Volume 4, Chapter 89 [Memories Of Snow]
――After concluding his secret talk with Lewes, Subaru walked through the forest alone.
He told her that he needed to think and left her behind with the crystal. To be standing there before a girl with the same face as her own―― her original, no less. How pensive a thing.
While Subaru’s interest in all this was inexhaustible, he wasn’t sure how far he wanted to delve into this topic. But, in any case, the Lewes he just spoke to was on his side.
Of those four Lewes replicants:
Judging by Lewes’ words, two of them had been inside the Tomb. That is to say, two Leweses had taken the Trial.
As such, Subaru suspected that the one filling Garfiel with these ideas would be one of those two Leweses who had taken the Trial.
Seeing how there were four of them, it’s possible that not all of their opinions were uniform.
Subaru’s assumption that, since they all played the same character, all four of them must be the same person, had backfired. While those four were indeed playing the same person, they were each individual existences with their own thoughts and ideals.
And so, it wouldn’t be too strange if one Lewes had experienced something the others hadn’t that caused her thinking to diverge from the rest’s.
For convenience’s sake, Subaru decided to label the four Leweses Alpha, Beta, Theta, and Sigma. Leweses Alpha and Beta do not know about the Trial, while Leweses Theta and Sigma do.
What he actually wanted to do was the German “Eins”, “Zwei”, “Drei”, but he couldn’t remember the fourth one so that had to be scrapped.
Anyway,
[Subaru: Problem is, meeting with Theta and Sigma will be at least two days from now……]
The timing of the Great Rabbit’s attack on the Sanctuary―― or, strictly speaking, the large-scale magic spawning the great snowstorm that will lure the Great Rabbit here, will be five days from now.
Assuming he probably couldn’t come up with a counter-plan immediately after talking with those Leweses, the remaining three days will offer very little leeway.
In the end, Garfiel would massacre every last villager if it meant preventing the Sanctuary’s liberation.
If they were the ones who convinced him to do this, Leweses Theta and Sigma will not be easily swayed. Considering the prospects of persuading them, the road ahead was indeed looking dark.
[Subaru: But in exchange for the mounting obstacles…… there’s now an opening for dealing with Garfiel, huh. If I can just persuade the two interfering Leweses, then the problem’s solved…]
If Theta and Sigma were the ones inciting Garfiel to violence, persuading them would be the equivalent of clearing the Garfiel route. Since Subaru could see no way of working things out with Garfiel directly, this was certainly a glimmer of hope, albeit a fragile and feeble one.
Right now, Garfiel’s power was not limited to himself but extended to the twenty-odd non-representative Leweses―― that is, the empty copies without wills of their own.
Without regard for their own individual lives, each copy was an almost mechanical fighting force, and there was not much Subaru could do should Garfiel choose to use them.
Whichever way you look at it, Subaru’s situation was beyond unforgiving.
But leaving sentimentalities aside, Subaru would rather avoid coming into conflict with Garfiel.
It was all too clear that neutralizing Garfiel with force would be impossible.
If Subaru really had to take on Garfiel, spurred on by Theta and Sigma and with those girls at his command, Subaru’s already slim chances would just drop even lower.
[Subaru: After the flashy way I sealed that contract with Roswaal, I can’t fail. Not planning to, either. Nevermind whether the insurance’ll work or not, I still need to put my foot down when I have to]
Subaru tightened his cheeks just as they were beginning to falter, and shook his head, reminding himself.
Then, looking straight ahead once more,
[Subaru: Either way, I’ll have to wing it when dealing with Theta and Sigma. Could also try taking a shot with Garfiel and feel him out early, but…… maybe later]
Coming out of the forest, Subaru returned to the center of the Sanctuary.
The sun had completely risen, and the residents and the Arlam villagers had begun setting about their daily activities around the settlement.
Giving them glances as he passed, answering the occasional hellos with waves of his hand, Subaru’s legs carried him straight towards a place separated from the bustle.
To a place a little further away from the Cathedral and the village center.
――The place where Emilia was sleeping.
――Whenever she closed her eyes, the memories would come back vivid, even now.
White. A world of white.
In that landscape coated in silver, the young Emilia walked alone.
――You mustn’t remember this!
A soundless voice cried, but young Emilia, walking with her head downcast, did not hear.
Anxiously looking about her, only to be disappointed by the betrayal of her hopes, she went on dragging her feet through the snow.
――Go back! Please! Don’t do anything more!
Young Emilia exhaled a white breath and gazed curiously at the mist expelled from her mouth. Over and over, she went on huffing. Her only clothing were undergarments crafted from thin cloth and a cloak-like garment that covered the whole of her body.
It wasn’t an outfit one would wear with traversing this frigid world in mind, but there was nothing to be done.
After all, this was the first time Emilia had experienced a landscape this cold, or had ever seen snow.
The world she knew was a verdant forest abound in warmth and light, one that bore no resemblance to this world buried under ice and snow.
This all-so-familiar place had taken on an unfamiliar face.
