Chapter 110
When Raymond first met her, he thought that she was older than him. She didnt seem like she was just seventeen years old. Still, he couldnt bring himself to say that to her. She didnt look her age. In fact, there were times when he thought that she didnt even look human. Raymond was accustomed to beauty, but Carynnes face and appearance sometimes seemed to transcend. Like stone, perhaps, or water. (Or like a corpse.)
But Carynne was alive. Evidence enough was how her chest was slowly rising and falling. She was breathing.
Right before Raymonds eyes.
Raymond placed the hydrangeas next to her face. He brought her bouquets every day, and now her room was full of them. It was almost as if Carynne was buried in flowers. Like a tomb of flowers.
Carynne.
There was plenty of time. The duke and the marquis. The members of the Assembly and the members of the House of Representatives. The majority voted for the abdication of Crown Prince Gueuze. The next king of this country would be Lewis. Crown Prince Gueuze would no longer be able to send Raymond to his death. And next week, Raymond would become a member of the Assembly.
How long are you going to sleep? Please wake up.
Carynne might have killed someone.
But that did not matter either.
Raymond glanced at Carynne from the side slowly. If Carynne were to show any violent tendencies, or if she would ever kill anyoneRaymond was sure that hed be able to point a gun at her head at all costs. It had been like that. But now? There was no need for that.
Carynne had never shown any sign of a violent disposition while she was next to him. She had always, always, been the victim.
What would the situation now be if she had ever shown that kind of behavior? Perhaps she was just faking it while she was in front of Raymond because he was much stronger in the physical sense. Even so, she did not have even one single attempt at killing Raymond, and she had never been violent towards the maids or any children, much less the children passing by.
Wake up, come on.
One more hour.
Marry me, please.
What would she say? She was the girl who asked him to love her. Would she be surprised? Would she be happy? Would she cry?
But it was none of those things. Carynne threw a pillow. Right into Raymonds face. Of course, Raymond caught the pillow in the air. But this just made Carynne angrier, and so she exclaimed.
Wanna die?
Ill die in about one hundred years.
He didnt expect this. But even as it was, its good. He would have liked whatever Carynne answered. Because he already made up his mind.
Right now, youre coming up to someone whos sleeping with a joke thats not even funny Get out and go die.
Im a bit sad that you dont find it enjoyable, but Im being sincere.
You are? Uh Um, I mean, wait a second. Really?
Yes.
Carynne ducked down her head. She looked like she was just thinking of going back to sleep, but she slowly turned to the side and said that. She still seemed tired, but it didnt look like she was put out.
Tell me again later after Im done putting on makeup. After five hours. And bring a ring.
Cant I hear your answer first?
Die. Just
Then Carynne buried her head into her pillow. It was only after a while that a small voice came out again.
Sir Raymond. Am I the one whos crazy, or is it you?
Im crazy about love.
Thats seriously so lame.
If he was crazy about love, then what was Carynne crazy about? What was she shackled to? But one things for sureCarynne was crazy. It wasnt in a figurative sense that someone like Raymond or someone like Verdic would cling so crazily onto honor, revenge, money, secular values or dignity. What she had was something more natural. Like an illness.
Just as you said, Sir R-Raymond Carynne is crazy. Thats something that even I-I can g-guarantee.
Carynne was just sicklike Raymonds older brother. Didnt the doctor, the priest tell him so?
Raymond felt a great sense of relief once he received this confirmation.
Carynne was insane.
But that would not be a big problem between them.
Raymond felt more at ease, now that he admitted that Carynne was a psychopath.
Carynne was just sick. She was a mentally ill patient. Sick people sometimes acted in ways that were incomprehensible. When displaying such behavior, the patients family should be understanding as they take care of the patient.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Well Alright. Thats fine by me. Even if you dont have a ring, Ill let you off.
Hearing Carynnes answer, Raymond laughed.
Its an honor.
Raymond couldnt understand Carynne, and this didnt mean that he approved of her behavior. However, Raymond loves Carynne. And so he decidedif she would do anything unexpected, as her husband, he would stop her, and thats all. Perhaps their bedroom would need bars. But it would still be alright.
Its fine.
Raymond stroked Carynnes hair.
You are sick. And perhaps you really are crazy. But none of that matters. Nothing at all is a problem in the face of love.
Its alright now. A sick person can act that way.
Even so, Raymond had no intention to let Carynnes actions pass. It would be too self-indulgent to just let it all go. He would do his duty as her family. He would fulfill his responsibilities. Just as he did towards his older brother. Even if his family was sick, even if they were to commit a sin.
Carynne was still young. She was only seventeen years old. And she was not all there in the head. But at the age that she was, its still fine. Raymond had seen numerous other people who had gone mad on the battlefield. Standing by her side as her husband, her level of madness was tolerable to him. As time passed by, the day would come when the delusions plaguing her days of youth could be dismissed as nothing but a shameful past.
It seems as if I truly do love you, Raymond confessed.
Whether it be feeling the joy of giving to those who were less fortunate, feeling the sense of security while shes amongst people on her side, or feeling the peace that she would feel at home. She would know all of that now. Here, by Raymonds side. Those were the only things he could give her.
Raymond embraced his new family.
So Carynnes expression would not be visible to him.
* * *
May God bless you.
Dullan was left standing in the main building of the cathedral. Raymond went back. Dullan stood in the middle of the corridor, by a pillar that he was holding onto. Light streamed through the cathedrals stained-glass windows. The early morning mass had ended, and the churchgoers already returned to their homes. Raymond also returned to Carynne. Raymonds confession was over. No, it was not even a confession. Raymond was not guilty. The one who sinned was not him.
It was not him who should be condemned for his sins.
Dullan leaned against the wall, one weak, trembling hand supporting him. His eyes were blinded. Dullan turned his head towards the wall. There, towards the main hallinside that holy establishment. Dullan turned away. There was a sinner here. A duplicitous man. A heretic. A transgressor who could not escape, even if hed try to escape.
Dullan went down on his knees. Rather, instead of intentionally kneeling, he collapsed on his knees. His sin was so exceedingly grave that it terrified him. But nevertheless. Nevertheless!
Dullan clasped his hands together. His mouth shook. His hands shook. In spite of it all, he would not give up. The valuable thing that he desired was in that place. That deep, intense desire that God would not allow.
God Almighty, please have mercy on them.
God Almighty, please do not bestow mercy upon me.
For I am a sinner, and I shall burn in hell. I know that I shall.
Dullan confessed his guilt.
Not a soul was there to listen.
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