"Hahaha~"
What the fuck am I thinking?
I shouldn't just suppress myself, over time it would backfire, sooner or later I would end up exploding.
Even if I just control my expression, I still feel like I would hold back a lot, that was never with me, if it had been like that, I would have never reached fame so fast within the music.
If I had acted humble with the big names in show business and entertainment, I would be no different than any other fan.
I rose to the top by being me, an expressive person.
When Universal Music Group tried to sign me, they offered me a crappy contract.
Making a miserable amount of money, and practically stringing me along my whole life.
That's why I told them they can go to hell.
I didn't care that at that time I didn't even have a place to drop dead, much less did I care if they were offended, fuck them.
That attitude of mine caused them to change the contract for a completely new one after a while.
My pay went up almost 350%, and I had the right to choose who to work with and when to work, they even gave me a small percentage of what I received per song worked on.
Yes, my talent in music was an important factor, but my attitude was what made me 'successful'.
These feelings are me.
Even if I just suppress my anger, it would be the same as me chaining myself.
That thing about acting cautiously all your life...
It's not something for me.
I'd rather explode when I need to, show off what I have if I want to.
I'd rather laugh in someone's face when I feel like it.
I'd rather spit on someone I don't like.
I'd rather show everyone when I'm happy and when I'm not.
Why should I bother to hold back?
Only cowards and people with eighth-grade syndrome would prefer to be in 'the shadows'.
These feelings are me, this way of thinking is mine.
It doesn't matter if it bothers anyone, fuck them all.
Although well...
I think I should repress my lust a little bit, at least with my family.
"What to do..."
Although I don't want to repress myself, I'm not stupid enough to think that it won't cause me problems in life.
What if I insult someone I shouldn't?
What if I lose myself in lust with the wrong person?
With mom, for example.
In my old life, I didn't care about offending someone.
I only had myself, and honestly, I was already tired of life.
But in this life...
I have so much to protect, so much I don't want to lose.
A single word can cause me to lose everything.
Sigh
I can't find a solution, no matter how much I think.
The only solution I can come up with is experience.
The more I live, the more I will get used to these feelings, causing fewer things to make me angry or feel lustful.
A few days ago, when I saw mom naked, I almost made a mistake out of lust, but after a few hours I got used to it.
At least I think so since I didn't feel the same as I did at the time.
Although well, I'm just a kid, I still don't feel what I should be.
Sigh
I feel weird.
Being alone for so long has me thinking a lot.
I want to see mom.
I want to see Ashley.
I want to see my siblings.
I feel cold...
Cold...
"What was that dream?"
The more I think about my conjecture, the tighter my heart clenches, at the mere thought of what I believe to be real.
Remembering the words my adult self said in those moments, my heart begins to ache even more.
Remembering the sadness on my adult face as I say I miss my family, makes many memories float in my mind.
Hard, sad, happy memories.
Beautiful memories...
Just thinking about losing the people in these memories...
No, I have to stop thinking about stupid things.
My family is fine, now that Brayan is gone, we can live normally.
But if the worst comes...
I won't hesitate to do everything I can to protect them.
Do everything possible...
That's what my adult self did?
Is that why it came to that?
Did I judge hastily?
No...
It doesn't matter what happens.
Killing all those women is not something I can do.
That bastard is simply a demon.
Sigh
I don't know...
It's all so complicated.
I don't even think about the rationality of all these things anymore.
Is it normal to have dreams that could be prophetic?
Of course, it's not.
No debate, that shit is completely abnormal.
But my existence in this world is already abnormal and not very logical, so I can't say that what I experienced is just bullshit.
Sigh
"I'll see about that in the future, I just have to make sure I protect what I want and live happily..."
...
"I have an itch on my arm..."
How am I supposed to scratch it?
I've never been through anything like this before.
Wait...
Opening my eyes wide in uncertainty, I sighed "How am I going to go to the bathroom..."
"Oh by the goddess, you woke up!"
Suddenly, a high-pitched but obviously male voice came to my side.
Turning my head, I find a thin man in a nurse's clothes, looking at me with wide eyes.
"I must tell the doctor!"
Finishing his words, the man turned and quickly ran for the exit, leaving me dumbfounded by his behavior.
Why is he so shocked?
So dramatic...
I just fainted for a moment.
After about 2 minutes, an older woman in a white coat entered my area.
Smiling kindly, the woman pulled out some papers that were hanging on the edge of the gurney and spoke "Hi Christian, I'm Dr. Madison Smith, but you can call me Aunt Madison"
"Hello... Mrs. Madison"
How awkward.
Smiling at my discomfort, the doctor came over after quickly flipping through my papers "How are you feeling Christian? Are you in any pain?"
