Tsugihagu IF – Re: Patching Together a Life in Another World From Zero Part 1-3
Part 1
Patching together, patching together, continuing to form its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to mould its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to fill in the colours.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, and continuing towards bringing himself closer to completion.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, and even now, as he patched himself together, he was still incomplete――
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??: [――Hey, do you know my name?]
The little girl, Amue Sears, held her breath at that question.
It was quite an ordinary question, without any real coherence to it. It should have been a dull question that wouldn’t have required much time or preparation to answer. If you know it, you know. If you don’t know it, you don’t. That’s all it was.
Amue:「――――」
But, Amue’s voice did not come out at that question, even if it were to be seen at face value.
Life was a series of choices. This was the reality which even Amue, who had just turned 14 years of age, was well aware of from her experiences in her short life.
When it comes to life, decisions have to be made in just about everything. It begins from small, ordinary things, or, perhaps it was a variety of the big decisions that affect life. But, setting aside whether they were big or small, life was made up entirely of decisions.
And now, a question which held the greatest weight of her 14 years alive was raised at Amue Sears. Or perhaps, it was the greatest decision of her life. That dull, insignificant question, with nothing special about it, that had been raised just before, was that very thing.
??: [――Hey, do you know my name?]
The repeated question kept tightening Amue’s throat. Nevertheless, the one who had raised the question didn’t seem to have wanted to cause that. It was even a kindness to repeat the question once again; such a consideration felt like quite an imbalance.
If it was the one questioning that was tormenting Amue, then it was also the one questioning that held the most anxiety for Amue. In truth, she understood that he was just seeking an answer to the question. That’s why Amue would have to grope for the right solution amongst the options, without any hints other than what was available from pondering it over within her head.
――What would really be the correct answer?
Know it, or don’t know it: which was the one that the questioner was looking for? Or perhaps it would be better to answer that she knew it, even if she didn’t? Or, would it be better to answer that she didn’t know it, even if she did? ――Amue’s heart shrieked at the two anguishing choices.
??: [――Hey. Do. You. Know. My. Name?]
Each part of the question that was once again repeated was punctuated in impatience. Even if they didn’t understand each other, would that make him anxious? That fear plucked at Amue’s chest. To be honest, she could be convinced that if she didn’t answer with either a “Yes” or “No” that it’d be unconditionally impossible to meet the questioner’s expectations.
She couldn’t end it still without saying anything, still without giving a response, and still without making a decision. She would not be set free. ――Only in that, there was no doubt.
Amue:「――――」
Still her voice didn’t come out. She returned the gaze of those black eyes which were right in front of her. Amue pondered. Within those vacant black eyes, the terrible visage of the haggard Amue herself could be seen within them. She really didn’t want to say it out loud, but in her own appearance, she was self-conscious of the way she could be seen; she had become a mere shadow of her former self.
Being absolutely terrified of the dominance of the questioner right in front of her eyes, she cowered.
Amue’s face was drawn out, exhausted, as if she had aged dozens of years all at once. If things continued this way, she’d end up dying by the mere pressure of the question itself; fragilely she――
??: [――Hey, do you know my name?]
The strong feeling of pressure that gave her the impression of death suddenly, quite on the contrary, inspired hope within Amue. Whilst Amue experienced the suffocating sensation that felt like her chest was about to cave in, a premonition that she’d answer the question and then be set free encompassed her. Just as she thought that, she realised that the dismal sensation that been dominating her entire body had started to fade.
A sense of suffocation had come from the strong pressure of her doubts concerning what she should answer. Since she wanted to be set free from this, she would need to bite down her anxiety at the initial question. Perhaps it was a kind of self-defence instinct, but for Amue in this moment, this appeared like a divine revelation. Therefore, with her lips trembling, she once again stared back into those black eyes.
??: [――Hey, do you know my name?]
She would be set free from her current suffocation by answering the question. With all her willpower, Amue finally moved her trembling tongue, and formed some words.
Amue: [N… no……]
In accordance with her heart, Amue replied that she didn’t know. She released her thoughts from the choices which had been up until then endlessly spinning around in her mind.
She answered the question with utmost lucidity. In fact, she didn’t know neither the name or face of the questioner that stood in front of her.
When it came to her, who lived in a place that ought to be called the borderlands, the so to speak remote countryside, events from the Kingdom, even serious ones, were like rumours from a faraway land.
That’s why, no matter how much of a big shot he was, to her, he was a stranger that she didn’t know――
??: [――Is that so?]
It was a short reply. She couldn’t tell whether deep emotion or dejection had been put into that reply. But Amue’s decision had been formed. What came after was the questioner’s problem.
If life was a series of choices and decisions, then that was the same for anyone. Since Amue had chosen, the questioner would also have to chose.
Amue:「――――」
The 14 year old little girl waited for the questioner’s choice silently.
――She waited for his answer all alone in the middle of a village where no one had been left except for her.
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??: 『Hey, Subaru. Isn’t it time for lunch soon?』
Stopping in his tracks at hearing that call, Natsuki Subaru rubbed his stomach. The time had already passed noon, and now that it had been mentioned, he was indeed feeling hungry. The reason behind why he hadn’t noticed it until now was because he had been concentrating on walking about without heed. The main road continued endlessly on and on to the extent that he had to concentrate entirely on walking. If he were to think about where he was headed to, it’d get to the extent that he’d feel depressed; such was how absurdly long the journey was.
Subaru:「Though, a break is important don’t you think? My bad, Emilia-tan. Did you get tired?」
Emilia:『Not at all, I’m doing fine. But, it was just on my mind that I was worried for Subaru, who’s been walking all this time. If you’re alright, it’s fine, but….』
Subaru:「Nono, that’s right, my stomach was rumbling as well. I’m absolutely starving, almost to the point where my stomach was dangerously close to sticking to my back. Heh, how dangerous how dangerous.」
Emilia:『Is that so? That would be a reaaaaaally dangerous place for them to be, right….』
Having heard Subaru’s answer, who had exaggeratedly placed his hands on his stomach, the silver haired girl―― Emilia placed her hand against her mouth and giggled. Her features looked the prettiest in this world, and the sound of her voice was rather like that of a silver bell. As that smiling face drew nearer, Subaru scratched his head and also let his lips split into a smile. And, from beside those two――
??:『Don’t tease Emilia too much, I suppose. No matter how rumbly your stomach is, it’s impossible for your stomach and back to stick together, in fact.』
Subaru:「Oopsy」
When he turned his head to look at the direction of the voice, Beatrice was there, a composed expression resting on her face and her arms folded. Subaru suddenly narrowed his eyes at the point made by the little girl who was wearing a pretty dress. Seeing that, Beatrice furrowed her well-kept eyebrows and said『What, I suppose?』
Beatrice:『Subaru’s face is a little unsettling, in fact. What’s the matter, I suppose?』
Subaru:「It was so cute when you said rumbly. Say it again!」
Beatrice:『Grrrrr, in fact! Don’t get caught up in such strange things, I suppose!』
With her face flushed, Beatrice snapped back at Subaru’s frivolous words. Subaru and Emilia both exchanged glances and laughed seeing how Beatrice had reacted. She had puffed out her cheeks even more. Seeing her like that was really cute. ――There was no mistake about it. If he were to tell her this directly, he would probably dampen her mood. After confirming that, Subaru rolled up one of his sleeves with an「Alright!」
Subaru:「Well then, how about we take advantage of Emilia-tan’s concern and start lunchtime? For the time being, let me show off my talent. Any requests?」
Emilia:『Ah, well then, I want you to use mayonnaise. Hey, look, I imagine Ram just made some mayonnaise again, right?』
Subaru:「Of course, of course, it’s my pleeeeasure if that’s Emilia-tan’s order! Luckily, there’s plenty thanks to Ram’s stockpiles. She finally recognised the appeal mayonnaise has…」
Ram:『――Stop saying such idiotic things.』
Subaru:「Uwaaa!?」
After he placed down the baggages that he had been carrying, Subaru started to make a campsite just off of the main road. Seeing some slender legs standing roughly beside him, pale pink eyes were staring down at the surprised Subaru. The figure stood embracing her own arms, an air of majesticness about her. The girl held a look that showed nary a trace of hospitality as a stark contrast to the maid outfit she donned――
Subaru:「That was quite the abrupt greeting, eh, Ram. At least let me finish what I’m saying!」
Ram:『Hah! Stop making me laugh. I only help out in making mayonnaise because it’s a professional order. Would Ram trust in such a flavouring that’s just sour and white? Disgusting.』
Subaru:「Saying it’s disgusting is such an overstatement! To begin with, you shouldn’t be able to deny the explosive power of using mayonnaise on steamed potatoes! I won’t let you say that the taste is a lie!」
A flavour coated in plenty of mayonnaise on the steamed potatoes that came fresh from the oven which were full of salt. The sweetness of the forbidden flavours which overwhelmed one’s tongue was an Eden that should be savoured by any mayonnaise lover at least once――Potatoes and mayonnaise indisputably held the highest compatibility with each other that could never lose its lustre.
