"How did it come to this..." Looking up at the dark sky above him, Christian whispered.
"I'm so cold..."
With those words, a sense of familiarity came over him, remembering perfectly the dream he had when he fell into the hospital.
"You disgust me"
Turning his gaze, Christian saw himself in front of him, but not the adult Christian, but his child version.
Looking at himself in front of him, Christian remembered everything he experienced in his childhood, how beautiful everything was when they were in that simple house.
"You disgust me" Spoke little Christian with revulsion "Those women you killed... haven't you thought it could be mom? Ashley? Hailie? Those women could be mothers, aunts, sisters... and you... you just killed them?"
"There isn't a second I don't think about that..." Christian murmured with melancholy and sadness "But I'll have to live with it..."
Hearing his words, a visible fury appeared on the boy's face "That's it!? Doing it and having to live with it!? That's your sorry excuse!? That thought alone is worth our mother!? Is that stupid answer alone worth our sisters!?"
"Mom... Ashley... Hailie..." Adult Christian whispered painfully, remembering perfectly how his family used to be and how it is now "I haven't seen them for a long time.... I guess it won't be long before I'm reunited with Ashley..."
Frowning at her words, little Christian quickly asked "What are you talking about?"
Ignoring his question, Christian looked directly into little Christian's eyes "I'm so cold... so cold... I miss the warmth you feel..."
Pulling out his gun, adult Christian points it at little Christian, then mutters "There will come a time to grow up"
"Bang..." Making the noise with his mouth, Christian stares vacantly at the empty place, knowing full well that it's all a game of his mind.
"But I really don't think I'm ready to grow up..." Looking down at his gun, Christian whispered.
"I don't want to be ready..." Moving his gun with his trembling hand, Christian pointed it at the lump in his throat that seemed to choke his neck "I'm not needed anymore... and I don't feel the strength to keep breathing..."
"Excuse me, would you have a dollar for a cab?"
But just as he thought to think no more, a voice came from beside him, causing Christian to slyly put the gun away.
Turning his gaze, Christian saw an elderly woman in her 70s.
The old woman wore simple clothes, dark glasses over her eyes, an umbrella in her left hand and in her right hand she carried a cane guiding her.
"I think so" Taking out his wallet, Christian pulls out $10 and hands it to the old woman.
Sitting down next to Christian, the woman stretched out her hand, gently receiving the bill in it "Thank you, young man"
"You're welcome..." With discomfort at the sudden intrusion, Christian replied.
"They really are beautiful the stars, aren't they?" Raising her gaze, the old woman asked.
"..." Puzzled, Christian looked up at the cloudy sky and sighed, "Yes... they are beautiful"
"So beautiful is the universe... its beautiful stars that light up the darkness with their brightness, the moon that illuminates the dark nights and how can we forget the sun, who gives us immense warmth without asking anything in return?"
"Yes..."
"Whenever I look at the stars I remember something my lover used to say.... 'Look at the stars. See their beauty, and in that beauty, look at yourself'... he was really talking nonsense, but I don't deny that the stars are beautiful"
"..."
"Just like nature, I honestly never cease to marvel at how amazing it is...it never rushes through anything and always gets it all done, it's certainly something unique"
"Yes, nature is amazing..." Christian murmured.
"I bet you think I'm crazy" Laughed the old lady lightly "Even I would think so, but really there are beautiful things I appreciate better now thanks to my blindness, and from time to time I feel the need to talk to other people"
"What happened to you?" asked Christian with genuine curiosity.
"I have terminal cancer in my brain, it ended up taking my vision a few years ago" Smiling smoothly, the woman spoke about the subject with a strange naturalness.
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be sorry, actually being in this condition really opened my eyes a lot" Laughing softly, the old woman continued "There are many extremely beautiful things that I appreciate much better now..."
"Like what?"
"Like the bare skin of my partner in my arms..."
"..."
"Like helping my son take his first steps..."
"..."
"Like seeing the horizon of the sea or simply appreciating a beautiful sunset"
"..." Looking dazedly at the old woman, Christian trembled slightly.
'I'm a coward...' Looking at the old woman, Christian actually felt extremely stupid and incredibly miserable.
'The old woman lacks what I have and yet she is grateful for every second of life...' Biting his lips, Christian turned his gaze skyward 'While I wanted to throw it all away...'
"That's why I regretted not following my mother's advice... she always said 'when you feel that life ignores you, cry but appreciate it when you smile... that it won't always rain, instead tomorrow will always be another day...'... she was a very unbearable woman, but I really loved her with all my heart and now I just understand what she is trying to tell me" the old lady casually commented "Unfortunately I had to lose the love of my life and my vision to understand it... I always used to complain about difficult situations or certain moments, and now I remember them with a lot of affection and bitterness at the same time..."
"Old lady... doesn't it depress you to have lost your vision?" looking up to the sky, Christian asked.
"Hahaha, of course not" Laughing with amusement, the old woman continued "If you cry because you lost the sun, the tears wouldn't let you see the stars... and I love the stars very much."
"..." With his eyes full of tears, Christian looked at the old woman in silence, then biting his lips and asked "Old woman... what would you think of a young man who killed many people to become stronger?"
"That that young man must have too much suffering in his heart to need to become stronger at the cost of the lives of others"
"You don't think he's evil? A demon?"
"Is he?"
"I don't know..."
"Then that depends on who looks at him and how he looks at himself"
"I don't understand..."