And this mystified the young Emilia, such that she was even neglecting to react in the way she intrinsically should have.
――No! Don’t go any further! Go back! If you don’t, you’ll……!
Tearing her throat pleading, destroying it, spitting blood, yet the young Emilia’s legs did not stop. The voice would not reach her as the girl’s legs heartlessly carried her forward.
Her gait as she traversed barefoot over the unknown snowscape was pitiful.
Having lost all sensation of coldness or pain, her feet, cut by stones and branches hidden under the snow, marked her tracks with droplets of blood.
Yet earnestly pressing on, forgetting her pain, and hiding her terror of this unfamiliar world, for what purpose was she pushing forward alone?
――Stop, please…… I don’t want to watch anymore…… please……
Her pleas would reach no one. Her wish would go unfulfilled. Her hopes would be utterly shot down.
Though she already knew this fact, even in this world of dreams must this cruel fact be thrust upon her. ――By showing her her past self, and her greatest mistake, no less.
[Emilia: ――――hk]
Young Emilia’s amethyst eyes, as if sighting hope beyond the haze of the obscuring snow, sparkled.
Her eyes had landed on, as far as young Emilia knew, the trunk of the tallest tree in the world.
The great tree they called “The Tree of Prayers” was the sacred channel through which they poured their prayers to the divine and unknown. An existence treasured and revered by all who lived in the village.
Young Emilia, too, obstinately believed that by touching the great tree’s trunk she could feel its tremendous blessing upon her skin.
How reassuring it must have been in that moment to see that great tree in all its grandeur exactly where it should be.
How much of a salvation it must have been to see, amidst that familiar setting transformed into this strange and alien world, that great tree persevering as a token of her everyday life.
Huffing breath after white breath, Emilia clumsily rushed over to the great tree. The piling snow buried young Emilia to her knees, so although the tree wasn’t far away, the girl tumbled time after time, leaving imprints of herself upon pure white snow.
And, after falling face-first multiple times, with her nose red from the cold of the snow, Emilia reached the base of the tree.
Her tensed expression slightly relaxed with relief. Although, since her muscles had grown rigid in the cold, all it amounted to was a twitch.
[Emilia: ――――?]
Then, as she reached her hand towards one of the roots of the tree, young Emilia seemed to have noticed something. Sliding her hand along the root, with frozen fingers she began digging at its snow-buried tip.
――Stop!!
She dug, and dug.
With singular purpose, spurred by burning impatience, young Emilia dug through the snow.
――Stop! Stop stop stop stop stop!
Not wanting to watch. Not wanting to remember.
Wishing she could look away, shut her eyes, block her ears, and scream to tear this world asunder.
But her non-existent face, non-existent eyes, and non-existent ears could not be dissuaded.
Young Emilia’s fingertips touched something.
Slowly, with her own hands, the girl peeled away the last patch of snow――
――STOP IT!!
……
……………………
………………………………………………
{???: ――You are truly beyond saving}
[Emilia: ――――]
{???: The proof of your sin. The proof of your corruption. Be cursed be cursed be cursed, and at the end of your suffering……]
[Emilia: ――――]
{???: Just die. ――Daughter of the Witch}
[???: ――Emilia? Emilia? Oy, are you alright!?]
[Emilia: Aa, e…… uh… suba… ru……?]
Woken by someone shaking her shoulders calling to her, Emilia opened her eyes and muttered Subaru’s name. She shook her head to recover her hazy consciousness, but,
[Emilia: Subaru, why… are you here……?]
[Subaru: Do I need a reason to be? If it’s Emilia-tan’s face, I can keep staring for a whole day without getting bored]
[Emilia: Not that, I mean…… um]
Perhaps because her consciousness hadn’t fully cleared, Emilia’s response was still somewhat unsettled.
To wipe away her anxiety, Subaru patted his knees as he stood up with a smile,
[Subaru: Can’t have you letting down your guard around me. I’m really happy you trust me, but I’m still a guy with a ravenous wolf hiding under this cloak of rationality. I’d like you to be a little more mindful of the kind of person I am, Emilia-tan]
[Emilia: ……? I didn’t forget about you, Subaru. I said something strange while I was waking up, that’s all…… but, dozing off without even realizing it……]
Although it didn’t sound like she understood what Subaru was telling her, Emilia’s voice as she replied indicated that she was more or less properly awake. Having confirmed this, Subaru gave the troubled-looking Emilia a nod,
[Subaru: I get that the exhaustion’s piling up, but if you’re gonna sleep it’s better to sleep on the bed. If you keep sleeping on the floor like this it’s gonna give me a heart attack every time I come in here]
[Emilia: ……ah, I’m sorry. I made you worry, didn’t I?]
[Subaru: And I just renewed my resolve too, but seeing this and thinking some new EVENT activated and everything’s ruined had me seriously in a panic, you know. You can even say that seeing your sleeping face today was even more emotional than usual…]
In fact, the shock that struck Subaru when he walked into the room and saw Emilia was beyond description.