Subaru’s mouth watered as he recalled that splendid harmony of taste. Were the ones next to Subaru imagining the same taste? He could see Emilia and Beatrice’s eyes shimmering.
Subaru:「Look at that, the reactions of two cute gourmands! Seeing that, can you still slander mayonnaise with your heresy!?」
Ram:『……Ah well. It’s as Barusu says. The magnificence of steamed potatoes is such that even strange seasonings like mayonnaise can add value to them.』
Subaru:「It’s not that way, it’s the opposite! No, even me saying the opposite isn’t right, it’s more like you’re being stubborn. Isn’t that right, nee-sama!」
In the end, Ram would never yield to saying that the contribution of mayonnaise was greater than that of steamed potatoes. Even though Subaru shook his fist at that obstinate attitude, Emilia broke into strained laughter, speaking out a “Now now, settle down” to the two of them.
Emilia:『Subaru, calm down. I like both mayonnaise and steamed potatoes, as well as mayonnaise placed on steamed potatoes. Besides, it’s rather just down to the fact that Ram can’t bring herself to be honest.』
Ram:『……Emilia-sama, please stop concerning yourself with speaking out Ram’s thoughts as you please. Ram’s target age is going to lower with Emilia-sama speaking like that.』
Emilia:『S-sorry. But, what do you mean by target age……..?』
Emilia was perplexed by Ram’s unreasonable and unintelligible reaction. However, the feelings which had been expressed in the two’s conversation weren’t ones of moodiness, but rather they were feelings of unconcealable deep affection and faith. On the contrary, Emilia and Ram had built up quite an ideal relationship with each other. Calling it a master-servant relationship was quite a delicate issue as from Ram’s perspective she didn’t think of herself as a subordinate, however there were more bonds between the two of them. And only Subaru understood those well. In any case――
Subaru:「I feel bad for Nee-sama, but Emilia-tan’s word of God takes complete priority. That’s the style of this party. Anywho, today’s lunch will have a whole bunch of mayonnaise!」
Emilia:『Yaaay, yippee!』
Emilia clapped in delight, and Ram gave an exasperated sigh. Even so, that was enough for Ram to not cling onto it more than that. Emilia herself understood its deliciousness. Of course, since Subaru was a true, unbridled mayo-lover, he would be the biased judge for this menu.
Subaru:「Of course, Beako loves mayonnaise a lot just like me. It makes you happy, right?」
Beatrice:『I can’t deny it, in fact. But, the oh so omniscient manner you speak about it in is irritating, I suppose. Betty’s anger isn’t easy to dispel, in fact. I want a delicious meal for that, I suppose.』
Subaru:「Hehe, as you wish.」
Puffing out her slender chest, Beatrice made her cute special request. Subaru gave a bow at the request. After seeing that dramatic gesture, and making sure that Emilia and the others were satisfied, they began preparing the meal. Even so, they couldn’t make such an elaborate meal in the open air. Of course, if they used the power of magic they could use fire and water like that, but,
Emilia:『I’m sorry, Subaru. I can’t really help you out much.』
Subaru:「You needn’t say sorry. Now is my time to shine, don’t you think? On the contrary, it’s fine if you fall in love with me again when I show off my unexpected creative skills.」
Emilia:『Jeez, you’re such an idiot.』
Returning a smile at Emilia who still had a faint smile on her face, Subaru set about on coming up with something to prepare the meal with the ingredients that were at his disposal now. Food was what provided their energy each day; he didn’t want to be shoddy with it. Checking the contents of his baggages, Subaru did everything he could to prepare a meal which could meet everyone’s needs. Everyone that accompanied him would be given tasty food to eat.
He hadn’t thought about it up until now, but it would be delightful for everyone to receive his tasty cooking that he had made to eat. That too served as a motivation for him as he made the food. If he was able to do such a simple thing so well, then that ought to have delighted his mother quite a lot.
Emilia:『Mhmhmhmhm……』
Whilst confining those emotions to a corner of his mind, Subaru peered out nearby at those who were busying themselves cooking and his cheeks relaxed at seeing the cheerful figures of Emilia and the others. He could even hear some humming. It was out of tune.
??:『Oho, the one on meal duty today is onii-sa~n. That’s quite worryi~ng.』
Meili had appeared as they were making the preparations for the meal. She turned towards Subaru, giving him a look that was not suiting to her age as she twiddled her fingers through her deep blue braided hair. Subaru returned her gaze with a suspicious look in his eyes on seeing her sweetly smiling figure.
Subaru:「Worrying, huh? What worries. I ain’t going to let a girl who says such impertinent things eat!」
Meili:『Wow, that’s abu~se. Besides, isn’t it Onii-san that tries to soak everything in may~onnaise? I don’t really like it at all.』
Subaru:「Wh- what!? You as well don’t know the charm of mayonnaise……!?」
Meili:『Don’t make a face like the world’s about to e~nd.』
Meili gave a sigh at seeing Subaru making such an astonished face. But, the shock that Subaru had received on hearing her reply was immeasurable. Even if it wasn’t tantamount to it being the end of the world, the shock he had received was like as if he had realised it was the end of this year.
??:『Even so, I think you’re taking it a little too seriously. Miss Meili was just saying that she was not on the same wavelength as you, who tries to mix mayonnaise into just about any ingredient.』
Subaru:「Ugh……」
It was Julius who had followed up Meili’s words, as she showed her objections to mayonnaise. He was a handsome man, who embodied gracefulness even in his gait. Julius, who had made his way over to him, grinned at Subaru all of a sudden.
Julius:『If I may add something, I too share the same opinion as Miss Meili. Thought mayonnaise itself isn’t that bad, its first impression diminishes when you put it on everything. You have to be careful with it, you know.』
Subaru:「You’re such a prickly, noisy guy. What was happening now was an issue between me and Meili. It would have been nice if you didn’t come butting in.」
Julius:『I guess in my role as one of the members here, it’s my duty to preserve the healthy environment of the group. Ignoring the seed of disagreement would result in it budding and on it blossoming, you will repent and lament it all too much. It’s my duty to give you advice before it becomes that. And with all that, you’re reacting like that?』
Subaru:「You’re a guy who always has a comeback for everything I say, aren’t you!」
Expressing himself in such a roundabout way, Julius poked at each of Subaru’s indiscretions. Feeling like he’d been cornered by his words, Subaru’s voice became rougher.
