Chapter 186
TL: Zimmings
I got into the carriage to go to the mansion and clasped my hands together. No matter how much I touched my cold hands, the warmth did not return.
As the carriage drove, only one thought ran through my head.
‘What should I say?’
Will my dad and my brothers trust me? What do I have to explain to Lea, the servants, and my aunt?
‘I wonder if my family will suffer when they know I am the youngest child.’
I kept being anxious throughout my journey.
I don’t want to see my dad’s face become sad like it did when I revealed I was a regressor.
It was all because of me that the temple aimed at my mother and caused the wounds to my family.
As a result, my father lost his beloved wife, and since the position of the hostess was vacant, Henry could be abused, and Isaac grew up without my mother’s affection. Johann, too, could not even express his pain as he was desperately trying to help the family as an heir.
Lea lost her master and was unable to protect her one and only family. My aunt also lost her dearest friend.
‘Mom…’
My mom called me a strong child, but I’m not really strong at all.
I could never get rid of the guilt.
‘Can I tell my family?’
What if they hate me?
Even though I am happy with the reunion now, deep down in my heart, I was afraid they would blame me for mother’s death.
‘Why was I born as a child of evil God? Why was I born with the power that the temple was aiming for?’
I couldn’t forgive myself for being the beginning of all this.
In the midst of thinking so, the carriage pulled into the mansion. Shortly thereafter, it stopped. I took the coachman’s hand and got off the carriage.
“Lady?”
The chairman, who was leaving the courtyard, found me and narrowed his brow.
“What are you doing late at night?”
“Why is the chairman still in the mansion?”
“It’s the day of the meeting. In addition, I have things to discuss with His Excellency in regards to the selection process.”
“I see.”
The chairman looked at me intently.
He kept scrutinizing me and I felt like he would soon find out about what I’m feeling.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I took a step back and narrowed my eyes, the chairman said.
“It seems like you’re thinking of something else.”
“What?”
The chairman nodded lightly.
“Lady.”
“Yes.”
“Having lived for more than half a century, there are times when I cannot face a situation too.”
“…what?”
“People say when that happens, you blame yourself. It’s kind of a defense.”
“…….”
“For example if I catch a cold because I dress lightly. I would think that it’s my fault. But in fact, it isn’t necessarily my fault. Those kinds of things are out of control.”
“…Weird.”
I said while pouting.
“Why do you say that when you don’t even know what’s going on?”
“After a long time, I know your habits because of the trauma of an abuse. It’s blaming yourself.”
“…….”
“Chairman, you know a lot about things.”
I laughed in disappointment at my poor acting skills.
“What nonsense. I couldn’t know what you’re thinking about just by looking at your face.”
“I’m an old man who has lived for a long time. It’s accumulated experience.”
“…….”
“Blaming yourself is never a good habit.”
“…….”
“For example when you were swept away by a storm, why are you criticizing yourself when you can praise yourself for not collapsing? Why is a person generous to others so ambitious to themselves?”
I rolled my eyes.
‘I see. Am I too ambitious for myself?’
I thought so.
I only praised others, never praised myself.
Even though my life was twisted by the malice and desires of others, I always persevered.
So I found out who I am.
‘I’m amazing, me!’
I laughed as he stroked my head with the face of a kind old man.
‘I’ve worked hard.’
There were only ups and downs when I met a disaster when I was very young, at a time I couldn’t do anything. After such torture, I ended up making a good person like the chairman on my side.
‘The reward is great.’
I felt at ease.
“Soon, I have a story to tell.”
“I’ll wait.”
“Yes.”
I clenched my fists and entered the mansion. It was past ten, but the lights were still on in the mansion.
As I entered the courtyard, servants passing by with laundry and papers approached me with their eyes wide open.
The butler, who was guarding the courtyard, also asked with a puzzled expression.
“Lady.”
“Where are Dad and brothers?”
“They are in the library.”
I nodded and headed to the library.
Upon entering the door, Dad, Henry, and Isaac, who were talking, stood up.
Isaac asked with a frown.
“What’s the matter? Huh, who bothered you? Are you okay?”
Isaac turned me around and checked my condition. Henry also looked at my expression.
“Candidates and recommenders can’t come out without permission, so how did you come out?”
“The emperor helped me. He must have thought it was because of Cecilia.”
I was looking at my father while I was talking with my brothers. My dad only watched me.
‘How could my mother say she had no regrets?’
Was it possible to confidently say that she has no regrets over having such a lovely family?
“Dad, I…”
I tried to think that it was okay, that it would be okay, and it wasn’t my fault, but as soon as I opened my mouth, my voice trembled.
Isaac and Henry looked at me worriedly.
“I have… I found a devil’s passage in the Imperial Palace. So I went to the past, and…”
Then.
Thud-!!
The door opened and Johann strode in with a hardened face.
“Brother?”
“Why are you back so early?”
Just as Isaac and Henry were asking, Johann hugged me tightly.
“Brother…?”
“…….”
“What’s going on?”
His body trembled.
“Sorry.”
“…….”
“I’m sorry.”
I looked at my father who had his eyes widened because of Johann, who is constantly apologizing.
When he saw Johann, my father’s expression changed very slowly. His expression changed as if he realized something very slowly.
‘Ah…’
I could tell without them saying it.
None of us spoke as we had no choice but to understand the meaning of Johann’s apology and why my father’s expression had fallen.
Johann lightly touched my cheek with a trembling hand.
“Thank you for staying safe and coming to our side.”
Tears kept pouring out.
Even though my eyes were full of tears, I could see my mother’s smile that resembled Johann.
[Child.]
It was as if I heard my mother’s voice from somewhere.
I usually thought that I was a very talkative person. After going through many things, I learned how to survive by speaking, so I thought I would be able to speak well at any moment.
But in reality, I could not.
On such a happy day, I could not say anything but cry.
Johann smiled as he saw me weeping.
“When you were born, there was something I really wanted to say.”
Tears welled up in Johann’s eyes and fell down his cheeks.
“Nice to meet you.”
“…….”
“I’ve been waiting for the day to meet you.”
“…….”
“My younger sister.”
Silence fell in the study room.
Isaac and Henry were frozen, and Dad looked at me with his stiff body, as if he was rooted in the ground. Johann took something out of his arms and handed it to my father.
“Confirmation is complete. The day Leblaine was placed in front of the nursery was January 7th. On the day of mother’s disappearance, the temple coins were placed inside the blanket.”
“…….”
“It’s her, dad.”
Dad covered his eyes with one hand.
Seeing something I had never seen before, I couldn’t help but cry, as Isaac’s and Henry’s eyes became more and more red.
“Don’t be silly. It can’t be. How can the kid, how…”
The moment Isaac muttered in a confused voice. Dad who lowered his head muttered,
“Lisette.”
A wind blew through the open window. The curtains fluttered, and the picture frame on the study table fell over. A picture of my smiling mother caught my eye. I suddenly heard my mother’s face in my head.
[Look at that. You will absolutely be happy.]
I jumped into my dad’s arms and he hugged me.
The only thing we could do after overcoming hardship and being reunited was to embrace each other without a break, but it was okay.
Our tears were all talking.
Thank you for waiting.
I was reunited with my family in my fourth life.
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