Chapter 85
What Raymond handed to her were invitations.
Lets not go out today. Id like to look into a few more things instead.
Carynne checked the envelopes. They were all from either nobles or from lowlife men who were crazy about gambling. Carynne set aside the bundle of letters and picked up a history book again. She disliked inane conversation.
Its convenient to have a fianc at a time like this. Lets just write back with the excuse that youre jealous, Sir Raymond, thats why Im not going. Can we do that?
Do as you please. Carynne, Im going to try trusting you.
Is that a promise?
Yes, its a promise. If your mother, Catherine, had the same symptoms as you, then it seems natural to infer that your maternal grandmother might have experienced the same thing.
Will you try to love me, too?
Raymond was rendered speechless for a moment.
Youre not going to do it?
Um, Carynne.
It looked like Raymond was a little flustered. Then, as though he didnt know what to answer, he hesitated and stroked his chin. Even though not a single millimeter of a stubble could be found on his skin, this action made him look like a scholar stroking his beard as he was lost in deep thought.
On second thought, what is love? What is love for you? What is love for Reverend Dullan?
Im curious about that as well.
In fact, maybe its a curse or something else. And honestly, I want to deny your way of thinkingthat this entire world is a novel.
Whats wrong with thinking like that?
Carynnes father had been in awe when he heard that this was a romance novel. Thats what Lord Hare thought.
Right now, Carynne felt a tad nervous. She wondered about the difference between them even here. The only thing that Lord Hare and Raymond had in common was how they had decent faces.
Raymond hesitated for a second, then he replied.
Its a bit immature.
Do you want me to hit you? That immature thought is ruining my life.
When Carynnes expression crumpled as she thought this, Raymond wrapped an arm around her shoulders to soothe her.
Its not that Im condemning you or anything. But its just that, yeah. I think we have the same line of logic. Its so absurd that I dont want to believe it. This world is so absurd that war has broken out. And the fact that you keep dying over and over againif the only reason this is happening is due to love between a man and a woman, then all I could think is how terrible of a story it is.
I suppose.
Yes.
Hearing this was not new to Carynne. She knew because, many times before, he expressed his anger against the injustices of the world.
Some people may romanticize the notion that a persons life and death could be influenced greatly by a temporary emotion and by lust, but if the period in which these emotions could influence a persons fate turns into an endless eternity, then itd become nothing but terrible.
So, Carynne just continued to ask a simple question. Philosophizing was so tiresome.
Then, do you love me?
Im trying every day.
So you dont?
That Dont set it in stone like that. Its just Im trying every day, but I dont know the criteria here, and I dont know until what point I should go. You dont know either.
Carynne flopped down on a sofa. Fine, okay. Lets fall in love! But despite doing that and agreeing on it with a contract, how would they know? What was Dullans criteria? And how long should this love be maintained?
She gritted her teeth.
May I sit next to you?
Sure.
Raymond sat on the sofa as well. The room fell into a bout of silence, and the two soon felt awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, if what youre saying is true, to be honest I dont believe that love plays a big part here.
Why?
As I said last time, only the face is important for me.
Yes Thats the case.
Looking once at Carynnes face, Raymond covered his own eyes with a hand and let out a sigh.
I dont believe that my lovemy feelingsare worth so much.
Why do you think so?
If thats truly how it is, then the world is much too bleak.
Is that so?
But that really is the case with you.
Carynne recalled the past when she had sympathized with Raymond. He went to war, and there, he continued to kill people.
Yes. Thats why if that truly is the case, thats what I think. If its because of my love that you keep dying again and again, then I will love you. Emotions cannot take precedence over death.
Thank you for trying.
Im telling the truth. And, um, yes. Its true that I thought youre beautiful from the moment I laid my eyes on you. In all my life, Ive never seen anyone as beautiful as you. When I saw you smiling, it felt as if your surroundings started to shine as well.