And, having heard their exchange, Emilia burst into laughter with a “Hehe”
Subaru:「Emilia-tan?」
Emilia:『As always, Julius and Subaru are reaaaallly good friends』
Subaru dejectedly dropped his shoulders seeing Emilia’s gaze which looked as if she was looking at something pleasant. Also in the same standpoint, Julius closed one of his eyes whilst brushing his hand through his fringe.
Just this time did Subaru and Julius’s opinions seem like they saw eye to eye. But, it seemed like there was quite the difference between the way Emilia received that opinion. Since her jewel-like amethyst eyes seemed to view the exchange between Julius and Subaru just now as if it had been an act between two close friends.
Subaru:「Umm, Emilia-tan. I’m always saying this, but that’s a….」
Emilia:『That’s a?』
That was always a big misunderstanding, no matter what the circumstances may be. Subaru tried to explain that to Emilia who had inclined her head in doubt――、
Subaru:「That’s a……」
Emilia:『――――』
The words he had tried to continue as his explanation, the start of them halted, and Subaru’s lip stiffened.
Just now, Emilia’s movement, who had inclined her head and had been smiling in front of his eyes, came to a standstill. ――No, it wasn’t just Emilia who came to a standstill.
Around Subaru’s surroundings where everyone had been in the midst of cooking up until now, everyone who had been speaking stopped in their tracks. Everyone became completely stiff. ――It was as if the world’s time had entirely come to a stop awaiting Subaru’s next move.
But, the sound of the wind, the scent of the greenery and the boiling water indicated that it wasn’t so. The world hadn’t come to a stop. ――Only Emilia and the others had. It’s as if Subaru was awaiting for the images to catch up with him, to try and make them reappear.
But, just Emilia and the others had come to a stop――
??「――Master~! Badump, I went to check ahead~!」
Subaru:「――――」
Suddenly, an extraneous presence thrust itself into the silent world which had been at a standstill. It moved in front of Subaru’s eyes, who had been kindling the fire sat atop of a boulder. The figure jumped nimbly, diving towards him with great vigour.
??:「Here’s to the quick return of Shaula! Master, please praise me and hug me and love me!」
A tall, beautiful woman, with a smile adorning her features, turned towards Subaru and said that. She was someone who exposed her clear white skin, and had long, tied-up brown hair. She showed off her sexy feminine body without any shame―― The woman, Shaula, let a carefree smile float across her face.
Subaru:「――――」
However, Subaru’s reaction to Shaula’s appearance was quite poor. That too should have been expected. She had came barging in just as Emilia was smiling.
Her exuberantly lively leap had scattered Emilia, and she had also erased all the others that had stood still. Subaru frowned at that fact.
Shaula:「Wh-What? Wha-What’s wrong, master? Did I maybe mess up again?」
Subaru:「……No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong.」
Shaula:「Is that so? Well then, I won’t worry! Ah, besides that, Master I’m glad you’re preparing the meal! I’m staaaarving~」
For a moment, Shaula’s face had clouded over at seeing Subaru’s facial expression, but as soon as she heard Subaru’s backtracking, she went to over to embrace Subaru, her face with nary a trace of her earlier anxiety.
Even though he felt Shaula’s body pressing against his arms, and her hellish softness against his elbow and shoulder, Subaru shook her off with a blunt:「Hey, get off of me.」
Shaula:「Ah! Master’s so mean…..But I won’t be discouraged. Bambambam, by attacking you in this way, I will snipe right for Master’s heart, soul and male instincts.」
Subaru:「Like, it’s as if you’re aiming right in the middle….. Also, don’t go grabbing the arms of people in the middle of cooking. What would you do if I ended up burning my hand?」
Shaula:「If that were to happen, I’d gently lick the affected part! I would lick it and lick it day and night without letting go!」
Subaru:「That wouldn’t stop it from swelling…..」
Shaula insisted, raising both of her arms vigorously. Subaru shrugged his shoulders seeing that attitude from Shaula and gave a feeble laugh. Seeing that, Shaula raised her eyebrows with a:「So, so!」
Shaula:「Did Master laugh just now? Did something amusing happen?」
Subaru:「What’s amusing is you, just you.」
Shaula:「Ehh, is that… a marriage proposal…..?」
Subaru:「How did you come to that conclusion!?」
He didn’t know how the conversation had jumped to that, but Subaru poked Shaula on her forehead (whose cheeks were squirming, dyed in red), putting into his feelings of denial and his objections to it. Receiving that, Shaula groaned,「Oww~」
Shaula:「Wellwell, doesn’t saying “You’re an amusing woman” act like a legal right for a man and woman to fall in love with each other! After saying that, shouldn’t you just be continuing it with “Be my woman”!?」
Subaru:「Really, where did you hear such one-sided information? That pattern seems to have grown old even from where I am from already; you hardly see it anymore……. 」
Maybe it wasn’t seldom whereby male protagonists would handle these first-met events in games targeted towards women, or in Shoujo manga. But, Subaru didn’t know whether that was still in use now.
In any case, referring to Shaula as amusing was not so he could seduce her. But, as far as Subaru was concerned, Shaula’s reaction was――
Subaru:「――The thing you said was unexpected, it was new.」
Shaula:「――――」
Subaru:「That’s why talking with you isn’t… so bad. I have no doubts about that.」
He wouldn’t specifically say that talking to people other than Shaula was painful. But, when Subaru conversed with other people, naturally, it would be often that he would be made aware of his own incompleteness. And that was painful. It didn’t mean that someone was at fault. ――The one at fault was always himself.
Subaru:「The one who’s at fault… is always me. That’s why….」
Shaula:「In other words, this time, it’s a marriage proposal!?」
Subaru:「What the hell, no!」
The mood that came with that earnest speech lasted only for a second. Shaula let her discontentment rain at the shouting Subaru. She wiggled her hands and feet and said「Eeh~」
Shaula:「Butbut, in the place where I spent my time in idle grey, it was you that blew a new wind into me. It’s like that. Doesn’t that make it still a legal right within a legal right~?」
Subaru:「Absolutely not. So, where on earth does your biased source of knowledge come from….?」
He had intended to have a relatively serious conversation, but Shaula had completely broken that, and so Subaru abandoned the idea. Absentmindedly slackening his cheeks, Subaru went back to concentrating on his cooking.
Next to Subaru who was cooking by the side of the road, a meal was prepared for the two of them. For the two of Subaru and Shaula―― not for those whom should have been enjoying the conversation, i.e. Emilia, Beatrice, Ram, Meili and Julius amongst others.
――Realising that truth once again, Subaru’s chest ached in cruel, forlorn anguish.
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Patching together, patching together, continuing to form its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to mould its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to fill in the colours.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, and continuing towards bringing himself closer to completion.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Part 2
It was often that he was made aware that he was an imperfect being. And that really frayed at his nerves. It was quite evident that it wasn’t a healthy mentality by no stretch of the imagination, but if you were to really be put into that situation, then you’d be able to experience the sensations of his worn soul.
Frankly speaking, there was no doubt that the current Natsuki Subaru’s frame of mind was in such a state.
Shaula:「――Master, master, where are we off to next?」
Subaru:「Ah, that’s right……」
Shaula was walking right next to Subaru, humming as she went along, in high spirits. Looking up at hearing her question, Subaru pondered about it as he looked up ahead of the main road.
