EIGHTY-THREE: You A**hole
83
Alden breathed a huge sigh of relief when conversation class was over. Lute had refused to talk about the weather and had insisted on playing, Guess how I lost my eye?
It was a game that was not improved by Aldens embarrassment over assuming the eye patch was a costume, nor by Lutes limited Artonan vocabulary.
Do you think my eye is juice like wevvi fruit? Do you think grandma takes it and eats it?
Something is wrong with all the Velras, Alden said as he took the stairs down to the ground floor.
By the end of the period, Lute had been in hysterics, and Alden wasnt even sure the Velra boy had lost his eye. Hed lied about his own name after all.
But he couldnt accuse him of having a twisted sense of humor because what if he was wrong? Again.
Was it the blowback from the gloss?
Lute hadbeen worried at Hannahs funeral that he was going to lose his fingers. Had he lost an eye instead?
He was mad at his grandmother for sure. Even madder than before.
And if the whole thing wasnt just some sick joke, thenyeah. Who could blame him? Aulia lost a council seat, and Lute lost an eyeball?
Alden had frantically tried to look up whether or not human Healers could regrow eyes while Lute joked around. They couldnt. They could fix injuries, but not serious destruction. So it was possible
Youd think the Velras could get an Artonan to grow him a new one. Maybe theyre not as well connected as people think? Or Aulias well connected, but she doesnt share those connections with every family member?
Cant Lute get a bionic?
Alden comforted himself with a peanut butter mousse cup Natalie had made while he took a walk around campus. Konstantin had sent him his official invitation to a party on Friday. Alden was supposed to bring his favorite mocktail ingredients.
He turned toward Celena Circle. The high schools main green space wasnt crowded, but there were a few groups of friends enjoying lunch together on the lawn.
Call Boe.
He swallowed another mouthful of peanut butter before he made his decision about the days conversation topic.
So Ive told you good things about Anesidora and bad things about Anesidora, but today let me tell you something thats just funny. They take mocktails really seriously. And they think thats normal. Like we have coffee shops where nobody bats an eye if you order something with eight ingredients and a specific kind of foam? Theyre the same way about mocktails. Someone asked me what kind of cherries I wanted to garnish my glass the other day, and there were three different choices. Its hilarious. But I could get used to it.
He scraped his spoon against the sides of his mousse container, and when it was insufficient to the job, he gave up and licked it.
I really enjoyed sharing my magic food with Jeremy, he said. And you didnt get any. Because youre a terrible person who ran away from home, and you refuse to answer your phone. Ive left you more than sixty messages. Yes. Im counting.
Im scared for you, jerk. If youre not careful, youre going to get downgraded from best friend to slightly less best friend. Be warned.
In other news, I met another Velra today. This one was nuts, too, but he didnt use his powers to blow a wordchain I was saving for myself. So I think that puts him at number two on my personal Velra ranking list.
I hope youre safe. Im going toto
The insulated metal cup Natalie had packed the mousse in fell from his hand. It clanged as it bounced against the sidewalk, but the loud noise didnt even register. The words scrolling across the bottom of Aldens interface stole every last speck of his attention:
[voice call connected]
Say something. Keep him here.
Boe? Boe, if thats you, please dont hang up. I
Alden, youre alive? Boes voice was a whisper. Are you reallyare you okay?
Alden was so excited, he shouted out loud. Am I okay?! Boe, where have you been? Where are you now?!
ImumI think that Im Boe sounded frazzled. He took several deep breaths.
Are you all right? Alden demanded.
Yeah, Im fine, Boe said. Youre alive. Anddo you have an apartment on Anesidora now? Is that right?
Have you really not been getting my messages?!
No. I havent. I wasare you somewhere private?
Im standing in the middle of campus.
Youre in school? On Anesidora?
Holy crap, he really hasnt gotten a single one.
Yes. Its my lunch break. Who cares? Can you tell me where you are?
Letsokay, Anesidoralets not talk while youre out in public. Go back to your apartment. Call me from there.