Getting no response when he knocked and thinking maybe she had gone out, he entered the room to find Emilia lying there in front of the bed with her silver hair sprawled across the floor.
Surely, no one could blame Subaru for falling into instant despair at that bloodcurdling sight.
That said, the warmth of her body when he held her up and the unmistakable rhythm of her breathing and pulse quickly dispelled those worries.
However,
[Subaru: If that was all of it, I would rather have let you keep sleeping, but…… you looked like you were having a really bad nightmare. Was it wrong of me to have woken you up?]
Asleep in his arms, Emilia’s brows were covered in sweat while her face and body twisted in agony. Subaru had personal experience of this himself, and he knew that there is no way to escape from a truly terrifying nightmare. The only way to be swiftly released from the pain was to be called from outside the dream.
To Subaru, who did exactly this, [No], Emilia shook her head,
[Emilia: I’m reeaally glad you woke me. I was having a pretty…… no, a really terrible dream…… so, thank you]
[Subaru: A terrible dream, haunting Emilia-tan… I kinda wanna ask what it’s about, but…… I can tell it’s not something that’ll be pleasant to talk about]
[Emilia: ――――]
Seeing the wry smile following her silence, Subaru pondered over the cause of Emilia’s nightmare.
Most likely, it was the result of the negative circumstances piling around her. He wasn’t sure what specific images she saw, but,
[Subaru: ……Alright, I won’t force you to tell me]
Seeing Emilia look away as if trying to avoid the topic, Subaru figured it was probably the vivid kind of nightmare.
If it were vague, it’d be easy to talk about. But the fact that she couldn’t showed that it must’ve been something lifelike and real.
This interaction with Emilia was getting off to a bad start, and it wouldn’t make it any easier to carry on the conversation to come.
With a troubled expression, Subaru scratched the tip of his nose, deliberating over how to broach the topic, when Emilia looked up.
[Emilia: So…… what is it, Subaru? You couldn’t possibly have come here just to look at my face for no reason, right?]
[Subaru: “Couldn’t possibly”… I don’t think it’s that implausible of a thing for me to do?]
[Emilia: No, you wouldn’t. I mean, you’re always busy running around trying your hardest. You can’t use up your time like that just on me]
[Subaru: Emilia-tan, just how diligent a guy do you think I am? You do know that I’m such a slacker that I’d wholeheartedly support the establishment of a “Slacking Appreciation Day”, right?]
No exaggeration and no joke, Subaru was well aware of his nature as a hopeless layabout. When you see a person with no role or purpose in an endless descent into depravity, you’d call that person Natsuki Subaru.
And that was why he never slacked on his daily workouts and pointless skills/hobbies training back in the old world. Because he knew he’d become an utterly hopeless human being the moment he did.
――You don’t really call someone who puts in persistent effort, even without any goal, a slacker. But Subaru didn’t seem to realize that rather obvious fact.
Perhaps wanting to say something about Subaru’s overly critical appraisal of himself, Emilia’s gaze warmed as she heard his reply. Seeing this, Subaru furrowed his brows, but Emilia didn’t remark on it in the end,
[Emilia: It’s fine. Anyway, tell me why you’re here already. Hu~rry~up~]
[Subaru: What’s with the cuteness all of a sudden……! Uhh, but, right. I was thinking maybe we could go outside for a walk to lighten up the mood a bit……]
[Emilia: ――――]
[Subaru: Though, that wouldn’t really lighten it up, would it…]
Seeing Emilia fall silent, Subaru realized he misspoke and scratched his head.
It was obvious from the fact that Emilia’s residence was placed apart from the village center that she wasn’t well received in the Sanctuary.
Being fellow outcasts of their respective races, there really should be a sense of fellowship between them, but it would seem that Half-Elves was a special case.
For the refugees from Arlam, too, their safe escape from the Witch Cult did not directly improve their opinions of Emilia.
Emilia’s treatment in the Sanctuary was no different from her treatment in the Capital: like that of a tumor.
She acted strong when she was with Subaru, but that didn’t mean it was easy for her. And just how did she deal with all those gazes when she was alone?
Being that the situation still hadn’t improved, bringing Emilia outside would only place an unnecessary burden on her.
[Subaru: It’s because of stuff like this that I……]
Aggravated at his own thoughtlessness, Subaru punched himself in the forehead.
Feeling the pain flood over from his knuckles to his skull, Subaru turned to face Emilia, who had widened her eyes at his inexplicable act,
[Subaru: Emilia]
[Emilia: ――Mm]
Seeing the change in Subaru’s expression, Emilia sensed that the atmosphere had shifted. She corrected her posture, and, with a calm emotion in her amethyst eyes, she looked back at Subaru.
Her expression told Subaru that it’d be pointless to broach the topic in a roundabout manner. But just how should he say it? He puzzled over his opening line for only an instant, and,
[Subaru: Do you… feel like talking with me about what you saw in the Trial?]
――Subaru could plainly see the horror and anguish washing over her tearing, amethyst eyes.
-=Chapter 89 End=-
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