Ram:『For now I think we should head towards the west, right? Are you perhaps looking for civilisation? If you want to get away from civilisation then turn to the right and you can plunge right into the Great Waterfall, or so I’d hope.』
Subaru:「Don’t make such a scary suggestion, Nee-sama….. That’ll be the only feeling I’ll end up getting from it you know.」
Her point wasn’t just candid advice, but rather it was said in typical Ram-like fashion, the kind that was like she was exchanging poison. Whilst keeping that in his chest, Subaru decided to head westwards in accordance with her advice.
Subaru:「I am going to keep on heading to the west……. But, what will you do?」
Shaula:「Eh? Well, I’ll be following Master without ever letting go, right? Since the time we were separated from each other was sooo long, it’s gotten hard for me to be away from Master for even one second. Please take care of Shaula, who’s always watching over you from good morning to good morning.」
Subaru:「From good morning to good morning, you say…… How Scary! Wouldn’t that be all throughout the day!」
Shaula:「Every day and night too.」
Shuddering at her rather grand stalkerish advance notice, Subaru cast his face down, a troubled expression adorning it. In all honesty, it felt strange that he had ended up walking along with Shaula.
There was Subaru who held shameful feelings of guilt and misery. And then there was Shaula who acted openly without any inhibitions. Though maybe with them as a combo, the balance of tension between plus and minus was kept at an equilibrium. But, in any case, even though Subaru certainly felt like he was helped out a lot by Shaula’s behaviour, he couldn’t think of what merits there lay from Shaula’s perspective in accompanying him.
Shaula:「Master is Master; that’s the number one thing for me, y’know」
Subaru:「……Honestly, I don’t really get you. Are you seriously going to keep following me around?」
Shaula:「Of courssse! Haven’t you heard of something called “Until Death does us Part”! I can’t let the love that built up during the time we didn’t meet go dry y’know~ . I won’t leave Master’s side anymore no matter what happens. I will even give birth to so many children, as many as in a baseball team!」
Subaru:「Don’t you go throwing such horrifying fastballs around…..」
Stretching out her ample breasts, Shaula looked over at him with shimmering bright eyes. He covered his eyes with his palm. The depths of his heart were complex and hard to comprehend.
He wasn’t really sure whether he should call Shaula’s rather direct behaviour flirting, but in itself, as a man, Subaru wasn’t necessarily unhappy. If he placed her eccentricity to the side, Shaula was a beautiful woman and quite attractive.
Subaru:「――――」
However, Natsuki Subaru’s heart couldn’t be shook by Shaula’s temptations. Because such human-like emotions were things which could only be permitted in decent human beings. In brief, it was because they were absolutely unattainable capabilities for the current him.
Emilia:『I think it’d be better for Subaru to be a little more kind to Shaula. She keeps giving it her all like that, and even for all of that, isn’t it pitiful?』
Suddenly, a chiming voice like a silver bell cut into Subaru’s hesitation. Turning his gaze to his side, Emilia could be seen peering at Subaru’s face. Subaru closed one of his eyes at her adorable pouting expression.
Subaru:「……Even though it’s Emilia-tan saying that, don’t you think that was really harsh? And here was me thinking that I knew how I thought about Emilia-tan.」
Emilia:『Uhm….. I guess. Maybe. Sorry. Of course, I’m lonely too; but I think it’s pointless if you’re always moping about it. After all…』
Subaru:「After all?」
Emilia:『After all, I’m already――』
As she narrowed her amethyst eyes, Emilia tried to continue her words from before. He’d want to immediately interrupt if there was something he didn’t want to hear, but that was difficult. Not lending his ears to this Emilia’s words was more difficult than cutting off the words of God.
However――,
Subaru:「Whoops」
Even if it was impossible to spontaneously interrupt her, he could still interrupt her due to external factors. Suddenly hearing a noise drawing closer from behind him, Subaru shifted his attention away from Emilia and made his way to the side of the main road. The sound of wheels drawing closer informed him that a dragon carriage was approaching.
At once, he pulled Shaula’s arm and the two of them escaped from the path of the dragon carriage.
Shaula:「Yhaa, Master sure is aggressive….」
Subaru:「Get off」
Subaru boisterously avoided Shaula’s hug who had been taking advantage of him having pulled her arm. Having been shook off, Shaula crashed against some trees along the main road, and she let out a shriek,「GYAAAA」
Giving a quick glance back at Shaula whose nose had turned red, still crashing against trees, Subaru waited for the dragon carriage to pass by and out of his sight, before going back onto the main road once again――
??:「Hmm?」
Ahead of him, the dragon carriage that had passed by Subaru and Shaula let out a sound and came to a halt. It didn’t seem like it was due to any troubles with the carriage body. With that, he couldn’t think of any reason for it coming to a stop other than because of Subaru and Shaula.
It was still the peak time of the day, but the road was deserted. Subaru increased his vigilance for a split second as if he’d come across bandits or the likes.
??:「――You wouldn’t happen to be Natsuki Subaru-san by any chance?」
However, that vigilance quickly vanished too due to the call from the individual who had descended from the dragon carriage’s driver seat. After calling out his name, the tall youth who should have been sat at the driver’s seat of the dragon carriage walked over to Subaru, who had now let go of his vigilance.
It was an individual whose age was around about Subaru’s, with grey hair that was tied up into a ponytail. Though his gentle features didn’t give off any striking impressions, quite unexpectedly, his build was quite robust. He didn’t give off the vibes that he performed manual labour, but it did look like his work involved some at least.
Regardless of such a first impression, what mattered the most for Subaru was that this youth recognised him, and that he had called out his name.
??:「Ahh, it’s as I thought, it’s Natsuki-san isn’t it? It’s been a long time.」
Subaru:「Aaah, well……」
He was a youth that greeted out to him with the familiarity of no doubt an acquaintance, even though there was a bit of a distance. As he hesitated on deciding how he would respond to him, Subaru looked around to his surroundings.
Receiving that look, Emilia, Beatrice and the others shook their heads. They had indicated that they had no clue who he was to Subaru. Emilia and the others, and Subaru as well, had thrown their hands up at that, but he hesitated in starting a conversation whilst pretending to know him.
That was Subaru’s signature move, but he didn’t want to do it right now due to various reasons. Seeing Subaru embroiled in confusion within his current mental state, the youth furrowed his well-shaped eyebrows and said,
??:「Oh, perhaps you’ve forgotten? It’s me, Regin Suwen……My older brother, Otto Suwen, helps you out. We met once before at the village.」
Subaru:「Regin you say….. Ah, that Otto’s!」
Regin:「When you say it like that Otto, it’s almost like you’re saying it like it’s someone else’s business, no?」
Showing a forced smile at that unnatural expression, Subaru clapped his hands together in comprehension in front of the youth―― Regin. Unfortunately, he couldn’t remember Regin’s figure, but he did know Otto’s.
Now that it was mentioned, Regin and Otto’s features did have many similarities with each other. There wasn’t any doubts that they were brothers, and also acquaintances of Subaru.
Subaru:「It was my bad, it was my bad. Like you just caught me now at a time where various things are going on inside my head. That’s why your name didn’t come to me right away, or something like that.」
Regin:「Nono, I guess it couldn’t be helped since you’re in such a busy position. The royal selection has reached even my ears living in the remote countryside….. Nii-san isn’t causing you any nuisances, right?」
Emilia:『Otto-kun causing you nuisances… what a preposterous thing to say, eh? Everyone of us has been helped out in various ways thanks to Otto-kun.』
Subaru:「Yeah. Otto’s become a great help to all of us in the camp…… something like that. If that guy wasn’t there, it’d seem like things would be far more all over the place.」
Regin:「Is that… so? I guess that’s good then……」
Though Regin expressed a vague sense of gratitude as he said that, it seemed that he was quite relieved to be told about the current state of his older brother. And after that, he flitted between looking at Subaru and Shaula who were standing a short distance away from each other.
