Chapter 449 An Xiulan in Predicament (3)
When Han Zixin reached home, the apartment was lightened up. He remembered that there was an automatic mechanism in the house where the lights would switch off when the door was locked. If it was switched on, it meant someone entered. Who could it be? He knew who it could be as only one more person had access to the apartment apart from him. And it did not take him much time to find that person sleeping on the couch in the living room as if waiting for him. He saw that she had put bandages and applied medicine on her scratches. It was a little relieving to him.
He went straight to his room, without stopping by her. He wanted to be gentle with her but the rage inside him was stopping him from coming closer to her. He was scared that he might end up doing something that he might regret later. He entered the room and shut the door behind him.
An Xiulan who was in raw sleep woke up at the sound of the door shutting. She had been waiting for him to come home but did not realize when she fell asleep. She got down the couch and walked towards the room to see him. As she entered the room, she saw him removing his clothes. He was getting ready for a shower. He saw her. Their eyes met but since he did not say a word, she did not say anything either. She waited for him to start the conversation, but he had no such intentions. He just left for the bathroom. She waited for half an hour for him. As he came out after taking a shower, he was dressed in his pajamas. He dried his hair and slid into the sheets while she was waiting for him to talk to her.
Currently, Han Zixin was lying with a blanket covering his face while An Xiulan walked to him and sat on the edge of the bed, closer to him.
"Zixin," An Xiulan called his name.
"Hmm," He replied. Still not looking up.
"Can we talk?" An Xiulan asked him.
"Sure," He said, his head still inside the blanket.
"Please, look at me," An Xiulan whispered. She saw him removing the blanket to look at her. "I want to explain."
"I am not seeking any explanations, "Han Zixin told her. Clearly, he was not in a mindset where he could listen to her and understand her. For God's sake, he did not want to scream as it was all he wanted to do. He could not scream. Thus, sleep was the only thing that he could do. He wished that he could listen to her and understand her, but he could not do that. He just did not want to talk or listen about those things.
"But I want to talk, "An Xiulan insisted. If they didn't talk and solve this issue, it would create so many problems for them in the future. She did not want that. She loved him so much. Just the thought of getting away from him was haunting him. She was scared that if things didn't go well now, it was going to take a lot of time. And she had a feeling that the time would turn to be unbearable.
"But I'm not in the mood to talk, "Han Zixin told her, crisply.
An Xiulan softly said, "Zixin, we need to talk, or we will have problems. We should talk and solve it out."
How could he make her see that nothing was going to solve it out now? They had to give it some time. He didn't want to solve it out. He didn't want to do anything. Couldn't he stay the way he was right now?
For so many days, she was making him see a false world. She was showing him a world where his past was not knocking on his door. If she was doing that then, why couldn't she do it now too?
Would pretending that everything was fine better than accepting everything? He just wanted her to pretend that everything was fine instead of actually addressing the issue. Because he didn't want to accept that she had done wrong. He could not bear the fact that she could wrong him.
Of all the people in the world, how could she let him down? It had to be a lie.
Han Zixin asked her, "Solve what out, Xiulan? Did something happen? Isn't everything just normal and good?"
An Xiulan answered, "You know, it is not."
She could not pretend that everything was fine when she clearly knew that it was not. Things were getting bad between the two of them. And he was not doing any good either. She wanted to explain to him that she didn't intentionally hurt him. She was just trying to protect him.
Han Zixin answered her, "Then, talking it out is not going to solve it."
Taking a deep breath, he added, "All I am asking is to be left alone for some time. Can I not get time to stay alone?"
An Xiulan whispered, "I don't want you to feel lonely."
If she let him alone at this time, she would keep feeling guilty that she left him all on his own when he needed somebody by his side. She was always here for him. She just wanted to tell him this.
Han Zixin said, harshly, "Well, that's what I want right now."
An Xiulan begged him, "Please, Zixin. Let's talk. We will solve this."
Han Zixin sat on the bed and threw the blanket away and said, "Okay, talk. If you want to talk, please do. If you can solve it, please do it too. Because after that I am tired, and I only want to go to sleep. I'm sorry if I am using a hard tone but you have to understand my need to be alone."
An Xiulan could understand this, but it was hard for her to accept it.
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