EIGHTY-SEVEN: Incautious Caring
87
Boe Lupescu sat on the floor in a bedroom on Anesidora, staring out the window toward the ocean.
Through his interface there was a live feed of his apartment in Chicago, provided by the hidden nanny cams hed installed. The images alternated between living room and kitchen. His parents werent there right now.
It was a good sign at this time of day. They didnt have friends or hobbies, so they could only be at their latest jobs. Neither of them had gotten fired or just stopped going in.
Its either a miracle or
In the kitchen, dirty dishes filled the sink and the breakfast table, and a jug of milk had been left out to spoil on the stove. But it was only a few days worth of dishes. Only one milk jug.
The woman Boe had paid in cash to keep the place above the biohazard level while he was away was supposed to come once a week. She was obviously doing it, or it would be worse.
The smoke alarm was lying on the counter. It must have started beeping and bothered them.
I should have checked the batteries.
He swiped the scene away and looked out at the Pacific. It was a cloudless day, and the small dark waves stretched on and on. A helicopter was visible in the distance.
Im not supposed to be here.
There were things he did not deserve that he allowed himself to have anyway. Anesidora wasnt one of them.
I cant be here. If Im not a ticking bomb anymore, I have to go back home.
He selfishly wished that someone would come and arrest him. If it happened in the right way, if he wasnt accused of anything too serious, it would be such a relief. To have what he wanted anyway forced on him, through no fault of his own. He would feel guilty, but hed be able to justify it to himself eventually.
Hed definitely be outlawed from returning home. And with summonses being extremely unlikely, he would just live here. He would start over. Alden worried about people hating Boe for his powers, but he didnt care so much about that himself. It would be unenjoyable, but he would endure it for a while.
Until hed made enough money to buy a shitty boat. And then hed live on his shitty boat, just far enough offshore that he only had himself to deal with.
Hed attend college online. Hed get way too many degrees, enjoy the amenities on the island whenever he wanted, help Alden figure out
I think he has a lot more to figure out than he used to.
Hey. What did you do to my friend? he whispered to the System.
The System didn't answer because the answer didnt benefit it. Or it was forbidden.
That storm of emotion yesterdaynot the second one that Boe had only witnessed instead of experiencing himself. The first one. The strange, sudden one right after theyd been reunited. So strong it broke through Peace of Mind and the relief and happiness Alden had been feeling.
It wasnt panic. Panic was shallower.
Dread.
What was that?
More importantly why was it? Boe had thought back over the whole conversation so many times in the night. The dread had come when he mentioned the fact that the System offered U-types additional assistance with their affixation. That didnt make sense.
I sparked a barely related memory from the moon situation maybe?
Feelings werent as easy to follow as he imagined thoughts must be. Someone saw a cute puppy and they felt joy. Someone else saw the same puppy, and they grieved. Maybe for one theyd lost. Or for a dozen other reasons that Boe preferred not to care about.
He strictly limited the number of people he cared about.
Incautious caring was dangerous.
[I made it to class on time. The second and third years are really passionate about this domestic violence/terrorist problem. The girl next to me is snapping ink pens in half every time someone argues against rescuing the kids. I hope she brought plenty of spares.]
Boe stared at the words in a state close to wonder. Last night, hed set messages from Alden to come straight through, no notification required. His friend could text him. Because he wasnt dead.
Just this once, the universe had been uncharacteristically generous.
[The pen snapper is some kind of Brute. Do you think you could take her in a fight??]
Hes lonely.
Boe doubted Alden had even realized it yet. He was trying to deal by keeping himself busy. He was so hung up on what hed lost, and so worryingly agonized about who he was supposed to be now in the aftermath of that losshe had always demanded such impossible things from himself. Loneliness was probably way down on his list of concerns.
But it was still there. He hadnt had time to form any real connections in this place. Casual acquaintances couldnt replace friends and family overnight, no matter how hard Anesidora tried to make it happen.
[I assume you mean a physical fight,] Boe texted back. [Probably not. Punching a hole in Jeremys wall was my maximum effort.]
[Disappointing.]
[Im more durable than I am strong. Systems choice. Not mine.]
A brief pause.
[What kind of stats will you choose when you level? Youll probably level pretty fast if you have to keep that shield up all the time just to be comfortable, right?]
Boe closed his eyes.
Give me a way to tell him the whole story without screwing myself over, he muttered. Or Im just going to do it anyway and make me and you both unhappy.
The System didnt answer.
It hadnt answered the request no matter how many different ways Boe had asked last night. He was sure there was logic to its behavior, but it was a logic that was beyond human understanding. Most of the time he didnt mind. Other times, he wanted to smash its non-existent face with a bat.
[Yeah. I do use that skill constantly when its up,] he texted. [Thats one thing. And the fact that its a dynamic skill is another. Working on figuring it out will level me faster.]