Stay on the phone with me! Alden commanded. He was already sprinting toward the nearest bus stop. Dont hang up.
Youre really all right? Boe asked. He was still taking such deep breaths that Alden could hear them. Where were you? Did you get hurt? What happ?
Im fine. Im completely and totally healthy and fine and good. Ive been home for two months. Well, not home. But here on the island, and oh my god, the timer for this bus says its going to be fifteen minutes. Im going to run to another stop. Dont hang up.
how long will it be until you get to your place from wherever you are?
An hour. Maybe a little more if traffics bad. I can find another quiet spot to talk.
Boe didnt say anything for a second, and it was only the call connected notice that kept Alden from panicking and thinking he was gone.
Are you all right, Boe?
Well, Im a lot fucking better now that youre not gone, said Boe. Im sorry, though. I do need to hang up on you
No! Why would you?
I need to collect myself.
Collect yourself while I listen! Alden didnt care how weird that sounded in the heat of the moment.
No, Boe said. Sorry. I need the hour. It would be better if I had even longer than that, so dont break your neck trying to get to your apartment. I was so shocked when I saw your nameI answered before Id even thought it through.
Dont hang up on me! Please! Boe, just mute me or something!
His friend laughed shakily. You made me think you were dead for half a year, you dick. I think you can give me two months and an hour.
The call disconnected.
********
******
Contract Park Middle School
Chicago, Illinois
five years ago
*******
*********
Middle school was going to be different for him.
Aunt Connie had said so, but she didnt have a great track record on the advice front. Counselor DavisCall Me Maggie!had said so, but she was part of the reason elementary school had ended on a sour note. Even Coach Randall had said so, but he had also said he couldnt let Alden play in many games because he sometimes showed up late for practices.
When he didnt know Alden was listening, hed told the assistant coach that it was because the other kids parents always came on game day. And it was a shame if they didnt get to see their children play.
So baseball was out. And counselors who came into the school during the last half of fifth grade and then babied you were even more out.
Everyone had only just started to forget that Alden was the one who got all the careful treatment in third grade. Theyd only just stopped being afraid of the weird, scary kid he sometimes was in fourth. But fifth grade had been going well. The teacher hadnt forced a single heartfelt talk on him, and she hadnt told anyone to be careful of what they said around him.
Then Call Me Maggie had to arrive and be conspicuous about the fact that she considered him to be one of her special students. She was so proud of his good grades! Go Alden!
Like she had anything to do with any of it. The old counselor had been helpful and professional. Shes supposed to be a guidance counselor. Not a therapist. But she just breezed in and acted like she knew all about me, and
No. He wasnt going to get mad about it again. He wasnt going to stew over it. Not any of it. He wasnt someone who did that anymore.
Middle school was going to be different. Because he wanted it to be.
And Hannah Elber had said she was confident in Aldens ability to make it different.
His phone was full of pictures from his day trips to Anesidora that summer. He had been invited to the island by a real superhero. That wasnt something many people could say.
And shed had him back a second time. She had even let him try on her motorcycle jacket.
It didnt give him powers. But she was cool.
Sixth grade was his for the taking. He had a new sky blue backpack hed picked out with Connie during a last minute school supply shopping mission. And he hadnt spent a single night recently thinking about those pictures of Body Drainers bodynever, ever think about those againor staring at message boards and hating people like wakeuptheresbacon for badmouthing his parents.
His tinnitus even kind of went with the music he was listening to on his headphones as he slipped into his new classroom and looked around for a good seat.
I can make it different. I can make myself different. I can be better.
He was going to start by making a friend in homeroom.
He decided right away that the left side of the classroom wouldnt work. Terry Millikan was over there with one of his friends. Nothing was wrong with Terry, exactly, but Terry had come over to Aldens house once last year and then called his mom to pick him up early because there was a roach trap in the kitchen and a single beer in the back of the fridge. Terry thoughtAlden wasnt sure what he thought.
It wasnt like Alden was allowed to drink the beer. It was just sitting there in the fridge not bothering anybody. And the roach trap was there so that roaches wouldnt bother anyone either.
