Volume 4, Chapter 51 [LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVEME~]
Subaru only watched in silence as the golden tiger, Garfiel, burst apart.
The force of the beast’s claws should have been enough to swipe the Witch’s head flying along with the upper half of her body. No doubt even a Witch would have been torn to shreds by the power of that direct impact. ――But the strike never hit.
Using the last Lewes-clone as a stepping stone, Garfiel carried out his decisive strike. But when his claws came within an inch of the Witch, Subaru saw his wounds, previously gouged by the shadow, beginning to squirm.
Squirming wounds―― caused by none other than the shadows at the Witch’s feet that had crawled onto Garfiel’s limbs. The tips of the supposedly massless shadows slid themselves into the openings of the great tiger’s wounds and scattered into wanton destruction, rending flesh and sending blood spouting out.
And just like that, unable to withstand the mounting pressure inside, Garfiel’s massive, infiltrated body exploded.
He couldn’t even put up the most basic resistance against this ruthless method of trampling a life.
In the course of an instant, the thing that was once Garfiel splattered throughout the clearing into small piles of dark-red slivers of flesh. Only the golden fur sticking to some of the scattered clots still proved that he once existed in this world.
[Subaru: ――――]
He couldn’t utter a word.
Until not long ago, there were more than twenty lives in this clearing including the Lewes-dolls. And several seconds later, there was now only two.
Actually, if one counted from the beginning, there would have been over a hundred lives in the Sanctuary.
Considering that they were all pulled in by that shadow, the weight of that shadow’s crimes was simply far too great. Beyond unforgivable.
Blood resumed coursing through Subaru’s numbed senses once again, and every cell of his body rallied into that most fitting response.
That is, the primal emotion directed at the Witch before his eyes―― rage.
{???: I love you}
[Subaru: Shut up]
{???: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you}
[Subaru: I said shut up……]
The shadow’s outline was so vague that even its height could not be distinguished.
Its voice was still murky as though passing through a voice changer, impossible to tell whether it was a man or a woman’s.
Yet, in spite of its indefinite voice, the sticky affection imbued within was clear to the point of revulsion.
With the same, unwavering love, after drinking the Sanctuary dry and brutally murdering Garfiel, she still directed her interest, her care, and her love wholeheartedly towards Subaru.
It was so abhorrent and twisted it made Subaru want to vomit.
He could feel his sanity being whittled away by the Witch. An emotion bordering on madness surged up, while hatred and revulsion boiled within his chest.
{???: I love you I love you I love you my love I love you I love you I love you}
Standing there, unmoving, the Witch continued to whisper her love to Subaru like a curse.
Instilling it with such warmth it was as if she was about to melt, her inability to read the mood must have been even worse than Subaru’s.
Oblivious to the blatant discomfort on the face of the target of her love, she went on pushing her obstinate, one-sided affection.
This love was entirely repulsive.
And what enraged Subaru more than anything, was――
{???: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you}
[Subaru: …………]
{???: I love you I love you I love you I love you――Subaru-kun}
[Subaru: ――Don’t call me that!!]
Hearing that tender suffix, Subaru screamed back, overtaken by rage.
Every ounce of that doting voice, gesture, and address offended Subaru’s very senses.
[Subaru: Who gave you permission to call me that… Don’t make me laugh. Don’t fucking make me laugh! Don’t you fucking make me laugh!!]
Her closeness at his side.
The affection instilled in that call.
That loveliness at a distance close enough to touch.
There was only one person in the world who was permitted to address him this way.
――And it was certainly not this Witch standing before him.
[Subaru: You’re just a filthy Witch, so don’t make me laugh. There is only one person that right belongs to. And I won’t let anyone else have it. No… Even if it’s one strand of hair, one fragment of a cell, or just a speck of dirt under my nails I won’t fucking waste it on you――!]
[???: ――――]
Furious, abandoned to rage, Subaru spewed out the emotions spiraling inside him.
His shoulders heaved with ragged breaths as he glared at the Witch in front of him.
