Volume 4, Chapter 86 [Against All Odds]
Subaru was so stunned by what had just happened that he all but forgot about the pain of being punched.
Toppled across the ground, he looked up to find Otto glaring at him. On that usually pathetic, dead-pan, definitely-not-intensely-emotional face, there was a definite, blazing fury in his eyes.
Otto Suwen’s eyes were looking down on Subaru, full of rage.
[Otto: You don’t know what to do, and your head’s all messed up]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Otto: When you’re in a place where you need help, when the strength of your own arms and mind aren’t nearly enough, all you do is frantically scramble around accomplishing nothing but wasting time, isn’t it?]
Saying this to the silent Subaru, step by step, Otto drew closer.
On his hands and knees, paralyzed on the ground and feeling the heat swelling on his left cheek, all Subaru could do was stare at Otto.
[Otto: Your silence means you aren’t denying it, then. At least in our world, getting yourself trapped is about the lowest you can go. ――You hear me?]
Otto reached his hand to the speechless Subaru and hoisted him up by the collar,
[Otto: If you hear me, say something!]
[Subaru: ――――!]
A sharp, solid impact rammed into Subaru’s forehead, sending sparks flying.
Feeling the world spinning before his eyes, Subaru realized that he had taken a headbutt from Otto. Then again, another headbutt sent him flying backwards.
With his forehead and cheekbone aching, Subaru was shoved stumbling backwards. Naturally, no one could be expected to just sit there and take it――
[Subaru: The hell’re you doing……!?]
[Otto: Oh, so you were conscious when I beat you just now? I was pretty sure I was roughing up someone asleep, you know]
[Subaru: What’re y――!?]
Tearing up from the second headbutt straight to the nose, Subaru lashed back in rage, trying to grab Otto. But Otto slipped aside from Subaru’s reaching arms and violently swept out his legs from under him, sending him tumbling to the ground.
[Subaru: Gha!?]
[Otto: Just when your head’s getting some blood-flow, you’ve left your footing unattended. Isn’t that’s just like you, Natsuki-san, pathetic]
[Subaru: Oh…… you think!?]
Springing to his feet, Subaru threw the fistful of dirt he had grabbed on the way down straight at Otto’s face. But, having read his movements, Otto guarded his face with his arm and quickly closed in before Subaru could react. Just like that, in the time it took to gulp, Otto had place one hand on the back of Subaru’s collar and the other on his waist and tossed him.
Slamming back-first into the ground, Subaru bounced off of the impact, choking from the pain.
Even though the ground was thick with dead leaves where he landed, that didn’t absorb half of the shock.
Gasping, with numbness running all the way to the ends of his limbs, Subaru couldn’t get up again.
[Otto: Resorting to dirty tricks as usual, Natsuki-san? Too bad they don’t work on me once I see them coming]
[Subaru: …….Ghh, khha]
[Otto: See, Natsuki-san? This is what your strength amounts to. You’ll never reach the level of the Knights or Roswaal-sama, nevermind Garfiel. Even against me, you end up like this]
Watching Subaru desperately sucking oxygen into his convulsing lungs, Otto shook his head with exasperation as he prodded him with these words.
Walking over to the helpless Subaru’s side, Otto drew his face closer,
[Otto: Picking fights with the White Whale and the Witch Cult was stupid. You’re weak, and you wouldn’t have lasted a second in a straight-up fight. Surely, you understand this]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Otto: So, were you going to compensate for your lack of strength with wits? From what I’ve seen, there is a bit of cleverness about you…… but certainly no above-average judgement or decision-making abilities. Even your common sense is lacking]
Not sure what Otto was trying to say, irritation began showing through Subaru’s ragged breaths.
By now, the convulsions of his lungs, the shock of being thrown, and the pain on his forehead and cheek had somewhat faded. In their place, what accompanied his returning calm was only confusion regarding the true intention behind Otto’s words.
Looking down into Subaru’s black, non-understanding eyes, Otto continued,
[Otto: Both your strength and wits are lacking, and if there’s anything else that can compensate…… well, there really isn’t anything. You’re small, your reach is short, you’re the kind of person that can be found anywhere. You are just a commonplace nobody, and yet you’re aiming for these disproportionately great things]
[Subaru: What…’re you…… even trying to say?]
[Otto: You know that you’re powerless and weak, so what’s the backup plan you came up with? It’s to corner yourself even further, whittling yourself down trying to pull something out of nothing…… I finally understand how Patrasche-chan feels]
[Subaru: Patrasche……?]
Hearing the name of his ground dragon, Subaru’s eyes widened in surprise.
Patrasche. The black ground dragon who got herself injured to save a master who didn’t even know why she would do such a thing for him, who had taught him so much and to whom he owed so much―― who was so utterly wasted on Subaru,
Now Otto was saying that he understood how she felt.
