Chapter 56
Looking at the fief lords sobbing face caused a subtle but strange stir within her. It wasnt a newfound surge of affection. Rather, it was a hint of unpleasantness and a dash of joy at seeing another person at their worst. And there was also a sigh of relief, as though saying, ah, you also cant do anything.
Carynne felt a little reassured about the fact that his supposition that love was the condition, that love was the answer, that absolute belief was the answer, was ultimately wrong just as she thought. Even so, there was a faint bitter taste lingering in her mouth that couldnt be removed by that reassurance.
What are you crying about? Smile, Father.
Carynne smiled instead of him. Are you sad? Are you frustrated with yourself? But you have to smile. Im smiling, too, see. And then youll have to smile in front of my predecessor who already went ahead to the next frontier. This is the extent of loves answer, just as Mother said.
Father, you dont believe Mother. You just used Mother as an excuse. If you really believed her, you wouldnt have hesitated. You know, seriously, if you believed even a word of it, then why have you not died? Theres no reason for you not to die, right? Isnt this world without your love all black and white already? Isnt it all meaningless?
Right? Isnt that how love is supposed to be? If not, then its just so unfair.
At the very least, if I, if Mother, if even many more women out there are meant to feel love to the extent of dying for it, then shouldnt it be reciprocated by that much? Shouldnt you love her that much, too?
Catherine I
He could no longer say the words I love you.
Thats what I thought.
Carynne touched his hand lightly and closed her eyes.
You said its unconditional, that kind of emotion. Mmh. Alright. Ill tell you what I think. Father, Father, listen to me.
She twirled around in a dance and gently pointed at the portrait.
First of all, I would like to express my thanks to both Father and Mother for giving me hope. Thank you. Mother also went through this strange phenomenon of dying and coming back to life in the same novel, but she solved it in the end. Ive been given hope. Wonderful. How promising.
Then, she continued.
It seems like I dont need any love.
Even with a frowning face, its possible to smile.
The fief lord still had that noose around his neck. He continued to clutch onto the rope with trembling hands. Carynne sighed and then told him.
If you cant even kill yourself, just come down from there. Your neck must hurt.
NNo, no. I believe.
The fief lord answered urgently. However, in the end, he still couldnt kick the chair from under him. Carynne just frowned and sighed, then she went on.
Its too late.
Its not not, too late.
It is. The very moment you hesitated, its already too late for you, Father.
If you want to die so badly, then Ill help you.
Carynne gritted her teeth, then answered.
Even if you hang yourself now in a hurry, that doesnt absolve your hesitation. Youve given your answer. At the very least, thats your love, sure. Its not so grandiose.
Carynne walked over to the trembling fief lords side and patted him as though to comfort him. She wanted to give him a pat on the shoulder, but he was too high up, so she patted his leg instead. The fief lord reacted by clutching the rope even tighter, but despite his renewed attempt, he still couldnt hang himself.
Father.
If you really did hang yourself here, what did you think Ill do after?
She waited for him to answer only for a quick moment as she answered her own question immediately.
The first thing Ill have done was to look for the drugs.
Then I also thought that I should learn about hypnosis from Nancy later.
There was no answer.
Carynne didnt care about it anyhow.
If a measure of emotion is the answer, then I wonder just how much there should be. Shouldnt my male lead die just as many times as I have? Or at least maybe someone whod gladly kill himself. That way, at least
Carynne blew at the candle on the fief lords desk.
And the flame went out.
At least it would be the same worth.
She took the silver candelabra. It was heavy and sharp. She read about a similar scenario in a novel that she had read before. No, has she read it yet? Carynne tilted her head to the side and grappled with her memories, but she remained confused. Ah, well, whatever. Strike. Or stab. Whichever it was, as long as this much would let her kill another.
If rolling around in bed can be called physical love, and if saints can provide aid to the needy with their mercy and kindness and call that love as well, what kind of worth does a married couples love have? Ive never experienced being married that long, so Im curious. Fufu, if you had killed yourself, Father, then this was what Id have done applaud your true love, drug my male lead, brainwash him and make him look only at me. And while I speak only the truth and nothing but the truth, Ill make it so that my words are considered as Gods revelation. Just like you, Father, as you became complicit in murder just because you heeded Mothers words, if Raymond will believe me and start a rebellion for me, then that just might be fun, too. If something like that happens, then I think Ill be alright in this life. After all, Ive decided to kill for my own pleasure.
His face had already turned gray.
Father, you dont want to die, right?
I dont.
The fief lord looked as though he couldnt bear just how much he despised himself. Looking up at the fief lords face, Carynne suggested something.
Let me help you.
And with that, her words sounded like salvation to him. Even when the fief lord couldnt take his own life, he didnt want to reject the hand outstretched to himthe hand of Carynne, who had the same face as Catherine.
Humans were complex, just as they were unfathomable.
Finding it funny how his face now showed a bit of satisfaction, Carynne laughed at the fief lord. He didnt have the courage to kill himself in the end, but he had enough gall to make his daughter commit patricide.
But before that, there are some other things Im curious about. Before you and Mother started seeing each other, did you ever meet the other men who were courting Mother? Or by chance, has she left something like a peculiar memento?
I
Clatter!
At that moment, the fief lords eyes bugged out. His legs were shaking. His face was distorted. His groans rang out in the room, but that sound, too, did not last long. Tom was faster than Carynne. Its certain that he had just been biding his time until he could rush in. The moment Carynne raised the silver candelabra and turned to face him, the boy ran away.
Keugh
Tom had been standing by the door, but he ran forward quickly and pulled the fief lords leg. Even when he was being kicked, Tom used his entire body to hang on and pull down. The platform where the fief lord had been standing was pushed out, and in the struggle, the noose properly caught his throat and strangled him completely. Its faster than youd thinkto run out of breath.
Then, he stopped moving.
Hes dead.
But more importantly.
Why?
Carynne was entirely disconcerted. Why? Just why the hell? So flustered now, why the hell are you here?
What just happened?
The act of murder had been done in a blink of an eye that she couldnt believe it happened.
At that very moment, Carynne really couldnt think of anything at all.
For something that never once happened before, for something that she couldnt have foreseen, it was too big of a shock that she couldnt properly feel entertained.
What just happened.
Carynne belatedly picked up the silver candelabra, but her father was already dead. Stabbing him here would be nothing but an act of scratching on a lump of meat. Carynne blinked. What was it that she felt. Emptiness? Anger? She didnt know.
She ruminated.
Tom!
Yet she couldnt figure it out.
Why did it turn out like this?
It happened in an instant.
Tom killed the fief lord.
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