An enemy he had no chance of winning against.
A monster who ate half the world. Who had just disposed of Garfiel without breaking a sweat. A Witch among Witches.
The utmost calamity plunging all life into shadow, with no other interest besides continuously whispering her deranged love for one single person.
The fact that he dared to face such a monster surprised even himself.
It must be his brain short-circuiting in a state of self-abandon, he thought.
If the Witch felt like it, she could easily pull Subaru into the shadowy mire in the blink of an eye. Or otherwise skewer him through with the tips of her shadows and use him to fertilize the forest in a gory firework-show like with Garfiel.
Yet, despite knowing this, why wasn’t his heart faltering as he faced her? Perhaps it was because, deep down, Subaru subconsciously harbored a certain confidence in the Witch.
That is――
[???: ――――]
[Subaru: ……not, moving?]
Recovering from the emotional outburst, Subaru found himself at a loss when none of the expected reactions came from the Witch.
Before he knew it, the curse-like whispers of love―― that endless outpour of affection that persisted even as Garfiel was burst open, had stopped. Halted.
The shadow’s erosion of the clearing seemed to have stalled―― or rather, stopped completely. Distancing himself from the unpleasant sensation of the shadow beneath his feet, Subaru picked a less shadowy spot and moved himself over.
He kept his gaze fixed on the Witch as he did so, but saw no reaction.
The Witch only stood there with her arms dangling, her body shrouded as always in a shade dense enough to bend light, hiding her expression from sight.
She seemed to be so covered with openings that if he just went over and punched her, she would probably fall.
[Subaru: Why’re you suddenly so…… unless, was it what I said?]
“Impossible”, he thought, while frowning at his inability to deny it.
It was hard to believe that Subaru’s words could have had such an effect, but considering the point where the Witch’s speech and movements stopped, there was just no other explanation.
Though that did not make the possibility any easier to accept.
[Subaru: If my rejection threw you off that much……]
Then if he had just screamed it out earlier, Garfiel and others may not have died.
Now that Emilia, Ram, Lewes, Otto, and even Garfiel, who was trying to protect him, all lost their lives to the Witch, there was already nothing left in this world for Subaru to live for.
Echidona had just assured him that there was no limit to Return by Death. And, though he wasn’t aware of it himself, he was beginning to become complacent with “Life”.
That was why he withdrew his plan to be the bait immediately after Garfiel rejected it, wasn’t it?
Seeing that the Witch was so obsessed with him, Subaru should have known that such an action from him would provoke a reaction like this.
[Subaru: I don’t know why, but…… that means I’m the Witch’s weak point, doesn’t it……?]
If all this was due to her unwavering obsession with Subaru, then that might just be the case. The problem is, even after knowing this, would he really have an opportunity to use it?
After all, the circumstance of every Sanctuary loop so far had been different. They had Subaru scrambling to find the solutions without a single clue in sight―― but in comparison, the difference in this loop was truly in the Dreadnaught-Tier.
Elsa, Garfiel, and the Great Rabbit were already unmanageable enough to begin with, but if the Witch of Envy were to be added to the fray, it would be nothing short of impossible. Just the thought of figuring out the pattern behind their appearances was enough to send his motivation into retreat.
Such was the overwhelming threat of the grotesque existence of the Witch.
Even formulating plans to resist felt ridiculous. Managing to cripple his will to fight before the fight had even begun, compared to the gargantuan White Whale, the Witch’s small figure was infinitely more frightening.
[???: ――――]
Even though the Witch only stood there motionlessly, Subaru could feel his heart withering away.
The Witch made no effort to move. Nor did she seem to mind the turmoil of Subaru’s thoughts. She simply stood there, immersed in her own world.
Time passed in this state of indecision.
His breathing, the irritatingly loud beating of his heart, and the sensation of profuse, lukewarm sweat rolling down his forehead all informed him of the passage of time.