Regin:「Even so, Natsuki-san, what are you doing in a place like this? I would think it’d be quite arduous walking on the main road without even riding on a dragon carriage….」
Subaru:「Aah, you’re quite right there, or rather, how should I put it… I’d love to make use of a dragon carriage, or the likes if possible, but due a number of reasons doing that would be difficult. And, regarding what you said before about what I’m doing….」
Cutting his words off there, Subaru thought for a second. And then, he found the right words.
Subaru:「The current me is in the middle of reconsidering my own self…. you could say『A Journey of Self-Discovery』」
Regin:「A Journey of Self-Discovery…?」
Subaru「Mhhhm, that’s right. A Journey of Self-Discovery…… Gh-hahahaha!」
His own words were amusing; Subaru laughed involuntarily. Although “Self-Discovery” was a word which was common with young people, were there any other relevant words which fit this well with the current Subaru? If he thought about it, it wasn’t so amusing.
Regin seemed to have vaguely felt that something was out of place at the state Subaru was in, and he said「Are you all right?」with a manner of concern for Subaru.
Regin:「Is something in your body not quite well? For a second, I was certain that this was the reason behind Natsuki-san recognising me so late, but since I’ve been mistaken for others often before…..」
Subaru:「My body isn’t unwell, really. If you’re talking about how I feel emotionally, then I’m on the confines of the worst I guess. But, it’s thanks to you, Regin, that I’ll hang in there. I was relieved to meet you here you know.」
Interrupting Regin’s words, Subaru deeply bowed his head and expressed his gratitude. Seeing Subaru’s attitude, Regin continued to get more and more bewildered. However, it seemed like he had furthered his conviction that Subaru’s attitude before his eyes was quite abnormal. Regin made a resolute facial expression, and called out to Subaru with a「Natsuki-san」
Regin:「I don’t really get the situation well, but for the time being, please come to the village with me. Let’s talk about it in detail at my clinic. You need to rest.」
Subaru:「Are you speaking like a doctor?」
Regin:「Though my patients are earth dragons, livestock and the likes, I am a doctor. Have you forgotten that too?」
Subaru:「――Forgotten. Aaah, that’s right. I’ve… forgotten?」
Regin:「Natsuki-san?」
If only he had forgotten, then for Natsuki Subaru, things likely would have ended up without him tasting the feelings of isolation that he had felt up until now. However, those feelings that tormented Natsuki Subaru were not easy things to forget.
Subaru:「Your village is further ahead, right? Have I ever stopped by?」
Regin:「Y-yeah, of course. In the past, when there was a bit of an issue, you, my older brother and that other guy came together……」
Subaru:「――I see. Thank you.」
He had been able to roughly hear what he wanted. He turned to face Regin, who had been daunted by Subaru’s words, and continued.
Subaru:「The way you… and your older brother talk are very similar.」
Regin:「Huh?」
Subaru:「You are quite the good guy. Your brother seems to be a good guy too.」
That’s why from hereafter, their『First Reunion』would also be terrible. By no means was it something that he’d derive pleasure from or look forward to.
Subaru:「――Shaula.」
Shaula:「Present; what’s up Master?」
Subaru:「Don’t hurt him.」
It was a short, nondescript call. But, by simply guessing his intentions, Shaula nodded with a「Arahorasassā」
(TL Note: this is a reference to Yatterman (A Japanese anime, which also got a film), where from some research the trio from the animated film says アラホラサッサー!in one of their songs. I’m going to leave this untranslated. But it’s something like Hey, hey, hey.)
And――,
Subaru:「I’m sorry.」
Subaru apologised to Regin who was in front of him with a single phrase. The true meaning of his apology this time was far more clear than the vagueness of the one from some time before. However, Regin never understood the real meaning.
――That was because before Regin could understand, his head had been engulfed by light and had evaporated.
Subaru:「――――」
Regin’s headless body collapsed onto the main road without him even letting out a cry of pain. An intense heat burned the wound, and even blood couldn’t flow from the cross section of his neck.
Although it was ethically a mistake to praise how the murder had been carried out so skillfully, it was a blow that was so refined that he wanted to reflexively appraise it.
Subaru:「It’s a thing of splendour no matter how many times I see it.」
Shaula:「It’s the technique that I perfected sniping the Witch Beasts from the top of the tower that approached day in and day out, without having anything else to do for 400 years. Now that I think back on it, those are grey days unfitting for a maiden of age, right?」
Subaru:「You’ve lived for 400 years and you call yourself a maiden of age….?」
Without any emotion at the tragedy before his eyes, Subaru tilted his head at Shaula’s words. And then, dragging Regin’s headless corpse along, he approached his dragon carriage, that had lost its owner.
However, when the earth dragon noticed the approaching Subaru and the others, it immediately started to run away, trying to leave Subaru and others behind on the main road.
In an instant, a white light shot past Subaru’s side and pierced through the dragon carriage’s wagon. The attack penetrated into the earth dragon’s flesh as it still pulled the dragon carriage along, burning its insides, piercing through its head and finally snatching away its life.
Though it was a rather skillful blow, it was an unwanted one.
Subaru:「……HEEEY」
Shaula:「Th-there weren’t any hard feelings! It was legitimate self-defence! It’s the result of having braced my legs trying to stop it in my own way! It’s just that my killing machine habits don’t go away so easily!」
Subaru:「I’m not angry. I’m not angry, but we may not be able to get ahold of a dragon carriage again now. When are we going to upgrade from travelling on foot..……」
He had no luck at all with earth dragons when he brought Shaula along like this. Thanks to her accompanying him, it’d already been determined that Subaru would be forced to keep walking on foot forevermore.
Shaula:「S―o, isn’t it as I always say? Even if it’s not an emergency, when it’s Master, I will always carry you on my back~ And when I do, I won’t even mind if you carelessly fondle anything strange! How’s that!?」
Subaru:「It sounds like you’re gonna ask for money after or something.」
Evading Shaula’s temptation with his blunt words, Subaru pulled Regin’s corpse into the forcibly stopped dragon carriage. The large body of the earth dragon had also fallen onto the main road having received the same fate as its owner, all the way to the point of having lost its head. Of course, the earth dragon couldn’t be taken away with Subaru’s strength. But.
Subaru:「For now, go drag the earth dragon along with the dragon carriage to the forest’s vicinity. I will try go to the village that Regin spoke of. ――Do you get where I’ll be?」
Shaula:「It’s a piece of cake. I should try to make it so they aren’t found, right?」
Subaru:「If they can’t be found for a short while, that’s fine. It’s enough if they can be left hidden for 2 or 3 days.」
Getting off from the dragon carriage, he instructed Shaula to conceal the tragedy that had happened. Raising her hand in a salute of acceptance, Shaula grabbed ahold of the huge body of the earth dragon and easily lifted up its corpse in her slender arms. The dragon carriage also began to be pulled.
Whilst she went to hide the dragon carriage in the forest, Subaru turned to look towards where the village was.
Subaru:「Now then.」
Subaru started to walk, not without purpose, but with a set goal in mind. He walked straight towards the village Regin should have returned to.
How many people knew『Natsuki Subaru』 in that village?
Either too few or too many, whichever it was, it made him feel heavy in heart. But, although it was true that it was a matter of unpleasantness, were he to avoid it then he wouldn’t be able to pick the right path.