Arching an eyebrow, I attempt to move my cast limbs, causing a grimace on my face from the pain that assaulted me with every small movement "Yes... my shoulders, arms, and leg hurt... other than that I don't feel pain anywhere else"
"Just that? Are you sure you don't feel anything else? Headache, dizziness or something similar?"
"No... other than my extremities, I feel fine"
Frowning, the doctor looked at my paperwork again, then picked up her stethoscope and brought it close to me "Take a deep breath and then exhale slowly please"
"Good, repeat please"
After about 3 repetitions, the doctor walked away, looking with a deep frown at the papers in her hand.
"Where's mom?" I asked after a few uncomfortable seconds.
Turning to me with a reassuring smile, the doctor replied "Visiting hours are from 3 PM until 7 PM, your mother was always half an hour earlier waiting, she should be here in a few minutes."
"Well..."
Always?
"Doctor... can I know how I am and when I will be going home?"
With the same smile, she rubbed my hair and speak softly "You're completely fine, you just have a few small fractures in your arms. We'll do a routine checkup and you could go home, just make sure you drink lots of milk so your bones grow healthy and strong."
"Okay..."
"Well, I'll let you rest for now, in a little while your lunch should arrive, make sure you eat all the vegetables, yes?"
"Mn..."
Nodding, I lay back down on the bed, looking boredly up at the ceiling, as the doctor was already leaving the room.
...
In Dr. Madison's office.
"You were looking for me doctor?"
The same nurse who yelled earlier was standing in front of the desk, looking worriedly at the woman sitting at it, who was frantically reading the documents in her hand.
"Yes, bring me all of Christian's medical records" Replied the doctor, not taking her eyes off the documents in her hands, as seriousness showed on her face.
"Right away!" Nodding quickly, the nurse rushed out of the office.
"Both of his arms were completely fractured, from his wrists to his elbows..."
"His leg was in no better shape... both his shoulders were dislocated, happening to damaged ligaments in the process..."
"At least 7 torn muscles... his veins were on the verge of collapse when we injected the serum, the blood spurted violently because the injection ended up bursting the arm vein... Plus the blood that he lost when his nasal veins burst, the child had a considerable lack of blood in his body, he was even close to his organs collapsing... The most complicated thing is that his mother's blood does not match the child's blood... there are not even records for his blood type, we were unable to find a donor who had the same blood type for him, causing his life to be left to chance."
"He was even diagnosed as brain dead... no matter how he was stimulated, all tests showed no brain activity..."
"Everything indicated that this poor child would never wake up again... although there was an anomaly... the child did not need a respirator, although his brain gave no activity, his lungs never stopped working... I had to make the decision not to use a respirator, although it is dangerous, but in the long run, it would be worse for the child's lungs... I had dedicated myself to investigating the reason for this anomaly, but..."
"That this child wakes up after brain death is something impossible... no pain, no discomfort... what the hell is happening?"
"How did he manage to wake up without symptoms after 2 months of being in a coma..."
"No, the real question is... how did he wake up from brain death? As far as I know, in the whole world, there are only a handful of 'miracles', I never thought I'd come across one..."
...
Time passed and Christian looked boredly at the food the nurse was slitting for him.
He was brought what appeared to be mashed potatoes with chicken meat, while a small plate of broccoli and a bowl of jelly was next to him.
'How the fuck am I supposed to eat?' thought Christian in bewilderment, staring at the fork in front of him.
"C-christian!?"
But just as Christian was thinking about simply not eating and starving to death, an incredulous but excited voice sounded next to him.
Quickly turning his gaze, Christian meets his haggard mother. Her hair looked disheveled and somewhat dirty, she had large dark circles under her eyes, her clothes were obviously dirty and disheveled, you could even tell she lost a lot of weight from her thin cheeks.
Needless to say, this sight squeezed Christian's heart tightly, but understanding that this is no time to add more worry to his mother, Christian smiled cheerfully "Hi mom~"
"My n-boy...am I dreaming?" mom spoke weakly, as tears began to leak from her eyes.
Doing his best to keep smiling, Christian did his best to stretch his plastered arms, causing him great pain, but still with the same smile, Christian spoke "Hug~"
*Sniff*
With shaky and uncertain steps, Eva carefully approached towards Christian, not blinking for a second, fearing that her precious son would go back to sleep any second and that this whole moment would only be a hallucination due to her tiredness.
Stretching out her trembling hands, Eva gently touched Christian's face "I-if it's you..."
With her chest swelling with happiness, Eva couldn't hold on any longer, and hugged Christian tightly, while tears were already streaming down her face.
Bearing the pain in his arms and shoulders, Christian rested his head on his mother's breasts, biting his lips hard to avoid shedding his own tears.
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