Chapter 41
So you really dont remember.
Yes, Missus Deere.
The first thing she felt was discomfort. From the way Missus Deere looked at her and to the kind of expression the older woman had, Carynne didnt like it all. And neither did she like anything the woman said.
Are you alright?
Yes.
Even when it felt awful, this was fine. What Deere told her was already something that Carynne had expectedto the extent that Carynne already thought that her entire life was her own delusion. She had already been thinking about this over and over again.
Why?
With a perplexed expression, Missus Deere directed a question at Carynne.
But are you alright? It must not be all okay.
At that haughty response, Carynne felt a bitter taste in her mouth.
To sum up everything that you said, the state of confusion that I experience is because of some kind of mysticism.
It may be unpleasant to hear, but it is true. Gypsies know many kinds of sorcery.
Carynne snorted.
Why would they move from place to place if theyre so capable? Theyd just conquer the world.
Missus Deeres face reddened slightly. But, she soon opened her lips to speak once more.
Your mind is fragile, isnt it.
To some extent, it was not so pleasant to hear this from another person. But Carynne brushed off this feeling and merely shrugged.
A hundred years was not so easy to live through. Its already stamped in her mind that everything here could be an illusion caused by her own madness. Therefore, its not surprising to hear this truth from Missus Deere.
The nonchalant acceptance of, Yes, thats a possibility, was something she heard first. Before she would fulfill her promise to Nancy that shed die by the nannys hand, Carynne made up her mind to dole out the proper punishment first.
Thanks to you, Ive confirmed one thingthat my father knows that Im not in my right mind.
And that, in the manor, he was the one who gave a helping hand and hid the corpse. Carynne stared at the womans dry hair.
You are not me.
Because all the memories in her own head were too long and too specific, she couldnt dismiss them all as mere delusions. Carynne couldnt figure out to what extent she could believe Deeres words. No, even if she were to believe everything, wasnt the information she was given far too limited? After all, this woman was an outsider. She did not know everything.
My father, and my mother, too, are not me. Especially Nancy
shouldnt have been killed.
Now that shes far away, what you said couldnt be proved true.
These words made Deere look remarkably happy.
Shes gone? What happened?
She quit.
Thats great news. So thats why you came all the way here. If she was still by your side, you couldnt have come all the way here.
Thats right. I killed her after all. I gave her some drugs and strangled her to death. And I tried to use her corpse to surprise Isella. But I cant even find that corpse now.
Then I can go back to being your governess now, right? You followed my lessons well. You dont remember, but trust me, you did.
It was disgusting to see how the woman was acting like shes close to Carynne by using memories that she didnt even have. If a rich man was about to die, all sorts of women would cling to him. A woman like Helen, the housekeeper.
But Carynne hadnt any plans to drive out Missus Deere while saying that the woman should know her place. She had already been thrown out once. Besides that, Carynne had also met her fair share of women who wanted to wedge themselves into her life to try and be her mother.
There are still many things you havent told me.
Ive told not a single lie.
Then tell me, why did you get fired?
As Carynne asked Deere, the older womans complexion changed.
Thats because I was opposed to how Nancy kept feeding you those useless ideas.
Missus Deere, you mentioned that you were against Nancy from the very beginning. And even though its been a while since you were my governess, its also true that you stayed in the manor for quite a long time. You were suddenly asked to leave and
Carynne looked around the old, dilapidated house, then shook her head in exaggeration.
I am only wondering if theres any other reason why you had to move out. Why must you skirt around the issue when it comes to that topic?
Carynne did not trust anyone. If she couldnt even trust herself, who could she possibly trust? The same was true for this woman in front of her. This was a fact that she had already come to terms with for as long as she had been suffering from this madness.
But this woman, she wanted Carynne to deny the 100 years that she had lived through? Carynne couldnt accept it. After just one measly story about an abstract past, she was being asked to admit that thats the end of it?
Did you wish to become my mother?
Everyone in that house is out of their minds. For you, I!
Oh, you protested so gallantly on behalf of this crazy little girl youve taken under your wing, but because of that, you got thrown out. I dont believe any of it.
At first, Carynnes tone of voice was light-hearted, as if she was very amused by it all, but then it dropped down suddenly towards the end.
Deere was about to approach Carynne, but at the sound of the younger womans voice, she flinched.
And, little by little, fear set in.
Carynne?
I said I dont believe you. Just for the sake of verifying my cognitive capacity, I chopped up a body, brought in that corpses son and confirmed it through himbut you come out suddenly and say, Youre crazy, you mustnt believe anything? As the protagonist of my own life, I refuse such a plot twist.
Carynne, what Right now, what on earth are you saying.
Ive done one thing thus far! Now, Im asking you what this is! I gave her drugs, cut her to pieces and set her on fire, I tell you! Do you think Ill be satisfied just hearing something like this? From someone as insignificant as you when you just suddenly appeared?
I I dont know what youre talking about.
Do not pretend that you dont know.
Carynne clenched her teeth. She found it difficult to accept that it was all because she was confused. This needed to be sorted out. It had to be handled. Steer herself. Take action. The coin had already been tossed. There was no reason to hesitate.
And if you at least had a brain, you would know.
Clatter.
You should understand that I have no intention of keeping you alive now. Right?
Carryne! Calm down! Nancy has been tormenting you, the fact that youve come all the way here only now, cant you see? The time since you were a baby and to this day now that youve come here, cant you tell just by looking back at the things that you cant remember? But now that youve come to me, itll be alright. Yes? Now that His Lordship kicked that woman out, I can see that he also knows. That I was wronged. If you take me back with you now, itll be alright. Everything
Deere let out everything she wanted to say in a hurry. Something had gone wrong.
Bang!
AHH!
Carynne aimed at the womans head, but she missed the mark. Blood dripped from Deeres head nonetheless. Her face was covered in blood. Carynne reloaded and approached the woman. The bullet just grazed her scalp and hit the surface.
Raymond finished it in only one shot, but I guess a human beings skull is more slippery than I thought.
Carynne, get ahold of yourself now, please?
Carynne took a step closer to Deere. What a sight. This middle-aged woman had been trying to get Carynne under her control just now, proudly laying down her past. But now, she was over there in one corner, shivering.
Ive already killed Nancy.
Carynne laughed. Her bright teeth shone in the afternoon sun. Deere stepped back, but there was nowhere else to go.
The girl with a smiling face drew closer and closer.
* * *
Its alright.
Its fine.
All the sad things are just part of the novel.
The young lady is dreaming right now.
To you, this world is but a dream.
Soon, you and the knight shall fall in love.
And all the suffering shall come to an end.
* * *
Didnt I say Ill pick you up in a little while, Milady?
Borwen.
Please just stay docile. The one wholl be scolded by Lord Dullan is a lowly person like me.
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