It was a heartless choice, but it was one he had no choice but to do.
If. ――If I can at least get back『Natsuki Subaru』, everything will be alright.
Subaru:「Will getting him back even be effective?」
It’s for that reason that Subaru made the choices『Natsuki Subaru』couldn’t take.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Part 3
Subaru:「――hk, hhaa」
Subaru let the book that he had grasped in both hands drop the instant his consciousness spiralled back to reality.
His knees trembled, and his breaths had become ragged. An unbearable sense of dizziness, like the sort you’d get from standing up too fast, overwhelmed him despite him sitting on the ground.
――It felt like he’d never get used to it no matter how many times he experienced it.
Subaru:「Hhaa, hhaa……」
Brusquely wiping away the cold sweat dripping down his forehead with his sleeve, Subaru kept taking deep breaths and calmed his heartbeat down. Was the cause of his irregular heartbeat the chaos that came from the dissonance between his soul and body?
Each time he tackled a book, one after the other, he’d find that within the book, the thing he called 『himself』had become hazier.
A sane human being probably wouldn’t be able to know the boundaries between themselves and others if this kept being repeated, and they’d melt together. Or rather, they’d probably lose sight of their very self.
Shaula:「Master, are you alright?」
Subaru:「……Yeah, I’m okay, I’m fine. More importantly, have you found the next book?」
Shaula:「Lemme see…I’m still looking. It’s like matching pictures, they’re difficult to find~. I’m really not cut out for this kind of menial work…..」
Voicing out her concerns for the roughly breathing Subaru, Shaula crossed her fingers at her own disappointing lack of progress. However, Subaru had no intentions of blaming such a fragile girl.
That was because he was making her help with something unsuited for her, just like she herself was aware of. On top of that, there were bounds even to his inhumanity in going as far to rebuke the girl who’d been doing his bidding without getting anything in return.
What she did, was more than enough. There was a line that should be drawn even for Subaru, who kept running on the path of inhumanity.
Subaru:「I know that you’re not cut out for this, but I’m counting on you Shaula. There’s no one else who can lend me their strength besides you.」
Shaula:「It’d be nice Master, if you could say it as….. just me.」
Subaru:「……Right now, the one I’m counting on, is just you.」
Shaula:「Hehe, now that makes me satisfied.」
Puffing out her cheeks, Shaula once again dove back into the sea of books with a satisfied expression on her face. Although presumably she wouldn’t hold onto that good mood for very long, her eyes were indispensable for finding the books.
Her presence was a matter of life or death for Subaru, even insofar to the meaning of her being simple manpower.
Subaru:「――――」
Subaru picked up the book that had dropped to his feet that he had been reading before, and ran his finger across the title written on its spine.
The title of the black book was plain and simple;『Regin Suwen』was written there.
That youth, who had happened to meet『Natsuki Subaru』in the past, had unluckily lost his life by meeting the current Natsuki Subaru―― Subaru had experienced his life in the book as if he was him.
The memories of his chance meeting with『Natsuki Subaru』had also certainly been there within that vicarious experience. But.
Subaru:「……They weren’t that well acquainted. From Regin’s perspective,『Natsuki Subaru』was a guy that came along with his older brother and it seems he didn’t know him well.」
Perusing the memories that had become part of himself, Subaru sighed, feeling as if he had wasted effort. In all honesty, he did think that the one who most wanted to sigh was Regin who’d ended up as the victim in this. However his disappointment amidst his feelings of wasted effort were also something that he couldn’t avoid.
Regin:『Hey, no matter how much you look at it, things aren’t like that, wouldn’t you think so, Natsuki-san?』
Subaru:「……Sorry. Even though I’ve snatched away all of your memories, the relationship is still far too thin, and reproducing it has become lower. It doesn’t seem like there are going to be many chances where I am going to pay attention to you.」
Staring reproachfully at the book with his own name written on it, between the bookshelves, Regin gave Subaru a rather profound look. Although it was to be expected, a hint of blame lay thick within his eyes.
After all, just about anyone would be in an awful mood if their death was lambasted as having been useless after being killed.
Being aware of that, Subaru gave him an honest apology and said “Sorry.” However――
Regin:『Either way, I’ve got no choice but to accept that I’ve died. Besides, if your objectives are fulfilled, Natsuki-san, then everything will go back to how it was, right? Let’s hope for that.』
Subaru:「Ooh, you have the tolerance of a saint. I’m sorry to be taking advantage of your generosity, but I’m depending on it. I will pay back this debt when I put things back exactly to how they were.」
Regin:『Then let’s not hope for it, instead, let’s await it.』
Shrugging his shoulders, Regin waved and then started to fade from Subaru’s sight like mist. After he watched him disappear, Subaru put Regin’s『Book of the Dead』back on its shelf. And then, he picked up a paper that was nearby and crossed something out with his quill. ――The paper was a register which had a lot of names written on it. And just now, he had drawn a horizontal line where Regin’s name was.
Subaru:「……And that makes 23.」
As he counted the numbers he had squiggled out, Subaru cracked the bones in his neck, knowing he had a long way to go.
The library which had the『Books of the Dead』on show――『Taygeta’s』hostility was still going strong. And no matter how many times he’d visited it, it wouldn’t give Subaru a in-library search feature or the like.
Since he used it so frequently, he thought it wouldn’t really hurt if the service improved even a little bit. But, it sure was really annoying.
Beatrice:『Betty’s forbidden library was quite big too, but it’s not at all comparable to this one, I suppose. No one ought to complain about that again, in fact, Subaru.』
Julius『I agree. It looks nearly impossible to find a specific book in such an enormous library. You have to sit yourself down and deliberately apply yourself to the task. You’ll just keep exhausting yourself if you keep on going in blindly.』
Just as the complaints had crossed through his mind, Beatrice and Julius had given him their suggestions as they looked around the library. Their words were kind to Subaru, but that was why he stubbornly shook his head.
Of course, if he chose to devote time to it as had been suggested to him, then perhaps his feelings of wasted effort and anxiety would be eased just a little, but――
Subaru:「Trying to ease them would be a luxury in the first place. I don’t have any free time to sit around doing nothing. I have to reach a solution as soon as I can…..」
Ram:『What if you don’t reach it? Will something change if Barusu hurries up a little?』
Subaru:「It’ll change! ――Everything will change!」
Ram glared at Subaru as he declared that with clenched fists, with her cold, pale crimson eyes. Turning away from her gaze, Subaru stared down at the list of names he held within his hand.
The list had all of the names of each person from the same village as Regin written down. Judging from what he consulted from Regin’s memories, the likelihood that they’d be helpful in getting anything conclusive was quite low. Low, but not zero.
Then, if that was the case――
Emilia:『Will what Subaru wants to do come true if you read the books of those people?』
Subaru:「Emilia-tan……」
Subaru hesitated for a split second at Emilia’s question, worry adorning her eyes. But, Subaru nodded at Emilia like he was saying it to himself above anything else.
Subaru:「Of course it will. Ever since…. Ever since I forgot everything, I’ve just been causing everyone unimaginable trouble. This is the only way I can get everything back.」
Emilia:『I didn’t even consider that…..』
Subaru:「――That’s not good enough!」
Emilia’s expression grew gloomier as if she were unable to bear to look at the angered Subaru. Subaru had raised his voice at her without meaning to.
And as he stared straight at the shocked Emilia’s eyes, Subaru continued to speak.
