of buildings. The trees were different from the surrounding forests. Mostly willow, cedar, and cypress, with the occasional towering black oak. Moss hung from all of them and vines grew along the branches.
A mile into the city the street opened up into a huge area devoid of buildings. Large flagstones paved the area. The surrounding buildings were more intact. Several other streets came into the huge square at the corners, and on the sides. Straight ahead an impossibly long set of stairs wound up a hill and ended at the gates of a massive castle. The castle was worn, but not broken. Ragged pennants from its towers and its window panes were mostly intact.
In the center of the huge square was a fountain. And in the fountain a large demonic figure squatted and brooded. Its head rested on its fists, elbows on its knees. Water poured from its mouth and ears into the slimy pool at its base.
"As good a spot as any," Billy found a crack in the stones and wedged the flagpole into it. "As a representative of the ACME corporation, I claim this city and the surrounding lands for ACME!"
There was a rumble of thunder overhead. A bell rang out. More lightning raced across the sky and struck the statue. Both ACME managers were knocked down again.
Layla and Billy got to their knees just as the statue stood up. It turned and spat a fish out of its mouth.
"Dammit all to the Nine Hells! I am never going to get that taste out of my mouth." Noticing the two humans in front of it, it pointed to the gates, "Beat it. How many times have I told you idiots I don't need worshippers."
Billy stood up and helped Layla to her feet. He looked up at the 15-foot-tall stone creature and decided it couldn't be worse than standing in front of Willy and the rest of the Board of Directors.
"No worship. Got it. Wasn't here for that. Nice to meet you by the way. I'm Billy Horvacs, Northern Regional Manager for ACME corporation. We're moving in. I'm claiming this area for ACME, but I'm sure there's some room to talk."
"Oh, interesting. So very interesting. I'm sensing that the Druid's annoying barrier is gone or destroyed. Was that your doing Billyhorvacs?"
"Yeah. It was. I've got good people working for me. The Druids are long gone. This place is pretty much just a huge pasture for misshapen cows out in the ass end of the world. It's a bit of a fixer-upper, but we can work with that."
"A fixer-upper indeed. I wouldn't mind seeing the city restored. Been boring lately. It's been...oh damn...I can't remember how long - too many years and too many pigeons. But tell me, Billyhorvacs, assuming I don't shred your bodies and souls in the next minute, what are your plans for my city? Will you send your minions into its dungeons looking for treasure only to find death? Will you use it as a base for your armies as you conquer the north? Or just sit and brood evilly as you perform indecent experiments on innocent wildlife?"
"Sorry, but none of those. You think too small."
"Oh really? Now I'm amused. Tell me how your plans will eclipse those who came before you?"
"I told you. I represent ACME. We don't think small. I'm going to wring every bit of money I can out of this city. I'm going to charge people money to enter your dungeons. If they bring out treasure, I'm taking my cut of it. I'm going to rent buildings out to other businesses, then tax those profits. And then I'm going to take over the world."
"Oh my, profit on both ends of your deals. I like it. But I'm hazy on how you take over the world. It's been tried before. So many armies lost. I still have little pins stuck in the maps where all the mass graves are."
"No armies. Armies cost money. Maybe a small group of trouble shooters and a couple of assassins, but you don't use armies to take over the world. You buy it. Conquer it with taxes and the tears of the competitors you drive to bankruptcy and then buy up their holdings. I'm going to build roads and shipyards and have the Emperor reward me. This world is ripe for the plucking. And it's all going to start here. You're lucky; you get to watch."
"So much ambition in such a little man. But what of this female? Is she an offering to me? Sorry, a bit on the thin side."
Layla crossed her arms and took a step forward, "Piss off and keep your hands to yourself. I'm Billy's assistant. Which means I'll do 80% of the work and get 20% of the credit while I sleep my way into his inner circle. Then I'll stab him in the back and you'll be dealing with me!"
"Such a little gem you are. Apologies for underestimating you. Please let me know when you plan to stab him so I can watch!"
" I was going to let the dogs chew on the two of you a bit, but what the hell? Let's give commerce a try! But you'll have to work for it. I'll give you the Grand Market here and let's say the area surrounding it two blocks deep. You'll only get a few nasty things prowling in the area on dark nights and rainy Tuesdays. Oh, and I suppose the road from the gates, you'll need that."
"The rest of the city you have to earn the hard way. Explore and die. Get killed by playful critters. Find and map out the dungeons. And we don't want to discourage you from sending thousands to their deaths, go ahead. Instead of a messy overflow I'll just power up a new dungeon or toss it to the rodent. I see that she has built her little fun palace below that village by my gates. Good for her. She's been busy lately."
"Remember though, actions have consequences. Don't come sniveling to me if you piss off the Butcher or forget to feed the Menagerie. And do send people to visit me in the castle. I really need to test all the traps and snares to make sure they are working."
"Oh, I guess we need to make this official," A needle of thin rock grew up in front of each of the two humans. "Put your hands on the pointy bits until you draw blood and then say...hmm, how did it go...oh hell, just say 'Open for Business.' That will do."
Billy and Layla shared a look, shrugged, and put their hands on the pointed rocks. "Open for Business." The statue moved faster than they could see and slammed its hands down on theirs, driving their palms onto the spikes and piecing its own stony hands. "By pain, greed, and blood, I give you control of my city. Have fun kids."
Billy and Layla fell back as the statue stepped back into the fountain and resume its original position. "And make sure someone keeps the pigeons off the damned statue!"
Billy stood up first. "Awesome. I've got a new class, Baron of Gadobhra. Vern can stuff his mail-order title where the sun doesn't shine. What did you get Layla?"
Layla was sitting on the ground, oblivious to the wound in her hand. "Undecided. I've got choices. But Succubus of Gadobhra looks pretty darn good."
=*=
To the gods, demi-gods, and assorted beings in Sedgewick, the first explosion had signaled something big was happening. The second rocked them back on their heels and not a few disappeared, not waiting to see what else happened. It was almost anti-climactic when Hades came walking down the road followed by several mortals and a very bedraggled Hermes. He'd shifted to his Thoth aspect to see if he could get rid of his blinding headache. It didn't help at all. Suzette was holding him on one side, and Rolly on the other.
Ma'at saw her husband staggering down the road and ran up to them, "What struck down my husband! Who did this?!" Hades smiled slightly, "No need for alarm. He simply protected his mortal follower from certain death. Twice actually. The second time he was way too close to the explosion. But rest assured those responsible are no longer living and I'll deal with them."
Hades addressed the crowd. "I'm sure you all want to know the story, and my, it really is a good one. But I need a few minutes with the judges and it would help if Mr. Coppertwist and Mr. Impkray were present. We'll be back momentarily."
The large pirate with two ravens in parrot disguises was unhappy, "Dammit, and what do we do until then. I'm curious and bored."
Several humans were working nearby to repair the only building standing. One of them with an axe in his belt approached the pirate. "We were all going to take a break. It's probably rough compared to what you're used to, but we've got a lot of beer downstairs."
"I've had their beer, it's good stuff," Themis walked towards the building.
"Sounds fine to me." The pirate and his parrots followed the general to have a few rounds of Blud Dark while they were waiting.
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