The classroom wasnt full yet. There were a few girls on the other side of the room and a boy in the back corner.
Thats a really ugly scarf, Alden thought as he examined the lumpy woolen object and its owner.
Maybe he had tried to knit it himself? Did people their age knit?
Alden could be friends with a knitter.
He took the desk next to him. He spent a long time pretending to organize the supplies in his backpack, hoping his new friend would introduce himself first because then it would be easier. When it didnt happen, he took a deep breath, and
F-fuck off, the boy said under his breath.
Alden blinked.
I dont want to talk to you, the boy said.
I havent even said anything yet! Alden protested.
Keep it that way, d-dickhead.
He whispered the word dickhead, too. It was like he wanted to swear like a grown up, but he was embarrassed to be doing it at the same time.
Change of plans, thought Alden. The knitter has issues. I need a different desk.
He picked his backpack up againonly to realize an unfortunate thing had happened while he was hoping that the other boy would start the conversation for him. Almost all of the seats in the room had been taken. The only ones left were over by Terrys group.
Alden hovered over the desk indecisively.
This wasnt going at all like hed hoped. The scarf boy was hostile. He wasnt great at being hostile, but he was obviously trying hard to be mean and that wasnt normal.
Terry Millikan though
Hed been polite when he said he had to call his mom and leave. But something about it had made Alden feel bad about himself, his aunt, and their house.
The knitter swearing at me just makes me feel like the knitter has his own troubles. Not like hes judging me.
That was preferable. He sat back down.
Hi! Im Alden.
I dont care.
Whats your name?
I said I dont want to talk to you. I dont want to talk to anyone. Youyou a-assho
Its asshole, said Alden. Connie and her friends swore a lot. It wasnt something he usually did because it upset a lot of people when an eleven-year-old swore, and he tried hard not to upset people. Youre trying to call me an asshole. You asshole.
He smiled.
The other boy looked surprisingly horrified, considering hed started this whole thing. He turned around in his seat and stared at the board. He seemed to be attempting to retract his head into the folds of his scarf to hide himself from Alden.
Alden felt pretty sorry for him. Clearly whatever impression hed been attempting to make had gone awry.
Scarf kid whipped back around and glared at him, nostrils flaring. I dont want you to pity me, he spat. I dont need you. Go sit with those other assholes you keep staring at.
Now it was Aldens turn to be surprised. If hed made that face and spoken in that voice when he was trying to run Alden off the first time, instead of whispering dickhead like hed only just learned the word from a dictionary, Alden would have fled.
So he does have a really scary setting? And a fake scary setting. Hes strange.
Isnt your scarf hot? Its summer.
Dont make fun of me!
Im not. Did you knit it yourself? Its neat if you did.
Go away.
You go away.
I have to sit in the corner seat. I ran here just to take it.
Elementary School Alden had liked corner seats, too. Maybe Middle School Alden, who was going to be different, should try the middle of the room. Surrounded by people.
I like it here. Im Alden. WaitI already said that, didnt I? He set his backpack down. I wont bother you anymore. We can both sit here and not talk. Thats fine with me. We change classes in sixth grade anyway, so you can sit wherever you like for the others.
The boy pressed his lips together and said nothing.
When the teacher called roll, Alden found out his name was Boe Lupescu. They all stood up to say something about themselves, and Alden said he might like to be a superhero if he could one day. Hed decided this summer. After visiting Hannah.
A few people laughed. It turned out they were supposed to be too old for that this year. You couldnt just dream of being chosen by the System anymore.
But everyone was saying stuff like that before summer break
Fifth grade and sixth grademiles apart after all. He suddenly felt like hed missed out on something by having mixed feelings on the topic of superheroes in the years since the disaster. He wouldnt say it aloud in class again.
When Boe stood up, he said his last name was Romanian, then he sat back down. Two seconds and done.
Someone laughed at him, too.
Alden felt sorry for him again and tried to catch his eye. But Boe refused to look at him.
