"How are you holding up, Maxen?"
Maxen stared at Asher's genuine smile, chuckling airily. "I didn't expect such a simple question."
"Most of the hard questions I have in my head don't need your answer," Asher humored, tipping his head in Cosette's photo. "I guess these questions... will remain as a mystery forever. So? Care to spare me a minute for a check-up?"
"Haha..." Maxen shook his head before his eyes fell on Cosette's portrait. "How I am holding up, huh? Well... I am still alive, as you can see."
His eyelids dropped as his eyes glinted with bitterness and sadness. "Though there were times I wished I wasn't. Losing her is something I never thought I could bear, but I have to, and that made it even harder for me to open my eyes every single morning."
"Killing myself will not guarantee me to go to heaven where she would be." He snapped his eyes back to Asher, looking the man straight in the eyes. "I'm still collecting all the good deeds to make sure I would enter the pearly gates."
"I didn't know you were into this kind of thing." Asher chuckled. "But since we're at it, I'm curious. What if she wasn't there? I'm not saying she might've gone to hell, but what if the afterlife is far different from what the living thinks? What if, after death, we would become small balls and get into the process of reincarnation? You know, stuff like that."
"I'm not planning to come to heaven, thinking she would be there." Maxen's answer made Asher's brows raise. "I want to go to heaven because I want to meet God."
"And?"
"I'll kill him."
"..."
"Before I kill him in the worst way possible, I will make him answer my question," Maxen smirked, gazing back at Cosette. "Why?"
"Why?" Asher furrowed his brows.
"Mhm. Why?" Maxen repeated. "Just... why?"
There were a lot of words to add to Maxen's question, but Asher didn't dwell on it. He just assumed Maxen meant to say, 'why Cosette? Of all people, why would He take such a wonderful person so early?'
"So don't worry about me," Maxen spoke again after a moment of silence. "I will survive and live a life as a good person so I can enter heaven when it's my time."
"I don't want to jinx it, but you might live a long life." Asher scrunched his nose up. "I don't think God is that oblivious to your agenda."
"He better be prepared." Maxen shrugged nonchalantly.
Asher shook his head once again. But that was better than knowing Maxen wanted to follow his wife. If Asher and Luke hadn't moved on from Cosette's passing, Asher was certain Maxen didn't even move an inch. Dealing with grief wasn't easy, and it would take time for the wound in their hearts to heal.
"Look what you did, Cozie." Asher set his attention back to Cosette again, chuckling mildly. "I always think she was a player."
He raised his gaze back to the man across from him. "You, Luke, and I... Cosette is really something to steal the role of our first love and first heartbreak, huh?"
"It's not her fault." Maxen shrugged. "At least we three had something else in common aside from the blood running in our veins."
Asher laughed, peeling his back from the chair. He slapped his hand on his thigh, sitting upright.
"Anyway, I will leave first. It's a shame you're here, but I will come back to have some quality time with her. Please don't visit her for a day." He smiled while Maxen's plain countenance didn't change. "I can't say it was nice meeting you because I am not that pleased, but let's not meet more than three times in a year,"
"Don't show up in front of me."
"I won't." Asher waved dismissively, standing up from his seat. He didn't idle much or go through any formality as he immediately turned around to leave.
"Just send me a message if you will not visit her. I'll accompany her then," said Asher as he walked away without looking back.
Maxen stared at Asher's back and sighed. "Hey."
Asher stopped, only to hear Maxen's remarks before he could turn around.
"You did your best, and it's not your fault," was what Maxen uttered, putting a short smile on Asher's face. The latter didn't reply, resuming his steps away.
When Asher was out of sight, his eyes fell on Cosette's photo once again. He bent over, picking up the photo before leaning back with it in his hand. Maxen stroked the glass with his thumb, smiling.
"He changed, didn't he?" he chuckled. "The last time I saw him, he... was angry. I thought he would kill me, but now, he seems more at peace... or rather, a lot busier."
The smile on his face slightly faded. Everyone had different coping mechanisms. For Maxen, Luke, and Conrad, working themselves to the bone would give them enough distraction. After all, the void Cosette let in their hearts was huge. They had to do something; they had to keep moving because once they stop, the crippling pain and longing would just pull them to the ground.
It was obvious that was the reason Asher accepted the offer to manage their family business again. Asher announced he wanted nothing to do with Quinn Holdings back then, so for him to swallow his words back, only meant one thing. He needed a different driving force aside from fulfilling his dreams as a doctor.
"Cosette," Maxen called after another moment of silence, drawing a deep breath before he forced a smile on his face. "Happy third wedding anniversary, my love. You're really cruel as if you don't want me to celebrate our wedding anniversary."
Maxen kept his tone light, as he didn't want to cry anymore. He had no more tears to shed, after all.
"Right." Maxen slowly put the portrait down, and then slipped his hand inside his coat. When he took it out, Maxen was holding a small journal.
A smile turned up on his face, gazing at her portrait. "Should I read this journal?" he asked, knowing she wouldn't answer.
"I don't know what sort of gift I should buy for you, so I will just rely on what I think you'd want." Maxen picked up the portrait again and then he leaned back comfortably to read the journal he had read over a thousand times for her... just as she wished back then.
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