[Dynamic how?]
[Developable. Flexible functions. Ive been trying to learn how to filter out specific emotions through it instead of using it as a universal block. Its slow going, but Im making progress.]
[Cool! :)]
Boe stared at the smiley.
Cool! Smiley face. Good job developing your horror show of a power, Boe. Cool! Smiley face. Im okay with it. Im still your friend. Im not scared of you.
He meant it, too.
And because he meant it, Boe had to live up to it.
Hed really wanted to feel Aldens emotions a few times last night. To check on him. To make sure he was real and okay. Being an adult about it instead of a needy, sneaky brat was hard.
Even now his inner weasel was coming up with ways for it to be all right.
For example, if Boe just happened to overuse the barrier now so that hed be too magically fatigued to help himself when Alden made it back later
He scowled at his own thoughts and dropped the skill. He let Aldens neighbors buffet him. Some people would probably consider this immoral, too, but Boe personally didnt.
If it was bad, it ought to be more fun.
Instead, it was often like having one total stranger sit on your chest whispering terrors in your ear, while another handed you a teddybear and a third shoved twenty different flavors of ice cream down your throat simultaneously even though you were too full to eat them. And while all of that went on you were also all afraid of something environmental, like an earthquake. Or a swarm of wasps.
He was familiar with it, but he didnt think it was possible to be used to it.
Right now, someone had just had their feelings hurt. Someone was guilty. Someone was excited.
In general, everyone was more relaxed than they had been last night. People tended to have a better handle on themselves in the mornings. So it was a good time for him to have the barrier down.
He didnt know who these other teenagers were. Experience told him that he couldnt even guess their genders with much more than fifty percent accuracy. He was just with them all, though he didnt want to be.
[Are you going to sleep now? Should I stop texting you?] Alden asked.
[No. Ill sleep when a few more people have cleared out of the building. Whats up?]
[Literally a person. An Adjuster just levitated someone to make a pointIm still not sure what the point is, but people are floating now and Instructor Marion seems to think thats more acceptable than personal insults, so I guess were going with it.]
Boe smiled. [Send me a picture.]
********
In Conversation IV, they were supposed to be talking about the show with Artonan farmers whod fought over the doomed mole cricket. This exercise was majorly impeded by the fact that almost nobody in the class had the vocabulary they needed to talk about farms or poaching. And a few people hadnt bothered to watch the video.
The students had complained, but Instructor Rao wouldnt hear a word against the assignment. So Aldens ears were being assaulted by sentences that had him on the edge of both laughter and despair.
The worker man number one and the worker man number two love animals a lot.
I love animals a lot like the worker man.
The pretty woman who killed the Trenxop beetle was a murderer.
Its a story about freedom.
Its a story about food.
The kill-kill woman was probably starving.
Its a sad story.
Its very sad.
Its funny, Lute Velra said in Artonan. He was sitting on his learning cushion across from Alden, wearing a graphic print spiderweb sweatshirt so long it reached his knees. His eyepatch was still present, but there was no fake blood oozing from it today. I dont know why its funny, but Im sure the Artonans think its funny.
Its a comedy, Alden confirmed. I think it might be building to a romance between the farmers and the poacher, too, but Ill have to watch more episodes to be sure.
Given the shows tone, it probably wasnt going to be a serious romance. Artonans had so many permutations of relationship, and Alden was sure he hadnt even heard of some of them yet. The Primary and Alis-arths massive shared household was a bit of a mystery to him still, and since Stuart hadnt brought it up, he hadnt wanted to ask.
But the farmer/farmer/poacher combo was likely. By modern Artonan standards, three was the least intimidating option. They could devote just one half of their divided consciousness to each partner, instead of their full attention, so it was likepartial intimacy and lower pressure?
Talk slower, Lute reminded him.
Sorry. He repeated the words more slowly.
You not should being in this class, said Lute.
Should not be, Alden corrected. Theres a level six course offered this term, but they wouldnt put me in it. I asked.
Probably the instructor wouldnt say yes. Some of the Artonan culture and language instructors have those works because they He switched to English again. How do you say get off on fantasizing that the ritualized classroom garbage actually makes them important?
That isnt something I would say. Unless I was trying to offend nine out of ten people on the Triplanets.
Youre calm. And they were back to Artonan now. Lutes tone was disappointed. You would being more fun if not so calm.
Alden untangled that. I think you mean boring not calm.
Youre boring, Lute agreed. I will show you the eye grandmother ate if you teach me bad words in Artonan!
Alden tried not to picture Aulia Velra eating an eyeball. Thats not necessary. And I dont actually know a lot of adult curse words.
Boring. Lute picked at the edge of the learning cushion with his index finger. How do I say I want to feed myself?
Feed yourself? You mean eating? Alden pointed at his mouth. Or are you thinking of another word?