Subaru:「For crying out loud, please don’t say that. No matter what it takes… I will try and get『Natsuki Subaru』back. And after that……」
Emilia:『……And after that?』
Subaru:「And after that I’ll meet you all once again…… I’ll meet you all and start anew.」
It was after losing everything, that he realised everything was important, far too late. Why didn’t people realise that what they had in their hands was irreplaceable until the load they carried on their back got lighter?
Unless losing everything and recovering didn’t go hand in hand, then why――
Emilia:『――――』
Emilia stared at Subaru with somewhat feeble eyes, as Subaru forced those words out into a mutter. Complex emotions filled those amethyst eyes which even Subaru couldn’t read.
He should have been able to clearly see everything about her. And yet, his anxiety would be cruelly stirred up in the instances where he didn’t understand what lay in her heart.
What did Emilia think? What did Emilia feel? And how did she receive the current Subaru?
Those answer were――
Shaula:「――Master! I found the next book! Praise me Praise me!」
Subaru:「Ah, aaah, well done. You did great, Shaula.」
Shaula:「Huhehehehehe~」
Shaula, who had come jumping in, had forced his dialogue with Emilia to come to an end. Subaru gave Shaula a head-pat; as a result, her face relaxed and she gratefully accepted it.
The book she held in her hand definitely matched the name written on his list.
Subaru:「……How long has『Natsuki Subaru』been sleeping inside you?」
Receiving the book from Shaula, Subaru posed this question at the book that couldn’t answer him back.
Even though it was to be expected, the books didn’t concisely answer Subaru’s questions. However, answers did indeed lie within the books. All of his barbaric acts were necessary sacrifices for this purpose.
Subaru:「Fragmented, objective information is good enough. I’ll scrape it all up, and bring it closer to its completed form…..」
Evaluation was something that was assessed and decided by the measure of others.
If that was the case, then if he was able to check everyone’s assessment and if the individual that was being assessed could be checked by the measure of everyone, then he should be able to reconstruct that person.
――And recover『Natsuki Subaru』
That was Natsuki Subaru’s highest priority; his entire journey had been for this purpose.
Of course, all of the sacrifices that had been made, along with all the sacrifices which would be made in the future, were all necessary actions so that Natsuki Subaru could get『Natsuki Subaru』back.
If he could get『Natsuki Subaru』back. If he at least came back.
Subaru:「……If it’s you, I know you would take care of everything possible.」
The memories of Emilia, Beatrice, Ram, Meili, Julius, individuals other than them and in general, all the individuals who had some relation to him. He desired memories like those.
Because, that strength should be in『Natsuki Subaru.』
Because, with that strength――
Subaru:「――Save me」
I’m counting on you,『Natsuki Subaru.』If you’re a hero, then save me.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Patching together, patching together, continuing to form its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to mould its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to fill in the colours.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, and continuing towards bringing himself closer to completion.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
――『Murder becomes a habit.』
That was one of the phrases the famous detective, Hercule Poirot, left the world with.
The meaning of this phrase didn’t refer to a person who had killed a human being and then suddenly woke up with a preference for murdering people, who then kept repeating the crime to satisfy their cravings.
It referred to someone who once solved their problems by murder, and for them, whenever another problem arose, they would think about trying to break through the problem through murder again.
――『Murder becomes a habit.』
But, if killing really was linked to the solution of the problem, could it even be said that it was the result of murder becoming a habit?
Couldn’t it be said that it wasn’t that murder became a habit, but rather that unavoidable circumstances sprang forth.
The situation wasn’t that of adding murder as an option because it had become a habit, but rather such that there was no option other than to murder. Perhaps saying things like murder had become a habit wasn’t possible anymore.
――『Murder becomes.』
To hell with Hercule Poirot. Fictional detectives needn’t talk so pretentiously.
How could he have said it as if he saw through everything!? The reasons behind every situation, behind everything, are tangled together in various complications, with multiple layers of complexity to them.
Don’t disregard those things and make light of them by trying to apply those words to everything.
――『Murder.』
This was the only way when there was no other. It was the most logical when there was no other way to reach the correct answer.
That’s why it wasn’t murder becomes a habit, but rather…
――『Only murder becomes the answer.』
Yeah, that’s right. Of course it was. Only that was the answer. Only that was the correct answer. Only that would cut through the hopelessness of this dead-end; it was a last resort.
Emilia:『Subaru is always helping me out; you’ll end up finding a solution no matter what… My esteemed knight.』
Beatrice:『If Subaru hadn’t been there, Betty would still be completely alone in the forbidden library, I suppose.』
Ram:『Ah well… Barusu is a man with good timing. Even Ram will admit that much.』
Meili:『If Onii-san wasn’t so anno~ying, then I’m sure he wouldn’t have messed up his wo~rk.』
Julius:『Subaru, though perhaps you aren’t aware of it, but I was also saved by you. Your being was a path of hope for me as well.』
Subaru:「I know.」
I know that you all love『Natsuki Subaru』a lot.
I know that you all really care about『Natsuki Subaru.』
I know that the『Natsuki Subaru』that saved you all is a Superman.
I’m aware that everything that the『Natsuki Subaru』that saved you all did has been ruined.
That’s why I have to get him back.
If I can at least get him, if I can at least get『Natsuki Subaru』back.
If I can at least do that, everything will turn out well. It’ll all turn out well.
I have to keep going.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
??:「――Natsuki Subaru has gone mad, and has killed Emilia, Julius and everyone else who accompanied him. I barely escaped with my life and somehow managed to run away and make it here.」
Everyone gathered frowned as they received the report Anastasia had brought back. The meaning behind what was shown on their faces was quite clear.
“Anastasia”:「It’s natural that all of you would judge this as hard to believe. I also deeply regret that I had to bring back this report. But, if we take into account the danger he poses, we cannot afford to look away from reality.」
??:「Anastasia-sama, even if you’re saying that, I don’t thi……」
Echidna:「――I am Echidna. Ana is still sleeping inside this body even now. Though, perhaps staying like this may be a blessing for her.」
??:「……It sounds like such a far-fetched story.」
The one who had cast his eyes down and then replied as he stood in front of Anastasia―― No, Echidna, was a red-haired knight; it was Reinhardt van Astrea.
They were in the Watergate City Pristella―― Those that had gathered there were those who were involved in the Royal Selection. The battle for the city had ended quite some time ago, and each one present was awaiting the report regarding the return of Subaru and the others who had headed to the east.
Emilia and the others had headed to the east to borrow the『Sage’s』wisdom to find a means of restoring the calamitous damage the Witch Cult had caused as a result of the Sin Archbishops having appeared in Pristella.
They were embroiled in anxiety. But, they were awaiting good news.
The grounds to make them believe that lay in one of the members that headed to the east. Those grounds were in none other than Natsuki Subaru himself. ――That would show how he had gone mad, amongst other things.
Reinhardt:「If I completely understood everything you said, then I can’t just nod my head at this story.」
Echidna:「Even if you can’t believe it, it’s the truth. He is not the same person you all knew. Natsuki Subaru has lost his memories, and is obsessed with getting them back. He has chosen the worst way to get them back.」
Reinhardt:「What would the worst way be……」
Echidna:「The『Books of the Dead』that are in the Pleiades Watchtower….. Within them are the impressions and memories of those who have died. The books can be read and understood. Unfortunately, since I haven’t read any of them, I don’t really understand the full extent of their power.」
Further confusion ensued after they received Echidna’s reply informing them of the strange power that the books held.
Of course, the threat that memories could be lost had been shown more than enough already. That too was one of the effects that Subaru and the others had gone to try and do something about.
But, who would have been able to predict that their journey to find a solution to that had ended up causing something of the same ilk.