While Subaru lay there, blinking, Otto stuck his fingers through his grey hair, and, with thorns in his voice, [So, you see], he continued,
[Otto: It’s fine to show off in front of the girl you have a crush on. That’s a necessary vanity, and I’ll respect that. I suppose it’s inevitable that you’ll be boasting things that are way out of your calibre. So I’ll be willing to overlook that]
That would be Emilia. And the way Subaru acts in front of Emilia.
[Otto: And I’ll forgive you for showing off in front of the girl who has a crush on you. Again, that’s necessary. When love’s involved, I believe the one on the receiving end carries a certain responsibility too. So it’s important to be putting on airs when you’re around someone who loves you, and I can forgive you for that]
That would be Rem. Once, Subaru had told Otto the exact same thing. That he wanted to show off in front of Rem, because she was a girl who loved him.
[Otto: But, that’s where you stop]
With this, Otto stuck his face even closer.
Subaru shrunk up his shoulders in anticipation of another headbutt, but Otto went on, practically snarling,
[Otto: You know that you’re lacking. You know that you’re insufficient. You want to show off to the girl you like. And you want to be something that the girl who likes you could be proud of]
[Subaru ――――]
[Otto: So, to make up for the parts that you don’t want those girls to see, shouldn’t you be enlisting some help from others? ――Say, from a friend?]
Pulling his face away, Otto said the last part holding his palm to his own chest.
[Subaru: Haa…]
Listening to those words, Subaru let out a small sigh.
Honestly, for a moment, Subaru thought something along the lines of [Yeah, you’re right].
It wasn’t that he hadn’t hoped he could cling to and rely on someone this way. Of course he had. Like Otto said, Subaru knew that he was weak and lacking. He was not nearly so conceited as to think that he could solve everything on his own.
In fact, all this time, hadn’t he been trying to enlist Echidona and Roswaal’s help to compensate for his own incompetence?
Yet instead of receiving their cooperation, all he got in return were wounds and truths that he didn’t want to learn.
He had already tried to do it Otto’s way. But what Otto’s suggested wouldn’t work at all. That door was already shut.
[Subaru: ――Hah]
[Otto: What’s so funny?]
Reaching that desolate conclusion in his heart, it began to show on his face as well. Seeing this, Otto furrowed his brows in displeasure, while Subaru, with his face red and swollen, looked up to meet his gaze,
[Subaru: You got it all wrong. ……It’s not like I haven’t asked for help. I’ve already tried everything that might work. I’ve already tried to rely…… on anyone I thought I could rely on, and yet……]
His hopes were betrayed, but, not willing to give up, he was left only hugging his head.
In the end, even Emilia, whom he thought he must “Protect” and “Save”, rejected his thoughts. And only then did he realize that, all along, he had been looking down on Emilia as a “Weakling who needed his protection”.
Having experienced various things, met various people, said flashy lines, barked that he would make everything work out, rejected the resolve to die and embraced the resolve to live, and pretended as if he had moved forward if only just a little, ultimately, all Subaru had been doing was marching in place.
He couldn’t see a single thing he could do to alter this deadlock.
Now that even his forced smile had dried up, only a cold, rigid expression remained on Subaru’s cheeks.
Watching this, Otto’s lips quivered at Subaru’s silent laments.
[Otto: ……But, I don’t recall you ever asking me for help, Natsuki-san]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Otto: I’m not worthy of being relied upon, and it’d be pointless…… that’s how you see me, isn’t it? Or could it be that, in your eyes…… I’m just another one of those who needs protecting?]
Otto’s trembling voice as he tried to stifle his emotions only made his words even more jarring.
This was merely a glimpse of Otto’s rage, sorrow, and emotions without an outlet.
Touched by the ripples of Otto’s overflowing emotions, Subaru realized that his words had inadvertently hurt him, and he quickly shook his head.
[Subaru: No, you’re wrong…]
[Otto: How am I wrong? It’d be strange if I was wrong. If I was, then why are you sitting there alone not telling me anything?]
[Subaru: The fact that I’m not…… telling you anything isn’t because I don’t trust you. You’re wrong about that]
[Otto: ――――]
Shaking his head, Subaru’s eyes were wandering.
Meanwhile, Otto fell silent, only keeping his green irises fixed on Subaru.
The pressure of that gaze made Subaru cast down his eyes, muddying his words as he put his hand to his forehead.
It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Otto. In those loops, Otto had staked his life to protect him, and stayed with him when there was no profit to be made from it. For that, Subaru was sincerely grateful, and he wasn’t lying when he called him a friend.
But how could he tell Otto the truth?