Raymonds words were comforting. If you want love, then I will love you. If thats whats required of me. But then, neither of them knew how much love it should be. Dullan was the judge. And even while Carynne and Raymond were speaking seriously, the problem here was that they each had a cynical side to them.
Then isnt that enough?
But what else do you think is needed?
Feelings
Ah, she was getting jabbed by this as well. Carynne shut herself up. Raymonds pointed gaze stung. Feelings, huh? For no reason, Carynne turned to look at the hydrangeas.
Should she knock those over?
Would they succeed? Carynne gulped. She wasnt sure. Raymond already said that he loved her. Of course, they confessed to each other almost every single day, but considering how the confession should fit Dullans criteria, neither of them seemed to be hitting the mark.
Its difficult to quantify emotions. If its just about sleeping with him, then should she do it?
With a delinquent gaze, Carynne looked at Raymonds body up and down.
Carynne.
Theres a lot of buttons there, so its going to be difficult to take off his clothes. Because she had such thoughts running through her mind, she belatedly responded to Raymonds call.
Yes.
Fortunately, it looked like Raymond didnt notice what she was thinking. However, he had a serious expression now, and because of this, Carynne straightened out her thoughts.
Raymond pulled out one invitation and showed it to Carynne.
The others can perhaps be ignored, but this ones a little hard to refuse. The sender is too high on the ladder.
Who is it?
His Highness, Crown Prince Gueuze.
* * *
Im very excited about how youll be going as well, Miss Carynne.
Im excited about it too, Mother!
Countess Elvas daughter, Lady Lianne, rushed to Carynne and hugged her. Then, Carynne lifted Lianne up and sat the girl on her lap.
Do you like it that much, Lianne? Carynne, you too, right? This is an opportunity that isnt easy to come by. People wouldnt normally be able to see him before their debut into society.
Countess Elva was to accompany Carynne. As she looked at her daughter, who was practically glued to Carynnes skirt, her eyes twinkled.
Carynne set down her teacup and tickled the child. Lady Lianne laughed and was now out of breath. Carynne and the child played for a while as Countess Elva looked over this way with a happy gaze. Soon, Carynne asked cautiously.
Im still young, and Im worried that I might be a nuisance. Is it truly alright for me to come?
Carynne had been invited along with Elva. To be more precise, she was invited together with Elva to a gathering that required the countess attendance.
The event that Elva and Lianne were going to was a social gathering for a group of young nobles, who were about the age of ten years old, along with their parents. In various ways, be it age or social standing, Carynne was out of place. It was even stranger for her to attend without a direct invitation from the royal family. Truthfully, the fact itself that she was called was not natural.
I think Im tired too, like Carynne. Boys are so annoying.
Lianne!
I really hate them. DArtagnan is smarter.
DArtagnan was the countess pet dog. Carynne stroked and comforted Lianne, who was complaining of the pain of socializing from a young age. At this age, girls were more mature than boys. Though no matter how much you try to discipline them, children are children. Even if they were taught restraint and etiquette, there was a limit to that.
Lianne, dont cling too much to Carynne. Youre being discourteous.
Its fine, Madam.
Okaaay. Im sorry for being rude, Carynne.
Even so, Lady Lianne did not whine any more than that and just returned to her own seat calmly, sipping her tea.
Carynne slightly raised her teacup as she thought about a future that would not come. Dont think deeply. Youve already made up your mind.
Crown Prince Guezes son, Prince Lewis. Will he be attending this weeks gathering?
While covering her face, Lianne replied.
Prince Lewis is handsome.
This child, goodness The face isnt all that important. And you have to behave really well in front of him, okay?
Hearing Countess Elvas chiding, Lianne pouted.
I behave well though.
Behave even better.
I have to, so I will. Im going to marry His Highness and be part of the Royal Family.
While laughing and handing her daughter another snack, Countess Elva gave a realistic response that didnt match the childs innocent proclamation.
Marriage is not the most certain answer, Lianne.
Lewis official title is Crown Princes Firstborn Son, but for the sake of brevity, hell just be referred to as Prince Lewis.
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