Volume 4, Chapter 54 [To Know Of Hell]
As the fatal question escaped his lips, Subaru realized exactly where he stood.
The words came out, landing safely in Garfiel’s ears―― and the golden-haired youth’s expression changed. Witnessing this, for a moment, Subaru’s thoughts froze still.
It was the same Garfiel who had always kept up his guard around Subaru, sustaining the tough facade with his razor-sharp leer, determined not to show any sign of weakness.
But now, that expression was being twisted into something else.
It was almost like the expression of a child on the verge of tears after his most precious secret had been revealed.
[Garfiel: You…… th’hell did y’just say?]
But that fleeting, transient expression only lasted for an instant.
As if eradicating that lapse of weakness, Garfiel squeezed shut his eyes, grit his teeth, and glared back at Subaru like a man possessed.
The silence that permeated the forest and the almost-lonely stillness was abruptly turned, as goosebumps crawled across Subaru’s skin on the receiving end of that stare.
It was his body reacting to the threat of impending danger. An exaggerated reflex to――
[Subaru: You look like you’re going to kill someone]
Touching on “that topic” must have been the last thing Garfiel wanted. His reaction made Subaru quite certain of that.
Without uttering a sound, the coldness of Garfiel’s glare only intensified with Subaru’s mutter.
The fleeting trace of weakness was gone, and, in its place, there was now only dagger-like malice directed at the target of his glare.
Pierced by that gaze, instincts warning of danger pulsed throughout Subaru’s body. But, consciously ignoring this, Subaru kept up his undaunted facade,
[Subaru: Do I have to say it again? I saw some kids who looked exactly like Lewes-san wandering around the Sanctuary. And I’m pretty sure they weren’t Lewes-san]
[Garfiel: ……I don’t know what y’mean. So y’saw Granny takin’ a walk? It’d be another question if she’s strollin’ around in th’middle of th’night, but that ain’t anythin…]
[Subaru: ――Two of them]
[Garfiel: Hah?]
Just as Garfiel tried to rationalize what Subaru described, his desperate excuses shattered as Subaru held up two fingers on his outstretched hand,
[Subaru: I saw two kids looking exactly like Lewes-san walking around at the same time. Maybe one of them was Lewes-san, but then……who would the other one be――]
――The moment he finished his sentence, all sense of up and down blurred into one.
[Subaru: ――Ghua!]
He felt his back slamming into something hard, wrenching all the air out of his lungs.
His spine had crashed into something large and uneven―― the trunk of a tree, and was being pinned there by an enormous force as he dangled sideways, unable to escape.
Suspending Subaru in mid-air with his hand pinning his stomach against the tree, Garfiel stared straight into Subaru’s eyes,
[Garfiel: ――And where th’hell did y’see that, oy]
[Subaru: Nowhere too weird…… just… in the forest……]
[Garfiel: No… that ain’t possible. We took too much fuckin’ care t’make sure that wouldn’t happen or it would’ve been found out by y’nosy bastards a long time ago]
Garfiel’s palm pressed harder as he spoke, sending stomach fluids spilling from Subaru’s lips. Regardless of Subaru’s struggling and kicking, the arm wouldn’t budge an inch.
Like an insect pinned up for display. He shuddered at the thought.
[Garfiel: Yer belly’s gonna touch yer back if we keep doin’ this? How ‘bout y’start tellin’ the truth before that happens?]
Twisting his lips into a sadistic grin, Garfiel amped up the pressure against Subaru’s body.
As if Garfiel was proving that he wasn’t joking, Subaru could feel his bones and organs beginning to creak. Gasping, heaving painful breaths,
[Subaru: Th……at’ll, depend on your atti……tude]
[Garfiel: Now ain’t that funny. Y’still think y’can negotiate with me on equal footin’? I thought I taught ya t’get rid of those conceited ideas?]
[Subaru: You could just…… finish me off here without getting any answers, but that won’t solve anything]
[Garfiel: …………]
Uttering those fragmented words, Subaru could sense that Garfiel was listening.
――Subaru had half-expected this furious reaction from Garfiel up to now.
The only time Subaru actually saw the Lewes-clones was during their final showdown with the Witch in the previous loop.
Before that, he had never even imagined their existence, much less spotted any of them in the Sanctuary. But, thinking back on it now, there were actually quite a few peculiarities that hinted at their existence, though there’s no need to get into that here.
Regardless, that was just how well the clones were hidden in the Sanctuary.
It’s hard to imagine Garfiel keeping the existence of more than 20 replicants a secret, so it was probably something known among the residents of the Sanctuary.
If anyone on this side knew about it, it would be Roswaal, and possibly Ram.