Even if they continued staring at one another, no resolution would come. And just when Subaru drew in a deep breath, intending to take action――
A thought flashed across his mind. That is,
[Subaru: ――Could it be… because of Echidona’s tea party?]
[???: ――――]
[Subaru: I ran my mouth on all the forbidden information while I was in her Citadel… I thought if the penalty didn’t come then I was allowed to do it there, but……]
――What if he wasn’t?
What if the Witch never gave Subaru the permission to reveal his Return by Death? What if she saw him so carelessly spilling the words and had tried to inflict punishment as always in the world frozen in time?
What if, unable to manifest in the Witch’s tea party to interfere, she instead chose to deal him a different punishment.
――What if that was the truth of the disaster that befell the Sanctuary?
[Subaru: Just how…… selfish are you……?]
Was this massacre just because she couldn’t exact punishment on Subaru?
Did she think that she had the right? With this flagrant show of force, who was she trying to show off to?
{???: I love you}
At that point, Subaru’s thoughts seemed to have arrived on a corner of the truth.
The Witch, who had been as still as a silhouette, suddenly resumed her revolting activity. She turned her eyes and what seemed to be her head to Subaru, and continued her curse-like murmur.
As if the loving whispers ratified the movements of the shadow, darkness once again began to erode the surface of the clearing. Feeling his soles sinking into the mire, Subaru quickly jumped off that patch of ground.
[Subaru: What’s with you…… soon as I mention another girl’s name you get lively all of a sudden, oy!]
{???: I love you I love you I love you I love you}
[Subaru: No matter how many times you mutter that, I’m not going to love you! My heart’s number One and Two places have already been filled. There’s absolutely no room for a Witch to come in!]
Exchange blow for blow―― even if the only words coming from the Witch’s mouth were monotone repetitions of love.
But, when he sensed a definite twinge of emotion in response to his provocations, Subaru’s cheeks twisted into a wicked grin. Getting on other people’s nerves was precisely his strong suit, and it was time to test whether it worked on Witches.
[Subaru: If you keep on repeating “I love you” so lightly, they’ll just get cheapened]
{???: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you}
[Subaru: The first real “I love you” I got in this world…… had the power to make a piece of no-good human garbage aspire to become a hero, you know!]
Enough to make the broken, twisted coward who only knew how to flee face his challenge head-on for a future he was on the verge of giving up on, and provide him with the strength to do so not only once, but time and time again.
Such was the strength, nobility, and greatness of genuine love.
[Subaru: So all your whispers of love can’t reach my ears at all. Especially when you committed such atrocities for some jealous fit. There isn’t a single thing I like about you]
{???: I love you I love you I love you}
[Subaru: If I had to love a Witch like you……]
{???: I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you――}
What was the one thing he should say to hurt this Witch the most? Unrivaled in his ability to piss other people off, Subaru knew exactly what.
And so, with a cruel smile, and eyes filled with disdain,
[Subaru: If I had to love a Witch, Echidona and the other Witches are way more lovable than you――]
[???: ――――]
The moment he said those words, the Witch’s curses ceased.
And――
[Subaru: ――――a]
Subaru’s vision, and the world, were instantly swallowed into darkness.
The shadows shot forth with tremendous mass and momentum as Subaru helplessly watched on.
The black arms extending from the Witch’s feet looked terribly similar to Petelgeuse’s Unseen Hands. But they differed in that while Subaru could easily avoid the Unseen Hands once he saw them, the Witch’s hands rushed with a speed nearly impossible to avoid.
And so, in the matter of an instant, Subaru’s eyes saw himself being enveloped by shadow and lifted high over the treetops, before being pulled back down in front of the Witch at a speed faster than freefall.
The whole course of the attack happened faster than his consciousness could process, and the upheaval of his organs from the sudden lurch sent vomit spouting from his lips.
[Subaru: Ough, hu……gh]
Unable to keep his consciousness straight, his vision spun round and round.
His feet were off the ground, and his entire body felt like it was wrapped in something soft and cloth-like. Although his bondage wasn’t tight, his movements were completely sealed, and he couldn’t find a single point where he could apply force to break out.