"I'll give you an example... If that young man helps others with his experience, the people who received his help will see him as a hero in their hearts... as for the people he killed, the young man will be no different than a demon"
"..."
"As for how that young man looks at himself... it will only depend on him, after all there is a thin line between good and evil, and if I learned anything in life, it is that very few things are absolute... but it would be good for the young man to understand his own feelings, because what really matters is that young man and his feelings, not what others say or something as unclear as 'good' and 'evil'"
"..."
"Well, that's all young man, sorry to take your time" Getting up while wiping her pants, the woman smiled kindly with her wrinkled face and spoke "Thank you for the money young man, may life bless you"
"..."
Watching silently as the old woman walked slowly with her cane, Christian let a tear fall silently, being quickly carried away by the rain soaking him.
Although much of what the old woman said he did not understand, Christian actually achieved a unique clarity within his mind.
Looking up at the cloudy sky, Christian murmured "I focused on the loss of the sun and lost sight of the stars..."
"Of course there would be changes... my siblings grew up, mom had to adapt to her new life... even I changed... we all changed" Remembering his family's new attitude, Christian murmured.
"But they still love me and that's the important thing..." Remembering the warmth of his mother, the tears of his siblings, Christian murmured.
"Haha~" Laughing softly, Christian looked at the broken guitar on the ground, then sighed and got up.
Picking up the fuller part of the guitar, Christian walked back towards his car "I'll leave this as a reminder..."
Unlocking the car, Christian looked at Lilith and smiles "I'm back my dear friend"
Looking at her soaked body, Christian sighed "I'll leave the whole vehicle wet..."
*Ring* *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*
Looking at the cell phone on the passenger seat, Christian looked at the caller ID and sighed "I'm coming mom..."
Climbing into the vehicle, Christian turned it on and calmly drove home, then entered the front yard and turned the vehicle off.
"Come on little one"
"Hisss~" Rolling up on Christian, Lilith hisses.
Locking the vehicle, Christian looked around the house and smiled, then walked to the door and entered.
Leaving the snake on the floor, Christian walked towards the main room.
"Check the hotels, the parks, the bars, wherever!" With her cell phone in hand, Eva walked in circles as she spoke.
"I'm back!" Raising his arms, Christian exclaims, while wetting the entire floor.
"Leave it, has already returned home" Quickly turning her gaze, Eva looks at Christian and hangs up the cell phone, then runs over to Christian quickly and looks at him with concern "Where were you? Why are you so wet?"
"I went swimming!" Taking off his shoes, Christian looks at his siblings on the couch and waves his hand "Hello fools!"
"..."
"..."
Taking off his pants, Christian stays in his underwear and smiles towards his worried mother "I'm sorry for everything I said before, I had a little mental delay thanks to a non-upgraded neuron"
"Christian... I..." Looking at Christian and ignoring his sudden nudity, Eva whispers awkwardly.
Smiling, Christian walked over to Eva and hugs her, wetting all her clothes in the process "You don't have to say anything mom, it was really me who made a mistake at the moment."
"No... what you said is true, we-"
Bringing his finger to Eva's lips, Christian smiles softly and speaks "It's okay, you don't need to say anything else"
Kissing his mother's forehead, Christian approached his siblings in his underwear and a completely soaked sweater.
Squinting at Alan and Hailie who had their heads down with obvious guilt.
"Hailie... you've grown up" Fluffing the young woman's hair, Christian shifted his gaze to Alan and continued "Alan... I really dislike the kind of thinking you have acquired... but I can't blame you, if you hang out with trash, you'll smell like trash..."
"..." Trembling slightly, Alan fell silent under Christian's gaze.
"I also heard what Hailie said, and I won't say that it didn't hurt me what you did, because it really hurt me... but at the same time I understand your situation a little bit and that's why I'm talking to you now... I only ask you to really think about what you say... those kids could have been us, it could have been you, Hailie or me" Smiling, Christian took off his sweater and was only in his t-shirt, then took the soaked sweater and continued "You are my brother and I will still give you my love, I will overlook what you did, but you have to pay the price..."
"...!" Opening his eyes wide, Alan found himself embraced by Christian, quickly getting wet by his wet body "Let go of me!"
"No!" Grabbing Hailie with his other arm, Christian pulls her to him and hugs her along with Alan "Now you're all dirty!"
Smiling softly, Eva sighed with relief that all the trouble was over, looking warmly at the siblings pushing and struggling in front of her.
...
With his body sinking into the tub, Christian left only his eyes on the outside as he stared at the faded rubber duck in front of him, as if he was a crocodile watching its prey intently.
"Ready~" With a sponge in her hand, Eva wiped the sweat from her forehead and finished scrubbing Christian's back.
Pulling his head out of the water, Christian looked at his mother "Do you think I can have my duck painted? It's already white and there's only a little paint left on it..."
"Isn't it better to buy another one?"
"No, this is my duck!" Quickly taking the duck in his hands, Christian hugged it and looked at his mother with suspicion.
"Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not stealing your duck" Laughing lightly, Eva took the shampoo and poured it into Christian's hair, then rubbed it gently.
"You think I didn't notice? My duck was a lot yellower when I left, now it clearly isn't, so you should have showered with it"
"I'm not talking without my lawyer"
"I am a lieutenant in the army woman, you must respect me" Looking at the duck, Christian looked at it seriously and continued "I declare you a Sergeant in the army, you will be my third in command and you will command the country's navy"
"Nepotism at its finest"
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Edited By: Amiss
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