Its all right, he thought. Ill make other friends.
And that was how the school year began.
By the end of the first week, Boe Lupescu had developed a real knack for alienating people. He didnt even use swear words to do it after his misfire with Alden. He ignored classmates when they tried to talk to him. He answered robotically when he had to. Then, if anyone dared to keep bothering him, his mouth started spraying acid.
Their classmates began to avoid him. Then they talked to other people, who avoided him, too. Boe was rapidly becoming one of those kids everyone knew it was okay to hate.
The weirdo with the bad temper. Nobody likes him, so its fine not to be nice to him. Its normal not to be nice to him.
This was a problem. Alden had to start avoiding Boe, too, or he wouldnt be able to make friends.
But
Why dont you just go hang out with them? Boe slammed a locker so hard it made Alden jump. He pointed down the hall to where some of their classmates were standing in a group laughing at videos on one of their phones. You want to, right? Go.
You spoke to me! Alden exclaimed.
Boe stared at him.
Alden grinned. I havent said anything to you. Like I prom
You asked me if I knitted again on Wednesday.
And you didnt answer! I havent said anything since then.
Boe clenched his jaw.
I dont mind being quiet if you just hate talking, Alden said.
Why?
Alden knew why, but he didnt know how to explain it. Boe was angry, but he wasnt a bully. He never sought people out to be mean to them. Like a human cactus, he only stabbed if you grabbed. But it seemed like he considered any form of interaction to be a grab, and other people didnt get it.
If you dont let people talk to you, most of them take it really personally. Alden felt like he had to at least try to get the idea across. They dont understand why youre being that way. So they start to hate you.
Good.
You wont have any other friends.
I dont want any friends.
Alden glared at him. Well I do. At least one.
Boe raised an eyebrow and pointed down the hall again.
Asshole. Asshole. He really is one, Alden thought, marching away to watch the video with the other boys. I bet he doesnt know how hard it is to fix how people see you when theyve already got opinions about you in their heads.
******
At the end of September, the sixth grade took a field trip to Brookfield Zoo. Alden sat next to Boe on the bus.
It wasnt intentional. He wasnt mad at his homeroom neighbor, but hed mostly given up on trying to speak to him weeks before.
You dont wear your scarf anymore.
People kept pulling on it.
Sorry.
Boe nodded once. That was the entire bus ride conversation.
Maybe its for the best.
Alden wasnt in the mood for talking that day either.
Everyone else was ecstatic to be out of the classroom. When they reached their destination, they broke into small groups and ran laughing from exhibit to exhibit. Alden trailed after them.
By lunchtime, he wished hed just stayed home pretending to be sick.
If you hate the zoo so much whyd you come?
Startled, Alden looked up from the bag lunch hed been picking through. Boe was standing over him with an even more annoyed expression on his face than usual.
Howd he find me?
Alden had elected to sneak away from the group to eat his lunch behind a trashcan, so that he could have a minute to himself.
I dont hate the zoo.
Youve been miserable all morning. Its not like you.
Go away.
You go away.
I was here fir! Oh. Alden stared down at his slightly soggy turkey and cheese sandwich. He swallowed. I do like the zoo.
Boe Lupescu sighed and stalked away.
Great talking to you, asshole, thought Alden. I guess well do it again in a month.
Five minutes later, he heard footsteps that were more like footstomps, and Boe appeared around the trashcan again. He thrust a paper plate with a funnel cake on it under Aldens nose. It was covered in sugar and chocolate drizzles.
Funnel cake. It was less a question and more a command.
Alden would have been shocked if Boe had offered him a pencil stub. An entire fried dessert was
Is it poisoned?
Yes.
Alden took it. Boe sat down beside him.
They ate it in silence. The cake was huge. By the time it was gone, Alden had greasy, sticky fingers. And he felt a lot better.
My parents brought me here right after we moved to Chicago, he said. I think they wanted to make sure we did something fun together as soon as possible, so I wouldnt miss my old school or my friends.
Boe was trying to wipe chocolate sauce off his glasses. He didnt answer.