He tried struggling from the tips of his fingers to his toes, but only the part above his neck responded to his commands, while the rest all yielded to the enshrouding shadow.
At last, with his vision clearing, Subaru’s throat froze as he caught the vast, shadowy mass within his sight.
――Before his eyes, as in right up against his eyes, the Witch stood so close that he could almost feel her breathing.
Having caught him in her shadowy shroud, she was observing him at an extremely close range with undeviating eyes as if they were boring into his skin.
His head was held in place so that he couldn’t escape that gaze. Perhaps he could shut it out if he just closed his eyes, but somehow, even that was forbidden when his eyes met the Witch of Envy’s.
{???: I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you}
Syllable by syllable, same as before, the Witch continued her profession of love.
Hearing those words, despite having been overwhelmed into silence, the spirit of rebellion flared up in Subaru once again.
Injecting strength into his immobile limbs, he widened his eyes, glaring back at the Witch. Then, opening his mouth to resume the barrage of insults,
[Subaru: It’s not a matter of distance. It’s that you don’t mean anything in my heart at all――]
{???: I love you. I love you. ――Love me}
Hearing his answer, there was a pause in the Witch’s voice.
Subaru furrowed his brows and blinked, wondering if he had misheard it. And seeing Subaru’s reaction, the Witch slightly lifted her head,
{???: Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me ――Love me}
Suddenly shivering, for the very first time, Subaru felt pure and genuine terror towards the Witch.
His heart, which he had managed to distract with rage and rebellion up to now―― was suddenly stripped bare in the face of the Witch’s reworded calls.
Resolving not to falter no matter what she does or say, he had forced himself to keep his head held high.
Facing off the Witch of Envy, he thought he had understood the root cause of her obstinance.
But that meager courage and overhasty conclusion were both pulverized into dust.
Aberration. Deviant. Lunatic. Love to the point of madness. Criminal. Murderer. Witch.
Understanding that her continued whispers of love would receive none in return, this time, she was requesting love through brute force. Rather than greed, it was more along the lines of shallowness.
And there, he realized it.
The Witch desired Natsuki Subaru, but she wasn’t seeing Natsuki Subaru at all.
What the Witch saw wasn’t Subaru, but the vessel named “Natsuki Subaru”. She wanted a superficial Subaru, and wished to be loved by a superficial Subaru. Whether or not his feelings were genuine was no concern of hers.
To love Natsuki Subaru, and be loved by Natsuki Subaru.
That was the Witch of Envy’s entirety, and her reason for destroying the world.
――It made no sense at all.
Understanding this much, the question in Subaru’s chest was right back to where it started.
That is, why was the Witch so obsessed with him in the first place?
They’ve never met or talked before. In fact, this was the first time they’d actually seen each other.
So why in the world would she be so madly in love with him?
He had no idea. There was no logic to it at all. It’d be easy to say that love was never something to be measured by common sense, but the Witch’s love had taken that to an entirely different level.
{???: ――Love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me}
The Witch was mistaking superficial love for the genuine one.
Chances were, if Subaru just said the words, the Witch would have released him from his bondage.
If this was the usual sly, crafty, pragmatic Subaru, he might have even replied with some cringeworthy, grandiloquent response to her professions of love.
But,
[Subaru: ――I hate you]
[???: ――――]
[Subaru: I am never, going to love you]
Pronouncing this rejection from his very soul, Subaru refused the Witch of Envy’s request.
[???: ――――]
Hearing this answer, the Witch fell silent once again.
Not many humans could claim to have dashed a Witch’s hopes so many times like this. Subaru derived a small, pointless gratification from this fact. And then, his altitude slowly began to drop.
Wrapped in his shadowy shroud, Subaru’s body that was held in the air was slowly lowered to the ground. But it was not in order to release him.
Still restrained, starting from the tips of his toes, he was being dragged beneath the Witch’s feet――little by little, swallowed into the center of the vortex.