Either way, just mentioning it was enough to put Garfiel on edge, that much was the expected half.
As for the unexpected half――
[Garfiel: ……Y’re fucked up]
Spitting this out, Garfiel released Subaru’s body.
Without any warning, Subaru dropped to the ground with a surprised [Uwa]. Rolling, tasting grass and soil in his mouth, he spat out the dirt and stood himself up. Then, looking back at Garfiel,
[Subaru: D-don’t just let go all of a sudden, scared me there]
[Garfiel: Shut up, freak. Quit fuckin’ around. Y’fuckin’ testin me?]
[Subaru: Testing?]
Seeing Subaru tilt his head, playing dumb, Garfiel clicked his tongue, leering,
[Garfiel: Y’thought I was gonna kill ya when y’said that, didn’t ya]
[Subaru: …………]
――The half that Subaru didn’t expect was that Garfiel chose not to immediately kill him.
Even when provoked like this, Garfiel was still giving him a chance to explain himself.
Realizing that Subaru had said those words knowing they might result in his death, Garfiel violently kicked his foot into the ground,
[Garfiel: Quit fuckin’ around… Y’think yer gonna stake yer fuckin’ life and act like nothin’s happenin’? Y’fuckin nutcase. Y’make me sick]
[Subaru: Kinda hurts when you put it like that…… and it’s not like I don’t care or anything]
Subaru smiled weakly at Garfiel and scratched his own head.
While doing so, he noticed that his fingers were actually shaking.
Although Garfiel had stopped inflicting pain on Subaru, his hostility did not seem to diminish in the slightest.
And even now, Subaru’s physical body was screaming with primal terror as though his organs were being wrenched and twisted.
It was only natural, considering the intentionally-provoked Garfiel was standing right in front of him.
That is to say, Subaru more or less understood that he was facing down the same giant golden tiger who rampaged through the forest in the night, slaughtering the villagers.
Just the memory of its ravaging fangs and claws froze his heart with terror.
But still――
[Subaru: If just my life is enough to fix everything, then that’s a pretty fair trade]
If whittling down at Subaru’s heart was the only price to pay, then it’d be quite a bargain.
It’s not every day that you can get a HAPPY END so cheaply.
Even though Subaru’s resolve could break at any moment――the meager foundation supporting it was firm and unbreakable.
Garfiel must have understood this as well. Crunching up his nose into a disgusted grimace,
[Garfiel: I got no good impressions of a bastard with eyes like that. Normally, I’d crush ya on th’spot, but……]
[Subaru: I’d be pretty bummed out if you did that… I’d still prefer if you could magnanimously overlook this. And it really sounds like we’re speaking the same language here……so]
[Garfiel: …………]
[Subaru: Any chance you feel like answering my question?]
Patting off the dirt on his body, Subaru asked once again.
Garfiel’s face soured at the return of the forcefully interrupted topic, and, turning his eyes away,
[Garfiel: Don’t wanna]
[Subaru: Is that right. Oh well, no helping it]
Getting a reply that sounded like something from a stubborn child, Subaru shrugged and casually dropped the topic.
In return, an expression of complete bafflement came onto Garfiel’s face.
[Garfiel: Y’…… aren’t y’gonna……]
[Subaru: But you don’t want to talk, right? And I don’t have the power or the persuasive skills to make you. Well I mean, I could keep bugging you to tell me, but the rewards aren’t really worth the risk, so maybe another time]
[Garfiel: ……what]
[Subaru: Oh don’t make that confounded face, Garfiel. No matter how much you want to keep your secrets hidden, I’ll be sure to expose it. I kind of have to, you know]
Garfiel’s head sprang back up at those words, and Subaru returned his gaze head on.
Their eyes met, but there was no longer the same tension as before. The spirit in Garfiel’s pupils seem to have faded, while Subaru’s steeled their resolve.
[Subaru: Garfiel. I’ll be sure…… to expose all the Sanctuary’s secrets you people are trying to hide. I know I have no other choice, so I’ll absolutely make sure of it]
[Garfiel: ……Shut up. Y’realize if I stuff yer fuckin’ mouth right now there ain’t gonna be no “absolutely” or “sure of” t’speak of, oy]
[Subaru: Sorry, but I’m absolutely sure. As long as I haven’t given up, I know I’ll uncover everything there is to uncover. If there’s anyone to blame for that, blame your own sloppiness]
Not understanding Subaru’s words, Garfiel’s eyes wavered with confusion.
Naturally, he couldn’t have known what his “Sloppiness” was referring to. After all, it was a mistake he hadn’t yet made.