I have good memories of the trip. Happy, but its not just that theyre happy. Theyre really clear. I remember what I saw here and what my parents said about the different animals. And now they have to be all mixed up with this dayand everyone just wants to talk about poop and how earth animals arent as interesting as alien ones and how the anteaters nose looks like a penis.
Another minute passed.
Alden waited. He thought Boe would probably say nothing. Or maybe something mean. But it would be nice, wouldnt it? If he didnt
My favorite thing about the anteater is that it eats tens of thousands of ants every day, Boe said. Ants suck. And anteaters suck up ants.
Alden smiled.
I wanted to hear the guide talk more about them, Boe added. And I wanted to actually learn about dik-diks, but I couldnt because everyone else was so busy being stupid about the name.
They were really cute.
They were.
The name is
Its hilarious. But people make dick jokes every single day in class. It's not like those are new. Ive never seen a tiny antelope before, and they wouldnt let me enjoy it.
We could sneak off and go back on our own, Alden said.
The other boy looked down at the empty plate on top of his knees.
Or not, Alden added hastily. Wed probably make the teachers mad if they realized. My aunt isnt going to mind if they tell her, butyou knowIm sure your family cares more than
Boe stood up suddenly. Lets go.
Really?
Were still not friends. I cant have friends. Its just for today.
Okay!
Youre not listening. I just want to see the animals without everyone else around.
I get it. Can we go to the Australia section by ourselves, too? They have wombats.
Youre not my friend.
Thats fine. Do you want to come over to my house this weekend?
********
******
F-city
Anesidora
present day
******
*******
Alden remembered how just a couple of months ago, after waking up in the forest, he had sent Boe and Jeremy text messages asking them to give him time to get back home to Earth and settled in before he called them.
It had felt like a reasonable request at the time.
But it wasnt! Being on this end of it is torture. What if I call him in an hour, and he doesnt answer?!
And apparently Boe was still paranoid about having calls overheard. Fair enough. There were people running around in the Informants wearables, and residences like the apartment were supposed to be safe from those.
When the hour was up, Alden was still on a crowded train zipping through F-city, and it was only the knowledge that he would be the worst kind of hypocrite that kept him from calling right that second. All the questions hed had about where Boe was, and the fear that hed been holding back by clinging to Jeremys assurances that he had sounded fine on his last phone call, were welling to the surface.
> a woman with graying hair said in Cantonese. >
Alden realized hed been swaying in place like some anxiety-stricken cobra. He tightened his grip on a handrail and tried to hold himself still.
Just as the train reached the last stop, a text message popped up.
[Whats your ETA?]
Alden felt so relieved he could have melted into a puddle.
[Ten minutes,] he texted back. [At most.]
Because he was going to run.
[Im going through some of your messages now,] Boe wrote. [Sounds like I have to off Jeremy and some poser named Stuart to re-secure my best friend position. Talk to you soon.]
It felt like it took forever to reach the dorms. Then it felt like it took forever for the elevator to reach the ninth floor.
Then, finally, he was walking through the door of his apartment. He locked it and set the Do Not Disturb notice.
Hey, Victor, he said, carefully stepping over the cat as it weaved around his ankles. Boe finally answered! Were going to call him. And were not going to freak out or freak him out. Normal friend stuff.
That was what hed wanted from Jeremy when he got back home.
Its fine if we dont even talk about where hes been, Alden muttered to himself as he headed toward the sofa. Just as long as hes okay and doesnt run away again.
He took a deep breath.
System, call
Youre still the same as always, said a familiar voicemaybe the most familiar voice in Aldens lifefrom just behind him. Arent you? And youre really alive.
Alden turned slowly to see a skinny, pale boy with dark hair in an ugly bowl cut stepping out of his bedroom. He was wearing ripped jeans and a black t-shirt with a skull on it. His hair was wet, and he was gripping a towel in one hand. It was dragging on the faux wood floor.
Boe.
*
The source of this c𝐨ntent is fre𝒆w(e)bn(o)vel