Realizing that she couldn’t obtain his heart, the Witch had decided to consume him instead. A rather short-circuited and overly materialistic idea.
There, while everything below his knees was swallowed into the shadow, with his mind tormented by the terror of the gradual loss of sensation, a sudden doubt struck him.
If he was swallowed like this, Subaru would no doubt lose his life.
So in a sense, it might be good to give up here. Embracing “Death” would be his last, half-ditched resistance against the Witch. So maybe it’d be alright if he just let himself be swallowed.
But,
――All of his “Deaths” so far had been reversed by the powers of the Witch, but if the Witch herself killed him, would he really be able to come back?
[Subaru: ――――!]
The moment he realized this, Subaru began his belated resistance. With the lower half of his body already swallowed into the shadow, such efforts were only naive and futile. Yet he had no choice but to try.
Come to think of it, even before the question of whether he could return, he wasn’t even sure if being swallowed by the Witch would actually kill him. What if he becomes a part of the Witch after being pulled into that shadow, and ends up spending eternity without being granted the permission to die?
Over that long, long timespan, all his current resolve and determination would whittle away, and then, would he bend to the Witch in the end? Subaru wasn’t confident enough to say that he wouldn’t. Therefore he mustn’t allow himself to be swallowed.
In the worst case, he would commit suicide by biting off his tongue before he could fall into the Witch’s hands―― but,
[Subaru: ――uu, huh?]
That resolve was prematurely cut off by a scalding sensation on his chest.
Feeling a rising heat burning the left side of his chest, Subaru looked down to see what was happening. And there, he saw a light coming from the heat, seeping through the darkness that was enshrouding his body.
What was even more surprising was that beginning from the source of that light, the Witch’s shadow was slowly vanishing as if melting away.
[Subaru: If this……!]
Before his mind could even process what this abrupt burst of light may be, Subaru twisted his body, using the light to slice through the shroud of shadows. The range of his movements widened as he shredded through the shroud, and, confirming that his arms were free, he immediately reached for the source of that light.
Grasping it between his fingertips, what he retrieved from his chest was a napkin, fluttering in the wind―― with a grey cat embroidered on top. It was Petra’s handkerchief.
[Subaru: Why would this……nevermind!!]
Putting off his thoughts for later, Subaru swung his arm with the handkerchief in hand. Obeying Subaru’s will, the supposedly soft fabric took on an astounding resilience, and, with the sharpness of a razor it severed the bond between the Witch and the ground.
[???: ――――]
[Subaru: Woah! If this thing……alright!!]
Subaru stabbed the handkerchief-blade into the mass of darkness that swallowed the lower half of his body.
Burying the tip of the shining handkerchief into the shade, for a moment, the shadows rushed to envelop the light, but, without a sound, they burst apart in an instant.
With the shadows scattered away, all that remained were Subaru’s two feet landing on the ground.
Immediately stumbling backwards, he confirmed that both his legs were still there. Then, readying the handkerchief at his hips, Subaru ran his eyes over the shining piece of cloth.
Petra’s embroidered handkerchief. It was hard to imagine that her feelings for Subaru could have such miraculous qualities. But there, Subaru’s mind turned to the one who must have done something to this handkerchief.
[Subaru: That Echidona…… did she already know this was going to happen?]
“Just for insurance, insurance” he could almost hear the white-haired Witch saying.
In the dreamworld, at the closing of the tea party, Echidona had taken this handkerchief as her payment. He had never actually considered what would happen if a real world object was given away in a dream――but if this was the result of her tampering, then it really is possible to influence reality from within a dream.
In any case,
[Subaru: Guess I better say thanks… for giving me something to fight the Witch with]
[???: ――――]
Faced with the fact that her shadows had been destroyed, the Witch only stood there, stupefied. Seeing this opening, Subaru drew in a short breath and lunged to the Witch’s side――
[Subaru: Careless to a fault!]