I want to feed myself, Lute said in English. How do I say that in Artonan?
Maybe he was on-topic now and thinking about the poacher from the video?
You said it correctly, Alden said in Artonan. I want to feed myself is good.
Lute shook his head. No. Like he leaned forward. He was still speaking English. If I really needed the aliens to listen to me. Is there a special way or aa formal way of telling someone that you really want to feed yourself?
If this was a joke, then it was one too obscure for Alden to grasp. And the Velra boy looked serious.
Okay then.
You can raise the pitch of your voice when you say it. Alden switched languages, too, since he wasnt sure he had all the words for this explanation in Artonan anyway. For emphasis. If you make a request once and someone ignores you and you go higher the second time, it comes across as insistent, but in a politer way than shouting?
How high? Lute demanded.
Not very. Theyre pretty sensitive to tone. Anything thats recognizably above normal for you should be fine. I guess you might have to do it more than once if its someone who assumes it was an accident?
I want to feed myself, Lute said in Artonan. Then, slightly higher, I want to feed myself.
Alden was so confused.
That should do it? he said. Unless theyve got bad manners. And if thats something you have to insist on in the first place they might. Why is this something you need to know?
Lute ignored the question and leaned back on his cushion again. You can see my terrible eye, he said. Reward! Look. See.
He lifted the patch.
For half a second, Alden thought the other boy really had been messing with him this whole time. He had some barely visible scarring below his bottom eyelid, and the eye itself looked almost exactly like its gray neighbor.
Oh, its not quite the same though.
The prosthetic looks really good. Why do you keep it covered?
It does look great, Lute agreed, re-positioning the patch. The ocularist did an amazing job. But people still stare at it like its a hypnotists pocket watch. Especially here where plenty of Avowed are walking around with enhanced visual acuity. Even if I eventually get an electronic one that tracks with my real eye better, its not going to be perfect. And since I plan to have the System upgrade my own vision when I get the chance, itll be even more obnoxious to constantly notice them all noticing. Its less annoying to me if they stare at a big obvious eye patch than at the thing thats supposedto be subtle.
Alden wanted to ask what had really happened and if some kind of magical prosthetic that could actually allow Lute to see wasnt a possibility. He refrained.
They spent the rest of the period with Lute struggling through a summary of the video.
He seems to be trying hard. His pronunciation is so perfect. And it should be, considering his class. But if he cares about learning Artonanwhy didnt he do it before now?
Back home you had to search out teachers. Anesidora was different. Artonan wasnt the most popular second language choice, but lessons in it were ubiquitous.
As he left class, Alden texted Boe.
[Lute Velra is really missing an eye,] he reported while he took one of his sneakers from its cubby in the hallway and balanced on one foot to put it back on. [Also, hes got strange concerns about Artonans not letting him feed himself. If thats something from an obscure Triplanets subculture, I have no clue about it, and Im glad I dont.]
Hey, by the way
Alden looked down to see Lute kneeling by a bottom cubby. The blond boy was sniffing a black loafer.
Did Lexi Roberts tell you he was inviting the school pariah to be your roommate, or did he not explain?
Alden froze with one foot still lifted and stared at him. He said it would be me, Haoyu, and some guy fromyoure the guy from Arts?
Aldens housing form was still listed as pending. Hed assumed it was a normal delay, but maybe they were waiting on the fourth roommate to be assigned?
Yeah, thats what I thought. Lute finally put his shoe on and started sniffing the other one. That guy isnt much of acommunicator. I actually thought we werent friends anymore. Because we havent spoken in around a year. But apparently we still are?
No, thought Alden. No way. I dont want to live with a Velra even if he is number two on my Velra ranking list. The list is a list of people to be cautious around. Everyone on the list is a non-roommate.
So, do you mind? Ive been wanting to move back on campus, but I didnt want a repeat of the whole Oh god not him, thing I got last time I tried.
I amtexting you, said Alden. Hold on.
Why?
Because Boes paranoia was rubbing off.
[I have no problem with being your roommate except for the fact that Im trying to avoid your grandmother.]
Lute blinked up at him. You and everyone else with common sense. Its not like Im going to invite her to sleep over.
[I understand. But wont she think us being roommates means shes right about]
Alden didnt know how to put it, but Lute just kept waiting, with a neutral expression, for him to spit it out.
[She thinks the Gloss bringing Chainer to Hazel through me means Im important somehow. To your family. According to Keiko and Aimi. I want her to forget about that.]
Lutes lips stretched into a wicked smile. Aww he said. Youre so innocent. I feel bad for you.
He set his loafer down and started air typing with one hand.
[Aulia will never forget. You gave her most favoritest pet project Chainer. You got summoned to LeafSong, died, then rose from the grave months later. Your goose isnt just cooked, its charcoal.]
