"But it's not like I don't have some idea in mind either" Smiling softly as he noticed the concern in Elisa's eyes, Christian gently rubbed his face in Elisa's hair and continued "Sarah just needs more emotional attachments... although she tries hard to deny it, she already has a great bond with Helen, it's easy to identify the affection in her eyes when she's with her... so I think it would be perfect to fill her stomach too".
Blinking for a few seconds, Elisa raised her eyebrows and asked with a smile "And that's your so-called plan? I can't remember a time when you haven't tried to get us pregnant, in fact, you try 2 or 3 times every day."
"I sound so mean when you say it like that" Chuckling, Christian continued "But I really plan on doubling the efforts...I think it's important for Sarah to experience motherhood first hand."
"I think she would make a very awkward mother" Chuckling softly, Elisa's eyes clouded slightly and she whispered "But it would be so cute to see a little Sarah running alongside Helen...I'm very supportive of your 'plan'"
Staring off into nothingness in silence for a few seconds, Elisa looked down at the cup in her hand and smiled with a cloudy look, then set the cup down on the coffee table in front of her and sat on Christian's legs staring into his eyes.
"Life is really crazy..." Softly caressing Christian's lips, Elisa whispered softly "I have a beautiful daughter with that boy I considered my only friend... if I think about it, I was really weird to consider you a friend when you were only about 10 years old..."
"A real weirdo" Chuckling, Christian nodded, while his hands were already gripping Elisa's ass instinctively.
"I still can't quite process that our relationship started because of an argument I had with Sarah" Muttering in a slight daze, Elisa continued "To be honest... in the beginning I didn't feel anything close to love with you... yes, I loved you very much, but it's the love you feel towards a great friend or even a family member, not a couple love, at least not the love I feel for Sarah..."
"..." Keeping his soft smile, Christian simply remained silent and allowed Elisa to continue.
"When I woke up the next day after that crazy night, I felt guilty..." With misty eyes, Elisa continued "Feeling that I had taken advantage of you and all because of a stupid couple argument... so I got up first thing in the morning and tried to make up for it somehow... I made you the best meal I could and everything I could to ease that guilt... but I still didn't feel relaxed... I had taken advantage of the purest hearted boy I ever got to know."
"Time went by and from one moment to the next you invited us to live with you... do you know how confused I felt when I received that proposal?"
"You just showed up one day after many years of not seeing each other, we had a crazy night of sex and suddenly you came out with this crazy proposal.
"I won't deny that during the time we were thinking about it, many times I had doubts if all this was right... not because I was jealous or something similar, but because the guilt was really weighing on me more and more..."
"You made it so hard for me..." With a bittersweet smile on her face, Elisa continued "You called me daily, talked for hours with me and even worried about the two of us at every moment..."
"The time came to make our decision and even though we didn't talk to Sarah much about it... you don't know how surprised I was when Sarah seemed to accept your proposal from the beginning... I don't know what you talked to her about, but she seemed much more receptive to you compared to when you were a kid."
"We started by moving into the Grey building" Laughing softly, Elisa sighed and continued "You don't know how difficult the whole beginning was...having your mother stare at me and many times frowning made me feel extremely anxious...after all I couldn't deny that she had done something with her son a decade younger than me"
"But as if you knew those inner worries, you always took it upon yourself to make me feel happy and safe..." Gently kissing Christian's lips, Elisa continued "At some point I realized something vital..."
"How well do I really know you?" Laughing while shaking her head, Elisa continued "Sure, I knew you very well when you were a child and we shared a lot of time together..."
"But the point is that I didn't really know you at all... I easily realized that you were no longer the child I once knew" Gently caressing Christian's face, Elisa continued "It was when that thought went through my head, when I started falling for you... how could I not? If at some point I came to think that that beautiful heart you had as a child was gone, I managed to easily realize that never happened... your way of smiling, the affection you have in your eyes every time you deal with your loved ones, the concentration that envelops you every time you work... quickly everything about you made me feel deeply attracted."
"I simply loved every facet of you" Kissing Christian's lips again, Elisa continued "I love it when you are playful, I love it when you get serious, I love it when you are bored and childishly tease whoever crosses your path... everything about you ended up enchanting me... at some point the guilt I used to have disappeared and in its place an exquisite guilty pleasure formed"
"Guilty pleasure?" Raising his eyebrows, Christian asked.
"Of course I did, after all I managed to catch this gorgeous man" Smiling proudly, Elisa quickly kissed Christian's lips and continued "But moving on... it didn't take more than a month for me to really start loving you."
"And honestly it's amazing how I managed to love you more and more every day... my days started to be nothing but happiness and more happiness... and everything just got better and better" Rubbing her nose with Christian's, Elisa continued "We moved to your island, we lived in a bunker for a long time... I got pregnant and lived the most magical, but stressful 9 months of my life"
"You took care of me every day, you woke me up with affection and I slept with affection, you fed me every morning even though I didn't even have a belly yet and you treated me as if I was the most important gem in this world and honestly many times I felt intoxicated by an overflowing happiness."