[Subaru: ……Guess there’s no point even if we keep talking]
Watching the silenced Garfiel, Subaru decided to end the conversation here.
He had raised Garfiel’s caution to its utmost limit, and after this bluff, there was already no way he could disarm him in this loop.
Although Subaru never had much hope of success in this loop, seeing it completely fall apart like this was still somewhat hard to bear.
[Subaru: But…]
――But he must endure it nonetheless.
Since he had resolved to wager his life, this wouldn’t be the last time where he’d have to bear this sense of loss.
He would probably never get used to, or manage to forget that pain.
Surely, if he ever got used to the endless cycle of “Deaths”, only to find that he could no longer truly desire the future ahead of him, Subaru’s heart would be swallowed by darkness, never to return. Somehow, he just knew this.
[Subaru: You still want to stop me, don’t you, Garfiel?]
[Garfiel: …………]
[Subaru: If you do, that’ll only draw things out longer. So it’d help if you didn’t]
Even if Garfiel killed him now, Subaru would just be returned to the Tomb, a few hours ago.
Everything after that would feel like a throwaway match, and if Garfiel pulled him aside again, he should be fine if he just chose some safer responses.
Though of course, it’d be better if he could avoid Returning by Death altogether.
Garfiel didn’t respond to Subaru’s prodding.
Seeing this, Subaru turned his back, and began walking out of the forest towards the Sanctuary. He would need to begin planning tomorrow’s actions, and organize all the things that must be confirmed.
Although he has as many chances as his strength of will would allow, that didn’t mean he should waste them.
[Garfiel: You……]
Watching Subaru walk further and further away, Garfiel called to him with a voice of stifled emotion.
Subaru stopped, but did not turn around. Staring at his back, Garfiel muttered,
[Garfiel: Just what…… are y’tryin’ to do in th’Sanctuary? What do y’plan t’do with us, ah? Oy]
[Subaru: I’ve already told you. I intend to save Emilia. I don’t plan to do any harm to the Sanctuary……or to you, for that matter]
He knew of the disaster that was going to befall the Sanctuary, and intended to rescue its residents from their fate. Naturally, Garfiel would be counted among them.
But that would only be the final result,
[Subaru: I’m sure I’ll make you despise me many times over before we get there. I’ll apologize for that in advance. ……Sorry]
[Garfiel: ……I’ve got no idea what yer sayin’. Everythin’ y’said……yer soundin’ exactly like ‘em]
Garfiel spoke as if he was speaking to something frightening and incomprehensible, and Subaru could only resign to the fact that it was inevitable.
As much as he wanted to be understood, he knew that Garfiel couldn’t possibly understand.
[Subaru: I don’t want to fight you. From tomorrow onwards, just act normal…… it’s alright if you can’t, but don’t get in my way. Go back to a warm bed and get some early sleep for tonight. Oversleep, shirk your duties, or wake and go right back to bed for all I care――]
Tossing out these last words before leaving, Subaru suddenly stopped mid-sentence.
Just now, he had noticed something in what he just said.
And from there, an idea had taken shape in his mind――
[Subaru: Might be worth trying]
[Garfiel: ……Hah?]
[Subaru: Anyways, that’s it for tonight, Garfiel. Whatever your worries and concerns are, I’ll take care of everything. So just be patient and wait until then]
[Garfiel: ――! You……!]
Listening to Subaru speak in future tense from beginning to end, Garfiel’s head shot up.
His face flushed with anger, he bared his teeth, spitting,
[Garfiel: Don’t give me that condescending bullshit…..! Who, who th’fuck asked ya t’take care’of anything? Don’t go meddlin’ in what’s none’of yer business! Granny, th’others…… anything! Y’don’t fuckin’ know anything……!]
[Subaru: I don’t know, so I have to find out. That’s why I have to do this]
[Garfiel: Yer only seein’ th’fuckin’ surface, how can y’possibly understand!? Smirkin’ like an idiot, prattlin’ outta dreams, muddlin’ things with fuckin’ pretty words y’fuckin’ con-artist piece’of shit!]
[Subaru: ――――]
[Garfiel: Y’don’t know pain, don’t know what sufferin’ feels like, so don’t fuckin’ talk like y’know everything――!!]
Garfiel screamed back, raving at Subaru’s arrogant facade.
The shouts dissolved into the night’s forest sky, and faded into nothing.
Condescending, speaking like he knew everything, meddling in what was none of his business despite not understanding a thing.
――Indeed, all this was true, and there was not the slightest ground to dispute it.
However,
[Subaru: ……I do know]
[Garfiel: ――――]
[Subaru: I know what Hell is. ――So many times, I’ve seen it]
If there was Hell in this world, it’d be all the worlds that Subaru had seen.