If it was Echidona or Roswaal who could understand Subaru’s circumstances, then it’d be fine. The taboo wouldn’t be violated, and conversation would be possible.
But that was not the case with Otto. Not just Otto, but none of Emilia, Ram, or any of the others in the Sanctuary knew the first thing about Subaru’s situation.
Without mentioning the Witch or Return by Death, Subaru couldn’t possibly explain the predicament he was in. Even if he could tell them what will happen, about the Great Rabbit and the attack on the Mansion―― Subaru wouldn’t be able to say how he came to know these things in the first place.
When that happens, what could he tell them to make them believe him? Could he even hope for such a thing?
He knew he wasn’t strong enough, he knew he wasn’t smart enough, and he knew just how useless he was.
And so, ultimately, Subaru couldn’t do anything without getting help from others, and he understood that it was his job to obtain the help he needed.
But now, having failed to do his job, he had come to a standstill.
[Subaru: I can’t explain it. My head’s all a mess…… like you said, it’s all a mess, and…… there’s no way I can prove anything I say]
[Otto: …………]
[Subaru: They’re stuff that, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe any of it…… so how can I explain it…… it’s like that with you, with everyone, with……]
[Otto: ……Why don’t you try?]
[Subaru: ――Huh?]
When Subaru told him that he could give him no reason to believe him, that was Otto’s reply.
Unwittingly looking up at those words, he saw Otto with his arms folded, looking back at him,
[Otto: So, why don’t you try saying it? Even if it doesn’t make sense and comes out all jumbled because your head’s confused, I won’t interrupt you, and I’ll listen to the end]
[Subaru: No, but, that’ll……]
[Otto: Just…… out with it!! Didn’t I tell you to stop putting on airs!?]
Otto kicked his foot into the ground, shouting that he had had enough.
Then, jutting out his finger at the wide-eyed Subaru,
[Otto: If you have the time to whine about having no proof and how no one’s going to believe you, why don’t you use that time to spit out everything that’s holed up in that head of yours!? Isn’t that way more constructive than sitting there moping!?]
[Subaru: Even if you say that……I! There’s no way you’d believe me if I gave you this mishmash……!]
[Otto: ――Just spit out the mishmash! Then at the end I’ll say “I believe you”! Because that’s what friends do!!]
――All the confounded, tangled contents of Subaru’s head was uprooted and blown away by Otto’s shout.
Otto’s words were without any real basis, and his logic was not that convincing at all.
Yet, to Subaru who had come to a standstill, it was more than enough of a push on his back.
[Subaru: Well… I don’t expect you to believe any of this, but……]
Little by little, he gave voice to every single one of the problems he had been keeping inside himself, and it didn’t even take that long.
[Subaru: So, yeah…Roswaal’s hired the assassin to attack the Mansion…… in order to corner me and Emilia so we have nowhere to run…… pretty much]
Gingerly watching for any censoring hands popping up, Subaru carefully brought his explanation to an end.
All the while, Otto had only quietly listened, albeit with his brows furrowed.
[Subaru: And that’s all the information I have right now…… it may not be all that precise, but that’s everything. With nothing held back, all of it]
Naturally, the unspeakable part about Return by Death and the Witches’ tea party were a different story.
With those parts left out, the foundations were definitely a bit shaky. Even Subaru himself felt that the connections between everything were way too vague.
And so he was pretty on edge to see what Otto’s reaction would be. Although Otto had promised to say “I believe you” at the end, just what would he actually think about everything he said just now?
[Otto: Natsuki-san……]
[Subaru: …………]
After a long silence spent in thought, Otto dropped his folded arms and looked at Subaru. Seeing himself reflected in Otto’s green pupils, Subaru unwittingly held his breath.
What’s he going to say first? Subaru could hear his own heart pounding.
And, to this stiffened Subaru,
[Otto: There’s no way I can pretend I didn’t hear any of that and just run away, is there?]
[Subaru: Wh――haa!?]
Subaru yelped, thrown off by that off-kilter reply. But Otto shouted right over Subaru’s yelp with, [After all!],
[Otto: We’re trapped in this place with the Great Rabbit approaching, the only way to get out is if Emilia-sama breaks through the Trials, if we try leaving with just the people not affected by the Barrier we’ll get stopped by Mr.Clueless there, and even if we make it back to the Mansion we’ll get murdered by an assassin hired by the owner of the Mansion……. What kind of a situation is this!?]
[Subaru: That’s what I wanna know! Why do I have to be herded into a stupid ridiculous situation like this!? I mean I already knew it, but is this how much Kami-sama hates me!? Well, I hate him too!!]
If there really is a God of Fate, there is no doubt that god really hates Subaru. And since Subaru didn’t think he did anything atrocious to actually deserve this, it was just plain unfair.