[You just know off the top of your head where I was summoned?] Alden wished texting offered more in terms of tone so that he could express how unhappy that made him.
[She mentioned it in passing during a meeting when she was telling certain family members her plans for popping the Gloss debt. Ive heard some of the old people say the name of the school on occasion, so it stuck out.]
My point, the Velra boy continued, is that youve already jumped in the ocean. Or been dumped there. Id apologize, but one of my new policies is never to say sorry for things I didnt do. You cant avoid getting wet at this point.
[I want them to leave me alone.]
Me too. [Is Aulia actually bothering you right now? Or are you just worried about her doing it in the future?]
[She sends me emails offering to help me with things and inviting me to events.]
[You ignore them?]
[I politely reject them.]
Lute frowned down at the floor. [Guess you dont need money or favors. That limits her options for befriending you. If she invites you to something that doesnt sound completely disgusting, you should just go and get it over with.]
No. Why?
[You dont have anything to offer that she actually wants at the moment, right?]
[I dont think so?]
[Then shell be satisfied if you just make it obvious youre not avoiding her. She can only actively torment so many people at once, and shes already stabbing everyone she can with her pitchfork. Dont run away, and she wont feel the urge to chase you and put you in hell with her favorite pincushions.]
What is wrong with your family? Alden whispered.
Ha! Dont ask me. Im just trying to survive them. Lute sniffed the loafer one last time and stuck it on his foot. But if thats how you feel, Ill tell Lexi not to bother. It would almost be a point of pride for me to earn a few more jabs of the fork for associating with you. Im going for a family record, see? Guess theres no reason to spread the misery around though.
Alden finished tying his own shoe while he thought about it. He absolutely hated the idea that he was choosing his high school roommates based on nerves about an old politician hed never met pestering him in the future.
I lived with tiny demons flying through the walls for months. Why the heck should Aulia Velra be a factor in my current living arrangements?
It was giving the specter of her more power over him than she actually had. Wasnt it? It was also just wrong to avoid someone solely because of their relatives.
You should room with us, he said. At least Ive actually spoken to you. I havent even properly met Lexi and Haoyu. Unless you count Lexi almost cutting me in half with a whip as a normal getting-to-know-you activity.
Normal for certain kinds of Avowed maybe. How did you end up with them?
I dont know anyone else either. They seemed like the least crazy options out of the remaining people in my incoming class.
I guess you wouldnt know anyone since you came from the real world. Lute stood and hefted his backpack onto his shoulders. America. Chicago. They make some of the best harps on the planet there.
Alden was surprised by the description. They do?
Yes. Was it great living there?
I like it a lot. Alden started down the hall toward the stairs.
Lute followed after him. Have you ever been to Austria?
Uhno. I wasnt rich enough to travel around like that.
I got to go once. Before I affixed. To Vienna. I wanted to move there.
They reached the door to the stairwell, and Alden held it open for a group of students.
> one of them muttered as he swept past Lute.
Lute stared straight at the wall like he hadnt heard him.
Alden looked after the group. A couple were glancing back over their shoulders to stare at Lute in a way that was definitely unfriendly.
Did you call yourself the school pariah? Alden asked when the others were out of earshot.
You did notice that the whole conversation class sits eight feet away from me like I have some rare incurable disease, didnt you?
Is it just your family?
Lutes gray eye met his. Under normal circumstances, I dont think most people our age would care. Tons of students have important relatives around here. But the Gloss was major, memorable magic that Aulia had only used twice before now as far as anyone knows. And Im considered an accomplice.
Was he an accomplice? From what Alden knew, Aulia had somehow applied the high-powered chain to and maybe through all of the family members to make it stronger or more effective. Had they had to consent to that or was it just something she could do?
You havent heard any gossip about it yet? Lute asked.
Just newspaper headlines. Not school gossip. Its only my second day on campus.
Well Im in high school, so its the high school gossip I get to enjoy. Not the political stuff. And the high school gossip is that every good thing that has ever happened to me was caused by me using my evil Chainer powers, and every bad thing that happens to me from here on out is proof that Ive been using my evil Chainer powers even more.
That would really suck. For every accomplishment to be attributed to luck. And every misfortune to be something people thought you deserved.
I dont even know any powerful luck chains, Lute said. He pointed at his eye. And if I did, theyre way too expensive.
Your class is extremely odd, Alden said. Sorry people blame you for your familys decisions.
You have no idea truly, the family advertising about how the class works is beyond misleading. Lute headed into the stairwell. And the hatred isnt completely unfair, I guess. Ultimately, I did agree to be part of the Velra cabal. But I didnt realize I was signing up to have a once-in-a-generation chain tied around my neck right off the bat.
He headed down the steps, his fingers trailing along the handrail.
Maybe its getting better. His voice echoed off the block walls. Ive got roommates now, apparently. And its been an entire month since somebody pissed in my shoes.
*
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