At the end of countless worlds, burning those scenes of Hell into the back of his eyes, certainly, he knew it well.
And that was why――
[Subaru: It’s enough that I’m the only one who has to know that Hell. That is the reason I’m here]
――He sincerely believed this in that moment.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
After leaving Garfiel whimpering and clutching his heart, Subaru did not return to his bed inside the Cathedral.
He would have headed to bed and set about slowly figuring out his strategy for the near future. In fact, until recently that had been his intention.
But there was a reason he chose to discard that plan and head somewhere else instead.
[Subaru: …….It should be this way if I remember correctly]
Peeling aside the sprawling ivy, Subaru muttered to himself while making his way down the unmarked path.
Visibility was poor under the forest canopy that obscured the moonlight. The dense, knee-high weeds didn’t help, either. There was no consistency to the uneven ground, and he was forced to slow his pace to keep himself from stumbling.
[Subaru: While I’m usually pretty confident about my sense of direction, the memory’s too hazy, huh… But it’s not like I had time to calmly look around the place, so guess there’s no helping it]
Making lame excuses for himself, Subaru felt his way forward through the foliage.
This was the forest outside the Sanctuary――but quite far away from where he and Garfiel last spoke. Subaru had first gone back to the Sanctuary before entering the forest again.
As for why he did that――
[Subaru: Pretty sure this was where he showed up back then…]
Before this series of loops began―― on the morning of the first Trial, Subaru had visited the Tomb with Otto to confirm his qualification.
In the end, the Tomb accepted Subaru, and he was granted the chance to challenge his past in the Trial that night―― but there was something else before that.
That morning, while bantering with Otto on the way back, they were confronted by Garfiel who had emerged from the forest. At the time, he said he was patrolling the Sanctuary.
[Subaru: But the timing was too good to be a coincidence, and why did he come from that direction?]
It was almost like the timing of his appearance had been staged, and there was the problem of where he appeared from.
Recalling how Garfiel emerged from the bushes beside the Tomb, Subaru felt a sense of deja-vu. Sifting through the peculiarities in his memories, he realized something.
――It was the mysterious facility where Beatrice had teleported him from the Mansion.
Having been returned to the Sanctuary, coming out of that facility, he had a feeling that it was terribly close to where Garfiel had emerged back then.
And so, hoping to find something there, he was now trawling through the forest in the dead of night, searching for the path to that facility.
[Subaru: A trodden path……that means]
Seeing the vegetation give way to patches of exposed earth, Subaru deduced that someone must have been regularly passing through here. Following this trail deeper into the forest, carried along by the exhilaration and speeding up his steps――at last, his field of vision brightened,
[Subaru: ……Found it]
It was a crumbling stone building. An ancient structure on the verge of collapse in the depths of the forest with its back against the cliff face.
Approaching the structure, as he made out its contours obscured by the darkness, Subaru tilted his head.
[Subaru: Huh…? Pretty sure last time I saw it, it was more destroyed than this……]
The building was certainly showing its years, but Subaru got the feeling that its state of deterioration was less severe than he remembered. Simply put, what Subaru saw last time was a ruin, whereas the building before him still retained some semblance of its original architecture.
That is to say,
[Subaru: If my memory’s correct, then sometime between now and the sixth day, something destructive will happen to this building…… right?]
Drawing from the sum of his memories, that would be the only conclusion.
If that were the case, then, just as he imagined, this place was not entirely unrelated to what was going to happen to the Sanctuary.
Holding his breath, and stifling anything that might give away his presence, Subaru carefully turned the handle on the door.
It opened with surprising silence, and a putrid stench greeted him as he stepped inside.
Same as last time, scattered instruments littered the otherwise barren and desolate entryway. Passing through a corridor reminiscent of a waiting room, Subaru headed towards the destined chamber.
He reached the door at the end of the hallway―― and beyond it, would be the room with the bottomless pit where Beatrice had transported him.
He might just walk into the pit if he wasn’t careful. So, with that in mind, Subaru slowly pushed open the door and peeked his head inside,
[Subaru: ……Oy oy]
As the scene panned out before his eyes, Subaru couldn’t help but let slip this sound under his breath.
A pale, refracted light lit up his face. Narrowing his eyes at the dazzling brightness, Subaru dumbly turned his gaze to the source of that light.
And there, in that destined chamber at the very back of the facility, was――
[Subaru: Lewes-san……?]
――A small female figure encased in the center of a massive crystal, faintly glowing with a pale-blue luminescence.
-=Chapter 54=-
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