――and thrust the handkerchief towards the frozen Witch’s flank. The Witch didn’t move an inch. But the shadows at her feet shot out in self-defense, activating the protective “dress”, as Garfiel called it.
[Subaru: ――RuuaaaaAAAAGH!]
Yet it did nothing to stop the handkerchief’s light.
Like a sharpened dagger, the handkerchief pierced through the shadowy dress, thrusting straight for the side of the Witch’s face――and struck true.
[Subaru: Got her――!]
The unmistakable sensation in his hand prompted him to cry out in joy, as Subaru turned, reining the same momentum into another backslash against the Witch――
[Subaru: ――Eh?]
But he stopped, when he saw it.
The Witch stood there, unmoving, looking at Subaru. The shining thrust to the side of her face had indeed landed, and had peeled away the vast, shadowy veil, revealing her face.
It was a familiar, silver-haired girl with eyes of frozen emotion staring back at Subaru.
[Subaru: Emilia……?]
She did not respond to his call. But everything else set off into massive motion.
The shadowy shroud returned. The previously-eradicated darkness beneath his feet wound around Subaru’s body once more, and this time, it constricted him without mercy, causing him to shriek.
Starting from the right side of his ribs to the entire left half of his body, the shadow restrained him tightly in its grasp. Only his right arm, still holding onto the handkerchief, could still move, albeit barely, being denied the full range of its motions.
And, just like this, the immobilized Subaru was steadily pulled beneath the sea of shadows. Without a trace of hesitation, it was far faster than the last time.
First, was his lower body, and then his left shoulder submerged as well, until only his head and the right portion of his chest were still above ground.
Desperately lifting his head, resisting with his sinking body,
[Subaru: Emilia! Emilia!? Wh, how did this.. why!?]
When he saw her missing from the Tomb and the Sanctuary engulfed by shadows, Subaru had thought that she was swallowed by the Witch.
At least then, his resistance against the Witch of Envy up to now would have had some meaning.
――But why was she the one wearing that shadow, attacking the Sanctuary?
He didn’t have an answer. Nor would she answer him. She didn’t see Subaru at all. A never-before-seen coldness gleamed in her violet eyes, and Subaru couldn’t be sure if her consciousness was still there.
There wasn’t even enough time to find out.
[Subaru: Gh, u, ah……]
His body was dragged deeper and deeper into the shadow.
He couldn’t feel a thing in his swallowed body. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was only a lack of sensation, but the fact that even the sense of existence was lost forced him to reassess the danger of being swallowed here.
Confirming that the handkerchief was still in his right hand, the only part of his body he could still move, his resolve was settled.
The white-haired Witch flashed across his mind once more.
He would like to amend his previous statement, and instead raise a complaint to that Witch.
[Subaru: Did that bastard Echidona seriously know it’ll turn out like this……?]
If that were the case, he’d be so moved by her scrupulous consideration that his eyes would tear up.
With tears of blood, that is――
――Closing his eyes, when he opened them again, Subaru stabbed the handkerchief into his own throat.
The sharpened point pierced into his flesh, and bore open a hole in the vital regions of his throat. Blood flooded down his windpipe and into his lungs, drowning his consciousness in red.
Suicide. The Witch of Greed had equipped him for precisely this opportunity.
It wasn’t to resist the Witch of Envy. She knew that their conversation in the Citadel would set her off. And here, she exacted her toll.
{???: ――――!}
Seeing Subaru commit suicide, for the first time, an emotion other than love detonated in the Witch of Envy.
But, drowning in his own blood, Subaru’s already-detached consciousness wasn’t aware of this.
Only, seeing the girl’s familiar face twisted in grief, regardless of what was residing inside her, it still pained his heart all the same to see her like this――
His throat was filled with blood, making it difficult to formulate speech. But even so, Subaru spoke, not to the counterfeit residing in her vessel, but to the girl.
[Subaru: I, will――]
――Definitely save you.
The next instant, Natsuki Subaru died.
-=Chapter 51 End=-
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