"Then why was it so stressful?"
"It was also because of you, silly" Snorting, Elisa continued "You worked more than 10 hours a day and while you always went to see me several times a day, I knew perfectly well that you would get up as soon as I was asleep and continue working without taking the proper break."
"..."
"Although I love that dedication of yours, I wasn't the least bit happy to know that you were damaging your health" Pursing her lips, Elisa continued "So I was forced to push you with my pregnancy knowing perfectly well that you would be forced to finish early to go to sleep with me, and so every night I made sure to hold on tightly to you to prevent you from escaping"
"It certainly worked" Chuckling, Christian nodded.
"Then our beautiful daughter came into the world... I really wanted to beat you during childbirth, they were the best and at the same time the worst moments of life" Trembling slightly just remembering the agonizing pain she suffered, Elisa laughed softly and continued "We had a beautiful baby girl and this beautiful life you created continues to this day... my love for you keeps growing every day and if I'm honest... I don't think I could live in a world without you, and even if I could, I just don't want to..."
"..." Looking into his beloved's misty eyes, Christian lifted her hand and gently caressed her cheek, then gently kissed her lips and whispered "I like that you're finally telling me about the fears you had... you always smiled and acted like everything was fine... but Sarah and I always knew you kept so much for yourself..."
Resting her cheek on Christian's hand, Elisa closed her eyes and quietly enjoyed Christian's warmth, then sighed and suddenly firm both cheeks of the man in front of her as she watched him with a complicated face.
"I honestly fail to understand how a man with such a beautiful and pure heart... can cause so much harm to other people."
Freezing his smile as he blinked in a daze, Christian looked at Elisa in disbelief and stammered "W-what?"
With a distressed look, Elisa pressed her forehead to Christian's and whispered "I know Christian... since we moved to New york with you I know what you have done outside... I know that the mass murders towards those people is your plan, I know that the fall of the vatican was your fault and I am sure that the bombing that killed thousands of people in africa and exterminated that strange group of mercenaries was also your fault..."
"Y-you..." Stammering as he felt his brain shut down for a few seconds, Christian stammered "H-how did you know?"
Rolling her eyes as she laughed softly, Elisa replied "You're very obvious Christian...I don't know what you'll be like on the outside, but like you said, in front of your loved ones you're dumb."
"Elisa... I-"
"You don't have to explain yourself to me" Covering Christian's lips with her hand, Elisa looked him straight in the eyes and smiled warmly "While I can't quite understand why you're doing all this... I know perfectly well that the man I love wouldn't do something like this just for the hell of it..."
"I'm sorry I can't carry your troubles with you, and you don't know how much it grieves me to know that every time you walk out this door, your life is at risk or some death will be added to your regrets..." Squeezing Christian's face a little tighter, Elisa bit her lips and inhaled deeply, then sighed and smiled again "But I want you to know something, my beloved..."
"I love you and I will continue to love you no matter what you do" Gently kissing Christian's lips again, Elisa continued "I don't care if at some point everyone labels you as a murderer, terrorist, traitor or whatever negative title you have... I will always love the man who you are... I will always love the man who shed tears of happiness knowing he would be a father... I will always love the man who kisses and hugs me every time he sees me... I will always love the man who you are."
"I don't care if in the future you lose your fortune, become a wanted criminal or lose your outer beauty..." With her eyes quickly reddening, Elisa bloomed a beautiful smile on her face and whispered shakily "I will always love you no matter if you are the villain of the story."
Processing Elisa's words, Christian's eyes quickly reddened as his lips trembled slightly.
Quickly his feelings became chaotic and a mixture of happiness and fear flooded his body, causing even his hands to tremble.
"B-but why?" biting his trembling lips, Christian whispered in a hoarse voice "D-don't you mind so much blood covering my hands?"
"..." Instantly noticing the small tears forming in Christian's eyes, Elisa shook her head and smiled painfully "What bothers me the most is not being able to take that burden off you... do you think I haven't seen you when you're alone?"
"That sad, forlorn look you usually have when no one sees you?" gently wiping away the tears that threatened to fall into Christian's eyes, Elisa continued "I can't imagine how much your beautiful heart must suffer from having to do everything you do... that alcohol you drink and those cigarettes you consume... do you think I don't know that they are a simple means to numb that sad, damned memory of yours?"
"You're my man, Christian Grey...don't think I fail to understand the heart of the one I love" Gently cradling Christian's head against her chest, Elisa gently stroked his hair and whispered softly.
"I just want to remind you of this... the love I feel for you will never fade no matter if one day you decide to take me out of your life... even if in the future you have another woman and another life... even if in the future you are the most wanted criminal on the planet or the cruelest dictator in history... I will still love you no matter what, and as long as you are happy, I will be happy... I promise you that from the bottom of my heart."
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