But cursing the Gods wasn’t going to move this situation anywhere nor make things any easier. And, even before that,
[Subaru: Wait, Otto. I can see why you wanna flip out right now, but…… you mean you actually believe all those crazy things I said?]
[Otto: ――――]
[Subaru: That these bloodthirsty Mabeasts are coming, that even if we wanna run we don’t know if Emilia’ll succeed or not, that Garfiel’ll get in our way, and that Roswaal’s already betrayed us for his bat-shit insane ideas…… you really believe all that?]
Saying it out loud again, it just sounded like a list of unfortunate situations all bunched up into one.
In particular, the approaching Great Rabbit and Roswaal masterminding the attacks on the Mansion were all without any proof whatsoever. Those were the two most important parts, and Subaru had nothing he could use to convince anyone.
For the Great Rabbit, how could Subaru possibly predict the movements of Mabeasts when almost everyone in the world had already been trying?
As for Roswaal, why would he be plotting against Emilia, the candidate he is backing in the Royal Selection?
None of this Subaru could explain.
[Otto: Natsuki-san]
Otto briefly closed his eyes before addressing Subaru’s question.
He raised a single finger, and,
[Otto: I’ve been to quite a few places up to now, and I might not look like it, but I’ve interacted with all sorts of people on the way]
[Subaru: ……Unless, you can tell if someone’s trustworthy just by looking at them?]
[Otto: No, I don’t believe in that kind of superstition. When you’re a merchant, you’ll come to learn very quickly that there are people who can lie to anyone without a single cloud in their eyes. I’ve had more than my share of experience in that regard]
He’s bragging about it, but doesn’t that just mean Otto has been duped enough times for him to have learned his lesson?However, deciding that this was too important a conversation to stick that quip in there, Subaru kept his mouth shut and allowed Otto to continue,
[Otto: Well, after meeting all those people, I’ve also learned to do business in my own sort of way. It’s been four years since I left home and, for better or for worse, I survived]
Otto made it sound simple, but it probably wasn’t an easy road.
He too must’ve been thrown into life or death situations more than a few times.
In this world, where one could run into the White Whale just by crossing a field, it’s not hard to imagine the kind of dangers a travelling merchant would have to face. Stray dogs, burglars, those kinds of things.
[Otto: And so, day after day like this, I’ve managed to make a life for myself as a merchant…… and I can confidently say that, up to now, I’ve always picked the side that was favored by the odds. Though things don’t always turn out the way I’d hope…… and there were times when what I thought was the winning side turned out to be unmitigated disasters and were never heard from again…]
[Subaru: Oy, oy, oy……]
[Otto: But, regardless of the outcomes, I’ve always tried to make choices that I don’t end up regretting. When I’m putting myself on the line, I think it’s obvious why that’s necessary]
Subaru still couldn’t exactly tell what Otto’s criteria is, but it sounded like he always picked the side with the best chances.
Hoping to establish a connection with Roswaal, Otto had accompanied Subaru to the Sanctuary with his personal advancements in mind. In that sense, Otto behaved like a realist, through and through.
That’s why Subaru figured that Otto would have no reason to listen to his baseless words without the slightest hope of――
[Otto: And so, this is a first, Natsuki-san]
[Subaru: ――Huh?]
Not sure what he was saying, Subaru only stared at Otto with his mouth gaping open.
And, seeing this, with a stupidly cheerful expression,
[Otto: Going against all odds and joining the side with no visible chance of success is definitely a first for me]
Otto stated his decision.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Running as fast as his legs could carry him. Out of breath.
Chasing his bolting heart across the meadow, without a second to lose, Subaru’s body was shrouded in wind.
Slicing through the crisp morning air, making great swings of his arms, he sprinted, step after leaping step.
Kicking up soil, trampling over rocks, he dashed straight along the shoddy path.
At last, the destined building entered his field of view.
His cheeks twisting with unwitting exhilaration, Subaru bared his teeth. Huffing like a dog with his tongue sticking out, he bounded for the building’s entrance, reaching for the door.
And,
[Subaru: ――ROSWAAL!]
Violently flinging it open, Subaru tumbled into the building. Through the entryway and past the adjacent living room, he shoved open the flimsy door with nearly enough force to break it.
Inside, were Roswaal, sitting up on the bed, and Ram, diligently tending to him, while their expressions were painted over with surprise.
It was rare to get such a startled reaction from the usually carefree Roswaal and the always brazenly unemotive Ram.
And, since Subaru was about to do something never done before, that would be a good omen.
Counting on their surprise to be the winds of his good fortune, Subaru jutted out his finger at the speechless master and servant, and,
[Subaru: ――Let’s make a bet. With your wish and mine as the chips]
-=Chapter 86 End=-
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