Chapter 165
Its not that I want to cause any trouble, but.
She understood that Raymond was doing his best. How could she not? While she was laying in the meadow like this, Raymond was handling everything inside the mansion.
But Carynne was dissatisfied. It was frustrating being in a position where she couldnt complain.
Why am I still lonely?
She had always been lonely. Until now, there was no one in the world who understood herno one who remembered her. But finally, she had someone who understood her and loved her, and yet her empty heart remained unfilled.
Was it because of the unsatisfying meals? The simple clothes? It had to be those reasons. But Carynne found it challenging to admit her desires.
Its peaceful but why
Lying on the grass, she looked up at the mansion. Even though she and Raymond were alone in this vast space, Carynne kept feeling like her desires werent being fulfilled.
Her desires were growing into greed, perhaps uncontrollably.
I want to be by your side. I want to spend more time together with you. I want us to talk about our future.
Once someone who understood her appeared, her desires seemed to grow endlessly. The world had felt like a text in a book to her, but now it felt like a realistic, enormous greenhouse. As reality began to sink in, her list of wants continued to expand.
One year seemed longer than she had thought.
Carynne, our meal is ready.
The sun had already set. She must have taken another nap. Carynne looked at Raymond, who was sitting next to her.
Her clothes were probably damp from the grass. Carynne glanced at her attire. But soon, she realized that it didnt matter. All of her own clothes had been discarded, and she was now wearing a simple black dress like a maid. It didnt matter if these got damp.
Carynne continued to lie down and asked Raymond,
Is it another greasy meal?
Just eggs, no meat this time.
Are we eating boiled eggs?
No, omelettes.
Wow.
Carynne was pleased. Omelettes would be quite nice. Its enjoyable to see potatoes and diced bacon flowing out from a golden omelette when you cut into it. Those ingredients should be readily available here.
Fortunately, Carynne was content with the fact that she was finally having a proper meal without meat.
Ill make various dishes for you next time.
Okay.
Carynne lay on the grass and looked up at Raymond.
Raymond held Carynnes hand.
She needed to make an effort, too. Raymond was working so hard, so she should, too.
Raymonds hair fluttered in the wind. Thanks to the sunsets light, Raymonds hair had a fiery glow. Carynne liked that it was a color similar to her own. The spring breeze swept her cheeks.
Carynne stretched out her arms.
She wrapped them around Raymonds neck.
Shall we go have our meal?
Just a moment.
Carynne pulled Raymonds neck closer.
Ah.
S-Sorry. I didnt mean to.
Why did he have to be so strong at a time like this? She failed to pull Raymond in.
Carynne instructed Raymond,
Relax your muscles.
This time he relaxed his tense muscles too much, and their noses bumped into each other. It was strange how their noses seemed to be in the way.
They both laughed, and slowly, their lips met.
And that was how another day passed.
* * *
Carynne still knew that something was missing. She understood that effort alone wouldnt solve the issue.
Significant desire and significant dissatisfaction.
Human desire. Human sin.
Pride, gluttony, greed, sloth.
Most of Carynnes desires remained unfulfilled. She was undoubtedly staying in a splendid mansion, surrounded by a breathtaking landscapeand with the one person who understood her. The complete peace that she had not experienced in a hundred years was right here.
But it was not enough.
Carynne knew of the extreme pleasures once could feel, and she knew of the desires that could reach even higher. She was aware of the joys of conversing with people in society, the pleasure of being praised, and the indulgence that came from savoring food, not as sustenance, but for enjoyment.
Up until now, Carynnes only sin had been sloth. But even that did not suit her. She had worked diligently for far too long and had tried to give up, but even giving up felt like a challenge. She had tried to die in any way possible and to kill herself, too.
She had lived a life where her very existence was at stake for more than a hundred years.
This current life was far too dull for her.
This was not a world inside a novel. This was reality. The two of them were here. Theyre together.
As that thought crossed her mind, one year felt like an impossibly long, drawn-out time. Little by little, Carynne began to feel restless.
And there was another issue that caused anxiety in her.
Why isnt he doing it?
Carynne sat on the bed with a pillow in her arms. She couldnt understand.
Why?
Raymond was her lover. In this life, he might not have proposed, but he was her husband. They were the only ones who truly understood each other. His affection for her was beyond doubt. It oozed from his eyes, his gestures, and every word he spoke.
Thats why Carynne was even more confused.
Why isnt he doing it?
Why wasnt Raymond taking her to bed, in another sense?
Man and woman. Husband and wife.
There were no issues with affection.
There were no issues with their health.
There was no one else aroundjust the two of them.
Isnt there only one thing that we should be doing?
Carynne naturally thought that would be the case. They were a man and woman at the height of their youth, and further, Carynne and Raymond had already shared a bed on numerous occasions in the past. Physical intimacy between herself and Raymond was not a distant fantasy from some old novels closing chapter.
Carynne looked at the empty space beside her in the bed. Raymond had gone out again this morning.
Just as he always did every morning.
They were still sharing the bed, but contrary to her expectations, Raymond had never undressed her. They slept together quite literally. They were just sharing this bed for sleep.
Sleeping next to someone elses breathing was peaceful, but as the days went by, it felt increasingly strange.
The more she dwelled on the thought, the more she realized that there was utterly no reason for him not to engage in an intimate relationship with her.
Griiit.
Carynne bit her nails. She was annoyed because she felt restless.
She couldnt understand why she was feeling this way. Raymond had made proud declarations that he would take care of everything, yet even the meals were just like before. The housekeeping, cleaning, and laundry all felt devoid of enthusiasm.
Most importantly, he wasnt staying close to Carynnes side. Carynne could only count the time they spent together throughout the day on one hand, and even when she tried to help him with tasks, he dissuaded her, as if it made him unhappy.
Could it be?
Carynne recalled one unpleasant possibility that she didnt want to consider.
Is he sick of me?
That cant be right?
Even though they were a young man and woman, even though they were married, even though there was no issue with either of their affection or health
Raymond wasnt doing anything.
Age and physical exhaustion were common reasons why intimacy dwindled in many couples lives.
Even though Carynne and Raymond had youthful bodies, could it be that his desire for her had vanished when all the memories rushed back to him?
This was not something she was expecting. Even if such a future were to come, it wasnt now.
Her grip on the pillow tightened.
Im not satisfied.
Carynne was far from content with just holding hands and sleeping.
If her restless feelings could be resolved through an intimate relationship, thats all the more reason why she felt this way.
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