??:「――I didn’t think Natsuki-san could do it alone. If his aim is reading the『Books of the Dead』, then how is he going about it?」
Reinhardt:「Otto, do you believe this?」
Reinhardt widened his eyes and turned to look at Otto who had let loose this coldly resounding question. With a glance at the『Sword Saint’s』blue eyes, Otto nodded with an「Indeed」
Otto:「Anastasia-sama….. or was it Echidna-san now? There’s no reason for her to lie to us like this. It’s too abnormal, and it doesn’t make sense. In fact, I can only think that something unexpected must’ve happened for her to have came back alone like this.」
Reinhardt:「That’s……But」
Otto:「I don’t want to believe it either. I don’t want to believe such a thing.」
Clenching his fist, Otto said this with a trembling voice to the persistent Reinhardt. Anyone who heard that trembling voice would grasp just how much emotion was overwhelming the pit of Otto’s stomach.
Seeing the regret etched on the one he viewed as a big brother’s face, Garfiel, who was standing next to him, anxiously said:「Brotto……」
Echidna:「……Otto-kun’s guess is correct. Even if in losing his memories, Natsuki Subaru’s behaviour pattern changed…. If he was alone, Emilia and Julius and so on should have been able to restrain him with ease. What got in the way of that plan was the one who was helping him… Shaula.」
Garfiel:「Shaula……? Isn’ that th’ name of th’『Sage』who oughta be in th’ watchtower? Did that guy do somethin’ to captain…..No, this’s confusin’. It’s like in『Osmund’s Hesitation』…..」
Echidna:「Sorry, but I can’t afford to wait until your confusion has calmed down. As you guessed, Shaula is the name of the watcher in the watchtower. Borrowing what she said, she kept saying that the『Sage』was her Master all the time. She ended up not being the『Sage』though…」
Reinhardt:「There are various things I want to ask, but…. just to make sure, is this Shaula collaborating with Subaru?」
Reinhardt posed this question to make sure, and Echidna nodded. The place went into an uproar at her confirmation.
It was an unexpected betrayal from the hero who had tried to save the Watergate City from the Sin Archbishops. And the one that accompanied him in his transformation was the『Sage』, one of the three great heroes of yore.
Who wouldn’t try and lament the world in this cruel situation which was like a nightmare within a nightmare.
Echidna:「……It isn’t because I want vengeance that I brought the truth back here.」
Suddenly, Echidna, with her face pointed down, muttered those words amidst the confusion that was unfolding at her report.
Catching her reply, Reinhardt raised his eyebrows and said:「Echidna?」As the gazes of several individuals collected on them, Echidna let out a short sigh.
Echidna:「Given Ana’s feelings, and the time I myself spent with Julius, I guess it would be justifiable to embroil myself in anger at Natsuki Subaru who killed him …… But, I’m exhausted.」
Reinhardt:「You’re exhausted?」
Echidna:「It may be true that I detested him, and that he detested me. But, even if he’s just a desperate child who’s approaching me shaking his fist, I’m exhausted.」
Shaking her head feebly, Echidna slowly stood up.
She had Anastasia’s face and spoke with Anastasia’s voice, but if she had really been her, then such a frail look would have never floated across her face.
Echidna:「I will leave this stage. The cruelty of ever bringing Anastasia back to this stage is unbearable. We have made undoable mistakes.」
Reinhardt:「Doing that would……」
Echidna:「I know you have no bad intentions. But sometimes, giving up is the best thing you can do. Persuading me not to give up will only lead to anguish. I am… quitting here.」
Following that, not a single person had any words that would stop the completely heartbroken girl. Echidna of course knew that no one here had anything which would stop her.
Since she knew that, she faced away from those who had gathered, and left the place. ――And just as she had stated before, she left the stage of the Royal Selection itself.
Echidna:「I’m praying for your good fight, all of you. ――Please, I want you all to be careful.」
That was the final report that the only member that had returned back safely from the expedition to the Pleiades Watchtower left behind. All it did was stir up a heavy anxiety.
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??:「……What’re ya gonna do from here?」
Ricardo, who was walking next to her, asked her that question as they walked on the way back. To that, Echidna closed her eyes.
The wound where Ricardo had lost his arm was serious; the part which he had lost that had once been a thick and burly arm was not attached there anymore. Instead, what had been attached there was something like a hook-hand. It could be said that the attitude of not giving up the fight even as he was now was rather like him, but――
Echidna:「It’s as I said. I give up. It’s wise. From this point on, I don’t think I will try and pretend to be Ana in her body…….Though, at the very least, I will fulfill the minimum responsibilities towards the Hoshin Company.」
Ricardo:「What’re ya sayin’ the minimum responsibilities arrrrr….?」
Echidna:「The breakup of the company, and I have to try and help out the Employees with their next job. The company itself will probably do fine if it’s left to Vice-President Chuden.」
Ricardo:「――――」
Echidna:「I get that you’re dissatisfied. But, it’s something that can’t be helped.」
Though her true colours hadn’t been revealed then, Echidna and Ricardo had been together for a long time. Though it had been a one sided acquaintanceship, she did have an appreciation for the strong emotions that Ricardo directed at Anastasia.
And that was because they were the exact same emotions that Echidna held for Anastasia.
If Ricardo held emotions like of a father’s for Anastasia, then Echidna was the same as well; she probably held emotions like of a mother’s for Anastasia.
That’s why――
Echidna:「I think that I will part with the『Iron Fang』as well. From now on Ricardo, you are free to do as you like.」
Ricardo:「If I’m free ta do as I like, then I’m gonna search for a way ta wake up Miss.」
Echidna:「……If you still have your eyes set on that in this situation where our best chance was cut off, then I can’t say anything against that. It’ll be best if the young ones of the『Iron Fang』accompany you, right?」
Echidna couldn’t fling away Ricardo’s attitude as stubbornness like that. He too was serious about protecting the ones he wanted to protect, and not giving up on the ones he couldn’t give up on. There was nothing more cruel than judging his plight as meaningless before he started anything.
There was no need for Ricardo to give up just because Echidna had.
Nevertheless――
Echidna:「Even I don’t know whether Ana would be delighted by your attitude.」
Ricardo:「……If she scolds me, then ah well. And what’s more, how can I give up without first makin’ sure!? I’m doin’ this because…. I’m Ana-bo’s actin’ foster father.」
Echidna:「――――」
Ricardo:「Can a father who abandons his daughter really be called a father? No matta’ what anyone says, I will… NEVER give up.」
There wasn’t a single hint of sarcasm towards Echidna in the resolute Ricardo’s declaration. However, being well aware of her own weaknesses, it stabbed deeply into Echidna’s chest. As a result, Echidna let a dry smile float across her face in admiration of Ricardo’s strength.
And then――
Echidna:「――Ricardo, you are really」
Echidna was about to continue her words by saying, “strong, huh.”
Or, if she had the time for it, she may have wanted to ask whether it was possible for her to get that kind of strength as well.
――But, there was no time for that.
Echidna:「――――」
A feeling like a tremor shook underneath their feet, and in an instant, Echidna saw Ricardo stretching out his arm. His thick, hook-handed arm grabbed Echidna by the scruff of her neck and her feet were lifted up into the air.
With Ricardo having hooked her up, she was able to see what was going on, and that was the last thing she did.
The very next instant, a torrent of water rushed towards them with tremendous force, engulfing Echidna, Ricardo and the city, and then continuing on to wash away absolutely everything.
――The flood which the Witch Cult had botched up, now once again assailed the Watergate City which had previously escaped disaster.
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This 𝓬ontent is taken from f(r)eeweb(n)ovel.𝒄𝒐𝙢